Page 39 of The Love Thief
CHAPTER TWENTY - EIGHT Last Visit with Deepak
After leaving Sadhviji, I took my time walking back to the bridge, breathing in the sights and sounds of this crazy yet very sacred place.
Even though my normal routine was to see Deepak in the early mornings, with just one day left in Rishikesh, I found myself wanting to drop by and give him the now-blessed gift.
The bookstore was empty, and there were just a few travelers with backpacks sitting in the café at a booth overlooking the river.
Deepak was both happy and surprised to see me walk through the door in the middle of the afternoon, and like always, his face lit up as if I were his favorite person in the world. Every time he looked at me that way, my heart popped open with bursts of joy and waves of gratitude.
In my few short weeks with him, Deepak helped me change my perspective about what real love is and what it feels like when it’s authentic.
A little wave of sadness crept into my chest as I realized it might be a long time before I saw him again and experienced the force of his waves of unconditional love.
“Holly, are you having a chai deficiency moment?” he joked.
“I just realized that I am leaving late tomorrow afternoon, and I need a selfie or two of us. Are you up for that?”
We quickly positioned ourselves in front of the tallest bookshelf to take the first few and then walked into the café to get a few more with the bridge and river in the background. Mission accomplished, Deepak motioned for us to sit at the corner booth.
“You are looking very radiant today, Holly. Rather serene and peaceful.”
“I have you to thank for most of it, Deepak. Your love and kindness and advice pulled me out of the bottomless pit of despair that I arrived in.”
I handed him the small black velvet pouch. “I can never really repay you for all that you have given me.”
His eyes widened as he held the gold-encased double Rudraksha between his thumb and forefinger. He was silent for a few moments, then reached under his kurta and pulled out a long gold chain that had a few gold, sacred charms on it.
“Holly, this is beautiful. I have long wanted one of these, and I will wear this around my neck, close to my heart, every day and always think of you when I do.”
“I’m so happy you like it.” I could feel tears beginning to gather in the corners of my eyes, so I quickly tried to lighten the mood.
“I’m sure that the first morning I walked in here, you would have never guessed that a crazy girl from Southern California would pull you out of retirement to piece her heart and soul back together.”
In his humble style, Deepak looked down.
“You can’t begin to imagine what a blessing you are in my life, Holly.
Because of you, my life has changed for the better.
For the past ten years since I lost Nancy, I have been sleepwalking through life, resigned that I was now in my fourth and final stage of life, destined to strictly study spirituality until it was my time to leave.
“All of the conversations we had, all of the ways you so openly and with great vulnerability shared your pain with me, gave me the courage to look at my own pain. I realized the advice I shared with you was really me talking to myself.”
I felt like my brain was melting a little bit. I could feel his sincerity, and what he said made sense, but I never thought about how my pain and healing would also be a catalyst for his. Part of me didn’t believe it, and another part hoped it was true.
“One of Nancy’s favorite authors and teachers was Marianne Williamson, and there was a time when Marianne was a reverend at a church in Michigan, where we lived.
We went to one of her Sunday services, and she said something I have never forgotten.
It’s a line from A Course in Miracles : ‘the only thing missing in any situation is that which you are not giving . ’
“Sadhviji once invited me to do seva, what you would call volunteer service, at the ashram’s free medical clinic.
They have medical doctors, dentists, and even a vet for the animals, but no one to help with emotional and psychological issues.
At the time, I declined. I was certain that stage of my life was over.
Thanks to you, Holly, I see now that is what has been missing in me for such a long time.
It is the sense of purpose that I have truly missed, my counseling days and the joy of helping others.
I am going to start volunteering at both the ashram clinic and their outreach to local villages. ”
He smiled his warm Deepak smile, and I could feel another wave undulate beneath my solar plexus.
And then it began . . . hot, salty tears were streaming down my face. I felt such gratitude for this person who had only been in my life for three short weeks. This kind, gentle man had nurtured me on every level and somehow put me on a healing path to restore my heart and soul.
Deepak walked me back into the bookstore.
The afternoon light was streaming through the open front door, illuminating the tears on both of our faces.
As I traced my fingers over the old recliner one last time, a thought flashed through my mind.
This is what it feels like to have a dad.
Then, for the first time ever, Deepak hugged me.
“You have become like a daughter to me. You will always have a place in my heart.”
“And you have become the father I never knew . . . thank you for loving me,” I whispered. I lowered my head with a newfound sense of humility.
“Thank you, Deepak, for helping me heal.”