Page 18

“Well, the reading says all of y’all are destined to fall in love, while fightin’ for your lives, some time or another.

Now, I will admit that God has the final say, and sometimes I’m wrong.

For instance, I didn’t see Roman gettin’ hitched, but he did.

You? Someone is out there for you, and she’s comin’.

That love will help you, Kage, in some way, some fashion—survive my father’s plans for you—but you have to listen to God.

” She raised her finger in the air, and shook it. “He’s tryna tell you something.”

“Mama, I don’t wanna have—”

“Kage, you’re volatile and stubborn. Like your father. One thing you have over my father, and your father, too, is patience, and your ability to see light in darkness. Don’t let my father trick you, or goad you into somethin’ that you can’t get out of.”

“Mama, please.” He huffed in frustration. “I hate when you do this. Who have you been getting your weed from lately? It might be laced with something.”

She chuckled at that. “I haven’t smoked any Mary Jane in weeks.

I’ve been too busy praying and meditating for my family and friends.

A lent of sorts. Look,” she ran her hand nervously along her leg.

“go somewhere you love. Somewhere peaceful. Just think, and meditate, and find your center.” He rolled his eyes.

“I know you think this is just a bunch of superstition and mumbo jumbo, but you know I’ve been right sometimes… you know that!”

…And yes, sometimes mama’s visions were right.

“I go to the river that runs through my property and just sit there, every now and again.”

“Yeah, you love going to the river. Go there and pray, Kage. Ask God and the angels to help you. Matter of fact, it all makes sense now. I kept seeing you by the water, and that’s where you’ll get some peace. Forgive yourself, Kane.”

“Forgive myself for what?”

“Forgive yourself for the past. Forgive us all. I, uh, I ran into Lorna’s brother the other day. He didn’t see me though, or at least I don’t think he did.” She played with her gold hoop earring, and looked past him. Towards the window. “Have you spoken to her lately?”

“I ain’t seen or spoken to her in at least eight years.”

“I liked her somewhat, but she wasn’t the one for you. She didn’t understand you, but there is someone perfect for you, son.”

“Mama, why are you goin’ on about my ex, about women, my daddy, Wilde men, and all of this mess? I just came to pay you a visit. Now I’m in my old room with you tossin’ ’round them tarot cards, and speakin’ in code about omens.”

“Well, I bring it up because I feel like you want a change in your life. At least according to the reading. Hell, I could be wrong,” She chuckled.

“I’m biased after all, but I want you to find love again, too.

I would like a grandbaby, one day. You’d make a wonderful father.

” He sucked his teeth and turned away. “I think you’re lonely, too, son.

” She leaned forward and rubbed his knee, making him smile. “Would you admit it to me?”

“Admit what?”

“That you want love back in your life? You need it. Only love can defeat hate, honey.”

“Who do I hate, Mama, besides Grandpa? I hate that motherfucker with a passion, that’s a fact.”

“I’m not talking about a person.”

“He ain’t a person. He’s a damn demon.”

“Come on now. Listen to me. Keep your mind open. You hate being betrayed, Kage. It’s the worst thing in the world to you.

You love bein’ in love, but you think that deep down, you can’t pull it off because you can see through people…

their darkness. It’s what made you go after my daddy the way you did.

You saw his demons even before I had. Your intuition about folks is spot on, but you don’t trust it when it comes to affairs of the heart.

You’re concerned about bein’ hurt again, so you don’t even try anymore.

You’ve been single for so long, havin’ one night stands, but that’s not what your heart truly desires. ”

Mama was a little crazy, but damn it, he loved her, and she was onto something.

Some of what she said rang true. He did long for a soul connection.

Someone he could call his own, but he had to choose wisely.

He didn’t want another damn divorce. It gutted him.

He married young, but for life. After that, and all the stints in the funny farm, he had a hard time connecting with folks.

Not because he didn’t know how, but folks were funny.

Fickle. Unreliable. He was the type of bastard that told you A, B and C, and damn it, he meant it.

People told lies. Lots of ’em. Big and small fabrications.

People in the world were two-faced, too.

They’d pretend to be one way, but were really another.

He didn’t believe in sugar coating shit, and definitely didn’t do any ass kissing.

If he said that he was sorry, which was rare, he meant it.

If he told you that he loved you, he meant that shit, too.

Humans were an interesting study, and he seldom found folks worth giving his time to.

Women were easy for him to get– but they didn’t always give him the soul fusion he desired.

There was always something missing. He wanted to be whole and complete with just one lady.

To be mated in mind, body and spirit for life.

“Kage, what’s on your mind right now, baby?

” He didn’t respond. “Maybe you just need a hug.” They smiled at one another.

“You know, since you were a little boy, you’d give the best hugs.

You were so affectionate… so smart… but easy to write someone off.

” He hung his head. “If you felt let down by a friend, or someone you cared about, you had the type of rage in you that would make an erupting volcano stop mid-flow and bow down in awe.

“You’d turn vengeful. You could hold a grudge like no other.

And then you became violent… that’s why initially I had agreed to put you in the hospital.

I regret that now.” Mama’s eyes sheened over.

She shook her head. “That wasn’t the answer.

You needed help, yes, but not like that.

The way they did you… abused you! Said you were improving, but they had you so drugged up you were droolin’, strapped to that damn chair when I came by.

I tried to take you outta there, but my father insisted you stay.

Finish treatment. I cursed him that day.

The last visit was the worst. I yanked you out of there myself and pulled my pistol on that nurse!

” He recalled that all too well. “You won’t tell me what they did, and I ’spose it doesn’t matter now—the damage is done.

” A tear streamed her face. “I’m so sorry, Kage. I am so, so sorry.”

“Mama, it’s funny you bring that up. Roman and I were talkin’ the other day, and he was saying how he was mad at Aunt Bonnie for when he, Dakota and Jordan were in foster care ’cause of Uncle Reeves addictions.

My situation was different. I had done somethin’ to make you think I wasn’t right in the head.

Cause and effect. I wasn’t crazy then, and I ain’t crazy now, but I know how it looked, and it looked real bad.

I don’t blame you, and you keep apologizing, year after year, for the same thing.

It wasn’t your fault. Places like that are supposed to help.

They didn’t. They’re shut down now.” He shrugged.

“Thank God.” She shook her head.

“I understood, even back then, that when someone tries to kill someone else, including when the perpetrator is a child, that person might be troubled and need to see a counselor. I tried to kill my grandfather, and I was serious about it. That is the end result. Regardless of how controlling and fucked up Grandpa is, I understood then, and I understand now: he was still your father. You didn’t want him to die, nor did you want me taken away.

You were in a pickle. I remember you cryin’ at the door when they put me in the back of the ambulance.

I ain’t never blame you, Mama… not even once. ”

She nodded and wiped a tear away.

“Things change. People grow up. I was a kid. I had a lot going on in my head. My father was some local legend, an underground celebrity of sorts, and I felt like I could never live up to Kane’s name.”

“Really? What made you think you had to?” Mama seemed genuinely surprised.

“Everyone it seemed, your friends that is, wanted me to be just like him, but I couldn’t…

I was ME .” He pointed to himself. “They’d check me out and say: look, he tall as hell, just like his daddy!

Look, he walks just like Kane! He sounds just like Kane!

He got his mama’s eyes, but Kane’s hair and nose…

on and on and on. I was just a kid who was tryna understand the world, and why I never quite fit into the one that I was trying to squeeze my big ass in.

I didn’t get why I could learn things so quickly on one hand, but on the other, I was what they now call socially awkward.

Folks didn’t like how I didn’t show a lot of emotion.

It made ’em uncomfortable. I didn’t think I was socially awkward until my cousins started tellin’ me things like, ‘ Hey Kage, it’s wrong to choke people out who say dumb shit, no matter how mad they make you.

’ Or ‘ If you like a girl, it’s better to bring her flowers instead of a dead duck she can cook for her dinner, Kage.

” They both chuckled at that. “Mama, I care. I just show it differently. Sometimes… sometimes I wish I didn’t care though. It would make things easier.”

Mama got up and sat beside him, rubbing his back. She smelled like Jergens lotion and Patchouli.

“Kage, there was a time when you would have never admitted that to me, or to anyone, really. You’ve come a long way.”

He nodded in agreement.

“You mentioned wantin’ a grandbaby.”

“Yeah, I do!” her eyes got big, as if he were about to tell her a due date.

“Don’t get all excited now, calm down. Ain’t nobody pregnant.

” She huffed, then sighed. Clearly disappointed just as quickly as she’d been enthusiastic.

“I’m not in a relationship right now. I date, but I ain’t settled down or nothin’ like that, but uh, I met someone, and I think she might be a contender. ”

“You like her a whole lot, don’t you?”

“She’s okay I guess.” He shrugged.

“You’ve always been an awful liar.” They laughed once again. She stroked his hair, then leaned her head against his shoulder. “Who’s the woman that’s caught your eye?”

He sat there a long while, not sure he wanted to speak on it after he’d already opened Pandora’s box.

The other night, when he’d driven away from Poet’s house, he could smell her on his cloak.

He envisioned doing all sorts of things to her when he had her pinned against her house, and kissed her.

… things that would shock the shit out of her.

“You’re right. I’ve been lyin’. I hate liars… so I guess that means that right now, I hate myself, too.” He sighed, then fixed his gaze on the cards lying on his desk. “I met this lady named Poet. It was an accidental meeting, I guess you could say, Mama.”

“What a pretty name. Tell me more about her.” She wound her fingers around his, and squeezed.

“She’s from here, in Houston. Lives on her own farm. It’s small, but nice. She’s Black.”

Mama slowly lifted her head from his shoulder and smiled at him, then laughed lightly.

“What?” He smiled back at her.

“Nothin’ at all. Tell me more about her.”

“Okay. Well, she’s smart. I like that. An educator at the museum of natural history.

She talks about indigenous animals, but taxidermy is her trade.

” Mama nodded in understanding. “She does taxidermy for others, too. She’s good.

I saw some of ’er work down at the museum.

Mama, I feel somethin’ for her, and it’s strange, ’cause I felt somethin’ for her almost right away.

Like, this chemistry. It was strong. Electric.

From my head to my damn feet. I feel like I might be able to give her the things she can’t give herself, and she can do the same for me.

I haven’t felt that in a long while… like a kindred spirit.

I haven’t known her that long, but I want to get to know her better, spend some time with her as more than a friend, but she’s resistant.

That makes me just want her all the more… ”

“Of course it does.” Mama kissed his cheek. “You’re a born hunter.”

“Sometimes I think about her when I’m by myself, and I wonder… I wonder if she’s thinkin’ about me, too?”

“I can always do a reading,” she joked, and he smirked. “I love you, Kage. Mama just wants you to be happy.”

“I love you too, Mama. I know you do, and that’s fine by me…”