Page 22

Heat! Sariel was going into heat!

The worst timing possible!

I was pacing up and down the beach, thoughts tearing through my head like a flock of panicked crows, each one screeching a million raspy voices inside me.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to start off perfect, like in those slow-burn romance novels, the boss and the employee finding their way to each other’s hearts. A taboo thrill. A gradual build. Feelings growing sweeter over time.

Dating, hanging out, holding hands, a first kiss… but no.

That plan went to hell.

The moment I finally decided to wake up that dormant romantic part of myself and fight for it to bloom, Fate slapped me in the face. Now I was supposed to dive right into desperate, messy sex, on torn-up mattresses, in a damp cave, in the middle of a survival nightmare, scared we might never get rescued.

Everything in me resisted that… except one thing. So very uncharacteristic of me.

That other brain all guys have, started to take over much more strongly and quickly than I would’ve expected.

It basically wanted me to turn around and go back into the cave, jump into a frenzy of passion.

On some level, I had the feeling my body was already gearing up for it, tuning like strings, vibrating with joyful anticipation!

Joyful? For fuck’s sake, seriously? Under these circumstances?

And yet… when I closed my eyes, I could already see him, imagine him. That lean body lying on the mattress, aching for pleasure, dependent on me, begging for release.

The fucking hunger intensified. It was like a weed. I couldn’t dig it out. The question was: why?

Wanting sex this much wasn’t like me at all. I used to be hesitant, always trying to put it off for as long as I could, never really eager for it.

It started with me and Finn. We went on a few dates, and he insisted we go to his room to play some game.

But I knew what he really wanted. We fucked, and I wasn’t really into it. I felt pressured, and in a way, it ruined everything.

After that, sex always seemed forced on me through his constant pleading, sweet-talking me, and giving me those puppy-dog eyes… so eventually, I just gave in for the sake of it.

After I broke up with Finn, I met a guy at a job-related symposium. He was an omega, and he was very into me. We went on three dates. One day, he told me he’d prepared dinner and invited me over. I had a sense of what was about to happen. And… it did happen. When I sat on the sofa, he suddenly straddled me and kissed me, and just like that, he impaled himself on my dick. It went on from there.

Then, with my next boyfriend, it was a similar story. He was a beta and initially seemed more restrained than the omega before him. Until one day, on our fourth date, while we were sitting and talking in my car, he climbed onto my dick. I wasn’t into it… but again, I went with it.

And so on, and so on.

The next three guys were similar cases. They always initiated it way too early for me. And once the sex started, that was it. It was locked in. I couldn’t form real feelings for them. The sex became mechanical, like a duty.

Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy it, and it was physically pleasurable, but it never gave me anything deeper. I never got even close to loving them.

And now… it seemed like things were heading down the same path.

With this one significant difference: this time, I physically really wanted it. And that urge was very confusing.

Aimlessly, I wandered across the beach and ended up near the far side of the bay, almost at the tip of the peninsula. A cliff rose there, steep, but potentially climbable. I just wasn’t in the mood.

Frustration rolled through me. Because I really cared about this relationship. I wanted to nurture it, explore it, and grow it like a delicate orchid. Sex was supposed to be the cherry on top, not the whole damn cake.

I was buzzing inside, like a hive of furious bees.

Buzzing?

I jerked my head up.

Did I hear something?

The sound was faint, super distant, barely audible. I looked around.

Realizing what it could be, I took off running toward the center of the beach, since the cliff blocked part of the sky from that side.

As I got closer to a big pile of twisted driftwood the sea had washed up, the sound grew a little clearer.

Moving frantically, I climbed up on a log and scanned the horizon.

And then I saw it.

Way out there, just a tiny dot, barely visible. Something was flying parallel to the island, over the open ocean.

Not over the island. Over the water. Far off.

Fuck, fuck! I stood there, staring.

"Stop!!!" I tried to yell.

Then I raised my arms and waved, but after a few seconds of mad flapping, I realized it was pointless.

"Fuckers!" I shouted desperately.

Whatever it was, a drone, or maybe a helicopter seen from a huge distance, it was already moving away, heading north.

Then a terrifying thought hit me.

The crash didn’t happen over this island, we knew that much. It must’ve happened somewhere farther north or east. If that was a drone, or part of a rescue team, that’s where they’d be heading…

Sariel thought that it was some kind of weird miracle we ended up here. And indeed, I hadn’t seen any wreckage on the island. No parts of the plane. No luggage. No bodies. Nothing.

It was just us and three seats.

A shiver ran through my body, and a wave of black despair crashed down on me, as I sank onto the log.

Staring out at the now-empty horizon, it felt like I was disappearing, like I was letting this creeping, irrational hopelessness swallow me whole. I was becoming invisible, erased from the world.

Me and Sariel… we were going to be forgotten. No one would ever come looking for us.

The plane didn’t go down here. I just knew it, even if I couldn’t logically explain it.

Some part of me, nearly unconscious during the crash, had a vague memory of being pushed by wind or something, fast and for a long time, after the seats tore free.

Totally numb, I sat there for a while.

Then, slowly, my thoughts turned back to Sariel.

He was lying there in the cave with a sprained ankle, dealing with the upcoming heat, with me walking out, not knowing where I stood or what I was going to do. Maybe reject him, deny him my help?

Brutal pragmatism started cutting through the fog in my brain.

No one was coming.

That meant there was zero chance of us ever having a ‘slow-burn romance’, some kind of future together in the city. It was a wasted opportunity. A missed chance. We were gonna die out here, cut off from the rest of the world. None of those little daydreams in my head meant anything now.

So. I might as well help him.

I had to treat it like… just casual sex. Nothing more. Because there would never be anything more.

Just two fucking skeletons in a goddamn cave!

Lowering my head toward the ground, I let out a deep breath. At least I could’ve experienced heat sex with somebody before this frozen island swallowed us whole. I’d always been curious about what it would be like, just so I could cross it off my list before I died.

I got up, jaw clenched in determination. Staring grimly at my footprints in the sand, I started walking back to the cave, brooding.

There was one more problem that kept nagging at me, something I really should’ve been more concerned about.

During his heat, I’d be trapped in the damn cave, which would reduce even that tiny chance that the drone might notice us. Fuck.

Directly ahead of me, the cave came into view, thin wisps of steam lightly veiling its entrance, and something twisted in my stomach from the stress.

The moment I stepped inside, I sensed it, like Sariel’s energy had filled every corner.

Crushed. Miserable.

Now, I felt like a monster.

He was curled up on his side, cheeks still wet from crying. When I came closer, he didn’t even flinch. His eyes stared blankly past me.

"I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left," I whispered, kneeling next to him, my chest tightening.

I wanted to do something, hug him, explain, anything, but the weight of that passing drone still had me pinned to the ground. This fucking gloominess. So I just crouched beside him and stayed quiet, fighting with my negative thoughts.

"How are you feeling?" I finally asked, meaning "how’s the heat progressing?" but the words didn't come out like that.

Only then did he slowly look at me. His eyes were red, and so heartbreakingly sad.

"If you don’t want to help me, I understand. I’ll push through it. But I need you to know that this… you and me… it’s not sudden or situational. I’ve been thinking about you for months. I want to be with you. In a relationship. But I know you’re… still not there. So I’ll manage."

Man, it was just so wrong on every possible level. I cringed, feeling like the world’s biggest asshole.

"I’m not such a bastard that I’d leave you hanging, Sariel."

But he didn’t seem to hear me, like he still thought I was rejecting him. His lips trembled as he said,

"I ruined everything, didn’t I? That beautiful romance I dreamed we could have."

Holy fuck… I let out a sharp breath.

Did he read my mind or what?

"It’s not your fault, Sariel!"

"Yes, it is! I’m a goddamn freak! This is exactly what I warned you about. Sooner or later, my heat becomes a problem for everyone. I become the problem !"

Tears streamed down his face.

"That’s why I’m still a virgin! And why I never rushed into sex! You get it now, don’t you? No one wants a mutant. And you don’t want me either!"

I lunged toward him, practically pinning him to the mattress. My hands cupped his head like I was trying to force him to focus. He was trembling, gasping, but he didn’t push me away.

"Shut up. Just shut up," I growled, pressing my forehead to his.

The anger was back: at Sariel, at everything. At the fact that he was so wrong. In any other situation, his sigma nature wouldn’t be a problem. I wanted to give him that, some reassurance. And more.

But this fucking island made it impossible. Leaving aside our missed chance for a slow burn, his heat was still a major inconvenience, something that could lessen our chances for real. And I felt trapped between being a decent man and a desperate castaway.

Silence fell between us as we lay there.

"A damn drone flew by, Sariel! Or a helicopter. Far off. It was over the water, not over the island! Didn’t seem like it saw us, it was heading north."

He was breathing heavily, our breaths mixing. His eyes were wide open, and so… beautiful, crystalline, and vibrant in their color. Seen from such a close distance, his eyelashes seemed unexpectedly lush.

"It’s just the start. They might come back," he whispered.

But I was already neck-deep in my doom-and-gloom pessimism, and his hopeful tone barely registered. My eyes landed on his lips instead, parted, wet, and I was tempted to devour them, bite them.

Pressing his lithe frame down was wildly pleasant, maybe even too wildly. Why did he awaken this uncharacteristic intensity in my usually somewhat muted body?

Forcing myself to calm down, I slowly rolled off of him, flopping onto the mattress beside him, my gaze landing on the dark ceiling. My dick was bothering me a bit, but I willed it down.

"I wouldn't count on it," I muttered, bitterness flooding my tone.

Why was I being such an unpleasant human being? The kid was in a vulnerable position, he didn’t ask for all this, and here I was, taking it out on him, while at the same time fighting the urge to tear his clothes off.

And then I made it worse by blurting out, "I don’t have any condoms. And there aren’t any in that omega’s toiletry bag either. So you’re just gonna have to trust me when I say I’m clean."

Fuck, it came out sounding so technical, like we were negotiating a business contract instead of something intimate. But my mind was strangely stuck on the feeling of his hard body close to mine.

"I trust you. And I’m a virgin, so we’re good."

Right! I almost forgot.

A virgin… in heat.

And me, a sour, cranky beta who felt like crap, dragging him down with me.

That couldn’t keep happening. I had to say something, explain, change the unpleasant mood, fix it somehow, or at least let him understand me a little more.

"I’m sorry, Sariel," I said, sighing. "I know this isn’t anyone’s dream scenario for a first time. And I’m probably not the best person for someone who’s just starting out."

"Why?"

It was weird, lying next to each other without even our shoulders touching, like we were strangers. After a moment of hesitation, I compelled myself to reach for his hand and lace my fingers with his. I could feel it, his surprise, almost hitting my aura.

"I’m just… situations like this need tenderness, patience. And I don’t know if I have that in me when it comes to sex. You know, I…" The words caught in my throat. But he deserved to know. I owed him that. "I’ve never been in love, Sariel."

Another wave moved through his body. It was bizarre how clearly I could feel his shock, almost on a physical level, so very palpable. At the same time, my own cheeks warmed, something stirring inside me too.

"What about… that guy, Finn?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head. "No. Not even with Finn. I don’t know if I’m even capable of ‘falling in love’. Sometimes I wonder if I might be… aromantic." I paused, breathing deeper, my lungs tight. "I wish I could feel it, but I don’t even know what it’s supposed to feel like. Maybe I’m just too… stiff. Too guarded. That’s how I learned to be."

Showing that faulty part of myself cost me a lot. Sariel turned his head toward me, his face shadowed in the dim light, but I could still see the melancholy on it.

"I really appreciate you telling me this, Winter. But here’s the good news: I’ve never been in love either. So… no pressure." His lips pulled into a crooked smile. "And honestly? Maybe we shouldn’t tackle two big topics at once. Let’s just go with the flow. Let it grow naturally. The sex part’s already gonna be rushed."

Strangely, his lighthearted answer eased something inside me. Maybe because he was young, he didn’t see it as such a big deal, like it was for me. As a limiting flaw, like I might never be capable of love at all.

His youth came with a built-in sense of natural optimism, shielding him from worrying too much, and that was comforting.

"That’s a good mindset," I said, my lips curling into a small smile.

"I just hope it won’t be a disaster. And… I really do trust you. I don’t even know why, but… I just do. And that’s something, right?"

"Yeah. That’s good," I muttered, unsure if he should trust me.

Because I definitely had the power to hurt him, like I’d hurt people before. Faces flashed through my mind; my exes, their eyes on me, waiting for those words, those confessions… and the disappointment when I stayed silent, unable to give them what they wanted.

Would Sariel join that line of faces? And then fade away into the past like a flicker of meaningless memory?

Fuck. Why did even the prospect of it seem so heartbreaking?