Page 46 of The Love Thief
CHAPTER THIRTY - THREE Queen for a Day
Clicking on my iPad, I needed to know what it meant to be a queen, if not for a lifetime, then at least for a day.
That’s what Agent Jackson had told me I would be.
It seemed like a strange phrase to use in such a formal situation.
Scrolling through my internet search, I found this definition: “Proffer or ‘Queen for a Day’ letters are written agreements between federal prosecutors and those under criminal investigation. They permit these individuals to inform the government about their knowledge of crimes, and supposedly assured that their words won’t be used against them at any later proceedings. ”
Agent Jackson contacted me to update me on my role in Barry’s case and let me know I would soon be needed in San Diego for a meeting with an assistant United States attorney (an AUSA), the lead prosecutor in Barry’s case, a woman named Susan Karson.
In his professional and serious way, Jackson actually said very little except that things were progressing better than expected.
He then dropped a bit of an unexpected bomb.
“Holly, it’s critical that you sit down and meet with Ms. Karson. She needs to hear your story and be able to ask you questions before deciding whether or not to indict you.
“As a federal agent, I strongly recommended she not do that. I explained to her that you are, in my opinion, an innocent victim in all of this. But it’s not within my purview to make any enforceable promises to you.
However, I’m nintety-nine percent certain that once she hears your story, there will not be any charges against you,” he said in a very long-winded explanation.
My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach, and I felt lightheaded. My arms were tingling, and not in a good way. Holy shit. Somehow in my newfound states of santosha and sukha, I had been riding a wave that never included the possibility of prison time.
What I was now feeling didn’t even remotely resemble contentment or happiness.
This was a variety of visceral fear I had never experienced before.
I had never imagined I would be in a position that might land me in prison.
I was a rule-follower. I was always the good girl.
The fear-induced adrenaline rush was making me lightheaded.
“Is there really a chance I am going to be charged in this?” I asked politely.
“There is always a chance, of course, but quite honestly, I don’t see that happening.
Ms. Karson is a very smart and very fair woman who lives for putting bad guys away.
Holly, you are definitely not one of the bad guys.
You, unfortunately, got hooked up with a very bad guy and this is your blowback.
She’s offering you what the prosecutor calls a Queen for a Day letter.
This means you sit down for a no-holds-barred interview.
She can ask you anything and your job is to be completely forthcoming, direct, and to answer everything one hundred percent honestly.
Nothing you say can be used against you.
I’ll be there, your lawyer will be there, and you simply tell the truth,” he explained.
“Will Barry be at this Queen for a Day meeting?”
“No. Definitely not, and he won’t be privy to any of what is discussed. If things progress down the path that I think they will, you will never have to interact with him again, unless you choose to,” he said, somewhat mysteriously.
That made me feel a bit safer. I felt like Agent Jackson was a trustworthy guy, even though I barely knew him. Then I remembered that I had once trusted Barry, too.
What if my trust meter was permanently damaged?
Auntie Geeta had told me that following Barry’s and Mrs. Tavers’s publicly humiliating arrests, Barry had immediately hired Marc Russell, a high-profile criminal defense attorney and a regular expert on Fox News, to defend his mother.
True to his brand, Auntie explained that Barry intended to represent himself but was smart enough to know that it would be seen as a conflict of interest to represent his mother.
Knowing that Russell’s sky-high fees would come out of his parents’ pocket, Auntie assumed that Barry was securing the absolute best representation to make sure they all walked away free and clear.
At the arraignment, both mother and son had pled not guilty and were released on a million-dollar bail, each, after surrendering their passports.
After learning that Barry planned to be his own lawyer for the trial, I asked Auntie Geeta if he would be the one to question me when I was on the witness stand.
She replied that he likely would, then quickly assured me that I would receive plenty of witness prep to get me ready for the grilling.
Even so, I knew it would likely be one of the more unpleasant experiences of my life.
Whenever I imagined this scenario, I would also indulge my dark side and see my testimony putting that asshole behind bars for a very long time.
Barry hated places that were dark, cold, and damp.
And he certainly hated critters of all kinds.
For a moment, I recalled that night watching him squirm at the snakes, rats, and crickets Mikey had deposited at his house.
I imagined him now in a cell with big roaches scurrying across the floor while he spent sleepless nights trying to cover his head under a stiff, smelly pillow to drown out the endless noise of other inmates, his body on constant alert for his fellow inmates, some of whom wanted to beat him up. Barry deserved all of that and more.
It was now the beginning of February. Agent Jackson said that they would like to meet with me right away and that the absolute latest I could show up would be March 10.
Knowing that Moondoggie’s red carpet opening was set for March 1, I figured the earliest I could leave Delhi would be on March 3.
I would then need a few days to adjust to the twelve-and-a-half-hour time difference, so I told Agent Jackson I would be ready to meet on Friday, March 6.
He was fine with that and said he would make sure Auntie Geeta and I received an email confirmation with the Queen for a Day letter attached.
Sitting in my regal hotel suite in New Delhi, I found it hard to accept the dire predicament I now found myself in.
Somehow, I had always thought of my “Queen for a Day” as one in which I would be trying on wedding gowns at Kleinfeld, not sitting in a stuffy room with lawyers and law enforcement praying I wasn’t going to end up in an orange jumpsuit.
The irony weighed heavily in the pit of my stomach.
Nothing in my time with Deepak had prepared me for a situation like this.
Rather than allowing my mind to spiral down into a cyclone of negativity and scary thoughts, I decided to play with my imagination.
I sat down, closed my eyes, and envisioned myself sitting in the bookstore with Deepak.
I saw us each holding steaming cups of chai as I gave him an update on my FBI situation.
I visualized him, being as he was privy to this very confidential part of my life, listening carefully as I confessed to him that I had no idea how to feel or be with this news.
With the image of wise Deepak in my mind’s eye, I practiced the meditation techniques I had learned, following the inflow and outflow of my breath, and allowing thoughts and sensations to move through me like leaves floating down a stream.
After a few minutes, I felt chills as I began receiving a download of information as if Deepak were, in fact, sitting right in front of me.
“Remember when you were a little girl, and you had just lost a tooth, and you would run your tongue over and over again in the empty space where your tooth had just been? This is what you are doing now as you are searching for your recently lost misery. A part of you really misses the pain, but it is a phantom pain. You no longer need to suffer. You have matured, and you are fully capable of dealing with a little discomfort and even some fear about the potentiality of this situation. You need not suffer unless you choose to. You’ll be okay, Holly, whatever happens,” I heard Deepak say in his most paternal and loving tone of voice.
I opened my eyes, feeling peaceful and centered, and smiled with a deep sigh of relief. I walked over to the large, ornate gold Chippendale mirror hanging in the foyer and blew myself a kiss as I walked out the door for a three-hour meeting with the head chef and his team.
Today’s session would be a hands-on class in the preparation and presentation of a paneer-stuffed masala cheeseburger, served open-faced on naan with sweet mango chutney—my American take on India’s famous street-style sandwich.
A perfectionist when it came to burgers, fries, and guacamole, I knew the kitchen crew needed to be carefully coached on the ABC’s of Californian cuisine.
Fortunately, neither the head chef nor the sous chef were vegetarian.
Cows are sacred in India, so I was surprised at how willing and open the younger Indians were to American food.
My cooking demo was followed by my weekly spa appointment.
Today I had planned one of my favorite Ayurvedic treatments, written in Sanskrit as Pizhichil but pronounced like “pizza chili.” It happened on a long table designed as a shallow bath filled with warm sesame seed oil.
Moving the liquid across my body, the therapist washed oil over me in a gentle wave-like motion, which, combined with simultaneous massage, triggered a state of bliss that easily rivaled eating a chocolate soufflé with vanilla ice cream.
The treatment, and my imaginary visit with Deepak, averted any need to indulge in cyclonic negativity.
PANEER-STUFFED MASALA CHEESEBURGERS
1.25 pounds ground beef
(80% lean, 20% fat)
⒈／⒋ cup cilantro, finely chopped
⒈／⒋ cup diced red pepper
? cup panko crumbs
1 tablespoon curry powder
⒈／⒉ teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon sweet chili sauce
8 pieces store-bought naan (sandwich size)
1 package store-bought paneer cheese,
cut into ⒈／⒉-inch cubes
Salt and pepper to taste
Mango chutney for garnish
Curry Sauce (mix all together in small bowl)
⒈／⒉ cup plain yogurt
2 tablespoon mayonnaise
1 tablespoon curry powder
⒈／⒉ teaspoon cumin
⒈／⒉ teaspoon garlic powder
⒈／⒉ teaspoon onion powder
In a large mixing bowl, combine ground beef, cilantro, red bell pepper, panko, curry powder, garlic powder, chili sauce, salt and pepper. Form into 4 patties. Press 5, small ⒈／⒉-inch cubes of paneer into each patty.
Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add patties and cook 3–5 minutes on each side until fully cooked.
Toast naan (in toaster oven or in oven) with thin slices of paneer on bread. Place one patty on each bun and add Curry Sauce. Serve with a side of mango chutney.
Note, this is a spicy dish. If you prefer mild, cut all the dry seasonings and cilantro in half.