Page 35 of The Now in Forever

T he last thing I want is to be impressed by the house, but as I turn the key in the blue door, open it, and step inside, it is genuinely impressive.

Light-gray hardwood floors brighten up the sitting room as well as the huge windows and so many houseplants, it’s a little like stepping into a garden store.

I set my bag down and go over to the kitchen sink, splashing some cold water on my face, trying to wash away some of my humiliation.

At least I don’t have to worry about getting my clothes wet.

He didn’t even introduce me. I peel my shirt away from my skin and see why he didn’t, but it doesn’t make it feel any better.

The rest of the house is LA chic for sure.

There is one bedroom with a huge king-sized bed half covered in a white fluffy comforter, all bunched up and tangled.

Ed never made his bed at the beach house either.

It’s good to see that’s still the same here.

He hasn’t come to LA and suddenly become a different person.

I continue wandering to the back, where there is another sitting room with French doors that open out to a beautiful kidney-shaped pool sparkling in the late-afternoon sun.

It’s completely fenced in with a tall hedge.

I step outside, shrug off my sweater, peel off my wet shirt, shimmy out of my cut-off jean shorts, and jump in without a second thought.

I haven’t thought through anything this whole trip.

Why start now? I hold my breath and sink to the bottom feeling like Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate or Bill Murray in Rushmore .

They were right. There’s no better place to be when you’re feeling sorry for yourself than the bottom of the pool.

When I surface, I take a huge breath.

What was I thinking, coming here without even texting him first?

He probably thinks I'm clingy, desperate, unhinged.I swim around casually at first, but the more my thoughts spiral, the more deliberate my strokes become. My breaths more measured. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth—until I’m too exhausted to be embarrassed anymore.

Water runs down my body as I get out. I grab one of the towels on a shelf near the pool chairs, wrap it around myself, and sit, letting the sun warm my face.

I shouldn’t have come here. I should’ve asked him when a good time would be to visit or if he even wanted me to be here.

And what am I supposed to do now? Stay until Tuesday, while he meets with famous people and acts half annoyed that I’m here?

Nope.

Not going to happen. I grab my phone from my heap of clothes, pulling it out of the back pocket of my jean shorts.

A few quick taps and a twenty-five-dollar fee later, my plane leaves first thing in the morning.

I schedule a Lyft to pick me up at five a.m. Then I drag myself to the shower, throwing on the wrinkled blue sundress from my bag, putting on mascara, pinching my cheeks, and feeling like the capable woman I am again.

I keep expecting to hear the door, but there’s nothing. Silence echoes through the house.

Ed’s still busy.

I get out my notebook and try writing some of the scene I was working on before I left, but the words won’t come. So instead, I start scribbling something else. A business plan. I pull up the template I got from the nice people at the FFBIF and start filling it in.

At around six, there is a soft knock at the door.Ed’s standing there with a bag of takeout and a bottle of wine. He looks handsome but also utterly exhausted. His shoulders sag like his head is heavy .

“I thought you might be hungry.”

“Starving.” Taking the bag to the kitchen, I get plates out. I open the plastic clamshell containers; one is tofu pad Thai, and the other is cashew chicken. I scoop some of each onto two separate plates as Ed opens the wine.

“Should we eat outside?”

I nod.

Ed flips a switch and turns on the string of Edison bulb lights. They twinkle on the water of the pool as stars start to appear in the dusky sky.

We both have a seat at the small glass table. Ed takes a big gulp of wine then sighs. “I’m sorry about the coffee shop. You surprised me.”

“That was kind of the point.”

“I was working.”

My shoulders slump. “I didn’t know. And I had no idea you’d be at that coffee shop.

I just wanted a latte. I tried to surprise you at the house, but you weren’t here, and then I’d come all this way, it seemed silly to text when the whole point was to surprise you face to face. It was supposed to be nice.”

Ed smiles, but it’s strained. “It was. It is. I’m thrilled you’re here. Really. I’m also just swamped. I have to meet with Guy again tomorrow to go over the outline for the script.”

I set my fork down and pick up my wine. “Don’t worry. I’ll be gone. My flight leaves early.”

“You’re leaving already?”

Heat rises through my arms, settling at my shoulders, hiking them up. “Yes, Ed, I’m leaving. You clearly don’t want me here, so I changed my flight. I can book a hotel room and go right now. Leave you to your work.”

Exchanging my wine for my phone, I pull up Booking.

“Don’t get a hotel.” Ed stands and comes over, kneeling in front of me on the concrete. “I’m being a dick.”

I frown. “Yeah, you are.”

He turns my chair to face him and grabs my hands.

His eyes are so intense, they practically glow in the reflection of the lights.

“I’m out of my depth here. These people.

Guy, he’s intense. What if I’m not good enough?

What if he sees right through me and finds out that I’m just some punk who fucks around with a laptop every now and then? He’s going to fire me. He?—”

My heart sinks for him. I cup his face in my hands. “Ed, it’s your story. Who better to write it than you? You’re good enough.”

He freezes but doesn’t respond. I say it again. “Edgar Allen DeArmas, you are good enough.”

A smile cracks his serious face. “Still not my middle name.”

He leans his head into my hand then turns his face toward it, kissing my palm.

My thighs are jelly.

When he turns his face back to me, I lean down and kiss him, his lips soft and a little sweet from the wine. His jaw is strong and prickly with stubble under my fingers. We pull apart, and he helps me to my feet then picks me up in one fell swoop.

He carries me inside to the bedroom.

We explore each other in a slow, unhurried way like we have all the time in the world, when both of us know that’s absolutely not the case.

Afterwards, the summer night breeze drifts in through the window, skimming my skin. I lie awake for a long time, too wired to sleep.

How is this ever going to work? Does Ed even want it to? Or is this just another summer distraction, to be forgotten in a few years' time?

I must eventually drift off, because I’m awoken in the middle of the night by Ed reaching for me, planting a soft, warm kiss on my lips.

It’s sweet and a little sleepy, almost like a dream.

He runs his hand down the length of my body.

We make love in a dream-like haze. After we both come, me more than once, he holds me, and we stay like that for a while. Him the big spoon to my little spoon.

After a few minutes, I take his hand in mine but don’t turn around. “I’ve had some interviews recently.”

“Anything promising?”

I trace each tattooed letter on his fingers. “Yeah, maybe. I think that middle school in New Haven might offer me the position. And there’s a private school in Portland.”

He plants little kisses on the back of my neck. “You’d like Portland.”

“It seems cool. There’s also… Well, this idea is a little crazy, but there’s that bookstore for sale in Fortune Falls.”

“Right,” he says, his voice hesitant.

“I went and checked it out. It’s beautiful, and it has an apartment above it so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting a place on top of buying the shop. I even talked to some people about a business plan.”

“Wow. You’re serious?”

I roll over on my back to see his face. His brow is furrowed.

“It could be really amazing.”

He runs a hand over his mouth, sitting up. “You’ve been busy.”

“What do you think I should do?”

He rolls off the bed, stepping into his boxers long ago discarded on the floor. “Whatever makes you happy?”

I swallow hard and then go for it. “What about us? If I was in Portland, it would be easier, right?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m not sure that I’m going to live there much longer. But I might. I’m not sure. Right now, I just need to focus on this film, you know.”

I sit up, wrapping the blanket around myself. “Yeah.”

He heads into the bathroom, and I hear the tap running.

When he gets back, he wraps me in his arms again. His breaths are rhythmic and heavy almost instantly, but I’m left awake, staring at the plant in the corner of the room. What if I take the job at the school in Portland, and he moves?

In the dark morning, our bodies find each other again. It’s passionate, and as he kisses me over and over, I can’t help but think it feels a little like it might be the last time.

With the minutes ticking by before my scheduled ride, I pack quickly and shower even quicker.

Ed is in the kitchen in his boxers, making coffee. “Do you want some? ”

I check my phone. My driver is on the way. “I’ll get some at the airport.”

He nods. “Look, I?—”

I stop him. “Ed, I get it. This whole Hollywood thing is intense.”

He puts his hand on my hips and pulls me close. “ This is intense.”

I smile. He’s not wrong.It is. But is it enough?

“I’ll miss you.” I kiss his neck.

He groans. “How am I going to survive without being able to touch you?” He runs his hands down my back. “I don’t know how I’m going to concentrate today. I’m just going to be replaying last night,” he whispers in my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

But a thought tingles in my head stronger than that. “I have an idea.”

His eyes light up. “Ooh, do you think we have enough time?”