Page 433
Story: The Liveship Traders Trilogy
When Brashen was finished, she dismissed her sailors to food and sleep or whatever other amusement they could find.
Her anger had killed her appetite. She went directly to her stateroom, wishing it were truly her own rather than a tiny space shared with two others.
For once, it was empty. Jek would be eating and Amber was probably with Paragon already.
She knew a moment of guilt that she avoided the figurehead.
Then she centred herself in her anger and decided it was for the best. She had removed not only Brashen from her softer emotions, but also the ship and Amber.
It was simpler so, and better. She could function most efficiently as a mate when she let no personal considerations stand between her and her tasks.
Sleep, she decided, was what she needed.
She had pulled her rain-damped shirt out of her trousers and started to drag it over her head when there was a rap at the door.
She hissed in annoyance. ‘What is it?’ she demanded through the wood.
Clef’s voice said something quietly outside the door.
She pulled her shirt back on, snatched the door open and demanded, ‘What?’
Clef took two steps back. ‘Cap’n wants to see you,’ he blurted. His startled face was a dash of cold reality. She took a breath and smoothed her features.
‘Thank you,’ she said brusquely, and shut the door again.
Why couldn’t Brashen have taken care of whatever it was when she was mustered on deck with the others?
Why did he have to cut into what little privacy and sleep she could find?
She stuffed her shirttail back into her trousers and slammed out of the room.
‘Enter!’ Brashen called in response to the thudding on his door. He looked up from his charts, expecting Lavoy or one of his sailors with important news. Instead, Althea entered and strode up to stand before him.
‘You sent Clef for me, sir.’
His heart sank in him. ‘I did,’ he acknowledged and then could find no words. After a moment, ‘Sit down,’ he invited her, but she took the chair stiffly as if he had ordered it. She sat, meeting his eyes with an unflinching gaze. Captain Ephron Vestrit had always been able to stare him down.
‘When your father looked at me like that, I knew I was in for a private reprimand that would leave my ears smoking.’
At the shocked look on her face, he realized he had spoken the words aloud.
He was horrified, yet fought a wild impulse to laugh at her expression.
He leaned back in his chair and managed to keep his face composed and his voice level as he added, ‘So why don’t you just say it and we’ll be done with it? ’
She glared at him. He could see the pressure building in her.
His invitation was too much for her to resist. He braced himself as she took a deep breath as if she would roar at him.
Then, surprisingly, she let it out. In a quiet controlled voice that still shook slightly, she said, ‘That’s not my place, sir. ’
‘Sir.’ She was keeping it formal, yet her tension vibrated through him.
He deliberately nudged at it, determined to clear the air between them.
‘I believe I just gave you permission. Something is troubling you. What is it?’ At her continued silence, he found his own temper rising. ‘Speak!’ he snapped at her.
‘Very well, sir.’ She bit off the words, her black eyes flashing. ‘I find it difficult to perform my duties when my captain obviously has no respect for me. You humiliate me in front of the crew, and then expect me to keep my watch in order. It isn’t right and it isn’t fair.’
‘What?’ he demanded, outraged. How could she say such things, after he had taken her on as a working mate, entrusted his private plans to her, even consulted with her on what was best for the vessel? ‘When have I ever “humiliated you in front of the crew”?’
‘During the battle,’ she grated out. ‘I was doing my best to repel boarders. You not only stepped in and took the task from me, but also said to me, “Get back. Stay safe.”’ Her voice was rising with her anger.
‘As if I were a child you must shelter. As if I were less competent than Clef, who you kept by your side.’
‘I did not!’ he defended himself. Then he halted his words at the flare of fury on her face. ‘Did I?’
‘You did,’ she said coldly. ‘Ask Clef. I’m sure he remembers.’
He was silent. He could not recall saying such words, but he did recall the lurch of fear in his heart at the sight of Althea in the midst of the fighting.
Had he said such a thing? His heart sank with guilt.
In the heat of battle and the chill of fear…
probably, he had. He imagined the affront to her pride, and her confidence.
How could he say such a thing to her in the midst of a fight, and expect her to keep her self respect?
He deserved her anger. He moistened his lips.
‘I suppose I did. If you say I did, I know I did. It was wrong. I’m sorry. ’
He looked up at her. His apology had shocked her.
Her eyes were very wide. He could have fallen into their depths.
He gave a small shake of his head and a smaller shrug.
She continued simply to look at him, silently.
The simple sincerity of his apology had cracked his restraint with her.
He struggled desperately to retain his control.
‘I have great faith in you, Althea. You’ve stood beside me and we’ve faced crimpers and serpents…
We put this damn ship back in the water together.
But during the battle, I just…’ His voice tightened in his throat.
‘I can’t do this,’ he said suddenly. He lay his hands, palms up, on the table and studied them. ‘I can’t go on like this any more.’
‘What?’ She spoke slowly, as if she hadn’t heard him correctly.
He surged to his feet and leaned over the table. ‘I can’t go on pretending I don’t love you. I can’t pretend it doesn’t scare me spitless to see you in danger.’
She shot to her feet as if he had threatened her.
She turned from him but two strides carried him to stand between her and the door.
She stood like a doe at bay. ‘At least hear me out,’ he begged.
The words rushed out of him. He wouldn’t consider how stupid they would sound to her, or that he could never call them back again.
‘You say you can’t perform your duties without my respect.
Don’t you know the same is true for me? Damn it, a man has to see himself reflected somewhere to be sure he is real.
I see myself in your face, in how your eyes follow me when I’m handling something well, in how you grin at me when I’ve done something stupid but managed to make it come out all right anyway. When you take that away from me, when…’
She just stood there, shocked and staring.
His heart sank. His words came out as a plea.
‘Althea, I am so damn lonely. Worst is to know that whether we fail or succeed, I still lose you. Knowing that you are, every day, here on the same ship with me, and I cannot so much as share a meal with you, let alone touch your hand, is torment enough. When you will not look at me or speak to me…I can’t go on with this coldness between us. I can’t.’
Althea’s cheeks were very pink. Her rain-soaked hair was just beginning to dry, pulling out of her queue in curling tendrils that framed her face.
For an instant, he had to close his eyes against the sweet pain of wanting her.
Her words broke through to him. ‘One of us has to be sensible.’ Her voice was very tight.
She was standing right in front of him, not even an arm’s length away.
She wrapped her arms tightly around herself as if she feared she might fly apart.
‘Let me pass, Brashen.’ Her voice was a whisper.
He couldn’t. ‘Just … let me hold you. Just for a moment, and then I’ll let you go,’ he pleaded, knowing he lied.
He was lying and they both knew it. Just for a moment would never be enough for either of them.
Her breath was coming hard, and when his callused palm touched her jaw, she was suddenly dizzied.
She reached out a hand to his chest, just to steady herself, perhaps even to push him away, that was all, she would not be so stupid as to allow this, but his flesh was warm through his shirt and she could feel his heart beating.
Her traitor hand clutched the fabric and pulled him closer.
He stumbled forwards and then his arms were around her, holding her so tightly she could scarcely breathe.
For a time, they did not move. Then he sighed out suddenly as if a pain had eased in him.
He spoke softly, ‘Oh, Althea. Why must it always be so complicated for us?’
His breath was warm against the top of her head as he kissed her hair gently. Suddenly, it all seemed very simple to her. When he bent to kiss her ear and the side of her neck, she turned her mouth to meet his and closed her eyes. Let it happen, then.
She felt him tug her shirt loose from her trousers.
The skin of his hands was rough but his touch was gentle as his hands slid up under her shirt.
One hand cupped her breast, then teased the tautness of her nipple.
She could not move, and then she could. Her hands found his hips and snugged him against her.
He broke the kiss. ‘Wait,’ he cautioned her. He took a breath. ‘Stop.’
He had come to his senses. She reeled with disappointment as he turned away from her.
He walked to the door. With shaking hands, he bolted it.
Returning, he caught up her hand. He kissed the palm of it, let it go and then stood silently, looking down on her.
For an instant, she closed her eyes. He waited.
She decided. She took his hands in both of hers and drew him gently towards his bed.
Amber was speaking gravely and slowly. ‘I don’t think you fully understood what you did.
That is why I can forgive you. But this is the only time.
Paragon, you have to learn what it means to a man to die.
I don’t think you grasp the finality of what you did.
’ The storm wind buffeted her but she clung to his railing and waited for a reply.
He tried to think of something to say that would make her happy.
He didn’t want Amber to be sad at him. Her sadness, when she let him feel it, went deeper than any human’s. It was almost as grievous as his own.
Paragon turned all his senses inward, seeking.
Something was happening. Something dangerous, something frightening.
He had known this before, and he braced himself for the wrenching agony and shame of it.
When humans came together like that, it always meant pain for the weaker one.
What had made Brashen so angry with her?
Why was she allowing it, why wasn’t she fighting him?
Was she so frightened of him she could not resist?
‘Paragon. Are you listening to me?’
‘No.’ He drew a small breath through his open mouth. He didn’t understand this. He had thought he knew what this meant. If Brashen did not mean to punish her, if he was not trying to master her with pain, then why was he doing this? Why was Althea allowing it?
‘Paragon?’
‘Shh.’ He clenched his hands into fists and held them tight to his chest. He would not scream.
He would not. Amber was talking at him but he closed off his ears and tuned his other senses.
This was not what he had thought it was.
He had thought he understood humans and how they hurt one another, but this was different.
This was something else. Something he could almost recall.
Timidly, he shut the eyes he no longer had.
He let his thoughts float, and felt ancient memories soar in him.
Althea held Brashen close to her and felt his heart thundering in his chest. He gasped for breath beside the side of her neck.
His hair was across her face. Her fingers gently walked the long ridge of the scarcely-healed sword slash down his ribs.
Then she set her hand flat to it, as if she could mend it with a touch.
She sighed. He smelled good, like the sea and the ship and himself.
When she held him, she held all those things within her.
‘Almost,’ she breathed softly. ‘Almost, I thought we were flying.’
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 150
- Page 151
- Page 152
- Page 153
- Page 154
- Page 155
- Page 156
- Page 157
- Page 158
- Page 159
- Page 160
- Page 161
- Page 162
- Page 163
- Page 164
- Page 165
- Page 166
- Page 167
- Page 168
- Page 169
- Page 170
- Page 171
- Page 172
- Page 173
- Page 174
- Page 175
- Page 176
- Page 177
- Page 178
- Page 179
- Page 180
- Page 181
- Page 182
- Page 183
- Page 184
- Page 185
- Page 186
- Page 187
- Page 188
- Page 189
- Page 190
- Page 191
- Page 192
- Page 193
- Page 194
- Page 195
- Page 196
- Page 197
- Page 198
- Page 199
- Page 200
- Page 201
- Page 202
- Page 203
- Page 204
- Page 205
- Page 206
- Page 207
- Page 208
- Page 209
- Page 210
- Page 211
- Page 212
- Page 213
- Page 214
- Page 215
- Page 216
- Page 217
- Page 218
- Page 219
- Page 220
- Page 221
- Page 222
- Page 223
- Page 224
- Page 225
- Page 226
- Page 227
- Page 228
- Page 229
- Page 230
- Page 231
- Page 232
- Page 233
- Page 234
- Page 235
- Page 236
- Page 237
- Page 238
- Page 239
- Page 240
- Page 241
- Page 242
- Page 243
- Page 244
- Page 245
- Page 246
- Page 247
- Page 248
- Page 249
- Page 250
- Page 251
- Page 252
- Page 253
- Page 254
- Page 255
- Page 256
- Page 257
- Page 258
- Page 259
- Page 260
- Page 261
- Page 262
- Page 263
- Page 264
- Page 265
- Page 266
- Page 267
- Page 268
- Page 269
- Page 270
- Page 271
- Page 272
- Page 273
- Page 274
- Page 275
- Page 276
- Page 277
- Page 278
- Page 279
- Page 280
- Page 281
- Page 282
- Page 283
- Page 284
- Page 285
- Page 286
- Page 287
- Page 288
- Page 289
- Page 290
- Page 291
- Page 292
- Page 293
- Page 294
- Page 295
- Page 296
- Page 297
- Page 298
- Page 299
- Page 300
- Page 301
- Page 302
- Page 303
- Page 304
- Page 305
- Page 306
- Page 307
- Page 308
- Page 309
- Page 310
- Page 311
- Page 312
- Page 313
- Page 314
- Page 315
- Page 316
- Page 317
- Page 318
- Page 319
- Page 320
- Page 321
- Page 322
- Page 323
- Page 324
- Page 325
- Page 326
- Page 327
- Page 328
- Page 329
- Page 330
- Page 331
- Page 332
- Page 333
- Page 334
- Page 335
- Page 336
- Page 337
- Page 338
- Page 339
- Page 340
- Page 341
- Page 342
- Page 343
- Page 344
- Page 345
- Page 346
- Page 347
- Page 348
- Page 349
- Page 350
- Page 351
- Page 352
- Page 353
- Page 354
- Page 355
- Page 356
- Page 357
- Page 358
- Page 359
- Page 360
- Page 361
- Page 362
- Page 363
- Page 364
- Page 365
- Page 366
- Page 367
- Page 368
- Page 369
- Page 370
- Page 371
- Page 372
- Page 373
- Page 374
- Page 375
- Page 376
- Page 377
- Page 378
- Page 379
- Page 380
- Page 381
- Page 382
- Page 383
- Page 384
- Page 385
- Page 386
- Page 387
- Page 388
- Page 389
- Page 390
- Page 391
- Page 392
- Page 393
- Page 394
- Page 395
- Page 396
- Page 397
- Page 398
- Page 399
- Page 400
- Page 401
- Page 402
- Page 403
- Page 404
- Page 405
- Page 406
- Page 407
- Page 408
- Page 409
- Page 410
- Page 411
- Page 412
- Page 413
- Page 414
- Page 415
- Page 416
- Page 417
- Page 418
- Page 419
- Page 420
- Page 421
- Page 422
- Page 423
- Page 424
- Page 425
- Page 426
- Page 427
- Page 428
- Page 429
- Page 430
- Page 431
- Page 432
- Page 433 (Reading here)
- Page 434
- Page 435
- Page 436
- Page 437
- Page 438
- Page 439
- Page 440
- Page 441
- Page 442
- Page 443
- Page 444
- Page 445
- Page 446
- Page 447
- Page 448
- Page 449
- Page 450
- Page 451
- Page 452
- Page 453
- Page 454
- Page 455
- Page 456
- Page 457
- Page 458
- Page 459
- Page 460
- Page 461
- Page 462
- Page 463
- Page 464
- Page 465
- Page 466
- Page 467
- Page 468
- Page 469
- Page 470
- Page 471
- Page 472
- Page 473
- Page 474
- Page 475
- Page 476
- Page 477
- Page 478
- Page 479
- Page 480
- Page 481
- Page 482
- Page 483
- Page 484
- Page 485
- Page 486
- Page 487
- Page 488
- Page 489
- Page 490
- Page 491
- Page 492
- Page 493
- Page 494
- Page 495
- Page 496
- Page 497
- Page 498
- Page 499
- Page 500
- Page 501
- Page 502
- Page 503
- Page 504
- Page 505
- Page 506
- Page 507
- Page 508
- Page 509
- Page 510
- Page 511
- Page 512
- Page 513
- Page 514
- Page 515
- Page 516
- Page 517
- Page 518
- Page 519
- Page 520
- Page 521
- Page 522
- Page 523
- Page 524
- Page 525
- Page 526
- Page 527
- Page 528
- Page 529
- Page 530
- Page 531
- Page 532
- Page 533
- Page 534
- Page 535
- Page 536
- Page 537
- Page 538
- Page 539
- Page 540
- Page 541
- Page 542
- Page 543
- Page 544
- Page 545
- Page 546
- Page 547
- Page 548
- Page 549
- Page 550
- Page 551
- Page 552
- Page 553