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That afternoon, I went outside again to hang up the blankets and washed clothes to dry. I probably did it more to occupy my mind, to give myself a sense of purpose, than out of concern for hygiene. We were bathing so often anyway, we didn’t have a chance to get really stinky.

Climbing the volcano’s slope, I knew I was losing energy, but I also knew the higher ground might give me a better view. At least, that’s what I told myself.

I noticed a small, round puff of smoke rising from the caldera. Was that normal, or did it mean something? Sadly, I wasn’t an expert in volcanology. I stared at the sky for a moment, watching the clouds drift slowly by, tinged pink toward the west.

Were they even searching for us?

That question kept returning… along with another one, stubborn, disturbing, how far were we really from the crash site?

As I descended back toward the cave, I noticed snow had started falling.

Once again, the ‘H’ would be buried…

Walking through the lower meadow, I spotted some strange gray dust on top of the thin snow. Volcanic ash?

The thought made me shiver.

We’d been carelessly basking in the warmth of this dangerous volcano, using the pleasant temperature it gave us in the cave. But maybe we shouldn’t forget: its power couldn’t be tamed.

Then again… what other choice did we have?

***

That evening, Sariel’s last waves of heat arrived.

Once again, I was surprised that I had no trouble keeping up with him. We fucked for a solid hour, and my arousal never waned. I stopped wondering why or what was behind it, nothing made sense, nothing fit. I was a beta, for crying out loud, effortless heat sex was something only alphas could indulge in. It was tied to a huge hormonal surge triggered by their hyperactive glands.

And I wasn’t some kind of fuckboy who could keep going from morning till night, so that couldn’t easily explain it either. My libido wasn’t particularly low, but I wasn’t sex-crazed either.

Anyway, I let myself drown in the sex, in the touch of our bodies. I didn’t want to spoil it by breaking down the experience, analyzing it, questioning it, or robbing it of its magic. I surrendered to the rocking of our bodies, to the touch, to the kisses, to the orgasms.

When evening came and darkness enveloped us, we lay together, naked, cuddling. It wasn’t about having sex anymore. I was engaging more and more with these ‘extra elements’ of our relationship with each of his waves.

Sariel’s head rested on my shoulder and neck, and his arms wrapped around my chest. I held him around the back with my free hand. It was so peaceful, so quiet. Just being intimate and warm together, despite the uncertainty of the fate we shared.

Sadly, that special moment couldn’t be entirely innocent.

I lifted my hand to stroke his hair and whispered, "Tomorrow, I’ll have to go out again, search the beach more thoroughly. Maybe I’ll find some clams."

He didn’t answer, but I felt his head move—acknowledging, understanding.

***

When we woke up, the hunger was so strong that without saying a word, we devoured the last can, the one with peanuts. Only a tiny bit of pretzels was left.

Sariel also took one of the last mints and gave it to me. We looked at each other.

"Wish me luck," I said, taking a sip from the last bottle of mineral water.

"I’m rooting for you, Winter. In the meantime, I’ll focus on trying to prepare enough boiled water to replace what we’ve drunk from the bottles."

"Good idea, Sariel." I nodded, trying to smile and offer him some encouragement.

I truly believed that having a plan and setting small goals helped distract from unpleasant thoughts. It wasn’t just motivational talk to cheer Sariel up.

But as I left the cave, I didn’t have much hope, feeling like I had depleted my resources of optimism in our conversation.

The gloom-and-doom mood returned the more distance I put between myself and the cave.

Once again, I headed to the beach and began methodically searching through all the rocks, even digging through the sand.

But in the back of my mind, I recalled what I had learned back in college, when I occasionally read travel books. I knew that in January, the chances of finding anything in the coastal waters were slim. The temperature in the shallows had dropped below what was comfortable for marine life. Most of it probably preferred to stay in deeper waters, where the temperature was more stable.

But I didn’t give up. I kept searching and searching, feeling more and more exhausted and cold, my eagerness slowly fading. Every now and then, I looked up at the sky, hoping for a glimpse of drones. Nothing. The clouds drifting indifferently, as though unaware of our fate. From the caldera, a long dark plume of smoke drifted, creating a rather eerie scene.

Straightening my aching back, tired from searching on the ground, I looked around.

The landscape was objectively beautiful, wild and raw, with the volcanic peak, the snowy meadows on its slopes, patches of reddish-brown grass here and there, the beach, and the open sea. It had a certain charm, but at the same time, it was so… incredibly uncaring whether we lived or died.

I pulled my blanket tighter around me and just stared at the sun sinking toward the horizon. My stomach twisted with hunger, desperately wanting something to eat, but I knew there was nothing left waiting for me except ten tiny pretzels. No portion of peanuts anymore.

Clenching my teeth, I bent down again. I kept searching persistently until, eventually, I made my way back to the spot where the warm stream flowed into the sea.

Once again, I took off my shoes, rolled up my pants, and started wading in the shallow water near the shore, where the temperature was slightly higher.

After about fifteen minutes, I felt something under my foot. I reached down and, to my shock, pulled a surf clam from the sand. And it wasn’t even that small.

I was sure it would be empty, but when I pried it open slightly, I saw pale meat inside.

My heart pounded. Maybe this clam had stayed in the area because of the warm stream, despite the drop in temperature in the coastal waters. Though the more I thought about it, the less sure I was that made any sense. I knew some clams had a muscle foot, but I had no idea how much that actually affected their movement.

The hunger was so overwhelming that I nearly cracked the clam open right there, using the small file we had found in the omega passenger’s pouch. I stared at the meat. Normally, it wouldn’t have looked appetizing to me, but right now… I barely stopped myself from scooping it out and shoving it into my mouth.

But what about Sariel? With his twisted ankle, he couldn’t go out and search for food. He depended on me.

I brought the clam closer to my lips but hesitated.

Guilt twisted inside me.

The meal was so close…

No, I couldn’t do it.

Sariel was counting on me.

Wading back through the stream, I made my way to the cave. The fire at the entrance had burned down almost completely, with only faint embers left. Sariel had used up some of the wood. But inside, I saw that all the cans and mineral water bottles had been filled! So he had been busy boiling water, trying to help as much as he could instead of just sitting around and waiting. That only convinced me more, since he was doing everything he could, I had to do the same.

When he looked up and saw me, I watched pure joy spread across his young face, lighting up his features, brightening his minty eyes.

Something tightened in my chest.

I couldn’t remember the last time someone had been this happy to see me. Maybe my dad, when he used to pick me up from preschool or school. The thought of him stung, so I quickly pushed it away.

"I found a clam," I said, knowing how pathetic it sounded.

But Sariel didn’t let it show. He smiled again.

"That’s amazing! One?"

"Unfortunately. But maybe there are more. As soon as I found this one, I brought it straight back. I’ll go look for more in a bit," I promised, forcing a smile.

"The fire’s almost out, but maybe we can at least roast it a little?"

Sariel crawled over, took the lid from a metal cream container the omega had had, and placed the clam on it. It just barely fit. Then, he carefully slid it onto two stones inside the makeshift fire pit, the same stones he must have used earlier to heat water.

The meat turned slightly opaque after a moment.

"Unfortunately, no salt. And definitely no lemon juice."

He tried to make it sound like a joke, but I could tell it didn’t come easily.

We both stared at that tiny piece of food.

"You have the file?" he asked.

"I do."

I handed it to him, and instead of breaking the clam in half, he carefully divided it into two portions, then split the ten pretzels between us, five each.

"Well then, let’s enjoy our little feast," he said, trying his best to keep up the mood.

At least we had plenty of water now, so I smiled, playing along. Of course, we were both playing, and we knew it.

At the same moment, we each put a piece of clam into our mouths.

God.

I was never a big fan of seafood, but that clam? It tasted amazing. Even without salt. Even without lemon juice.

And in a second, it was gone, disappearing into my shrunken stomach.

"I’m going to look for more," I said.

"Winter, rest a little. You’ve been gone for hours. You must be exhausted."

I hesitated, but then nodded.

A moment later, we both slipped into our little warm pool.

Sariel moved closer to me, unexpectedly resting his head on my shoulder.

"Thank you for your persistence, Winter. You’re a hero. Let’s stay hopeful. Maybe if you found one, you’ll find more?"

"Maybe…" I tried to make my voice sound optimistic.

But I didn’t say anything else.

Possibly because I was too hungry.

A deep, growing hunger.

This was our third day surviving on tiny portions of food, and my body was starting to feel the effects. My stomach felt like it had shrunk even more.

Only Sariel’s head on my shoulder was a comforting weight, like an anchor, something I could focus on instead of my craving body.

I ran my fingers through his mint-green hair, then hesitated a bit, but finally turned slightly and kissed his temple. Another small, tender gesture I was learning. He took it like it was something natural, and it was somewhat of a relief. No big deal for him, but it was still a big deal for me.

Neither of us spoke. As if we both understood that talking wouldn’t change anything.

What mattered was saving energy.

Now that his heat had passed, we could finally shift into that mode.

I sat like that for maybe half an hour before I finally pulled away from his arms.

"I need to go back and search."

"Winter, if you find something out there, make yourself a priority. Eat it first. Everything depends on you."

My gaze drifted to the side, avoiding his face. His voice was soft; he was thinking about my needs, clearly.

"We’ll see what I find and how much there is," I said, giving him a reassuring smile as I got dressed.

As I left, he watched me go. And in his eyes, I saw something—pure, fragile hope.

Once again, I found myself back on this goddamn empty beach. I had always loved walking along the shore, watching the sunset, feeling the wind in my hair… blah, blah, blah—but now, as I took in the sight of the sun lowering, all I felt was stress and the gnawing realization that tonight was going to be another hungry one.

So, I got to work, digging through the sand at the mouth of the warm stream where it met the sea.

I was methodical, marking off areas I had already searched and those I still needed to go through. The water was cold. Sure, the warm stream flowed into it, but everything mixed together too quickly, and after a while, I was freezing, my teeth chattering so hard they hurt. I knew I wouldn’t last much longer… night was falling.

The hunger was growing.

And then… I found another one! A big one. My heart pounded as I pried it open, and to my relief, the meat inside looked fresh and healthy. My stomach twisted and cramped with hunger. My fingers trembled as I reached out and touched it.

Sariel had told me I could eat if I found something, right? That I was the one out here searching, after all, moving around, losing calories.

I grabbed a piece, tore it out, and shoved it into my mouth.

God, it wasn’t delicious, but it was food, and protein.

I swallowed one piece. The moment it landed in my belly was ecstatic, almost too pleasant, and… then I couldn’t stop.

With a wild growl, I shoved another bite into my mouth, and then another, eating everything except the dark parts, which, I assumed, were its digestive organs. The rest, I devoured.

And only then did it hit me.

I stood there, staring at the empty shell in my hands: I had nothing to bring back to Sariel.

Shame burned through me.

I threw the shell as far as I could, like I could erase the evidence of what I’d done. But it didn’t change the fact that I had eaten everything—selfishly, thoughtlessly, without saving even a scrap for him.

Panicked, I dropped to my knees and started searching again, digging frantically in the sand, but I found nothing. The cold was getting unbearable. My muscles were shaking so badly I could barely move. Desperate to warm up, I stumbled back to the stream and waded into the slightly warmer water. It helped a little, but not enough. I would have needed to fully submerge myself to get warm, but if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to go back into the sea.

And then it started… snowing. White dust landed on my head, covering my turtleneck, which was tightly wrapped around it.

Shivering uncontrollably, I forced myself out of the stream, back to the shoreline, but by then, I was so frozen and frustrated I could hardly function.

I had to face it; I was going back to Sariel empty-handed.

Tears burned in my eyes as the realization sank in. I had eaten the whole damn thing, the only piece of meat I had found.

And now, Sariel would have to spend another night hungry.

The walk back was awful. I felt like absolute shit.

When I stepped into the cave and saw his face, those big light eyes, those soft lips, my stomach twisted into knots. I must've been the biggest piece of garbage alive.

"I didn’t find anything," I lied, and it almost physically hurt.

The words barely made it past my lips. They tasted foul, but I had to hide the disgusting thing I had done.

"I had to come back to warm up," I added.

"Of course. There’s no point in going back out tonight," he said. "It’s almost completely dark. You won’t find anything after the sunset."

There was no impatience in his voice. No judgment. Just quiet resignation.

"You’re exhausted," he added gently, watching me. "Come on, let’s sit in the warm water for a bit. You’ll get some strength back."

He handed me a bottle of water he had boiled earlier. I drank it down greedily, avoiding his gaze. What a scumbag. Me.

We slipped into the water, settling into silence.

I could see him swallowing, and I could feel it, how desperately hungry he was.

I was hungry too. But maybe not as much as he was—the clam’s meat was probably still somewhere in my guts.

"Let’s just go to sleep," I said, a little too quickly, a little too impatiently. I knew it was probably still early, but if I slept now, I’d wake up at dawn and go searching again.

"Alright," he whispered.

We climbed out, dried off, and lay down on the mattress. His arms wrapped around me again. Trusting. Warm. He rested his head on my chest, and I—disgusting, selfish, treacherous me—held him, silently vowing that no matter what I found tomorrow, it would go to Sariel first.