Page 27 of The Now in Forever

T he early afternoon is already sweltering. Despite the heat, Ed takes my hand in his. My heart soars at his touch. I feel free, like the first day of summer vacation when I was a kid and the days stretched out long with no responsibilities but to be back at Grandma’s by dinner.

I laugh.

He turns his playful eyes on me. “What is it?”

“I just realized I never even asked what we are going to see.” It’s so unlike me. Usually, I have everything planned. Even on my carefree summer days, Anh and Robin can attest, I was always making lists of things we should do. Goals for the summer.

“There’s a little theater on 21st playing some new movies and some second run. I thought we could get there and decide.” He has mischief in his face, like he has a secret.

“Okay.”

Downtown is a mix of old brick buildings, concrete ones from the seventies, and newer glass skyscrapers. After about twenty minutes, we walk through a luscious green park. A carved wood sign in a bed of flowers catches my eye. I read it aloud. “Couch Park.”

I pronounce it how it’s spelled like a couch that you sit on.

Ed laughs. “Don’t spend much time in Portland, huh? ”

“This is my second visit.”

“I hate to break it to you, but it’s pronounced Cooch.”

“Cooch? No, it’s not. That’s ridiculous.”

Ed laughs and holds up his hand. “I didn’t name it, but that is how you say it. I swear.”

“You are trouble. If I get a job teaching here, some student is going to come to me for directions, and I’m going to tell them to take a left on Cooch and get fired. Ha, ha, very funny.”

Ed stops a woman walking a stroller. “Excuse me, miss. My girlfriend and I…”

My ears roar, and it’s hard for me to follow what else he’s saying. His girlfriend ? I’m sure he said it to put the other woman at ease. A shorthand to explain who I am. He couldn’t very well say this girl I slept with a decade ago and have now reunited with and am currently sleeping with.

They’re both looking at me. The woman smiles and says like she’s repeating herself, “It’s pronounced cooch. Unfortunate but true.”

I give a halfhearted smile. “Thanks.”

Ed’s face is pinched in concern. “Now you know.”

“Now I know.”

“Do you think you’ll end up moving here?”

I shrug. “I applied for a job in SE, but I haven’t heard back yet. Lots of people take time off in the summer, so I might still hear from them. We’ll see.”

Ed is nodding. “It’s a fun place to live.”

“I did get an interview today in New Haven.”

“Whoa. Like you’d live there.”

I laugh. “Sadly, most teaching jobs are in person.”

“Right. Do you want to live there?”

I bite my lip. The honest answer is that I don’t know. It could be good. “I’m not sure.”

“I’m never moving back. It was not for me.”

“Why?”

“Too small, not enough to do.”

I nod and wonder if he’s right. Would I be bored there? My hobbies are running, reading, and writing—I can do that anywhere and be happy. I’d be close to Grandma.

He reaches out and grabs my hand as we round the corner to the little theater with a large awning over it, Cinema spelled out in red neon cursive.

There’s a line of gold frames on the brick wall of the building, each with a different movie poster.

There’s one blockbuster , one art house film, and I do a double take at the last poster.

Staring at me with the exact haircut I sported post breakup is Gwyneth Paltrow starring in Sliding Doors.

I cover my mouth, my eyes wide, and point to it.

Ed laughs. “It starts in ten minutes if you want to see it.”

“I can’t believe you want to see it.”

Ed shrugs. “Let’s get some popcorn.”

He buys us tickets, a large popcorn, a large drink, and Reese’s Pieces. The auditorium is dark, ads flashing on the screen, and the theater is half empty. We find two seats toward the back and settle in.

“How did you find this?” I ask.

Ed chews the popcorn in his mouth. “I was Googling Sliding Doors and saw it was playing here.”

“You were Googling it?”

“I wanted to see the haircut. I still can’t believe I didn’t recognize you that day.”

I put my hand in his. “It was a rough tour.”

The theater gets a notch darker. Nineties pop music blares out, telling us to have fun living in the city, with bright cityscapes to match on the screen.

As I reach for some popcorn, Ed puts a hand on my leg.

I haven’t seen this movie in quite a few years, but I watched it so many times the summer Chad left, I practically have every line memorized.

I felt so seen by Gwyneth catching her boyfriend cheating on her.

I didn’t catch Chad, but I sometimes wish I had.

Would I have been as dry and funny as Gwyneth? Probably not.

Ed opens the candy mid movie and places them one by one on my leg, each time brushing my bare thigh, sending goose bumps all the way up my legs .

Once there’s a row of five, I whisper, “What are you doing?”

“Eating snacks and watching the movie.” He puts his finger to his lips. “Shhh.”

I roll my eyes. He places a few more, going higher and higher on my thigh each time.

Ed casually eats the candy off my leg one at a time.

Each skim of his fingers sending shivers down my spine.

Once he gets to the last piece, he turns his face to mine.

I put my hand where his jaw meets his neck and pull him into a soft kiss.

His lips are sweet and a little salty from the popcorn.

Our kiss is light and playful, a perfect matinee movie kiss, but it quickly turns more passionate.

His lips find the spot right behind my ear he knows I like.

“You’re making me wet,” I breathe out without thinking.

He sits back in his chair, his hand still on my thigh. “Can I?” he asks as his hand moves inch by inch up my denim skirt.

My breath catches in my throat. I sit back in my seat, placing a hand on either arm rest, looking around. There are two other couples both closer to the screen, and no one is paying attention to us. I nod, biting my lip as his hand moves up.

He moves my panties to the side and runs the long finger of his hand lightly along my wetness.

“Fuck,” he groans, hardly audible over the movie.

As his finger moves lightly, I try to keep my breaths even so anyone looking over couldn’t tell. He increases the pressure, and I hold tighter to the seat, feeling like if I let go, I may float away.

Ed leans in, placing his finger at my center and slowly entering, “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” I breathe out.

He moves back and forth as my breasts swell, my nipples hard as diamonds.

Ed adds another finger, and I kiss him to keep from crying out. He eases up on the pressure, but I need it—more, harder, deeper. I put my hand over his, placing his fingers back inside, clenching around him as all the nerve endings in my body ignite in a fiery blast.

I relax, sitting back in my chair breathless.

Ed moves his hand slowly, whispering, “You are so fucking beautiful.”

The rest of the movie, his fingers trace mine then lazily move up my arm and down again. He’s still always moving.

After the movie is over, we go get a slice of pizza at Take Another Little Pizza My Heart.

It has scuffed-up hardwood floors, pinball in the corner, and “War of Pigs” blaring over the stereo.

Each of us orders our slices, along with a beer for Ed and a can of red wine for me.

We sit at a booth near the window. I’m careful to find a spot to sit on the bench where the red vinyl seat isn’t ripped and scratchy.

“What did you think of the movie?”

He chews the massive bite of sausage pizza he just took, smiling. “It was very satisfying. Didn’t you find it satisfying? One might even say orgasmic.”

“Very.” I laugh.

“It was better than I thought it would be. I liked the end.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. It’s like no matter what choices we make, fate is still fate. We have no real control over the events of our lives. The thought is freeing.”He takes another bite of pizza.

I run my palm over the scratched Formica. “Do you believe that, though? That no matter what we choose, things will turn out the way they turn out?”

Ed looks toward the spitball-covered ceiling. “I’m not sure.”

“Isn’t that the complete opposite of your book, where every choice the dude made had dire consequences?”

He laughs. “Yeah, that’s true. But it’s comforting to think that none of it matters because some unseen force is orchestrating the whole thing. What do you think? Do you believe in fate?”

I take a sip of my canned wine, considering the question.

Do I believe in fate? How can I not? Robin and I reading the exact same book at the exact same time, and both of us lugging them to swim class on a sunny day when we were kids had to be fate.

Anne of Green Gables wasn’t exactly a popular book for kids our age at the time.

Plus, what are the odds of Ed and I coming together again, and again, and again over the years? It has to be fate.

“I do, I think.”

We finish our slices and our drinks and head back into the balmy evening, sun dappling through the tree-lined street. The light seizes Ed’s green eyes, making them glow like enchanted jewels. He catches me staring and wipes his face. “What is it? Do I have cheese on my face?”

I shake my head. “You’re pretty.”

Pulling me into him, he says, “You’re prettier.”

He leans down, and our lips meet. Our kiss is bottomless, endless, timeless. The city street falls away beneath my feet. Everything feels more , the light breeze on my bare legs, the bra strap across my collarbone, the soft fabric of my tank top, Ed’s hand on my back.

When we finally pull away, he says, “Should we get out of here? I know a place.”

I laugh. “Your hotel room?”

“It has a big bed. Really big.”

“And a large window too.” I smile as flashes of us flit through my mind. Then stop abruptly as it occurs to me—why are we staying at a hotel, anyway? “Don’t you live in Portland?”

Maybe he doesn’t have room for guests.

Ed turns towards the sidewalk, his hand finding mine as we walk back toward the hotel. “I’m between places.”

I wait for him to say more, but he doesn’t.

Ed always seems to share just a glimpse of what’s going on in his life, not the whole picture.

But maybe I’m just being paranoid. Since my parents told me they’d been living a lie for years, and Chad was lying to me for months, I sometimes struggle with trust.

We fall into Ed’s room, a tangle of limbs and lips. Ed moves away, pulling his shirt off. “I’m all sweaty from the walk. I’m going to shower.”

I’m breathless. “Oh.”

“Wanna come?”

“More than you know. ”

He laughs, and we strip like it’s a race then literally race to the shower. It’s a massive walk-in with an overhead rain showerhead. The water is cool and refreshing. I get my hair wet and push it back from my face.

Ed looks me up and down. He puts his mouth to my breast, cupping it around my nipple, already hard from the cold water.

He flicks his tongue against it then bites a little, the sensation of his teeth on my sensitive skin making me cry out.

He continues his descent, finding my more sensitive skin, flicking and sucking until my legs are shaking with pleasure.

I call out his name as stars erupt in front of my eyes, my voice echoing against the tile.

Ed picks me up and carries me to the bed, laying me down gently. He grabs a condom but can’t open it with his wet hands. I take it from him, open it with my teeth, and roll it on the length of him, taking my time as his eyelids flutter.

I climb on top of him and slowly lower myself down, both of us crying out as, inch by inch, he fills me up.

He grabs my hips, but I don’t want his help.

This is my show now. I move them to my breasts, and he groans as I rock slowly, then faster and faster, until Ed is calling out my name and every muscle in his body goes tense.

We fall into a sweaty heap side by side on the bed, Ed stroking my hair. Our eyes connect.

Ed’s voice is raspy. “Whether it’s fate or not, I don’t know. But I’m glad I met you ten years ago, and I’m glad we’re here now. I wish now, right now, could last forever.”