Page 10

CHAPTER 10

ELLA

T he almost full moon was still hiding behind the clouds as Ella raced across the dusty floor of the barn and into the damp night air. The world around her looked different. Shadows danced on the muddy trail, begging her to follow them. She blindly chased after them. William followed, begging her to stop. She didn’t want his pity or his apologies. She wanted to disappear, to fade into the darkness. Please take me away, she begged the night that surrounded her. Her feet took her down a small game trail; branches and thorns pulled at her dress and skin. William’s pleas faded as the darkness took her into its warm embrace.

Ella stopped; her side ached from running. Somewhere she had lost her cloak and a slipper. She took the other one off and limped down the trail, unsure of where she was. The clouds parted, and the moon shone down brightly. The night air was cool on her damp skin. She limped down the trail, listening for William or the swollen river. You’re lost, she berated herself.

She pushed through the branches and undergrowth and found herself on a muddy road. A road she had no idea where it led to or where it ended. And to top it off, heavy clouds moved across the sky again. Fat raindrops hit her face and hands. Ella bit back the sob that clogged her throat. Tears would solve nothing. They wouldn’t get her home. They wouldn’t take back the words William said. They wouldn’t make her remember who she was.

But they were all she had.

She stood on the side of the road, unsure of what to do. She could turn around and hope to find William and his regrets. Or sit here and wait. Wait for something in her life to make sense. I just want to go home. Back to where I belong. Can’t someone help me? Only the wind and rain answered. No . She started down the road in what she hoped was the right direction toward the inn.

The rain fell harder, making it difficult to see the road. Her feet ached from walking for what felt like forever. In front of her, a yellow glow bobbed in the rain. She paused, wiping the water from her face. As it got closer, the jingle of harnesses rang out. Please let it be someone I know , she begged to whatever god was listening.

The carriage slowed and came to a stop. “ Ella ?”

She sobbed at the sound of Thane’s voice and the warmth it brought with it. “ I … uh, I’m lost. Can you please help me?”

“Gods below, of course. What happened?” Thane stepped closer to her.

Ella shook her head, backing away. “ Don’t . I’ll ruin your jacket. I’m wet and muddy, and I lost my shoe.” She didn’t pull away as he pulled her into his warm embrace. The soft scent of night filled her senses. She sagged against him, no longer caring if it was right or wrong. She wanted someone to be on her side. Anyone would do. Thane scooped her up and carried her to the carriage. She wished he would take her away. That he was, as Sissy said, some prince here to rescue her from the wicked truths. He set her down on the soft, dry seat of the carriage, wrapping his jacket around her.

“What happened?” Thane brushed the wet hair off her cheek.

“Albert showed up. And then William . And …” She looked down at her hands; they were covered in tiny scratches. “ I just want to go home. Please .” She hated how small and weak her voice sounded. She hated the way her body shivered and teeth chattered. How helpless she felt. She hated everything right now.

“It’s okay.” Thane knelt in front of her. His dark hair dripped on the floor of the carriage. The mud from her feet and dress stained the floor and velvet.

“I’ve ruined your carriage.”

“This old thing.” Thane smiled at her, catching the first tear that fell. It seemed to shimmer on his finger. “ Are you hurt?”

Not anywhere that he could fix. “ No . I just… I got lost. Can you take me home?”

“I would love to.” Thane sat back on the bench.

Ella tugged his jacket tighter around her shoulders, watching the muddy water shift on the floor of the carriage. She didn’t want to see the pity in Thane’s eyes. That was an emotion that people gave so freely. They never asked before they handed it out and expected the recipient to be grateful and accepting.

She took a deep breath, trying to clear the tears and disappointment that burned her eyes. “ Did you have a nice evening?”

“It’s ending better than it started.” He smiled.

Ella let out a strangled laugh. “ What tortuous event made finding me wet and muddy better?”

“Dealing with my father. He can suck the life out of any event.” Thane brushed the mud from his pants.

“I’m sorry about the mud. I’ll clean it up.” She should get used to cleaning things up. William had been right. She had no skills, nothing to offer anyone. She would work at some inn until her back became bent and hands chapped. And the sooner she let go of silly wishes of being something else, the sooner her life could start.

“Ella, what’s wrong?” Thane touched her knee.

“Why can’t I remember who I am?”

“I wish I could tell you.” Thane took an unsteady breath. “ Some believe we lose things we take for granted and only when we have made amends do we get back those things.”

Ella wiped the back of her hand under her nose. Great , with her luck, she would wake up and forget everything again. Ella played with the last bracelet on her arm. It was time to let go. She could sell it, maybe get enough money for passage out of Riverton . She didn’t want anyone here to witness her failure. Not William . Not Lillian . “ Do you know of anyone who will buy broken gold? We used to have a goldsmith in Riverton , but no one had gold to sell so he left.”

“I don’t think a goldsmith can offer you the true value of that gold. Where is this coming from?”

“I used to believe that things would be okay. That I would be okay. That one day I’d remember who I was. Or that someone else would and everything would just work out. But now…” Ella paused, not sure why she was telling him this. “ The inn is closing, and I have no skills. Sissy can grow wheat in a field of rocks. Clara can make a dress out of bed linens. I can’t even make a bed properly. I have nothing to offer a husband.”

“Not every man wants a wife who can bake bread or mend his shirts. Some men want a wife who will be his equal. Who will travel to the end of this world with him. Some men see their wives as more than caretakers.”

Ella lifted her head, finally meeting his gaze. The pity she had feared earlier had turned to sadness. “ Not in the world I live in.”

Before Thane could say another word, the carriage came to a stop, and the footman opened the door.

“Thank you for the ride. I’ll clean up the mess I made after the evening meal.” Ella ducked out of the carriage. The front door was bright with the welcoming glow of the lanterns. They had not been left on for her. She started walking to the back.

“Ella, where are you going?” Thane pointed to the front door.

Defeat sat so heavy on her chest she could barely take a breath. “ The front door is not for people like me. Thanks again for the ride.” She limped back to the garden gate. She headed for the kitchen when she remembered the plates. She pushed aside the willow branches to see the stark reminder of her future gleaming in the moonlight.

“Why are you here?” Ella said to the shadow waiting under the tree.

“I didn’t know where else to go. I was worried.”

She didn’t have the energy to deal with William . “ I’m tired, wet, and cold.” She picked up the plates, turning to leave.

“Ella, I’m sorry.”

“Me too. Now go home.” She pushed through the willow and made her way to the back door. The kitchen was dark and empty. The scent of yeast and lye filled the air. She set the plates in the wooden dish tub and filled a small bucket with water. The main hall lay empty, but the embers from the evening fire were still aglow. She trudged up the stairs to her room, where she peeled off her ruined dress and began washing the mud from her feet and hands. Her tears mixed with the dirty water.

Stop it, she screamed in her head. Tears will solve nothing. They make you weak and stupid. Did you think you were destined for something better than this? No . This is your life. Deal with it. Ella caught her reflection in the tarnished mirror. The scratches on her cheeks would match the scar on her lip.

When she first saw her reflection, she believed a girl who got a cut like that on her lip must have lived an exciting life. Now she questioned that. Maybe Mrs . A was right and she’d gotten the cut from an abusive husband or father. Perhaps she had been bad at her job, and her employer beat her. Perhaps it didn’t matter.

She changed into a clean night shirt and hung her wet skirt over the chair. Since she couldn’t sew and was behind on laundry it was all she had to wear tomorrow. She bit back a sob. She couldn’t even take care of herself.

There was a soft knock on her door. Ella opened it. “ Thane , I mean, Mr . Tenebris . You shouldn’t…”

“You left this.” He held up her slipper.

“Right.” She took it, examining the dirty leather. “ Thank you for the ride. I’ll clean your jacket and get it back to you by end of day tomorrow.”

“Ella.” His voice was so soft, it made her ache.

“I just want to be happy.” Her words came out in a sob. Everything weighed down on her. Not everything, the truth. Ella would be lucky to have Albert or even William . Beauty was not something that could be taken to the bank. You couldn’t buy a home with it. Or save a failing mill. And beauty was all she had.

“I know, love.” Thane pulled her into his warm embrace. He stepped them into her room, closing the door.

She should stop him. If anyone found him in here, it would… it would what? Ruin her? She was already worth nothing. She let him lead her to the bed and pull the blankets up around them. He pulled her into his embrace.

“You shouldn’t be here.” But she was happy he was. She didn’t want to be alone.

“No one will know. I’ll leave as soon as you fall asleep. Now close your eyes and dream of the place you call home.” His low voice soothed the chill from her bones.

She closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeat and to the rhythm of his breathing. “ Thane ?”

“Yes?” he whispered into her hair.

She opened her mouth, but the words didn’t come. Her thought seemed to slip away. And for once that was okay. It was easier to be empty than filled with all the possibilities of the unknown. Uncertainty was heavy, and carrying it around was exhausting.

“I know.” He pulled her tighter against him and kissed the top of her head. “ I don’t want to be alone either. I don’t want to think of all the things I should have done. The things I shouldn’t have said. I don’t want to worry about what tomorrow holds. I’m tired, and I don’t want to be alone.”

The tears started again. “ Me neither.”

“Then let’s just lie here. I’ll stop time so we can rest even if it’s just for one night.”

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you.” He pressed another kiss on the top of her head. “ Anything .”

She snuggled into his warmth. Tonight she’d allow herself this moment with him. Because tomorrow she would start living her life as Ella . She would forget whatever silly wishes she had about her forgotten life. She would give William a couple days. He’d said he was sorry, and she believed him. They’d save the mill and get married. They’d be fine.

If that were true, why did her heart still ache? Why did it feel like her past dug its claws deeper into this life? It wouldn’t let go.

“Don’t give up yet, dove. Please .”

Ella closed her eyes, letting the pet name float over her skin. It meant something to her. But she was too tired to let it go any further than that. It would have to wait.