Page 20 of The King’s Man (The Kingdom of the Krow #3)

~ DIADRE ~

Eventually Jann fell asleep. I thought I’d feel better when his eyes weren’t on the side of my face, but I didn’t.

At least the darkness was quiet. Mostly. At some point Neph walked past our tent, laughing softly, their huge feet crunching on the path. Every muscle in my body went rigid. I couldn’t relax for an hour.

I closed my eyes to focus—to remind myself that I was strong and skilled. I’d been distracted. The circumstances under which that fucker had found me wouldn’t happen again.

But my mind whispered, wouldn’t it?

How was it that I’d evaded and defeated several of these men in the chaos of battle, but couldn’t remove one in a face-to-face encounter?

The image of Jann, whipping that thick, incredible body side to side as he swung a spear or sword, clearing the path and opening gaps for me to slide in and take men down, popped into my mind.

I wanted to dismiss it, but I was an honest woman.

Jann was most of the reason I hadn’t died. And when I did battle alone, it was with weapons. My weapons and speed gave me an edge. I needed to keep myself armed at all times.

But then that voice whispered again. Would even that be enough? I was as skilled today as I’d been any day prior. The difference was the enemy. Jhonas had always told me that a weapon was an extension of me—a skill. But that I needed to be capable of fighting without it.

And I had thought I was. But I hadn’t even been able to free myself from a truly aggressive Nephilim.

And these are supposed to be the good ones?

I turned that over in my mind for hours—while the nightbirds sang, then the dawn made the ceiling of the tent glow. As Jann stirred…

The warriors here were supposed to be the best of the Nephilim. Yet this attack had happened in moments.

When Jann woke I made myself move. Sitting up and turning so my feet hung off the bed. My eyes stung from lack of sleep, and my body ached with tiredness. But sleep wasn’t an option. Even in the light. Even if Jann stayed.

I couldn’t stop seeing that awful man, grabbing for me, smiling so wide his teeth showed.

He’d been utterly remorseless. Truly indifferent to my cries. Looking forward to violating me. And now we were forging peace with these monsters? I was going to live the rest of my life surrounded by men who would turn to rape the moment they found an unattended female?

If something happened to Jann…

My mind showed it to me—me in this camp without Jann or Melek. And no hope of them arriving at the last moment. All these males with no commitment of their own to treating women with respect and…

My body rejected everything. I shoved off the bed and slid to the bucket in the corner barely in time, heaving. But there was nothing in my stomach but water and bile.

By the time I slumped, Jann was at my back, his broad hand splayed at my spine. He’d caught one side of my hair and now held it back over my shoulder.

When I was sure the nausea had passed I shrugged his hand off my back and pulled my hair from his grip. “I’m not ill. My body is only reacting,” I said darkly. “There’s no need to hover.”

“Diadre, I’ve lived the soldier’s life even longer than you. You think I’ve never experienced the shock that follows a battle almost lost? You don’t have to bristle. I understand,” he said quietly.

He handed me a waterskin, which I reluctantly took, then tipped my head back to pour into my mouth, swishing the water around to clear the bitterness from my tongue while he watched, then spat it out into the bucket. “I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will be.”

I swished one more mouthful around and spat, then wiped my lips and chin. “Let’s go get breakfast.”

“Are you sure?”

“Would I suggest it if I wasn’t?” I snapped, then cursed myself because his eyes shuttered.

I took a deep breath and made myself meet his gaze.

“I didn’t sleep, so I need to eat to keep my strength.

I need to see if Yilan has returned. We need to make a plan.

There are plenty of other things to think about.

This isn’t the time for… whatever this is,” I said, gesturing between us.

Jann’s jaw went tight. “This is prioritizing. You’re in shock.”

“And it’s not going to pass by sitting here weeping,” I said through my teeth.

“Are you certain?”

“God, who are you? Yesterday you bellow at me to stop being emotional, and today suddenly you want me to melt into a puddle? I’m telling you, I’m fine. And I need to eat.”

Jann’s jaw rolled, but he nodded. “If you change your mind, or need a break, let me know.”

“I won’t.” I turned and strode out of the tent, shoving the flap back so it snapped. Five steps and I was on the path and turning towards the scent of cookfires.

But five steps more and two Neph appeared from between tents, laughing and cajoling each other.

And I flinched.

Dammit.

I caught myself and raised my chin, but it was too late. Then that heat appeared at my back and the two men’s gazes shifted over my shoulder. A moment later they both turned up the path ahead of us and I could breathe again.

I needed to move. To follow them. But I would wait a moment, to give them some space.

“Diadre?”

“Thank you,” I said, my voice clipped. Then I started walking again.

Jann sighed, but he didn’t say anything else. And his footsteps continued to make the ground behind me shake, all the way to the cookfire.

*****

~ JANN ~

When she strode out of the tent, for a moment I thought I’d misjudged. Her chin was high and she stared down her nose as if everything she saw displeased her.

But then the two Neph appeared unexpectedly from between the tents and she instinctively recoiled. My heart sank and that place at the center of my chest, the part that sensed her, ached for her, yearned, flared hot and cold.

She turned as if to flee, then caught herself. The two men saw her and their eyes brightened, so I stepped right to her back to glare at them over her shoulder and remind them who she belonged to.

But though they moved on quickly, Diadre didn’t. Had she changed her mind about going to breakfast? It would be understandable.

“Diadre?”

“Thank you,” she said bitterly. Then started up the path again. I remained at her back so there would be no further looks , but the meal was a shitshow. Instead of striding around, daring men with her eyes and generally making a nuisance of herself, she shrank.

I had been happier when she wanted to flee—at least then her instinct was to take action. But as we gathered around the cookfires and took plates, she didn’t inch away from the others and watch for paths to freedom.

She pulled in on herself and averted her eyes, barely responding when the cook offered her gravy, and leaned closer to me when anyone moved nearby.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

Her confidence had been eroded. A soldiers life was their confidence. I couldn’t blame her after what had happened. I hoped it would be a temporary state. But I had to figure out how to help her. How to remind her of her strength.

We walked back to the tent, the sun bright but still low in the sky so the tents cast deeper shadows, and I saw her eye them as if she’d walk the shadows and disappear.

Though I was glad she had that power in a pinch, it clearly wasn’t foolproof. And if it drew from her strength, when she was feeling this weak…

“Diadre—”

“Jann! Sir! There’s news!”

One of the guards came running. Diadre whirled to face him, but held her ground as he drew closer.

“The King and Queen have returned and he’s calling for you and for… the Captain,” the male said with a glance at Diadre.

“Thank you,” I said wearily. “Run now and tell them we’re on our way.”

“I have to go back to the tent,” Diadre said as the kid darted back up the path. “I collected things for Yilan that she’ll want.”

I nodded and gestured for her to walk ahead of me, primarily so I could glare at any of the men who approached and make sure they didn’t follow her with their eyes.

When we reached the tent, Diadre rushed in and dug through her bag, drawing out something small enough to hide in her hands and tucking it into her jacket. Then she turned face me and my heart squeezed.

She was so pale, the shadows of sleep-deprivation under her eyes looked like black bruises. There were lines on her face and her eyes were dull.

But at least she found enough fire to glare at me.

“What?” she snapped.

“Nothing,” I said quickly.

She gave me a look that said she knew I lied, but she turned for the door.

She stomped through the camp, following my instructions on the shortest path, but every time a Neph appeared suddenly, or moved quickly, she flinched. It was so hard to watch, it hurt.

When we reached the King’s tent, whatever leash had held Diadre so tightly suddenly snapped. She rushed into the tent, ignoring the guards—I gestured to them to let her through. I hadn’t passed through that canvas flap yet when I heard the low wail inside.

I rushed in, ready to pull a spear, only to find Diadre and Yilan clinging to each other in the center of the tent, both crying, and hugging so tightly their hands were white.

I started towards them, but Melek caught me and pulled me aside. “Let them grieve,” he muttered. “They won’t be comforted until they’ve hugged and heard each other speak the certainty of catastrophe. Then their heads will clear and we can get something done,” he said.

I turned to my best friend, the man I called brother—and now King—and eyed him. “Do you need a hug?”

Melek, his face pale and lined as if he’d barely slept, glared before turning back to face the women.

“We’re both devastated. I grow sick thinking about Gall, but reassure myself that if he was taken, at least I can be sure he died with honor.

Yilan fears that her sister is very much alive and being violated. It’s… hard to watch.”

I nodded. “Diadre as well,” I said grimly, remembering laying alongside her last night while she shivered and tensed and whispered to herself, desperately trying to convince herself that she was safe when she thought I was asleep. “In a rather more personal way.”

Melek looked at me sharply. “What do you mean?”

As quickly and quietly as I could, I relayed to him the events of the day before. Melek cursed and growled and vowed vengeance. I raised my hands to soothe him.

“I already killed the one responsible, but please… be very careful. Watch over Yilan carefully while you’re here. Apparently at least some of the men still see no conflict between resisting the Fallen, but taking women who resist them.”

Melek nodded slowly then his eyes drifted back to the women. “How is she taking it?”

I frowned and clawed a hand through my hair. “She’s lost her nerve.”

Melek growled. He knew as well as I did how hard it could be to rebuild confidence once it was truly lost. “She’s still in shock. The true test will be when that passes. Don’t let her stay in that place of doubt.”

“My opportunities to assist are limited,” I muttered back. “She barely tolerates my presence as it is. You should have seen her face this morning when I tried to be nice.”

“Define nice?” Melek asked me suddenly.

I looked at him, confused, then realized he thought— “Not that kind of nice. Dear God, Mel. She was almost raped yesterday!”

“There was a time you might have offered yourself for… comfort? ”

Inwardly I flinched, but outwardly I scowled. “I wouldn’t do that with her, she’s—” I cut myself off, almost tying my tongue in knots to avoid the word that couldn’t be spoken.

I could not claim the bond. For her sake. It was a death sentence.

“She’s what?” Melek asked, a knowing smile growing on his face.

I shook my head. “She’s a Captain, and Yilan’s Advisor. She has to see herself as a leader until the men do as well. I couldn’t… I wouldn’t undermine her.”

“Except to claim her, and let them believe you’re raping her?” Melek pointed out.

“Like you did with Yilan? To save her from being torn apart in a frenzy? Yes,” I snapped back. “But not in private.”

Melek shrugged, nodding his agreement. “Well then… if you’re serious…

we have a long road ahead and we can’t afford for the Queen’s energy to be sucked by a needy Advisor and friend.

” He turned to look at me, bristling with authority.

“Help her, Jann. Make the same choices you’d make with a male soldier— make her find her nerve again. Don’t let her fail.”

I never took my eyes off the women, nodding to agree with him, because that’s what was needed. But inwardly?

Inwardly, I wondered how the hell I was supposed to treat my mate like any kind of male, let alone a soldier?