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‘No. It wasn’t like that.’ Althea spoke reluctantly.

She didn’t want to tell him any of this, yet somehow she could not stop.

‘I think he knew how I adored him, and he sometimes flirted with me, but in a joking way. So I could treasure his words, even as I knew he didn’t mean them.

’ She shook her head at herself. ‘But one night I got my chance. We were tied up at a dock in Lees. Quiet night. My father had gone into Lees on business, and most of the crew had liberty. I had the watch. I had had liberty earlier that day, and I’d gone into town and bought myself, oh, earrings, and some scent and a silk blouse and a long silk skirt.

And I was wearing it all, all rigged out for him to see whenever he came back from the taverns.

And when I saw him coming back to the ship early, by himself, my heart started hammering so hard I could barely breathe. I knew it was my chance.

‘He came aboard with a bound, like he always did, landing on the deck like a cat and stood before me.’ She gave a snort of laughter.

‘You know, we must have talked, I must have said something, he must have said something. But I can’t recall a word of it, only how happy I was to finally be able to tell him how much I loved him, with no need to be careful, for no one would over hear us.

And he stood and grinned to hear me say it, as if he could not believe how fortune had favoured him.

And… he took my arm and walked me across the deck.

He bent me over a hatch cover, and lifted my skirts and pulled down my knickers…

and he took me right there. Bent over a hatch cover, like a boy. ’

‘He raped you?’ Brashen was aghast.

Althea choked back an odd laughter. ‘No. No, it wasn’t rape.

He didn’t force me. I didn’t know a thing about it, but I was sure I was in love.

I went willingly, and I stood still for it.

He wasn’t rough, but he was thorough. Very thorough.

And I didn’t know what to expect, so I suppose I wasn’t disappointed.

And afterwards, he looked at me with that adorable grin and said, “I hope you remember this the rest of your life, Althea. I promise I will.’” She took a deep breath.

‘Then he went below and came back up with his sea-bag all packed and left the ship. And I never saw him again.’ A silence stretched out.

‘I kept watching and waiting for him to come back. When we left port two days later, I found out Papa had fired him as soon as we had docked.’

Brashen let out a low groan. ‘Oh, no.’ He shook his head. ‘Taking you was his revenge against your father.’

She spoke slowly. ‘I never thought of it quite that way. I always thought that it was just something he dared to do, reckoning he wouldn’t get caught.’ She forced herself to ask him, ‘You really think it was revenge?’

‘Sounds like it to me,’ Brashen said quietly. ‘I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard,’ he added softly. ‘Devon. If I ever meet him, I’ll kill him for you.’ The sincerity in his voice startled her.

‘The worst was afterwards,’ she admitted to him.

‘We got to Bingtown a couple of weeks later. And I was sure I must be pregnant. Just positive of it. Well, I dared not go to my father, and mother wasn’t much better.

So I went to my married sister Keffria, sure that she could advise me.

I swore her to silence and then I told her.

’ Althea shook her head. She moved the cindin in her lip again.

It had left a sore. The flavour was almost gone now.

‘Keffria?’ Brashen pushed her. He sounded as if he genuinely wanted to know the rest of the story.

‘Was horrified. She started crying, and told me I was ruined for ever. A slut and a whore and a shame to my family name. She stopped speaking to me. Four or five days later, my blood-days came, right on time. I found her alone and told her, and told her if she ever told Papa or Mama, I’d say she was lying.

Because I was so scared. From all she had said, I was sure that they’d throw me out and never love me again if they knew. ’

‘Hadn’t she promised not to tell?’

‘I didn’t trust her to keep her word. I was already pretty sure she’d told Kyle, from the way he started treating me.

But she didn’t yell at me or anything. She hardly spoke at all when she gave me the navel ring.

Just told me that if I wore it, I wouldn’t get pregnant or diseased, and that it was the least that I owed my family.

’ Althea scratched the back of her neck, then winced.

‘It was never the same after that between us. We learned to be civil to one another, mostly to stop our parents from asking questions. But I think that was the worst summer of my life. Betrayal on top of betrayal.’

‘And after that, I suppose, you sort of did what you pleased with men?’

She should have known he’d want to know.

Men always seemed to want to know. She shrugged, resigned to the whole truth.

‘Here and there. Not often. Well, only twice. I had a feeling that it hadn’t been…

done right. The way the men on the Vivacia talked, I suspected it should at least have been fun.

It had just been… pressure, and a bit of pain, and wetness.

That was all. So I finally got up my nerve and tried a couple more times, with different men. And it was… all right.’

Brashen lifted his head to look into her eyes. ‘You call this “all right”?’

Another truth she didn’t want to part with.

She felt as if she was giving away a weapon.

‘This was not “all right”. This has been what it was always supposed to be. It was never like this before for me.’ Then, because she could not bear the softness that had come into his eyes, she had to add: ‘Maybe it was the cindin.’ She fished the tiny fragment that was left out of her lip.

‘It made little sores inside my mouth,’ she complained and looked away from the small hurt on his face.

‘Like as not, it was the cindin,’ he admitted. ‘I’ve heard it affects women that way, sometimes. Most women don’t use it much you know, because it can, um, make you bleed. Even when it’s not your time.’ He looked suddenly embarrassed.

‘Now he tells me,’ she muttered aloud. His grip on her had loosened.

The cindin was wearing off and she was suddenly sleepy.

And her head had begun a nasty throbbing.

She should get up. Cold room. Wet clothes.

In a minute. In a minute, she’d have to get up and go back to being alone.

‘I have to go. If we get caught like this…’

‘I know,’ he said, but he didn’t move. Except to slide his hand in a long caress down her body. A shiver seemed to follow his touch.

‘Brashen. You know this can’t happen again.’

‘I know, I know.’ He breathed the words against her skin as he kissed the back of her neck slowly. ‘This can’t happen again. No more. No more after this last time.’