Page 25 of The Love Thief

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN Tasty Healing Treat

At today’s cooking class, I asked Divya if it was possible to design a dish with the intention to go beyond infusing the food with love, and add ingredients that would help heal a broken heart.

Kind, talented Divya read right through me. Standing in the kitchen in an orange paisley tunic and solid orange dhoti pants, she had the perfect sweet treat. She called it “Healing the Heart Halwa.”

We whipped it up in less than twenty minutes and it was incredibly delicious.

Fortunately, we made more than enough, and I put some into a little package that I planned to share with Deepak.

Although Nancy had passed away ten years earlier, I figured a little more healing in the form of a tasty treat never hurts.

The next morning, walking to Deepak’s, I continued thinking about my future and how to know best what to do.

The more I ruminated, the faster my heart beat as my mind started to race between possibilities.

Cooking Indian comfort food a few days a week for Divya’s parents was a basic and temporary option for my return home, but I had to face that it was certainly not a plan to get excited about. But maybe Maya’s offer was?

Confused, I began spiraling downward with depressing thoughts.

Was the best part of my life now over? Would I ever feel real joy again? How would I recover from this swamp of negativity? Was my baby clock about to strike midnight?

Did I really want kids or was it all some juvenile fantasy to rewrite my history of no dad, no siblings?

At times I felt so much fear running through my body I thought I might pass out. My arms would get weak and waves of dizziness forced me to sit down to take deep breaths until I collected myself and calmed down.

Would I ever be whole again? And perhaps even worse, was I ever whole before?

Two mangy, short-haired brown mutts walked up from behind me and snapped me out of my pity party. Tails wagging, they appeared to be harmless, but I wasn’t taking any chances of being mistaken for breakfast.

“Okay, puppies, while I’m sure you are both enlightened masters that have reincarnated to protect this holy city of Rishikesh, I don’t have any offerings for you right now, and I’m late for a very important date,” I said in a soothing Alice-in-Wonderland voice while I picked up my pace.

The dogs stopped in their tracks and looked at me almost dumbfounded.

They had obviously never met Alice in Wonderland before , I joked to myself.

When I arrived at the bookstore, Deepak had my masala chai waiting for me on the worn wood counter.

In the short time we had known each other, we had already established a pattern for our mornings, and I felt a wave of gratitude for his warm, welcoming smile.

When I walked through his door, I could feel and see the love and care emanating from his beautiful dark brown eyes.

In a strange, wonderful, and inexplicable way, he felt like “home” to me.

We sat together using our hands to enjoy the sticky sweet halwa I’d brought with me, and I told him all about my exciting offer from Maya, and how much fun it was to find another foodie.

And how it was significant to me that Maya also shared our being single issue.

It felt special that Maya told me about the pressure she was under from her family to accept one of the endless streams of men offered by the matchmaker.

Her grandmother said she needed to become a “homely girl.” I told Deepak I thought that was a cruel thing for her grandmother to say, especially because Maya is very beautiful.

Deepak burst out laughing and then explained that in American culture, homely means “unattractive.” In India, on the other hand, many men were seeking a “homely” girl because it meant that they were good at cooking, cleaning, and creating a presentable home.

“Ha, Deepak! And to think all along, it’s been my life’s dream to be a ‘homely girl.’ Maybe I should be the one meeting with the matchmaker! I wonder if she would know what I meant once I described a home with a ‘white picket fence.’”

Deepak laughed. “No, even if you brought a picture of a home with a white picket fence, she probably wouldn’t understand your desire. You may have noticed there aren’t any here.”

Now he was making me smile, too.

“Holly, I promise you there is a wonderful plan for your life. Something better than your imagination can conceive of. Can you accept the idea you are in a time of transformation? Think of now as winter. Spring will come, the snow will melt and your new budding life will start to blossom. You are discovering what your soul is yearning for. You can’t rush it any more than you can force your hair to grow faster by tugging at it. You cannot force the process, can you?”

He paused while looking deep into my eyes. I sat very still, hanging on his every word. “No, you can’t,” he continued, “because you know and trust that Mother Nature is doing her job in the proper divine time.”

“Crap,” I whined. “I never thought it would take so long. So, are you saying there isn’t anything I can do to speed up the process of figuring out my life?”

Deepak’s answer totally surprised me.

“Actually there is, Holly. You can start enjoying the life you have right now, today. It begins with gratitude. Would you allow me to take you through a little process?”

Deepak appeared to be going into therapist mode. I wiggled in my seat, feeling sweat forming on my palms.

Deepak continued, “In this very short process, know that there is no way you can do it wrong.

“Just listen to my voice and follow along, okay?” I nodded in agreement.

“Holly, sink into this big old recliner and just relax as much as you can. Begin by closing your eyes and take a big, deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

I did that, and then he said, “Now, take another long, slow deep breath in, count to four . . . and hold for a count of four. Now, release your breath to the count of four.”

I followed his directions and noticed something inside me was beginning to feel different.

Deepak’s words guided my thoughts. “Okay, now let your attention flow from your head down to your heart space. Imagine you are sitting inside your own heart, and you feel warm, safe, and protected. Remember something for which you are most grateful. Stay focused on your heart space and let whatever or whoever shows up show up.”

I was surprised when it was Deepak’s face that popped into my mind. I heard his voice encouraging me to let feelings of gratitude wash over me. I could actually feel this sweet feeling of gratitude for having found him and receiving his friendship and guidance.

“As you experience these feelings of gratitude, shift to something about yourself for which you feel grateful.”

I was surprised when the thought, I am grateful to be alive , came to me.

Followed by the thought, I am grateful for the EMTs who found me and put me safely into their ambulance and delivered me to the capable doctors who saved my life.

For those who put the parts of my mouth together and took such good care of my head, face, hands, and body.

Now I can talk, walk, and hold things effortlessly.

“Okay, Holly,” Deepak said. “Now let go of the feelings of gratitude and see the face of someone you love that you know loves you back, and allow yourself to experience that love now.”

Instantly, I saw my mother’s face, and I experienced so much love from her and for her. I could also sense all the lifelong love she had for me. I heard Deepak reminding me to keep my attention focused on my heart space while I was holding the feeling of that love.

Then he urged me to see myself being filled with love from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.

I was now in a cocoon of loving feelings.

Then he asked me to bring up someone else for whom I felt love, and I saw Auntie Geeta’s face.

Then images flashed before me from my childhood of times spent with Auntie.

By now, I was floating in an ocean of love.

“From your heart space of gratitude and love, you have just arrived in a magical frequency where you can make a wish to the Universe. I will be silent now for a minute to give you time to decide what you most want to wish for,” Deepak whispered.

My eyes still closed, I asked myself, What is my deepest desire? I swear I heard a voice whisper to me, “Ask to be healed of anything that will stop you from having a full and happy life.” Yes , I agreed, that will be my wish .

“Holly, just nod your head when you have made your wish.”

With eyes still closed, I nodded gently, and Deepak then said, “Know that what you have asked for is already yours.

Trust that, on the unseen plane, it has already occurred, and soon it will manifest in the physical world.

There is nothing more for you to do. Nothing to stress about.

Remember to trust that a grand, divine plan is already in motion for you.

“As you sit here, you are wrapped in the arms of God. You are exactly where you need to be. You are loved. You are safe. You are whole. You are complete. Your wish has been fulfilled.

“Now take a long, slow deep breath and let all the feelings and images go.

“Begin to feel your feet resting on the floor. Notice the temperature of the room . . . and when you are ready, simply open your eyes.”

At once, my arms and legs felt very light, as if I had fasted for days on end, but without my usual hunger pangs. I had never felt like this before—completely satisfied, not wanting or needing anything else than being right there, in the moment.

Deepak’s face lit up. “That, dear Holly, is the effect of Santosha, a state of utter contentment. Do this exercise daily until it is a part of your daily routine. You can see that it will help you feel lighter and lighter until your soul elevates to where it should be.”

“Thank you so much,” I said quietly. “I could feel a real shift happening.”

Deepak smiled warmly. “And thank you, dear Holly, for the sweet treat. Your halwa tastes very similar to my mother’s.”

HEALING THE HEART HALWA

⒈／⒋ cup ghee

? teaspoon cinnamon

1 inch vanilla bean (finely chopped)

a pinch mineral salt

1 cup grated carrots

⒈／⒉ cup pitted dates, mashed

20 sprigs saffron, gently ground in warm water

1 cup water

Heat the ghee in a pan.

Add the cinnamon, vanilla bean, and a pinch of mineral salt.

Simmer until you can smell the aroma.

Stir in the carrots, saffron, dates, and half of the water. Simmer for 8 to 10 minutes, adding more water as needed to make a thick paste.

Place in a bowl and let cool for about 5 minutes. If you want a smooth consistency, let cool and blend in a blender.

Serve lightly warm. Yum!