Page 5

17 YEARS AGO

My heart was pounding. My hands were sweaty, clenched into fists, as I tried to control the trembling in my body. I had never dared to do this before, but there had to be a first time for everything. I was already in my last year of high school and had never even kissed anyone.

I was sick of it. I had to try, take the risk, and taking risks was something I really hated.

The coding club meeting was wrapping up. Logan slipped his tablet into its case and tucked it into his backpack. My eyes followed him closely as the teacher and the other students got up and started heading out. I made sure to stay right behind him.

By the time we made it down the stairs and out to the parking lot, the crowd had thinned out a bit.

This was my chance. It had to be now or never. I watched Logan’s tall, wiry figure. He had this cat-like grace to the way he moved, and his hair was dyed blue—I liked that kind of slightly rebellious look, so different from my own, geeky and unassuming. He was kind, funny, and he seemed to like me. I could fall for him, maybe. He could be my opportunity to finally understand what it felt like… to be in love?

I’d picked Logan after watching him for a while. He was a little lost in a world of betas and omegas obsessed with math, programming, and chess, but since he liked those things too, maybe we were vibing on the same wavelength… possibly this could be it ?

"Logan!"

I immediately cringed at how shaky my voice was, way quieter than I’d planned. But of course, he still heard me. He was an alpha, after all.

He stopped and turned around, wearing a polite smile, the kind a salesman might slap on their face. I had no idea if it was genuine or not.

I cleared my throat.

"Listen, I was thinking… We've known each other for a while now, and, well, you know—" I trailed off, furious with myself. I had rehearsed this perfectly at home, but now my mind was just… utterly blank.

"Uh… I was wondering if maybe you'd want to go to the movies with me? Our Alien Genesis Part 3 is out. I heard it’s really good."

At first, Logan just looked surprised. Then, slowly, understanding dawned on his face. He opened and closed his mouth, like he couldn’t quite believe it.

"Are you asking me on a date?"

"Uh…" I had to say it. Now or never. "Yeah. If you want to, I mean. If… if that sounds good to you?"

My voice was embarrassingly unsteady. My whole body was practically vibrating from nerves and stress. It just wasn’t me. I hated being the one to ask. I was the lonely geek with my nose in books, grinding for the best grades and keeping my distance from the other students. They hated me anyway, always calling me names. 'Snowman' was the one that stuck.

For a long moment, Logan just stared at me, kind of stunned. And then it happened—

He burst out laughing.

And I stood there like an idiot, shifting from foot to foot, my throat dry and tight. I had no idea what to say, how to react, I only knew this was not how it was supposed to go. Not what I imagined.

"You’re serious? Me and you?"

What was I even supposed to say to that?

He let out a dramatic sigh. "Do you really think my dream is to date some albino beta? Seriously, I'd be a laughingstock. People would point at me in the halls."

For a second, there was silence, like he’d just realized what he’d said. A flicker of hesitation crossed his face, maybe he knew he’d gone too far. After all, he needed to stay in the programmers’ club, and I was the guy in charge. The teacher pretty much went along with whatever I wanted. He gave me an apologetic look, sighed, and added,

"Look, sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that. I do appreciate you always having my back when the other guys in the group were giving me shit and wanted to kick me out. That was really cool of you. But I just… I’m not interested in you like that."

I still didn’t say anything.

I wanted to disappear.

I wanted to cry myself to death.

But along with the humiliation, another emotion was rising inside me: rage. A new feeling, but shockingly strong. Soon, it encompassed me completely, leaving nothing else.

"You know," I said, my voice vibrating with anger, "this albino beta is also the best coder in the club. And you’re the weakest. If it weren’t for me, if I hadn’t talked to Diaz and practically begged him to give you a chance, you would’ve been kicked out. And now you will be. You’re just a pathetic alpha. You aren’t cut out for this."

Logan’s mouth dropped open. "Gosh, you’re such a bitch!"

"And you’re an asshole! You could’ve just said, ‘No, thanks’. You didn’t have to be a dick about it!"

"Come on, man! If I’m not in this club, what the hell am I supposed to put on my college app? Without this, I’m fucked!"

Keeping my expression cold and contemptuous, I lifted my hand, flipped him off, spun on my heel, and walked away.

Humiliation and fury burned inside me, tangled together. The first and last time I would ever ask someone out. Especially alphas.

For months, I had built up so much courage for this, pushed myself so hard! I thought he actually liked me, he was always talking to me, always asking for help with coding! And I did help him, over and over. Gosh, I was such an idiot. He was just using me.

I got home absolutely seething.

On my way up the stairs, my dad, who was in the living room spoon-feeding Sun, looked up at me. A moment later, I heard his footsteps following.

By the time I opened my bedroom door, he was already behind me.

"Winter?"

"What?!"

A pause.

I sighed and muttered, "Sorry. Just a bad day."

"Really bad?" he asked gently.

"Absolutely shitty."

He came closer, and suddenly, I felt his arms wrap around me.

My whole body had been tense, but it eased slightly in his embrace. I closed my eyes for a second and let myself feel his calming, loving energy. But nothing could really heal my heart, so I stepped back.

"It’s fine, Dad. Really."

I schooled my face to look normal. But he was peering at me like he could see right through it, straight past the mask.

"It really is!" I choked out.

"Winnie… it’s really not, is it?"

Something tightened in my throat under the weight of his gentle gaze. The air felt heavy in my lungs, like there wasn’t enough room in there. Eventually, I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

"It’s about Logan. I asked him to go to the movies. He said ‘no way’—that with an albino freak like me, people would point and laugh at him at school."

My voice faltered, betraying me as I fought against the wave of emotion building inside me.

Dad reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Something really good just happened. You dodged a bullet. Logan just failed the test to be my son’s boyfriend! If he’s that shallow, he doesn’t deserve you, Winnie. So hey, chin up!"

I just let out an impatient breath. Of course, Dad saw it completely differently than I did.

He tilted his head slightly.

"But I know it still hurts. That’s part of growing up. There’ll be more of those little heartbreaks along the way. That’s just life."

Clenching my jaw, I hissed, "No one’s ever gonna hurt me again." I lifted my chin stubbornly. "Romance is dumb."

Dad gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Don’t close yourself off like that, Winnie. Being vulnerable, it’s not a bad thing. It actually takes a lot of courage."

I shrugged like I didn’t care.

"It’s just not for me. I forced myself to try it once, and… well, look how that turned out."

"Please, don’t shut yourself off because of one guy. What if, by doing that, the right one… can’t find his way to you?"

Even more stubbornly, I shrugged again.

"Maybe that’s just how it’s meant to be. I’m a beta."

"Hey…" Dad placed his other hand on my shoulder too and searched my eyes. It felt like he was reading my thoughts.

"You’re hurting and angry right now. Just give yourself time to let it settle… before you make any big decisions, okay?"

Sighing, I slowly nodded.

We stood like that for a moment, his hands on my shoulders, making small, massaging motions, easing my tension. Finally, I muttered, "How do you always know exactly how I’m feeling?" I felt stupid even asking, and dropped my gaze to stare awkwardly at my hands.

"That’s a parent’s secret," he said, lowering his head with a smile, still trying to catch my eyes. "I also know you don’t want to talk about it anymore." He let out a quiet laugh. "But you know you always can. I’ll listen."

"I know. Thanks."

He sighed and gave a little shrug. "I need to finish feeding Sun. He’s fussy today, probably coming down with a cold. Will you join us for dinner later?"

"Sure."

After he left, I stood in front of the mirror for a moment, staring at my face. Then I grimaced in disapproval.

Looks were never going to get me anywhere in life. That much was clear.

So I sat down at my desk, opened my books, and threw myself into studying with a kind of furious determination.

Yes, I appreciated what my dad said, but I knew better.

Fuck it.

Fuck those idiots.

Fuck romance.

16 YEARS AGO

I stood in front of the mirror again. The same pale face stared back at me, framed by platinum hair, white eyebrows, white eyelashes. But this time, it was the face of a college student, not a high school kid. A computer science major.

Those white lashes still pissed me off, but I worked on not letting it get to me. Ever since I got into college, I had been pushing myself, working hard, getting top grades. That was where I found the most joy and satisfaction.

Even though I was only a freshman, I had already landed an internship at a fast-growing startup, DevApp, and I was damn proud of that.

That night at dinner, my seven-year-old brother, Skye, called me ugly. Dad, of course, scolded him, and I pretended I didn’t give a shit. That was what I had learned to do, and I was getting better at it, shutting them out, twisting my face into a grim smirk, or just keeping my mouth shut like I was above it all.

The day before, Rain and Bay had made fun of me, saying I had a dried-up uterus. I showed them my middle finger. I always acted like they were just idiots and that their crap didn’t bother me. That was what my life looked like, but I pushed through. I fought for what was mine, damn right. I was going to make something of myself.

I heard voices coming from Rain’s room. I pressed my ear to the door. My hearing was normal, not like alphas and omegas, who had hearing like dogs. So I had to try hard to catch the conversation inside.

Dad’s voice came through first.

"Another inch, Rain! You’re getting so tall for an eleven-year-old!"

Then Rain’s voice followed. "Look at my neck glands, Dad. A few days ago, I noticed they got softer, and I think they’re starting to stick out a little… Maybe I won’t be a beta after all?"

Wow. So much hope in his voice. Yeah. Not gonna be a beta. A reason to be ridiculously happy. It stung.

I heard some rustling, then Dad’s voice again, brimming with excitement.

"You’re right! Well, that settles it, you’ll be either an omega or an alpha, though with your height, I’d bet on alpha!"

"That’s so awesome! That means we’ll have three alphas now: me, Snow, and Bay!"

"And Storm, don’t forget our purple one!"

Rain’s grumbling response was too quiet for me to hear, but then Dad continued.

"I’m really happy for you, son. You always said you wanted to have kids of your own. Now that’s going to be possible someday." Dad’s voice was full of genuine joy.

Of course he was happy, another alpha son. Dad was a family man. He loved kids and big households. We were all raised in a spirit of enthusiastic parenting.

Meanwhile, I was the one who wouldn’t give him any grandkids. The one everyone secretly looked at with pity, like some half-person, a failed attempt: a beta. Everybody’s second choice. It was in the name.

To be fair, my parents never made me feel like I was any different. They were loving and accepting, and even though nothing was ever said out loud, there was this quiet expectation built into our family. All my uncles had children, and every time a new baby came along, it was like a celebration.

My parents weren’t the type to push for careers or stress about grades. They were both musicians, with a bit of that hippie spirit in them. Growing up was easy—laid-back, no pressure. They valued other things. A simple, relaxed kind of life.

They loved the country vibe, growing their own vegetables, a small flock of their own chickens, big family gatherings, nights by the fire filled with music and singing. It was all about being together and taking life slow.

Sometimes, I felt like I just didn’t fit in, and there was always this quiet ache because of it. Deep down, I wanted to belong, I loved the atmosphere, the sentiment… But I had to come to terms with the fact that I was meant for a different kind of life: a beta life, intensely career-focused, with no family of my own.

And I wished I simply had a choice. Not a… path set in stone.

My phone pinged. A text.

I pulled it out of my pocket and saw the name: Finn, a guy I had met on campus.

Come to think of it, I actually liked him. We had sat together in the cafeteria a few times. He was studying genetics, so he wasn’t in my major. But he had struck up a conversation with me, and I thought I saw something in his eyes, a little spark of interest.

"You on campus right now?"

The text caught me off guard. I had given him my number once, he had asked for it under the excuse that he was having trouble logging into the online gradebook. I’d had the same issue and figured he wanted a quick way to ask me if it happened again. Clever, honestly.

"Nah, I’m home for the weekend."

"Ah, too bad. When are you coming back? I was thinking maybe we could catch a movie Sunday evening? They’re showing Our Alien Genesis Part 4 . I heard it’s good."

It was unexpected. I hesitated for a second. Finn was nice. And really good-looking. Plus, he was a beta, just like me.

A beta…

I had never really been into them.

My eyes had always wandered to alphas, sometimes even omegas. But maybe this was the way to go? The best option for me? I had never had a boyfriend before, but I didn’t want to be a virgin forever. Should I give betas a shot?

Finn wouldn’t get everything I had to deal with, being such a looker… but still. A beta! Close enough to have a starting point.

My fingers barely trembled as I typed my reply.

"Sounds good. I’ll be back Sunday around five. Maybe we can catch a showing."

"Awesome! I’m excited about it! There’s a 7 pm show!"

He was really looking forward to it… Was this the start of something more?

I stared out the window for a moment. My younger brothers were running around in the yard. Skye was chasing Storm, while tiny, almost two-year-old Sun tried to keep up on his chubby little legs, his golden locks flowing around his cute face.

That wasn’t in the cards for me. A family of my own, kids laughing, their love, their… chaos. My future was to be different.

But maybe I could still have a partner’s love? I’d always secretly wanted to fall for someone, to have a person I could truly adore, someone who would adore me back, despite the way I looked. I read about love in books and watched movies about it… It seemed fun. Of course, I didn’t know if Finn was the right guy for that. But I wouldn’t know unless I tried.

My phone pinged again and I sighed. Another text.This time, a row of excited, bouncing emojis.

Well… maybe there was a spark waiting to happen. Hopefully.