Page 4

CHAPTER 4

ELLA

D inner had been served and the dishes cleaned. Mrs . A and Lillian had retired for the night, giving Ella the freedom to slip away. She made her way down a narrow, muddy path through the long grass and passed the large oak. Over the rock foundation from a long-forgotten barn and to the place where she had been born into Riverton . Her spot by the river. The blanket she’d tucked in the branches of a willow the night before was still there. Ella spread it out and lay back, watching the sky turn to dusk through the branches. This was her favorite time of the day. She closed her eyes, letting dusk float across her skin.

Her thoughts wandered back to the man in room six. Thane . In all her time in Riverton , she had never had such strong feelings for someone. Not even for William . And it was more than Thane’s looks. He was handsome; there was no doubt about that. But there was something else.

Being around him made her feel as if she had forgotten something, like a latch on a gate or a candle still burning. But when she went back to right those wrongs, she couldn’t remember what they were. It was unnerving and made her world feel a bit off-center.

But that was tomorrow’s problem. William was near.

She felt him before she heard his familiar footfalls. He pressed his lips to hers. His kiss was warm and full of a young hunger. He was a year her senior, and yet Ella felt as if she had lived a lifetime more than him. She kissed him back, desperate to erase the incomplete feeling Thane Tenebris left her with.

“You will let me kiss you but not court you?” William whispered as he kissed her neck.

“Would you rather court me?” She tugged at his hair. William was not a gate left unlatched. He was simple and uncomplicated. He did not make her world seem unbalanced. Or like she had forgotten something. But William also felt like a decay. Perhaps that was too harsh of a word. But when she was with him, she felt like part of her was dying. Unlike Thane , who felt like hope. Belonging ? No , that couldn’t be.

William lifted his head. “ Can’t I do both?”

“No, because then we couldn’t sneak away like this.” Ella traced his jawline. It was easy to be with him. To watch the way his lean muscles flexed under her fingertips. To hear the way his breath caught when they were together. But there was no deep longing when they were apart. No passion. And Ella believed she had felt it once. Or at least she thought she had.

William lay down next to her. “ If we married, we could do both.” He tucked a piece of Ella’s hair behind her ear.

Ella let his words float away in the evening air. William had mentioned marriage plenty of times, but she had never let herself think about what that meant. What her life would look like. But maybe she should. “ What would we do if we married?”

“I’d love you.” He smiled.

“William. We cannot pay our debts with love.” And what would it mean if she didn’t love him? Could she learn that? More importantly, was it something she could live without until the end of her days?

“We would take over the mill. I’d work, and you’d help.” William said it as if that was common knowledge.

“And if I don’t want that?” She had never told him what she wanted because he had never asked. William was so eager to get to the end that he forgot about all the moments in between. And those were the moments that were harder than the beginning or the end. In the beginning love was new and easy, and by the end, well, everyone was just tired.

“Okay, tell me what my beautiful wife would like.”

Ella thought for a moment. “ A grand room with gold walls and a ceiling painted to look like the sunrise.” Ella smiled up at the night sky that peeked through the willow branches. “ And a maid. No , three, so I never have to wash a dish or launder a shirt again. And a cook that will make the most delicious sweets. Ones that will melt on your tongue. That’s what I would like.”

William went quiet.

Ella looked over at him. He could never give her that. His sadness made her feel guilty for wanting something more than this hard life. “ It was just a silly thought.” She didn’t even know where these thoughts came from.

“I can’t give you that. But I can promise to love you until the end of my days. To love and provide for you and our children. And if you want to paint our bedroom ceiling all the colors of the sunrise, I’ll hold the ladder for you. We will be happy. I promise.”

Ella sadly smiled as her silly dream vanished like a wish. “ Okay .” They lay there listening to the river. They watched as darkness crawled out from the woods; its cool fingers felt like a lover’s caress.

“It’s not enough, is it? You’ve never said you wanted such things.” William didn’t look at her.

If he had asked, she would have told him. But to be fair, she had never asked him what he wanted their life to look like, and now she wished she could forget it. Wipe the truth away.

William rolled over to face her. “ Our life will be filled with other things. Like children and family. Our life will leave a different mark on you.” He touched the pale scar on her lip. “ A happy one.”

Ella cupped his cheek. “ Let’s not worry about tomorrow.” Its weight proved too heavy for her to deal with right now. “ We have such little time together. Let us not waste it on the things we cannot control.”

William pressed a kiss to her mouth. She tugged at the hem of his shirt, desperate to feel the warmth of skin under her fingers. To lose herself in that hunger of his kisses. His hand slid up her shirt and cupped her breast, rolling her nipple between his calloused fingers.

“I love you, Ella . I’ll love you until death comes to claim me.” William kissed her neck. His fingertips danced over her ribs, moving down.

She couldn’t say it back. No matter how hard she tried to get the words to form, they would die on her tongue. So she kissed him back. She tugged his shirt over his head and helped him slip out of the rest of his clothes. She did the same, hoping she could show him that she did have feelings for him.

William pressed her down on the wool blanket. His kisses were warm on her stomach, his fingertips light on her hips. She had a desire for him, a need. But not love. She often wondered if she was capable of love. She hadn’t experienced the giddiness that Sissy often spoke of. The thought of Thane flashed in her mind. His sadness, and how badly she wanted to take that sadness away. To be with him.

Was that love? No , she couldn’t love a man she barely knew. That was lust for a very beautiful man. Stop thinking of other men while with William . Right , Ella reminded herself. William , who made his way back to her mouth and settled between her legs. She tangled her fingers in his hair and nuzzled his neck.

“What’s wrong?” William asked.

“Nothing.” Her voice was breathy. She didn’t want to think about anything but the need that grew low in her belly and William’s need that pressed against her inner thigh.

“Then why the sadness?” He rubbed his thumb under her eye, wiping away tears she hadn’t meant to shed. “ I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“No. This is not sadness.” She wrapped her legs around his waist. She needed his desire to burn away these feelings. To remind her this was her life or would be. And it was a fine life. One filled with a man who loved her. Who met most of her needs. Like this need. “ William , please.” She arched into him.

He smiled down at her. “ Well , since you asked so nicely…”

She closed her eyes, welcoming him into her body. Welcoming the warmth he brought as it spread throughout her limbs. She would learn to love him, learn to love this life, because her old one was the decay that was killing her.