Page 43

A Blue Jay’s Confession

…The following day

“A nd so, take this Blue Jay bird, for instance,” Poet said.

They stood in his workroom after indulging in a scrumptious breakfast she’d prepared, though she’d claimed to be a terrible cook.

Before that, she’d called Aunt Huni to let her know she wasn’t coming home yet and stayed overnight.

They made love, woke up, then made love again because this was where she belonged.

“Birds are different than stuffing say, a squirrel or White-Tailed deer.”

The bright ceiling light crowned the top of her head and her hands.

“How so?” He pressed his hands against the metal slate table, curling his fingers over the ridge.

“Well, see.” She tilted her head and pointed beneath one of the wings. “I typically remove all of the innards, skins and bones of mammals, but in birds, they must stay partially attached. The wings and the skull stay attached, too.”

“What material do you use to fill in the missin’ pieces?” He peered at the dead bird carcass that she’d meticulously preserved.

“I carve the parts I need out of soft wood.”

“Soft wood? Like cottonwood or white pine?”

“I prefer balsa wood.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” He smiled as she pointed to a chunk of it in her tool case. “That makes sense. I ’spose you use like wire ’nd such for the rest? To pose it, right?”

“Exactly. Clay and wire.”

“So, do you do maintenance on these pieces in the museum, too? Do you take care of ’em after you finish all the work, bells and whistles?”

“Yeah, there’s a team of us, actually. For this bird, for instance, we’d check periodically, maybe every couple of months to ensure her wings are intact and not dried out, and nothin’ has fallen off or slid over into the wrong position.”

He crossed his arms and watched her work as ‘Old Barn,’ by Holy Ghost, played throughout the room. After a couple of minutes of her standing there and carefully wrapping wire around the wing, her precision like that of a skilled surgeon, she spoke on beat with the music, as if breaking into a song.

“You’re divorced. Been divorced for a long time, you said.”

“Mmm hmm. That’s right.”

“What happened?”

He kept his eye on her hands as he sucked his teeth. “So, we’ve circled back to this topic, I see. I promised you that I’d oblige. Well, do you want the detailed version, or the short and to the point one?”

She smiled at him, batted her eyes slowly, then went back to tending to her work.

“I don’t mind the detailed version. In fact, I much prefer it, as long as it’s the truth. I suppose in things like this, the truth is subjective, but I’m willin’ to take your word for it. The stage is yours.”

He rubbed his hands together, then crossed his arms, tucking his hands beneath his pits.

“Me ’nd my ex-wife met young. In our early twenties. Things went pretty fast.”

“Where’d y’all meet?”

“We met at a bar. Exchanged numbers, started hangin’ out.

Got close. Then, one day, she came by my apartment and just never left.

” He paused, scratching behind his ear. “Irrespective of my age and how fast things went, I believed she was the one. Contrary to what some folks say about me; I’m more of a monogamous sort of fellow.

Just ’cause my recent years have shown me being, I suppose, a bit unrestrained, it’s not my preference.

It’s only because I’ve had trouble findin’ someone suitable for me.

I have desires I need met but…” He shrugged.

“I don’t like playin’ the field. It gets old, fast.”

She nodded in understanding.

“Are you sayin’ that for me, or for you ? You tryna convince me that you won’t run around on me?” she asked with a smirk.

“I suppose I am, but it’s the truth all the same.”

The things he did to Poet sexually he didn’t do with just any one.

It was reserved for the women he gave a damn about.

Kage had allowed himself to be vulnerable with her.

To express himself in a way he knew would connect them on a deeper level.

He had what he surmised were kinks, and so did she.

He liked to partake in what he called, ‘gentle sexual domination.’ She liked to receive it.

He realized this from the moment he pushed her against the wall and stole a kiss in her kitchen.

They were sexually compatible, and it made things all the sweeter.

“So anyway,” he continued. “I proposed about a year into our relationship. I was excited to get married. I loved her.”

Poet paused her work on the bird when JT Coldfire’s, ‘She’s Crazy’ started to play.

“I can feel just how much you loved her by the way you said it… I could almost feel it in my bones.” She shook her head, then turned back to her work. “What’s her name? You never said it.”

Maybe it’s still hard for me to say it without feeling some type of way?

I don’t love or hate Lorna. I rarely think about her, but she has crossed my mind lately.

Not sure why. Maybe ’cause Mama brought her up the other day?

I don’t wish no harm to her, but I sure as hell don’t want anything to do with her.

“Lorna. Her name is Lorna.” Poet smiled at him, but she didn’t say anything. “So, she and I got married soon after she moved in. I got a second job so she could go to nursin’ school and just work part time. She wanted to be an LPN, then eventually an RN.”

“Like my mama and Aunt Huni.” She flashed him another sweet smile. “Okay, cool.”

“Yup. Money was tight, but we managed. I paid for her schoolin’. All I asked was that she pay for groceries from her part-time job she was workin’, and I promised to take care of the rest of the bills, and I did. Just two young adults tryna make it. We ain’t have much, but we were trying.”

“Could your mama have helped? I thought you said your mama had money?”

Kage opened a drawer and took out a pack of gum. He slipped one of the sticks out, unwrapped it, then popped a piece in his mouth.

“You want one?”

“No, thank you. Did my question bother you? If it’s none of my business, that’s fine. I just—”

“No, it don’t bother me none, but it would require me to get into a lot of shit that will take time to explain.

A lot of complicated family dynamics. I’m gonna tell you about that, too, but I want to stick to your original question regarding the breakdown of my marriage, so just put that question on ice for a second, okay? ”

“Okay. Got it.”

“So, I worked in construction in the daytime, and part time security at an office building. I even took on a third job for a few months—in a graveyard doing security there, too. All so she could get ’er cap and gown, and I could throw her a nice celebration for her graduation.

She passed her exams, then started her nursing career.

Everything was fine at first. Then, about four years into the marriage, she started actin’ funny.

A bit withdrawn. She denied anything was wrong, but even though I was young and lovestruck, I wasn’t no damn dummy.

When I’m with someone and I give my heart to them, Poet, it means I know them.

I understand them. I know how they move, how they operate.

I know how they think. I watch people. I pay attention, and I would have never married a woman I didn’t understand.

I can pick up changes in folks that I’m close to.

I know when you’re actin’ different, and ain’t no way to hide it from me.

I can practically smell it. This may sound crazy, but it’s the best way I can explain it. ”

“You are sayin’ that y’all was tuned in. Like a radio. 6 th sense. Whatever station she was on, you were on. Whatever volume she was on, you were at the same level, too.”

“Yeah, that’s it. I kept askin’ her if there was someone else.

She kept denying it, sayin’ I was being crazy.

I could feel somethin’ was off though. I was no longer receiving a hundred percent of her, and I’m selfish when it comes to my lady.

I want all of you, and if you deny me, start closing doors and windows on our communication and connection, I want to know why.

If it’s something I’ve done, or somethin’ I can personally repair, then give me the chance to fix it.

If it’s not me, then I am going to find out one way or another. You better believe it.”

“I’m not the least bit surprised. You don’t strike me as someone who gives up easily.” She cackled, then turned back to that bird.

“Of course I don’t. Look how long it took me to get YOU . I was willing to put in the time and effort until you gave me a chance. You get me. I knew that early on. We mesh well together. I figured you might be exactly what I was searchin’ for. I was right.”

Her complexion deepened.

“I do get you, Kage. We have a lot of differences, but a lot in common, too. I like that. Go on about Lorna.”

“So, a little after that, she started workin’ longer shifts.

When she was at work, so was I, but one day I decided to take off.

I followed her in a friend’s car.” He noticed Poet’s fingers slow down, her eyes narrowing on the thread she was now using, pushing the clear fiber beneath a row of soft feathers.

“I followed her right into the parkin’ lot of an old motel.

By this point, I knew she wasn’t there to talk about our Lord and Savior with the patrons.

My heart was racin’, Poet, and I was seeing red.

But I waited. I kept still. I kept quiet.

She went up the motel steps, knocked on one of the doors, and some curly-headed blond guy answered it.

He ain’t look nothin’ like me. He was average height.

Plain lookin’, and shirtless. All of her exes, includin’ me, were tall, tatted up, and wild motherfuckers.

Then she turned around and started datin’ Napoleon Dynamite. ”

She chuckled at that. “I suppose it’s human to compare ourselves with the competition.”