Page 18 of The Long Refrain (Sweet Southern #4)

18

NOLAN

MARCH 2028

“ Y ou’re really going to stay here? In Clay Springs?” Harper asks with one of his serious little frowns. He’s so cute.

“Why not? I like it here. Benji is happy here. I’ll probably take him on vacation whenever he wants, wherever he wants, but this is home now.” I push my foot on the ground so that the hammock Harper and I are lying in swings a little harder. “You don’t want me to stay?”

“Uhm, pause, I didn’t say that.” Harper reaches down to absentmindedly pat Honey’s head. Her vest is off, so I’d given her a few pats earlier, but otherwise she usually just stays hanging out with us wherever we go. “Just weird that a rockstar would choose to stay in my hometown. I’ve spent so many years thinking of escaping, hard to imagine someone choosing it.”

“You want to leave?”

Harper tilts his head down to look at me. “Not much anymore. Jackson makes it better.”

“Love is crazy, huh?”

“So crazy,” Harper says around a laugh. “How’s therapy?”

“Same old, same old. It’s nice to not wake up and want to kill myself.”

“Well, that is a positive. Have you thought more about the land offer from Beau? They’ve got so many acres they can stand to lose a few. And I’m sure you and Benji would like a place of your own.”

I guess now’s the time to tell Harper. I’m shit at secrets anyway, at least when it comes to him. Who would’ve thought the redhead from that first night would become one of my best friends? But Harper is Harper. He makes me laugh in a simple way that I can’t explain. He makes me forget sometimes that I am who I am. Isn’t that what friends are supposed to do?

“I bought the land from Beau,” I admit, just waiting for Harper’s reaction.

“What!” Harper sits up so quickly in the hammock that we almost fall to the ground.

“Jesus, Harper.”

“Sorry,” Harper says shamefully as we return to a slow rock. “What?”

“Yeah, I bought it. Gave him a two-million-dollar check even though he only asked for five hundred thousand. The guy seriously needs to consult his accountant before just doing things. The land is valued at three million… I felt bad even giving him just two.”

Harper blinks slowly. “I forget you’re rich.”

“You forget I’m a rockstar,” I remind him with a leer.

Harper waves his hand at me in this weird flourish. “Well, it’s easy to forget when you just lie in the hammock all chill.”

“So chill,” I mock as I poke him with my foot.

“Dinner’s ready!” Jackson shouts from the porch. “Stop touching. Leave room for Jesus.”

Just for that I lean forward, and tug Harper by the shirt until he’s lying on top of me in the hammock. I can all but hear Jackson’s furious whispering up on the raised porch. But I focus more on Benji’s ecstatic laughter. See, my man gets it. Harper kisses my cheek, then pushes out of the hammock to wander up toward his man. I watch as Harper lifts up onto his toes to kiss Jackson’s cheek.

Benji stands on the porch, leaning against the railing, eyes focused only on me. The weight of his attention always feels just a little undeserved to me. But I have to hope that with years and patience, maybe that feeling will go away. I feel a blush creep down my neck as I make my way toward him. The moment I’m within reach, he wraps his palm around my neck and tugs me close to kiss me softly on the mouth.

“You taste like cupcakes,” Benji murmurs against my lips.

“Shared one with Harper.”

Benji hums softly, face scrunched in thought. “Carrot cake?”

I snort. “That’s terrifying.”

Benji fondly shakes his head as he pulls away. “I know what you taste like, and what good carrot cake tastes like. Not that hard to discern.”

“What do I taste like?”

Crimson splashes across Benji’s face as he runs a palm over his own neck. “Like mine.”

And there goes my heart again. I hope Benji can always tear me down to the studs with one shyly muttered sentence. I step into his arms to hug him tight, letting my cheek rest against his own. I love him so fucking much. I don’t think I really lived before Benji. He made life so vivid and colorful, splashing hues across the dull pages that used to haunt my every waking moment. He’s the sunshine in my sometimes very dark mind.

We sit down at the table outside, with Eli and Trevor also in attendance.

“Where’re Beau and Colby?” Jackson asks as he sets the grilled chicken thighs in the middle of the table.

“Work trip,” Eli says morosely. “Sucks.”

“You could’ve gone with him,” Trevor points out.

Eli shakes his head. “I’m too distracting. He needs to focus sometimes.”

Jackson snorts in clear disagreement and rolls his eyes. “That man can’t focus if you’re within five yards of him. I doubt it’s easier when you’re away from him.”

Eli’s eyebrows furrow as he thinks it over. “I hadn’t thought of it like that. Maybe next time… I’ll go with him.”

Trevor affectionately pats Eli’s cheek, earning him a glare. “You get it now. Beau’s just running a little late.” Trevor turns to look at me and winks when he notices Benji isn’t watching. Great.

I can’t help but look around the table at the group of people who have decided I’m worth pulling into their circle. This group of friends that have Benji’s back without blinking an eye. The same people that took me under their wings, somehow made this entire situation brighter than it ever could’ve been. My heart aches in my chest just at the very thought. I lift my hand to rub it and turn my head to find Benji staring at me like he often does. A year ago his eyes terrified me, how they looked right into me, seeing something that I couldn’t. But now when he looks at me, I know he sees Nolan. The real Nolan. The Nolan I always wished that I could be.

And suddenly I don’t think I can really make it through this dinner without falling apart.

I stand abruptly from the table, my chair skidding across the wooden planks of the porch. Everyone turns to look at me with confused eyes, everyone except for Trevor who wears a self-satisfied smirk. He nods ever so slightly at me and my heart swells again with what I can only assume is love. I grab Benji by the bicep, tugging him up even as he stares at me in concern.

“I have to show you something. Come with me?”

Benji grips my wrist tight, eyes flitting between mine. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, yes. I just—” I pause and blow a raspberry, wishing everyone wasn’t listening with bated breath. “I have to show you something.”

“Alright.”

Benji holds on to my wrist as I tug him away from the table, back toward where our truck is parked in front of the apartment. Just as we round the corner, Beau pulls up in front of the house. He hops out of his work truck and swipes a hand over his forehead.

“Hey! I was just looking for you.” Beau tosses me a pair of keys with a warm, crooked kind of grin. “See you later.”

I catch the keys in my palm, feeling the heat of them burning through me. Benji looks between us, confusion etched across his face. I take his hand and tug him toward the truck without a word. Because Benji is Benji, he follows without asking any sort of questions. Just blindly trusting that I’m not going to drag him into the woods to kill him.

My hands shake as I get behind the wheel, even as we head toward the property I bought from Beau. It’s only about fifteen minutes down the road, but every mile feels like a million. Even the sound of Benji’s soft breaths has me on edge, my teeth gritted as I worry that maybe this isn’t what he wanted. What he pictured. I just want to give him what he wants. Everything he wants. After all, Benji gave me life. Can’t I at least repay him this way?

The gate is right where Beau told me it would be. The wooden fence wraps the property full of scrub brush and tall oak trees full of moss. Even in the winter, everything is so green that I can’t help but feel like this place is bringing me back to life as much as Benji has been. I hop out and unlock the gate with the keys Beau gave me.

When I return to the truck, Benji looks so impossibly confused that I can’t help but laugh. “You’ll see in a second.”

Benji grabs on to the oh-shit handle as I pull through the gate. I feel silly as I hop back out to close the gate behind us, but a little silliness won’t kill me. The sun is sinking below the trees as we continue down the heavily wooded dirt road. Orange and pink tinge the sky, while all the trees are deep green. Even the air smells more alive out here. Everything in my soul just settles. Everything is right for the first fucking time in my life.

I come to a stop in the middle of a clearing with flags dotted around it. The cascade of the river moving in the distance reaches my ears, along with the sound of the wind whipping through the trees. Even an owl hoots in the distance. I can see everything clearly, now I just have to paint the picture for Benji.

I come around the side of the car and open the door for him. His eyebrows rise into his hairline, but he takes my hand when I hold it out for him. Our fingers tangle together as I lead him toward the land that the contractor cleared just earlier this week.

“I brought you here to kill you,” I tease.

Benji’s laugh is warm and so familiar. “Well, have it at.”

I clear my throat awkwardly as I squeeze his fingers. “I bought this property from Beau.”

Benji’s eyes go wide. “Yeah?”

I nod slowly as I take a deep breath. “I bought it, hired contractors, and they’re going to start building our house next week.” I tug him along behind me to stand where our front door is going to be. “This is the front door.” I step through it and wave my arm around like the biggest fool on earth. “The entryway. Beyond is the living room that’ll face the river behind us. The elevation is high enough that during hurricanes we shouldn’t worry about flooding too much. But the insurance will be high anyway. And our bedroom will be in that corner.” I walk him over to the far corner. “It’ll have floor-to-ceiling windows so we can always see the trees and the sky. A bathroom with a clawfoot tub so you can bite me to bits, then soak me with your love afterward. And there will be five bedrooms, plus a music studio separate from the house.”

“Nolan…”

I squeeze my eyes shut hard. “Let me finish. Please.”

“Okay,” Benji whispers.

“I thought a guest room would be nice so that Chris can visit, along with your moms. But I also thought maybe a study would be nice too so that we could have books and maybe a piano. I also thought maybe… I don’t know. Maybe a spare room if one day we need a nursery. Just, thought it might be a good precaution.”

“A nursery,” Benji says, sounding oddly out of breath. “Nolan, look at me.”

I shake my head hard. “Can’t.”

“Nolan.” Benji grabs my face in his warm palms and squeezes. “Look at me.”

When I open my eyes, I find Benji’s gaze so warm, so steady, that my heart skips a few beats in my chest. His love is so visible to me now, so healing, so true. I tip forward to press my forehead against his, needing to share my breath with him in this too-emotional moment. Everything we’ve been through to this point got us here. Gave me him.

“Oh, Nolan. I want the life you’ve painted so badly. I want everything with you. I’m so glad you see it now, angel. I’m so glad you see it. Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” I whimper.

And then Benji kisses me. The weight of his lips is as big of a promise as the house will be. He curls his arms around my body, tugging me close against the strong line of him. His heart beats against my chest, strong and real. Benji kisses me with such care and tenderness that I fall apart all over again in his arms, just to be remade when he pulls away to softly whisper in my ear, “Just us, angel.”

I breathe in deeply, living in the glowing, beautiful knowledge that my life is finally mine. Belonging somewhere never seemed possible, yet here I am now. The future spans before me with all the promise of Benji’s lips moving tenderly against mine. With Benji, I’m myself. Always just us.