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16

EMBER

I hear a ping and vibration that makes me jump.

My phone.

I rummage in my purse, and there it is, swimming around in the bottom with a half-eaten pack of gum, three pens, and four hair elastics. My brain tries to pull together how it ended up there, but I come up with blanks. Either way, I’m happy I found it.

Atom: I’m an ass. I know you don’t have your phone right now, but I wanted to say it anyway because you were on my mind.

I glance between my phone message and the new proposed contract for Atom’s family to consider. It’s fair and balanced and well written because I spent time thinking about how to make it beneficial to both sides.

Hopefully, Atom’s family will agree.

I glance over to my dad, who has been distracted near the bar by one of the club girls, Karlie.

Me: You were.

Atom: You found your phone?

Me: I did. That whole thing was unnecessary.

Atom: Yeah, well. I’m new to this shit. You’re gonna have to give me time to figure out how to do this right.

Begrudgingly, I smile at that.

Me: I’ll hold you accountable when you fuck up. How does that sound?

Atom: Better than you being mad at me.

Me: Not sure I’d have managed to hold onto that mad much longer. How was your meeting?

Atom: I’m basically Big Don’s pimp. I had a thought.

Me: And?

Atom: What would be your perfect date?

Me: What?

Atom: Exactly what it says, sweetheart.

Me: The usual kinds of things, I guess.

Atom: Play along, Em. What would make a perfect day? Think about it for a minute. What would you really want?

What would make a perfect day for me?

Me: I’m thinking…

I close my laptop and begin to pack up my pens as I think.

A perfect day would be outdoors. It would involve horses and a picnic and a dip in water so clean and pure, it can wash away any stain. Even the ones inside.

I start a list on my phone Notes app.

Maybe the man I was with would take off the hoodie that smelled of him and let me wear it when things got chilly.

An ice bucket, which feels a little bougie. But wouldn’t a crisp champagne on a summer’s afternoon be perfect?

Or beer? A perfect pilsner and cheese. Lots of cheese.

I couldn’t take my horse from the stable on the clubhouse property, though. Too many people would see the two of us leave together. So, it would have to be somewhere people don’t know me.

Atom: I’m waiting…

Me: I’m thinking…

Atom: I’m impatient…

Me: Fine. A sunny day. A horse ride somewhere no one knows me. A picnic blanket. A skinny-dip in the river. Wearing his hoodie when it gets cool in the evening. Ice cold beer, a crisp champagne. Lots of cheese.

My fingers hover over the Send button for a moment before I actually press it.

While I wait for a response, I imagine what it would feel like to do all those things with Atom.

The sunny day could be any day now. Maybe he’d ride the two horses to his place so we could pick them up there. Not Lemmy, because it would be too obvious he was meeting me.

It’s a lot of sneaking around, but I find myself…excited. Maybe it’s the anticipation.

My heart races a little. There’s a thrill that comes with keeping our secret.

But I feel the need to protect it. Even as I consider what it would be like to peel off my clothes and follow him into the water.

Atom: Sounds fucking perfect. Late afternoon stumbles into evening. A fire, maybe. Sleeping out beneath the stars.

Atom: And the cheese is noted.

Atom: Also, don’t know you all that well yet, but if the skinny-dip was meant to give me a boner, it worked.

Me: You’ve known me my whole life!

Atom: Not like this I haven’t. I spent the last five years trying to ignore everything you said and did to try and shake this. I want to know who you are, Ember.

My heart melts a little at his words. He’s right. We know each other, but we don’t. I know he prefers lager over ale, that he’s left-handed, and he loves being outside.

But what drives him now, the things he likes in bed, and what he enjoys doing at night when he’s home alone all escape me.

I rub my fingertips across my lips. I’m not sure how to respond.

Me: I had no idea you could be romantic.

Atom: You thought that was romantic? Thought you were going to be mad.

There’s a row of laughing emojis.

Me: I like the fire addition. And I’m upgrading cheese to a cheese board. A girl needs options.

I see the little dots bounce, telling me he’s typing a response.

Atom: Make me a list so I know your favorites. And didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable with the boner comment.

Urgh, I started it, talking about skinny-dipping.

Me: If this is truly a getting-to-know-you phase, it might be too early for us to get that candid.

Atom: I’ll follow your lead. I’m in no rush. I’m liking this getting to know you.

I feel slightly awkward telling him these things, but it feels safe. Dad is still chatting with Karlie, and I lean back in my chair.

Me: I shouldn’t have mentioned the skinny-dipping. Like I said, I’m new to this flirting with you thing.

Atom puts a little red heart beneath my comment, and it shouldn’t make my heart flutter the way it does. I’m glad we held off from sleeping with each other last night. It would have been hard to get back to this place.

Atom: So am I. New to the whole flirting thing in general, to be fair.

I laugh at that.

Me: You are so not new to the whole flirting thing. You forget, I’ve had to watch you in action in my bar.

Atom: There’s no good way of defending myself here, but I will say this. I don’t normally have to put much effort in. This face and my cut do a lot of the heavy lifting.

Me: Jesus!

Atom: He’s not gonna help you. You’re stuck with me.

Me: And he can’t take me on a picnic with all the cheese.

Atom: Feel like I should give you the nickname little mouse or something.

Me: Please don’t.

I include a laughing emoji, so he knows I’m not mad about it.

Atom: Isn’t that what they do in all those books you read at smut club?

Me: Want to know a secret?

Atom: YES!

Me: I don’t actually belong to their book club.

Atom: What? But you hosted the thing?

I wince a little, but it’s the funny, nervous, oh-my-God-what-will-he-say-about-this kind of wince.

Me: While you were showering, I ran down to the bar and called Quinn and told her to move it to my place so I wouldn’t have to sit looking at you all night.

Atom: I had no idea you were capable of such switch and bait tactics. Did you actually read the book or were you making that shit up?

Me : I read part of it before the book club, although, not gonna lie, I may have finished it and started the second one.

Atom: I really like this.

Me: Please don’t tell me you want to read it too like Wraith. I feel like that’s a line I can’t cross.

There is another row of laughing emojis.

Atom: No. Not the book and you pretending you were a part of their book club. THIS! You and me. Talking.

I know Atom isn’t much for verbal romantic declarations. He’s an acts-of-service kind of guy. But I love that he likes this.

Me: I definitely like this side of you better than the man who was mad at me holding on to a guy I went on one date with for two seconds longer than he liked.

This time, he sends a row of raised eyebrows.

Atom: Then don’t ever give me a reason to be that guy. See you soon, sweetheart.

Fifteen minutes later, some of the other senior club members begin to filter into the clubhouse. Taco arrives first and sits at the bar. Catfish arrives five minutes later and pulls a cue off the wall and smacks the white ball into the triangle of colored balls racked at the bottom of the pool table.

He plays alone until Wraith joins in.

And then, Atom arrives, walking in with the casual saunter of a man utterly comfortable in his own skin.

He doesn’t fidget or talk or fuss with his clothes.

Instead, he quietly helps himself to a coffee from the pot on the back of the bar. But when he looks up, he catches my eyes on him in the mirror behind the bar and winks.

Dad returns to the bar and doesn’t even try to hide the fact he’s fastening his belt. When Karlie follows a moment or two later with a grin on her face, I know exactly why.

I grab my phone and quickly type.

Me: You touch another club girl while we’re doing this, and I’ll break your fingers.

Atom sips his coffee and glances down at his phone. A wide grin crosses his face.

Atom: Wouldn’t expect anything less, sweetheart. You got my word.

Me: Good. It’s a hard boundary for me. I don’t share.

Atom: Would bury any fucker who touched you. Rocco gets the smallest of passes.

Now it’s my turn to smile.

“Need you to get out, Em. Got a meeting with my boys,” Dad says as he passes me.

It’s a small thing, but it’s always stung that Dad refers to the men as his boys. I’m his girl. His only daughter. And these men have become his surrogate sons, even though many of them are closer in age to him than I am, making it a medical improbability.

Just a reminder of where I sit in my father’s hierarchy.

“Let Atom escort you home when he’s done here,” he says as he passes.

“About that,” Wheeler, Atom’s dad, says, catching up with him. “Atom’s got shit he needs to do at the ranch.”

Wheeler gives me side-eye like I’m some kind of scum.

Butcher stops. “More important than protecting my daughter, Wheeler?”

“Prez, there’s a clubhouse full of men who don’t have full-time jobs and would willingly volunteer to do this, to cover for Atom.”

There’s a thing my dad does when he knows he has someone cornered. He smiles to himself—I sometimes think he’s internally applauding himself for his genius—before letting anyone else know what he’s thinking.

“In that case,” Dad says, “I’m sure you won’t mind, what did you say, willingly volunteering , to cover his work at the ranch for him while he does this. I hear he covers for you a lot anyway. Maybe you should return the favor.”

“Everything okay?” Atom says, walking over.

“Your dad was worried that looking out for Ember was distracting you from your work at the ranch,” Butcher says. “He reminded me that anyone at the club would be willing to step up and take your place. So, I suggested he do your work.”

Atom’s easygoing expression turns steely as he looks at his father. “A word. Outside.”

“Can talk later, Son.” He moves quickly into church and out of Atom’s way.

“Fucking now,” Atom says.

“I’ll take care of it,” Butcher says, placing a hand on Atom’s shoulder. “While I want to punch your father in the face, he’s right, and I respect you do also have a job to do. We’ll build a schedule, starting tonight.” Dad steps into church.

“I don’t want a slew of different people in my house, Atom.”

“I know. Let me see if I can sort it out. Wait for me to run you home.” His words are gruff, but as he walks by me, arms by his side, to follow his father and president into church, his fingers reach out and brush mine.

If anybody saw the action, they wouldn’t think anything of it. It was so quick and light. But the way his fingers curled around mine for just a moment was enough to reassure me.

It’s a dangerous game we’re playing, but I don’t want it to end.