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31

EMBER

I leave the note I just wrote on the back of a cereal box where Hudson can see it, and go climb into the steaming tub of hot water I’ve drawn.

I understand Hudson’s need to walk off what happened, and I’m happy to leave him to his thoughts.

Knowing him, he’s ruminating on every action and word, not just from this morning, but everything that has happened over the last few months.

He’s piecing things together.

When I think, I need a piece of paper and a pencil and a large amount of coffee. I can’t properly work through things until I can see it all written down.

But Hudson has always had a quiet, thoughtful calm about him.

The sun’s arrival is spectacular, throwing hues of orange and purple over the fields and craggy mountains I can see from the bathroom window. Somewhere deep in my bones, I feel the majesty of it. The inherent beauty of nature doing its thing, day after day, with little thought about what happened to us insignificant creatures in the last twenty-four hours.

If walking outside is Hudson’s way to unwind, soaking in the tub is mine. I splash the hot water over my face to wash my tears away. My unruly emotions have been all over the place since the fire, my thoughts scattered.

“It’s time to Ember up,” I say to the sunrise. Falling apart in the heat of the moment is one thing, but I inherited my father’s backbone and it’s time I put it to good use.

I lean my head back against the huge tub and stretch out, but my toes barely reach the other side. Guess it was designed for big, bad cowboys.

Deliberate meditation has never been my thing, but simply breathing and letting the hot water seep into my bones as the sun rises works miracles. Yet, I only fully settle when I hear the key in the lock and then the door click shut.

When he finds me in the bathroom, he’s shirtless and sockless, only wearing his denim jeans.

“Are you okay?” I ask as he crouches down next to the tub.

He cups my cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth. The twitch in the side of his jaw is gone, as is the tightness at the corners of his eyes. “Better for some air and finding you naked and waiting for me.” He leans forward and brushes my lips, then lets out a sigh.

I can’t give some poetic phrasing about how he smells, like they always do in the books Quinn likes to read. They’re all fresh air and pine and laundry soap and lemon. Atom smells like he woke up at four am and then did a hard day’s graft.

And it’s a comforting smell to me. “I have faith that you can figure it out, Atom. Maybe we can even figure it out together.”

He cups the back of my neck. “I like the sound of that. Us doing it together. I really fucking want that with you, Em. A life we choose. Hopefully, here on this ranch. And I’ll do everything I can to make sure my life doesn’t touch you.”

“Are you asking me to be your old lady?” I ask.

“No.”

Heat touches my cheeks. “Oh. Well, that was embarrassing.”

“I’m not asking because we both know you already are.”

“A girl likes to be asked.”

Atom kisses me, this time allowing his tongue to lazily seek out mine. “What if I told you I’m scared you might say no?”

“If you don’t try, you’ll never know.”

Atom squeezes my neck. “That sounds like a fortune cookie.”

“Stop stalling.”

“It needs an official vote, and given the way your father thinks about me right now, I might not be an Outlaw for much longer.”

“You’re an Outlaw at heart. A biker to the bottom of your boots and back again. It doesn’t matter whether you’re affiliated to the club or not, you’re still going to think of me as your old lady and all that means, but hey, if I need to persuade you, maybe you shouldn’t bother.”

Atom stands, tosses a condom from his pocket onto the corner of the tub, then shucks his jeans.

There is never going to be a time when I get sick of looking at him. But it’s more than just his physical shape. It’s what it all means. Strong shoulders that carry the weight of the ranch and the club. Large hands to wield a weapon to protect me, as easily as they make me come apart and hold me when I need it.

We’re going to be alright.

The feeling sits deep in my bones. A knowing that as long as we’re together, we’re where we’re meant to be. And nothing can ruin that for us. I won’t let it.

I refuse to commit to anything other than our happily ever after.

“Atom,” I squeal when he climbs into the tub, sending water splashing over the edge to soak the old stone tiles.

He settles on his knees between my thighs before cupping water in his palms and splashing it over his face, his shoulders and his chest. “Always thought when I asked you to be my old lady, I’d be fucking you.”

“You thought about asking me?”

He places his palms on either side of my head, gripping the tub. Water drips from him, cool against my skin. “A million times. Tried not to. Dreams, mostly, when I couldn’t control it. No matter how much of an ass I was, it was always you.”

I cup my hand around his neck and tug him down to me, unable to wait for his lips to take mine. Tongues meet, flavors mingle. I bite his lower lip, and he growls.

“You’ve always been mine,” I say, bravely. “Always. Even when I thought you didn’t want to be. I couldn’t see anyone else but you.”

“Gonna get your name tattooed across my heart, Em. Proof to anyone who sees it that we’re each other’s.” He rolls the condom on, grumbling as he does so. “Never thought I’d be wearing one of these when I asked you, though.”

“We could get tested.”

“Not in the next five seconds, we can’t.” He looks up at me. “I intend to when this mess is over, but it’s gonna be tough to know all my swimmers are headed off in search of victory but this condom will block them, and the pill you take every morning is making sure there isn’t a target to aim for. Or however the fucking pill works.”

I burst into laughter. “You want a biology lesson right now?”

Atom laughs as he kneels back between my legs. “No. It’s the last fucking thing I want.” His hands stroke over my stomach as if imagining it. “What I want is you with a big belly with my kid in it. Want the whole fucking world to know I have the prettiest woman on the planet as my old lady. Smartest too. And that I couldn’t wait for her to carry my baby.”

My heart stops a little in my throat. “You really think of me that way?”

Atom leans over me and kisses me so intensely, it almost hurts. “Absolutely.”

His fingers dip between my legs, between my lips. A slow and gentle slide that warms and heats my body. The water splashes around us.

“I love every part of you, Ember. I love the color of your eyes. They’re like the sky on a stormy day. And your smile, always thought it was real fucking pretty. I love your curves. Give me something to hold on to, something to soften the hard edges of a rough life. I love your legs when you wear short dresses and cowboy boots. Like ‘em best when they’re wrapped around me or open for me.”

He reaches for his cock and eases it into me. His eyes roll shut as he inhales deeply.

“Mmmm. Love the way your pussy sucks me in,” he continues, opening his eyes. “Like it knows how to welcome me home.”

We both watch where we’re joined as Atom’s hips thrust and withdraw. He grips my hips, attempting to tug them into the air a little as he nudges my feet up onto his shoulders.

“Atom,” I squeal as my hands grab for the edge of the tub. We’re slippery. It’s hard to stay in position. His body stops me from sliding beneath the water.

“Does it feel good when you take my cock like this?” he asks.

“Yes,” I say on a breath. “You feel so thick and deep like this. Almost too good.”

Atom smiles at that. “I’ll work real fucking hard to make sure it always feels this way, sweetheart.”

He falls forward, placing his palms either side of my head. My legs open wide and fall down into the tub.

“Em.”

“Yes?”

“Will you make life right beside me? Will you build a family with me? Will you love me as hard and as much as I love you for the rest of our lives? Even through the difficult days? Will you be my old lady?”

I was debating teasing him some more until I heard his words. “Yes. I can’t think of a better life than loving you hard and doing all those things with you for the rest of our lives.”

Atom grins, and I can’t help but smile. “Best fucking news.”

“I’m keeping the bar.” I don’t know why I choose to blurt this now, but I don’t want any confusion. “I make my own money.”

He tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear. “I know. And I’m sure it means on nights when you work later, we’ll sleep at the apartment above the bar. Or I’ll come get you and take you for a ride on the back of my bike and drive you to here. And on those rare days off, when we need to get away from it all, we’ll ride out to the cabin. We’ll make it work, because that’s what we do.”

“You’re aware we’re currently mid-coitus,” I say.

Atom kisses me again. “Making sure terms are clear, since you told me you’re keeping the bar. Just following your lead, sweetheart.”

I laugh at that and feel his cock move inside me. “Fuck me, Hudson.”

He pouts like a child. “It’s wasted swimmers, babe.”

“It’ll be a missed opportunity for orgasm if you don’t get on with it.”

He growls like a grizzly and begins to nuzzle my neck.

“Atom,” I squeal.

His thrusts pick up pace, but so does his playfulness. And the feeling grows that I can be his distraction. The thing that takes him from his worries as an enforcer, and his responsibilities at the ranch. If I can make him forget everything happening outside the door to our home, if I can bring him the peace he seeks, he’ll be stronger when he walks out of it.

I thread my fingers into his hair. Holding his lips to mine as his hands stroke the curves of my body, stopping to tickle my waist and grip my hips.

If happiness could be defined in one word, it would be Atom .

He shows the rest of the world such a stern exterior, but I get this cinnamon roll of a bear.

“You make me really happy,” I say when our eyes meet.

“Same, Em. Same.”

His thick cock strokes every part it’s meant to, and my orgasm builds. “Please, Hudson.”

He slips his hand between us and…

“Oh, God.”

I can’t even begin to explain what he does. Circling my clit, then spreading his fingers such that they squeeze my lips up against his cock.

“Never felt anything so good,” he says gruffly.

I tilt my hips beneath him, and the change in position, plus his fingers, is all I need to come.

I have no idea if bubble baths and condoms are a good idea or not, but nothing could make me stop Atom while he’s touching me like this.

My whole body tenses, then explodes on a glorious high.

I’ve barely settled back in my body when Atom pulls out of me and flips me over, tugging me onto all fours. Water rocks over the tub in waves, and neither of us care.

He grunts as he surges back inside me, gripping my ass, pushing me back and forth over his cock.

I grab for the edge of the tub again, holding myself up out of the water. He slips his hands over my breasts, alternating between squeezing them and tugging on my soapy nipples.

Aftershocks still rock through me, or maybe it’s another orgasm building. It’s hard to differentiate when it all feels so good.

When he places his mouth next to my ear, even the sound of his hot and heavy breath makes me shiver.

“You know what I’m thinking about?” he asks.

I shake my head. “Tell me.”

“I’m thinking if it feels this good now”—he takes a breath and changes his stroke to sharp staccato thrusts—“how good will it feel when I know there’s no condom and pill between us? Gonna feel like a fucking hero knocking you up, sweetheart.”

I grin, even as I clench around him.

“Gonna worship your pregnant body. Gonna desecrate that bump of yours and suck on your tits so hard when they’re full of milk.”

I never really considered what it would feel like to be pregnant, just that I knew I wanted kids. But I always saw it as more of a biological step to giving birth rather than a time when I’d be adored by this man.

“Fuck, Em. Your body’s my playground.”

I’ve never felt sexier in my own skin, more grounded in my own body, as when Atom tells me in between thrusts just how much he appreciates it.

His words sneak into the corners where doubt lingers. They wash out feelings that I’m too much, too big, too anything, and leave nothing but need for this man and the indisputable fact I’m enough for him.

And when he comes, calling out my name, I surprise myself by joining him.