Page 36 of The Now in Forever

I laugh. “No. And that’s not what I meant. Are you still going to the Oregon Book Awards at the end of the summer?”

“ We are, I was hoping.”

“Perfect. I don’t think we should talk until then.”

His hands fall away. “What?”

“The dinner is in four weeks. You need to write your script; I need to finish my book and make some big decisions. We’ll have a month to work on our projects without distractions. Then we’ll meet and can focus on each other.”

“No FaceTime?”

I shake my head.

“No pics.”

Another shake.

“No texts.”

“Nope. We’ll meet at the dinner.”

He rubs his hand on the back of his neck. “I do need to concentrate.”

“You’ll be able to.” And I won’t be checking my phone every other minute for a text.I smile, but it feels fake. Too bright.

“I don’t know.” He sighs, his brow pinched. “We tried this once before, and we lost each other for a whole decade. ”

I take my finger and smooth out the wrinkle between his brows. “We’ll do better.”

I don’t point out that it would’ve only been seven years if he’d been paying attention at that signing.

He looks at me. “I’ll do better.”

We kiss, and this time it really is a goodbye—not forever, but for now. My watch buzzes with a notification. My driver is here.

Ed takes my face in his hands, his fingers moving all the way back to my hair. “Thank you.”

I’m not sure what exactly he’s thanking me for… For my time here or the gift of our time apart. My driver honks. I grab my bag and head out the door into the inky blue pre-sunrise morning.

“You what?” Anh is staring at me, jaw hanging open.

“We agreed to meet in four weeks.”

“And have no contact until then?”

“Yes.”

“No texts?”

I shake my head.

Anh sits up, her wineglass perched on her knee.

We’re having a drink on the deck. My flight that was supposed to leave first thing in the morning was delayed, then delayed again, then canceled.

The traffic to the coast made the drive take twice as long.

I kept running circles in my head the entire time.

Is not talking for a month practical, mature, maybe romantic, even? Or just completely idiotic.

It’ll definitely show him I’m not a crazed, clingy, lovesick girlfriend. But I’m not even his girlfriend. We never had that conversation. We’ve never even talked about being exclusive. And he’s in Los Angeles, the land of beautiful people.

By the time I finally arrived back, I was dizzy and nearly in tears. Anh took one look at me, sat me down on the deck, and grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“So,” Anh says. “Let me get this straight. You are crazy about this guy and have been for literally years. You two finally found each other, you’re both single, you’re both into each other, and instead of putting yourself out there and maybe telling him how you feel, you suggest not having any contact for the rest of the summer.

Longer, I might add, than the total time you two have spent together. ”

“That about sums it up.” I take a long sip of my wine. “But aren’t you the one who told me to protect myself? He can’t break my heart if he can’t even text me.”

Anh’s eyes are soft. “Can I be honest?”

I sigh. “I kind of wish you wouldn’t.”

She sets her glass down. “What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t, okay? I just completely humiliated myself by showing up there unannounced. I wanted to show him I didn’t need him. That I saw how hard he was working and that I had shit to do too. It’ll be fine. We can pick up where we left off in a month.”

Robin is running toward us from the beach. Not walking, not a casual jog… It is a full-on run. Robin doesn’t run. She cycles or takes the odd hip hop class. Robin does Pilates like it’s her religion, but she doesn’t run. Nathan is close at her heels. My pulse spikes. I stand. “What’s wrong?”

Anh stands too. Robin stops and puts her hand on her knees, catching her breath. “Nothing’s wrong.”

She holds up her left hand, and there on her ring finger is a round-cut diamond engagement ring. It momentarily catches the sun, putting a white sunspot in my eye.

“We’re engaged.”

Anh flinches next to me. It’s tiny, minuscule, and she catches herself quickly, pasting a huge smile on her face, but I saw it. “Whoa.”

“And we’re moving here! We’re going to buy this house from Nathan’s grandparents.”

“Oh awesome! Congratulations,” I say, and I mean it, but part of me—a small part, the tiny angry spinster that lives in the corner of my brain—feels left behind.

Anh’s moving to Orcas Island, starting a new life, Robin’s getting married, Ed is making a movie, and here I am. Still trying to write a book good enough to be published, going to teach a bunch of high schoolers in the fall, again.

Unless I don’t.

I don’t have to teach. I can buy the bookshop, fix it up, and live my dream. Maybe Ed will come around on the idea of small towns.

Anh runs inside and grabs two more glasses, pouring Robin and Nathan each some wine. She holds up her glass. “To Robin and Nathan.”

Nathan smiles, his eyes melting as he wraps a hand around Robin’s waist. “To love.”

We all echo her words.