Page 35 of The King’s Man (The Kingdom of the Krow #3)

~ JANN ~

Diadre blinked and her shoulders slumped. But she didn’t take it back.

Gingerly, slowly, I edged forward, closing the gap between us, letting her see me draw near so she could stop me if she wanted to. But while her eyes went round, she didn’t shake her head or shrink back further. She watched me inch in closer.

I raised my trembling hand to that precious place on her chest, sliding my palm between her breasts to press at her sternum and my entire body relaxed as the bond between us thrummed under my palm.

“You called me your mate,” I said hoarsely.

“It was a slip of the tongue,” she whispered, but her heart wasn’t in it.

I swallowed hard—to press her, or to soothe her? Looking up from where I touched her, I met her eyes and saw the doubt in them. Not for the bond. But for the future.

I did battle with my own fear, but my instincts screamed that she wanted to be seen as an equal. So I leaned in, leaving my palm on her chest. “Don’t push me away, Dee.”

She bristled, but didn’t move away. “Why does it matter? You’re only driven by this bond. You don’t truly want me.”

I was stunned. “Where the fuck did you get that idea?”

She tipped her head, her lips tight. “A hate-boner ring any bells? God, the moment we were done and you’d regathered your wits, you rejected me.

I know men, Jann, especially men like you.

You all regret in the light of day. This draw you’re feeling, it has nothing do with me. It’s the bond, tugging—”

“I didn’t reject you,” I growled. “I was stunned by the incomplete bond, and then when I could think, you were pulling away from me.”

“You’ve resisted any kind of—”

“I only resisted the bond at the beginning for your sake… for our sakes. I’m afraid of killing you. Or me.”

Her brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

The tingle of fear made my breath come harder. “I told you about the curse, Dee, and I wasn’t being dramatic. I am terrified of impregnating you because I will die if I do—and if I die, your life is at risk. Even if the lost bond doesn’t steal your life, the Nephilim will.

“I’ve spent my entire life avoiding getting anyone pregnant because it will mean the end of me. I’ve already outlived my father. And my Grandfather. Both generations preceding me died before their sons were four years old.”

She tensed under my hand. With a cold jolt, I wondered where she was in her cycle. How likely it might be that she was already pregnant, already growing my babe. If she was, it was a death sentence for me—and that would mean hers as well—”

Diadre searched my eyes, her expression stern. “Is this why you were so hard towards me at the beginning? Because you’re afraid of dying?”

“Dying and leaving an unprotected mate and babe,” I growled.

“That is the story of my life, Dee. I know the consequences of it—my father died when I was still a toddler. With him gone, my mother was vulnerable. She was raped in front of me more than once, before finally succumbing during the birth of what would have been my half-brother when I was twelve. Neither of them survived. I was schooled by the crown until I could become a soldier at sixteen. That’s not a life for a woman, or her child. I won’t sentence you to that.”

Diadre cleared her throat, her cheeks pinking. “You don’t… need to worry about that.”

I went still. Was she barren? Had I inadvertently touched a sore spot? Was this partly why she lived like a man? “Dee—”

“No, Jann, don’t look at me like that,” she growled. “Do you really think I’ve been out there throwing caution to the wind every time I meet a man I want?”

I frowned. “Yes?” Wasn’t that the only choice?

But Diadre sighed. “I’m saying, you don’t have to worry. I’m a soldier. I can’t risk a pregnancy, or the physical weakness that comes with it. I take herbs every day that… stop that from happening.”

I stared at her, half-elated, and oddly, half-disappointed.

Even more oddly, my desire for her surged, and the bond swelled under my palm, warming her skin and making both of us suck in.

“You can do that?” I breathed.

She was bemused. “Yes, Jann. We can do that.”

My breath grew short, my lungs constricting in a strange duality of thrill and grief because the image of her body full and lush, carrying my babe, was intoxicating. But if she could stop that from happening—and avoid the risks… I couldn’t deny that it was a gift.

If she never got pregnant, I might live years more . Decades! But then she would never be a mother and that seemed so selfish…

Clearing my throat, I took my hand back and looked away, conflicted. The mental image of her pregnant with our baby made my guts twist in weird ways. Yet, the thought of losing her made me want to crawl out of my own skin.

“Jann?” she murmured. I met her eyes, afraid to hope. “Is that really all you’re worried about?”

I couldn’t control my irritation and shock. “My death and yours —a child who grows up watching his mother destroyed, then is left as an orphan? Yes, Diadre, that’s all.”

But her eyes softened. She raised her hand to place it on my chest and that crackle between us was stronger. I sucked in, hardly daring to hope when her eyes dropped to where she touched me and she breathed, “Mate?” her tone awed. Then she looked up at me, and the bond jolted.

Breathless and shaking, I hurriedly grabbed at my shirt, tugging it up and out of my pants, hissing when her eyes grew wary—I needed to tear a strip off the hem!

She looked confused when I tore the linen at the bottom, but then her eyes widened when I’d created a long strip of the fabric and, swallowing hard, I dropped to one knee at her feet.

She blinked when I looked up at her. “Melek told me something of your traditions,” I said gruffly.

“I know I am not… I haven’t… that is—I’m sure I don’t know the whole of it, but…

God, Dee. You’re my mate. I feel alive in your presence.

I feel… fulfilled. Let me show you. I will be your servant.

I will stand at your back and bury the world that would harm you.

“I will not take your body or the bond against your will. But be certain, Dee… I have never wanted a woman the way I want you. I was not false when I said I see you. Let me show you. Diadre… please… Give me your hand? Let me vow myself. Let me bind us together?”

She sucked in a breath and tensed when I opened my palm, but she didn’t step back

And so, I waited, begging God to have mercy and give her confidence in me.