Page 31 of The King’s Man (The Kingdom of the Krow #3)

SOUNDTRACK: Lament by Tommee Profitt, Sam Tinnesz, and Shaya Zamora

~ DIADRE ~

When he finally brought me to the verge of that incredible release, I was mindless. Consumed with him and the building pressure within, so it confused me when something speared through my ribs. I cried out in pleasure and pain. But Jann collapsed over me and convulsed.

I thought I’d killed him.

I panicked, dragged out of that thrumming bliss to shocking reality. He was so huge, it took some wrestling to get him rolled to his side so I could get out from underneath him, but even when I did, Jann stared blank-face, eyes wide and pained, mouth opening and closing like a dying fish.

“Jann… Jann, what is happening?” I grabbed his shoulder and shook, struggling to breathe, my chest tight like iron bands squeezed me tight. He’d been so heavy when he landed on me, I assumed it was taking some time for my body to recover. But when he didn’t respond, it scared me. “Jann!”

He wasn’t breathing. He twitched like a bug, those cords on his neck tight and standing proud.

“Jann, please. You have to breathe!”

Panic fluttered in my chest. I was about to walk the shadows and find Melek, beg for help, pray he lived long enough for me to bring someone back, but suddenly, Jann blinked and reached out with a trembling hand, took my wrist, pulling my palm to his chest.

There was only a small sizzle this time. His eyes closed and his head slumped back on the pillow… but at least his chest expanded as he finally took a breath.

I slumped over him, leaning on him because he’d kept my hand clamped to his chest. Pushing his hair back out of his eyes, murmuring to him because clearly something had happened. Unless a Nephilim lost his mind every time he orgasmed.

Perhaps their members were so huge, they drained their bodies of life-force every time they—

Jann coughed, then took another huge breath. He closed his eyes and cleared his throat, then let go of my wrist and clawed both his hands into his hair.

“You scared me for a second there,” I said with a shaky laugh as I sat back on my heels, one hand clamped on his knee to steady myself.

“Sorry,” he rasped, then dropped his hands to his sides and sat up, suddenly.

He wavered for a moment as he got upright and I grabbed for his shoulder. But he blinked and shook his head, then steadied.

“Jann, what happened? Are you—”

The words died on my tongue as his eyes darted to meet mine, then quickly darted away—but not before I saw the shadow in them.

My stomach went cold. I knew that look.

It was the shadow of regret. The creeping, casual shame of a man who’s had what he wanted, but is polite enough to not be callous about the fact that he wants to get rid of you.

Rejection.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. My shoulders wanted to hunch. My lungs wanted to shrivel.

Why did my heart shriek?

Because I thought we were connecting. I thought he cared. He said he saw me. And I was stupid enough to believe him.

Wrong again.

I sucked in a breath, bracing against the rush of pain and despair.

But I caught it. I caught myself in it. I wouldn’t let him do that to me.

I needed him. He’d made certain that I did.

I couldn’t let him abandon me—but I had been here before.

I refused to beg for the crumbs he would still be willing to offer.

Panicking, I shut my body down so he wouldn’t see it. Like a compass shifting to north, I made myself refocus.

I made myself smile.

I resisted the urge to cover my nakedness and let him think I was as shameless to nudity as he was.

“No need to look like that, Jann. It wasn’t that good,” I said as coyly as I could manage. “But don’t worry, your reputation won’t be ruined. I’ll make sure they all hear how amazing you were—you got your roar out, right?”

He frowned, blinking at the ceiling of the tent, but I didn’t need him to answer.

Yes, he’d fucking gotten it out—thrown his head back and roared to the world that my body was his, and he was taking it as he pleased.

And god, did he please…

Shaking off the pathetic thought, I crawled off the bed, ignoring the heat of his eyes on my bare backside.

“Speechless, Jann?” I said as I walked as steadily as I could manage over to the washbasin in the corner and pretended for the second time today that I was as immune to the shame of bodily fluids as any man. “It can’t have been that bad, ha ha…”

“Of course it wasn’t bad,” he muttered, his voice tight and hoarse. “Not at all. Far from it.”

And those were the patronizing words of man who’d had women fall at his feet for his entire adult life. God. I’d had my experience as well, but there was no doubt which of the two of us had stories to tell and… well.

He was right, I reminded myself. It hadn’t been bad. At all.

A tiny voice in the back of my mind screamed that it was far, far more than not bad. That something had happened—something that, at least briefly, had threatened to strip him of his sanity. But I pushed it away. My throat was growing tight. I needed a distraction.

When I’d cleaned up, I gathered my clothes—the jacket and shirt where I’d dropped them, my leathers where he’d flung them aside.

I dressed as nonchalantly as I could, but something at the center of my chest ached.

I wasn’t sure if it was unspent tears, or pure shame at his rejection.

But either way… “I need to talk to Yilan.”

Jann remained sprawled on the bed, thick limbs and other things laying where they fell.

“You can’t leave. They heard the roar. They know what it means—ultimately it will make you safer, but none of them have seen a woman for weeks.

Any who might want to challenge me will try to take you if they see you in any way…

unattended. It’s strategy. A dominance move.

I can’t let them even think they have a chance—”

I turned on him still buttoning my shirt. “Is that all you care about? Being on top?”

He hesitated, jaw rolling, then sat up rolling his head on his shoulders. “It’s best for both of us if I’m viewed as… unassailable.” But he wouldn’t meet my eyes.

Something deep inside me cracked.

“Is this about that stupid fucking life debt?” I snapped through my teeth. “Are you dominating me?! Jann, I told you—”

He grunted and shook his head, but I wasn’t going to listen to him further.

I turned my back and finished dressing with my teeth clenched and short, sharp tugs at my clothing. I should have known a stupid Neph would have no thought for anything beyond their own preeminence.

I should have fucking known.

I found reasons to move around the tent while Jann cleaned himself, but I watched him every moment he wasn’t facing me, and it was with very real horror that I realized he still had a grip on me.

That I instinctively swayed nearer, wanted to draw close to him.

Wanted to throw myself back into his arms and beg him to take me again.

I wanted to submit to his dominance.

What the fuck was wrong with me? Why did I always fall for the arrogant pricks, then let them dangle me by a string?

Why?

I shook my head at my own stupidity and turned to look for something to give my attention to, but I couldn’t think except to let my head continue to spin about him.

I’d been so sure. It had felt so right. When he’d stared into my eyes and told me all the ways he saw me…

Was that what these Neph did? How they could continue to take women—because there was something magical in them that made the woman want it?

No, I answered myself. I’d seen what the others were like. There was nothing seductive about that.

And yet… he’d been so clear.

I sucked in a breath as it hit me: He hadn’t been honoring my fear. He’d made me say I wanted it so I couldn’t come back and accuse him for it.

He’d been so clear with me so he could tell himself he wasn’t the bad guy.

God, I’d been so blind.

I shivered, fighting back to dual urge to slip across the tent and castrate him, and to sag into a weepy puddle of self-pity and self-disgust.

From the corner of my eye I saw Jann go still for a moment, then whirl to face me—as if he knew what I was thinking.

For a split second I panicked—had I sent my thoughts to him? Was that even possible?

But no… my mind was well defended. Guarded by a steel trap. I’d trained for years… Still, I did everything I could to make sure I’d galvanized those defenses and turned my focus back to the mountain of problems in front of me.

I swallowed, turning for the tent-flap because I didn’t know what else to do. There were only two choices: I could tell him I was hurt… or play it off like nothing.

In my experience, most men weren’t good at demonstrations of emotion. Particularly alpha-bulls who were accustomed to women fawning—not expecting decency.

And so, there was no choice.

As tears pinched my throat and my heart drummed, I shook my head and shut that shit down. He would not see me feel.

“If you’re clean, and able to walk, I really do need to go see Yilan. Perhaps you could deign to accompany me to Melek’s tent? I’m sure he’d be happy to watch over me for a couple of hours if you need a nap?”

I made myself turn to face him, grinning a challenge—but a good-natured one.

Jann, halfway through dressing, blinked at me. Then his heavy brows drew down, and he turned away to pick up his weapon straps. “Of course,” he said quietly.

I sighed when he still wouldn’t look at me and planted my fists on my hips.

“Look, Jann, I’ve been a soldier for a long time—not as long as you, I understand, but still.

This isn’t anything to be nervous about.

I’m not going to hover around you like a brainless chit.

In fact, I need to thank you. Sometimes we all need a good romp to heal, right? So… Thank you. For helping me.”

“Helping,” he said, his voice low and dead. “That’s what that was?”

“Do you have another word you’d prefer that I used?”

He had his back to me and his head turned like he was stretching his neck, rolling his jaw. But he was still in the middle of buckling his belt, so I couldn’t see him clearly.

“No,” he answered shortly.

“Good. Then if you don’t mind helping me get to Melek, you can have a couple of hours to yourself if—”

“I need to see Melek as well,” he said flatly.

I swallowed the urge to tell him that wasn’t what he’d said a few minutes ago. It didn’t seem wise to antagonize him.

“Thank you!” I said, too brightly.

He nodded as he turned, but didn’t smile.

When he turned for the tent-flap without a word and my heart did that strange flip—a moment of panic at the thought of him leaving without me—I wanted to scream.

How had we gotten here? How was it possible that minutes ago he’d stared at me as if I were the answer to his prayers, and now he looked at me like a stranger?

An annoying stranger?

He pushed the tent-flap aside, but waited for me to walk through first, before following me, staying at my back as he had before—and like before, when other men met us on the trail or saw us from their tents, their eyes went straight to him.

I’d thought after that roar, they might leer. But Jann was right—they all seemed more wary of him than ever. A little bit afraid.

There was a moment as we turned a corner on the trail that another of those creatures appeared seemingly from nowhere—for such big men, they were light-footed when I was preoccupied—and I flinched.

It wasn’t the gut-wrenching fear I’d had before, just a reflex. A startle.

But as the Neph caught sight of me and smiled, there was a deep, resonant growl behind me and the new guy froze.

Like a deer coming across a wolf.

He stayed still a moment, then turned slowly and left in the direction from which he’d come. Jann’s warmth shifted against my back like he’d stepped even closer.

As I watched the man hurry away, I was curious. I’d seen the rank and file Neph defer to Jann before, but none of them had seemed afraid . Only giving their General his due. Was he doing something to make this one think—

I snapped my head to look at him over my shoulder, but Jann merely put a hand to my back and nudged me to keep walking, his face an expressionless mask. As if I was nothing more than a herd animal to be shepherded to the right place. As if he weren’t even irritated. He felt… nothing.

And somehow, that was worse.

It landed like a blow so that I missed a step on the trail—and of course, Jann caught my elbow and kept me upright like a child who needed a leash.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to weep.

That could not be allowed to happen.

It took every ounce of the self-discipline I had honed since I was fourteen years old to take ahold of my body and keep myself firmly under control.

My chest panged and my eyes ached, but I yanked my arm out of Jann’s grip, raised my chin and kept walking.

I would not break down where he could see.

I would not let him see that he’d hurt me—because hurting meant caring. And if he was untouched, I would be too.

While I might curse myself for my hope, for my naivete in believing that somehow he’d been different than all the others, I let none of it show on my face, or in my posture.

But when we approached the King’s tent and Jann slipped ahead of me to clear the guards and my heart did that little flip and dragged me after him as if my body had a mind of it own, and that mind was terrified to be out of his sight, I muttered a curse and hurried after him.

When we passed through the tent-flap and into the dimmer interior, something about the way he’d twitched the canvas out of the way brought a memory of his catlike strength rushing back.

He crouched on the end of the bed, head low and eyes locked on me—a predator on prey.

“Be certain, Diadre. This is no small thing,” he growled.

“I can see that,” I snorted, flapping a hand at his impressive cock.

His expression grew more serious. “Not only that. The claiming is real.”

Something about that clanged in my chest and my breath rushed out of me. “You’ve already claimed me.”

“Not like this. Not in truth.” His eyes shone as if they’d glow in lower light. Every muscle quivered with tension. He leaned closer, one hand coming forward to brace on the bed a foot from me. “If I take you… you will be mine.”

The claiming. That’s what this was? That fucking Nephilim claiming?

My blood ran cold as it all came crashing down…

He’d warned me and I hadn’t listened. And this was what he’d meant.

My body was his now. My will eroded.

And I had no one to blame but myself.