Page 6

PRESENT DAY

I cracked my eyes open because the sun had somehow found the tiniest gap in my blinds and decided to shoot a beam of light straight into my face. I squeezed my eyes shut again, then slowly turned over, trying to escape the piercing brightness.

My gaze landed on Finn, lying next to me. He was asleep, his lips slightly parted, his eyelids twitching like he was dreaming. I stared at him for a moment, feeling… well. Nothing at all.

Moving carefully, I got up and left the room.

There was this weird irritation buzzing under my skin. Today was definitely not going to be a good day. For the first time since DevApp started, we were about to hire alphas. Not just one, two of them.

One of them was my own brother, Skye.

I’d always been strongly against hiring alphas in the tech industry. They caused chaos in the workplace, their strong pheromones stirring up omegas, distracting everyone with mating games instead of, you know, actual work.

And I knew everything there was to know about alphas. I had six alpha brothers. I was the only beta in the family.

But Skye had fallen for a DevApp employee and was desperate to work there to patch things up with the guy.

I had a lot of doubts about it, but my other brother, Snow—the only one I actually got along with fairly well, called me and convinced me to let Skye in.

Snow seemed to know something extra about this whole situation, something that didn’t sound all that believable. Reading between the lines, I got the feeling Skye might be on the path to finding his True Mate. But as much as I trusted Snow’s instincts, that just seemed too unlikely.

Our family already had two such cases: our parents were True Mates, and one of my brothers, Rain, had found his fated mate.

That was already crazy lucky. Perfect mate relationships only happened in, what, five percent of the population? No way it would hit our family again. It sounded too much like a fairy tale. And I wasn’t a fairy-tale kind of guy.

But whatever.

If there was one person I actually listened to, it was Snow. Even if it was just a maybe, I wasn’t going to be the one to take away my brother’s chance at finding his ideal mate.

I walked into the room I’d turned into a home gym. I hated public gyms. Too many alphas, too much testosterone. Since I loved working out, I’d set up a nice space with high-end equipment.

After quietly shutting the door behind me so I wouldn’t wake Finn, I turned on the treadmill, deciding to start my day with a thirty-minute jog to loosen up and get ready for whatever was coming.

The problem was, my brother wasn’t the only headache waiting for me today. There was more.

Also… I had to hire my boss’s son.

And from what I’d heard? The guy wasn’t exactly impressive.

Jacob, who wasn’t just my boss but also a good friend, was always complaining about him. Said the kid had no direction, couldn’t pick a career, just drifted aimlessly.

Even though he had a degree and all his friends had already landed jobs, he spent the whole summer doing absolutely nothing. And now September had rolled around, and he still hadn’t gotten his act together.

It was keeping Jacob up at night.

So when I went to him and said I’d take his son on, knowing damn well I’d be a hypocrite if I asked to hire my own brother while refusing to hire another alpha, I saw the flash of satisfaction in his eyes. Like he’d been waiting for this. Now he had more leverage to push Sariel into working in my department. And I knew for a fact the guy wasn’t excited about it.

I cranked up the treadmill speed.

My footsteps echoed loudly in the room, my breathing quickened, my heartbeat picked up. I’d always kept my body in top shape. It gave me a sense of control, a rush of satisfaction. I liked feeling sharp, liked the adrenaline that came with exercise. I worked out five times a week, at least an hour each session, usually more than that.

By the time I was finishing up, the door swung open, and Finn walked in. He looked like he’d already showered—his hair was damp, and he had a towel slung over his shoulder.

"Up at 6:30? Must be a rough day ahead," he said with a teasing smile.

I grimaced, hopping off the treadmill and wiping my face with a towel.

"Two alphas at the company. Hardly something to celebrate. The whole office is gonna be buzzing about it, staring, getting distracted instead of working."

Finn scoffed. "Oh, come on, Winter. You and your anti-alpha sass, it’s ridiculous. Admit it. You wish you were one. Half of betas do."

Irritation flared up in me. "Speak for yourself," I shot back, brushing past him toward the shower. Unfortunately, he followed me, which I was not thrilled about. I started undressing, and he just stood there, watching my ass.

"You know why I don’t want them at the company," I said flatly. "I don’t need to explain it to you. You’ve seen how it is on campus, every time an alpha professor gets hired, it’s a mess. Affairs with staff, love-struck students, it’s just better if they stick to other fields and stay out of ones where a lot of mental discipline is required."

Finn leaned against the bathroom wall, still watching me. I shot him an unimpressed look before stepping into the shower and turning on the water—cool. I needed to catapult myself into this day.

Through the fogged-up glass, I could see Finn was still standing there.

So I dragged my shower out longer than usual, hoping he’d finally take the hint and leave already.

But nope.

When I finally stepped out, he was still there. His manly, handsome face looked… thoughtful.

"You ever wish you were someone else? Ever have days where you miss something you can’t have?" he asked softly, almost shyly.

I hesitated, shooting him a grim look. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d smiled, like… really smiled. I tried, actually made an effort to recall the last incident, my lips stretched into a laugh. Nothing. My face felt like a mask. Cold, perpetually pissed off, distant.

For a second, I froze, staring at my reflection in the mirror. My fingers tightened around the razor. I didn’t have to shave every day, being practically albino-blond, my stubble was barely visible, but for the sake of routine, I switched on the razor.

Just to brush him off, I muttered, "Maybe. But I live in reality, Finn. And… I’m a beta. Unless I have some kind of hormonal malfunction, that’s never gonna change. Thinking like that is pointless, masochistic."

Finn shook his head a little. "That’s not even what I meant. I wasn’t talking about gender, I just meant more like—" he trailed off.

I turned off the razor and glanced at him. His face was full of something wistful, a quiet kind of sadness, longing.

"I should get going," he said abruptly, turning and walking out of the bathroom.

I shrugged, finished shaving, pulled on my underwear, and stepped out. Finn was already at the door, fully dressed.

We didn’t say goodbye in any way that might suggest there was still something between us. Because there wasn’t. Not for the past eleven years, not since we broke up.

"Take care," Finn murmured. "Let me know if you want me to stop by."

"Yeah, you too," I said.

He turned, opened the door, and left. Just like that. Without even brushing my hand.

Relief washed over me as soon as he was gone.

This whole situation had been dragging on for almost three years now, and it was getting harder and harder to tolerate. I felt stuck. And neither of us had the guts to say out loud what we both knew—that what we were doing was stupid. That it was keeping us from other possibilities.

Finn and I had history. We met at the start of college, and at first, I really thought he could be it. We dated all through school, we were each other’s firsts, in every way. I kept thinking I’d fall in love with him eventually. Sometimes, I even convinced myself I had. But when I looked back on it, I wasn’t so sure anymore.

Finn was a great guy. Almost perfect. But that ‘almost’ got bigger and bigger every year, until eventually, it swallowed up the perfect part.

Handsome. Smart. Ambitious, maybe too ambitious. We were always competing with each other. He went the academic route, and I took the tech industry path, working as a specialist.

There was never that spark . The kind you read about in romance novels. Sometimes I thought those stories were just fairy tales, because I couldn’t seem to feel that kind of passion; it didn’t seem real. How could it be?

Maybe we were somehow malfunctioning, or maybe I was the one who was broken and just didn’t have the right part in my brain to develop these kinds of feelings. There were days when I’d put my hand on my chest and listen to my heart just beating, hoping it would whisper to me, Yes, I love him , but it stayed quiet and unimpressed.

Over time, our relationship turned into this constant back-and-forth, a competition between our careers, a never-ending battle to prove we were more successful, that we’d made the better choice, that we were doing better, at everything.

Finally, we broke up. Or, more accurately, I broke up with him.

Finn was furious. He didn’t get it. He kept asking, "Why? Why won’t you even try? We don’t have any serious problems."

I told him it wasn’t about big problems. It was about the whole picture. The little things that piled up over the years. Death by a thousand cuts. But he couldn’t understand.

So one day, I packed my stuff, got a new place, and started over.

Finn sent me long emails, bombarded me with messages, begging me to reconsider. Negotiating. And eventually, outright pleading. But I didn’t budge. That chapter was closed.

We cut contact. I didn’t hear from him for years.

Until the day I found out he’d slept with my brother, Storm. That news hit me like a punch to the gut. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I mean, I wasn’t surprised at Storm, he was the kind of guy who’d sleep with his brothers’ exes just for the thrill of it. He’d already done it with a few others.

But Finn? I never understood why he did it. I called him for the first time in years. It took six or seven tries before he finally picked up.

He sounded a little drunk, laughing as he said, "What’s the problem? We’re not together."

I snapped, "Maybe a little common decency?! He’s my brother, Finn! He’s nineteen!"

He just chuckled. I asked if he was drunk.

"Even if I am, so what? You don’t care about me, huh? We’re not together anymore. So what’s your problem, Winter?"

I hung up. And we didn’t speak again for a few years.

In that time, I had other relationships, but they didn’t feel right. There were betas and omegas, but… none of them made my heart beat any faster.

It felt like it had frozen solid in my chest.

Three years ago, I was invited to give a lecture at a college where Finn was teaching, an alumni talk for the programming department. That’s how we ran into each other again.

The vibe was different. The emotions had faded. And I was smart enough not to bring up Storm.

I had just gone through a breakup and was in a shitty mood. Finn had also just gotten out of something. So we talked. We grabbed coffee. And then, when we were standing by my car, saying our goodbyes, Finn took a step closer, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed me.

I was surprised. But I didn’t pull away. Even then, doubt was creeping in, but that night, we went home together. And we had sex.

A few days later, he called me. By then, I’d had time to think it through, so I told him, "Finn, I don’t want to go back to what we had."

But he cut me off, saying, "I’m not asking for that. What if we were just… occasional fuckbuddies?"

And I figured, why not? I wasn’t seeing anyone, I was busy with work, and I already knew Finn.

And that’s how it restarted. Sort of new. But mostly, just the same old thing.

Three years later, here we were, this weird place, meeting once a month, sometimes every two weeks, sometimes every week, depending on our mood.

But with every passing month, I think we both started realizing this was a dead end. I didn’t love him, and I knew he didn’t love me.

This wasn’t the kind of feeling that had a place in my book.

After Finn was gone, I had breakfast, but I still had half an hour before work, so I grabbed my bass and stepped out onto the terrace. I loved the view from up here, the apartment was part of a luxury complex, and I was damn proud I could afford it. All thanks to hard work and a frugal lifestyle.

After tuning the bass, I plugged it in and started jamming a bit, mindlessly, mostly just staring at the skyline, letting my mind empty itself and reset for the day ahead. Music always had this calming, almost numbing effect on me, as my fingers flowed over the strings or slapped out a rhythm.

I gently bobbed my head, tapped my foot, and swayed a little among the notes floating around me like luminous butterflies, my own closed-off, carefree world. A little bubble where I forgot about everything else.

And then my phone beeped, and I knew it was time to wrap it up.

Frowning slightly, I put the bass away, suited up, then headed to the parking lot. The engine didn’t start on the first try, which pissed me off. My head was again full of chaotic thoughts, this was going to be a rough day.

Then I put on my typical, cold, emotionless mask and made my way to the office.