Page 19

Eighteen

The Past….

Things had shifted at Impurity’s estate after my mother left. Impurity was already dark, but with mom gone for an entire year after he banned her from ever returning, he became the devil himself. I started to see major changes a month after she left. More women everywhere, all over his estate. Two months later, I heard screams from behind my closed bedroom door. Their screams of pain and fear echoed off of the stone walls.

I stopped wandering around the 105,000 square foot estate when I discovered that he kept women locked in cages. He openly had sex fests wherever he decided to without warning of the location. Julius was more than just a guard for me, he was my second guardian. He made sure that I ate, he brought books for me to read, and he even convinced my father to get me homeschooled so I could have a proper education.

My young eyes had seen things around this cold and eerie place, they made me intrigued by what all my father was into. I knew that he was powerful, everyone including myself feared him. I wasn’t sure if he was heartbroken, or maybe even bitter. I caught him in the act watching women perform sexual acts and if they didn’t do one thing that he commanded right, he’d get physical. I witnessed him kill with his bare hands.

I never saw him partake in any of what they did. My young, perverted mind wondered if he even had sex with any of them. I wanted to know all of the why’s, but what was the point? It all seemed twisted. My mind was in and out of reality and living through dreams of my mom coming back to love me and take me wherever she took Octavio to. I wondered if she went to go look for the brother that she mentioned Impurity getting rid of. Why couldn’t I be with my siblings? What was so wrong with me?

She claimed that she saw so much evil and corruption in me like she saw in Impurity. I felt like that wasn’t true, he just loved me more than she did. Months turned into an entire year of her absence. Today was my birthday, there was no ‘happy birthdays’, no gifts, or even a cake to acknowledge my special day. Impurity barely checked in on me, he’d see me in passing and grunt or mumble something that I couldn’t make out.

I laid on top of my soft black velvet sheets that pooled around me like an ocean that I couldn’t escape. I knew that I turned twelve years old. I had a Marvel calendar that Julius gifted me from all the books that he bought me for home studies in order to keep up with the dates and time of my class sessions. I looked around my room through puffy red eyes. A twelve-year-old should feel happy in a grand looking room with towering windows that framed the distant sky. While this place appeared to be beautiful, to me, it was cold with no love present.

My frail body trembled as I buried my head in the pillow, hoping to suffocate myself. My chest heaved with each sob that I released, my world felt split open with no one here to help me put it back together. Why did mom leave me? Why did she take my brother? She cradled him in her arms as if he was the only person that she had chosen to love. I could still hear her words of rejection, I tried to hate her, I wanted to believe all the bad things that Impurity had to say about her were out of hate and spite.

Sometimes, I did hate her with every fiber in my being, and other days, I yearned for her motherly touch. She messed my mind up when she was here. Days that she got along with Impurity; she treated me better. She hugged and loved on me, then there were those days where she hated him. She’d get drunk and say hateful things to me. I guess wishing she had the courage to say it all to Impurity.

How could a mother walk away from her child? How could a mother allow someone else to get rid of a baby and still stay to create more kids with him? I tried to be the good son, I was quiet and obedient to her and Impurity. In return, they both seemed disappointed in me. Nothing I did, ever felt like it was enough. That was evident to me because I was all alone in my room on my birthday with a million questions that roamed through my head that made me feel weak.

I heard heavy distinctive footsteps stop in front of my room door. Panic made me quickly jump up to wipe at my eyes and sit up straight to fix my posture. He hadn’t forgot my birthday! I smiled weakly as my bed room door opened. Impurity stepped inside of my room with blood-stained clothes. His ashy, toffee-colored face had blood specks covering it like freckles. His pitch-black eyes went from side to side wildly before they landed on me.

He gazed at me for what seemed like forever, my heart hammered in my chest.

“Feel nothing.” His voice was cold and raspy.

“I told you, boy. Empathy is nothing but weakness, a trap! Motherfuckers will use it against you, drain you then break you. Don’t give them that power or you will forever be the next person’s toy. They’ll play with you while your shiny and new. When you get old and rusty, they’ll toss you to the side. Like trash.” He gritted.

He stepped further into my room. He stopped when he was about four inches away then cracked his neck from side to side.

“Jalissa is a prime example. She was my fuck up, a mistake that I showed empathy to. I should have learned from my father’s fuck up. Before my mother came along, he used women for the only good thing that they were good for... Good pussy and to procreate to fill up this shitty world with more people.” He chuckled dryly.

His steel toe boots stomped toward the chaise that was in the corner of my room. He pulled out his tobacco baggie then tossed a handful in his mouth before he continued to talk.

“My mother is the reason why her and my father are dead. She was a whore, just like Jalissa. My mother was a strong and selfish woman. Her characteristics were masculine. She fought with my father and helped him run Arkville with the same cold bitterness as him. She slept around a lot; my father didn’t know much about it but when I found out through all the hidden handwritten letters that she kept in the basement...” He paused then spit out a gob of spit right on my marble floor.

“Di-did you tell him?” I asked.

“No, my father was cold…he treated everyone like they weren’t worth the dirt beneath the bottom of his boots. I started to hate my mother the day I found the letters. I didn’t understand how she had a man to love her inside out, all for her to betray him. He lucked up, if you ask me…She was the only person that he had ever showed emotion and love to. If I told my father, he would have killed her and me. He loved her more than me. He hardly ever recognized me as his son. He only acknowledged me for her approval. Til this day, I’m not sure who murdered both of my parents but my gut tells me every time I think about it… that it was her secret lover. The handwritten letters showed that he was in love with her deeply, he begged for her to leave my father and to run off into the sunset with him.” Impurity stopped talking for a couple of seconds.

He looked to be lost in his own painful memories, I saw raw emotions written on his face that I never seen before.

“Jalissa was nothing when I met her, just a shell with her beauty leading the way for her. She wasn’t supposed to be more than just a solid fuck for me. I never wanted kids, but I fell for her and tried to grant her wishes, even if it wasn’t fully fulfilled. I did my best because she was supposed to love me.” He munched hard on his tobacco leaves through each pained word he spoke to me.

“I was wrong, so now I’m sitting here to give you this little bit of advice, Detavio… You don’t need love. It’s just a chain, and a shackle that will hold you down then fuck up whatever vision that you have for yourself that keeps you going.” He stood up then spat out dark gooey spit again.

“Without Mercy…” He walked to the window and pointed out of it as a gesture.

“Without hesitation… Out in the world, they’ll laugh at your pain, they’ll mock you, all because you let love take ahold of you. I don’t know how to raise any kid, but what I’m telling you now is worth holding on to. I won’t trust a soul ever again with my heart, and I’d never show empathy, not even to you. I only kept you because I see so much potential in you to carry on the Decebal name when I am no longer here. If you have any emotion, you keep it to yourself and bury it. As long as you are here, on my land, you will stand tall. You will never show a soul your weaknesses. I mean it boy!” He pointed his black ink covered finger my way.

“You and I are more alike, and the older you get the more you will see. You’ll feel it more as you grow. The Temptation… He’ll come for you, like he did for me, he comes for all of us… and when he does, you’ll know that you belong to him. You’ll give in after a while too, because you will see how cursed and dark you are since God himself never lends a hand to help you out of the dark pit your stuck inside of. You know who he is…it’s what you think of me…” He chuckled dryly.

His words ate away at my mind like parasites.

“It’s time you start earning your keep around here. You turned thirteen today, right?” He smirked evilly.

“Twelve.” I corrected him, timidly.

“I turned twelve.” I repeated with confidence and a small swell of happiness bloomed inside of me.

“Doesn’t matter, you start work tonight. I can’t cut these bodies up alone to get them on ice fast enough to sell anymore. I just killed two of my best men for stealing organs and making a profit off of them. It’s time for me to keep it in the family. Plus, Herringbone will be getting me a PR to help me run for mayor of Arkville. While I’m busy learning how to properly speak and use all of these so-called professional terms, you will work in the pit whenever you’re asked to. I showed you already how to do it, now you will work until your old enough to decide what it is that you want to do. As long as you live here, the pit is your duty. You got ten minutes to get your emotions in check and get your ass down there to get to work.” He stomped toward the door.

“Oh, and I have a little treat for you later tonight. Julius mentioned that he had a doctor come check you out. He told me about the buckets of cum stained to your sheets and he said it’s abnormal. The doctor said it’s a rare condition and that it’s best for you to relieve yourself once every two hours. I hope you’re not gay like Octavio is ? —”

“I’m not!” I quickly answered.

“Then why do you jack off when there’s women all over this damn house?” He sneered as he looked over at me with disgust.

I didn’t know how to explain to Impurity that my hormones raged. I started jacking off a lot in my room after seeing all of the naked women around here. I witnessed them fucking and sucking on one another as he watched them intently like he was studying them for a quiz. I didn’t know what to do, so I fisted my dick and didn’t know who to tell after seeing all the cum that shot out of it.

“Speak boy!” his voice boomed.

“I don’t know, I see a lot of beautiful women and ? —”

“A closed mouth don’t get fed around here. You’re a man now, and a Decebal man at that. I’m sending one of the women up tonight after you finish work. You can consider it one of your first and last birthday gifts from me.” He walked out of the room.

Present…

The persistent hand that prodded at my shoulder woke me out of my deep slumber. I cracked my eyes open, disoriented; the harsh light stabbed at my eyes. I could smell his pungent ass before I fully laid eyes on him. Herringbone snorted and mumbled something under his breath as he called my name again.

His breath was foul, it smelled like old coffee and greasy fast food that he never brushed away. The smell radiating off of his body was rancid, like the smell of sweat mixed with an unwashed ass. The smell that came off of Herringbone was suffocating, it pissed me off that he dared to come around me smelling that way.

“I have to have answers for Impurity within the next hour or I’m done.” He spoke frantically.

I sat up in my chair and looked past Herringbone’s wide body. I locked eyes with Monster’s dark eyes as I quickly remembered that I was the reason for the patches on his arm and left leg.

“Mr. Herringbone, did you piss or shit on yourself?” I asked him.

I was growing angrier by the second.

“B-both, Impurity was quite upset when I called asking for his doctor. The one that you normally have on call is on vacation. I had to get here right away, no time to change…m—my diaper.” He stuttered over his words.

“Maylee was supposed to inform me of my doctor going on vacation.” I muttered more so to myself.

“What is going on? Why is Mon Mon injured?” He asked as he wiped sweat away from his pasty forehead.

“None of your concern. Tell Impurity that Jalissa paid me a visit. Let him know that I will come and see him in a few days. I plan on going to get Angel tonight,” I told him.

I eyed my watch and noted that it was eleven-o-clock at night.

“But—”

“Get your funky ass out of here!” I yelled at Herringbone.

He jumped and nodded his head quickly. When I mentioned Jalissa’s name, he looked as if he saw a ghost.

“If Jalissa paid you a visit…so willingly…thi—this is bad, Mr. Decebal…Your uh—father will want to see you right away. I can’t just deliver such news without further detail and?—”

“Go!” I gritted.

My fingers dug into the armrests of the seat that I occupied. Mr. Herringbone released a loud, wet fart. It clapped like thunder and echoed throughout the quiet room as if it had something to demand. He froze with a mortified look that covered his face. His entire body trembled as he clasped his hands together to apologize for his disgusting actions.

The muscles in my jaws clenched and for a split second, I felt myself getting ready to pull my Glock out and end him for the smell that reeked from his pungent body.

“I didn’t mean to.” He pleaded.

“You didn’t? So what? It’s an accident, like the smell of you pissing and shitting on yourself is?” I cocked my head to the side.

I didn’t even want to figure out why a grown ass man, confidently stood in front of me with a shitty and pissy diaper on.

“That’s disrespect to me and my brother’s presence, Mr. Herringbone,” I purposely stated, so he could relay that bit of information to Impurity too.

I looked over at Monster and he no longer looked our way. His eyes were glued to his phone. We needed to talk, and get some things straight.

“Bro-brother? Mon Mon, is your?—”

“Get the fuck out before I kill you, Herringbone.” I cut him off.

I could no longer bear the smell of him. I would rather smell a dead body then to allow him to continue to stand in my space reeking that bad. Herringbone opened then closed his mouth. Without another word, he hurried out of my private room.

“I never liked him,” Monster stated loud enough for me to hear him clearly just as Herringbone shut the door behind himself.

“Do you need anything before we have this conversation? Pain meds? Liquids?” I asked as I stood to scoot my seat closer to his bedside.

I kept medical equipment on the lower-level guest room, just in case of emergencies. Monster was shot, but I knew that I didn’t do the damage that I really could have done. I let my emotions take over without thinking rationally. A normal person would apologize, but I didn’t know how to utter such a word.

Monster sat up, the thin white sheet slid off of his body which exposed his bare chest and stomach. I eyed the deep scars that wrapped around him like a canvas. I wasn’t sure if all the tattoos on him was supposed to serve as some sort of distraction from all the deep cuts and scar wounds on him.

“I—”

“You thought I betrayed you. In the beginning, that was my initial plan…until I saw that you’re nothing like how Jalissa described you to be.” He cut me off, getting to the point.

My shoulders dropped as I felt the unease that crawled under my skin. It was an itch that I couldn’t scratch. I trained myself to control my emotions by always keeping them in check. My usual calm was missing, I didn’t know what words to use to say to Monster. He was my brother, and the longer I stared at him the more of Jalissa mixed with Impurity’s features I saw. He was just darker which probably hid who he resembled more.

I clasped my hands tightly in front of me, my thumb fingernails dug into the palm of my hand. My throat tightened, then a strange unfamiliar lump formed there. I wronged a lot of people, but this… Sitting in front of Monster, seeing his scars and to think about all the rejection and the life that he lived prior to starting work for me, made me feel sick in the stomach.

A flood of emotions hit me all at once. I still didn’t trust him, I never knew who to trust in my life. I shifted my gaze to the ground and started to feel like the young and weak boy who lived in Arkville.

“I don’t know what to say,” I stated lowly.

Disappointment gnawed at me, the word ‘sorry’ swirled in my mind, it mocked me. Should I apologize? Where do me and Monster go from here? I didn’t know how to crack open the armor that had been in place for so long.

“I don’t know what to say either.” Monster huffed.

I stood up and instantly wanted to sit back down. I remained solid on my feet as I took steps toward Monster with the weight of the world sitting on my shoulders.

“Will you ever tell me…what all happened to you? You don’t have to, but I always wanted to know…since a kid, where my big brother was at. I was jealous of you without ever knowing you. I thought Jalissa went to go find you, and love you like she did Octavio.” The more I talked to Monster, the thicker the lump grew in my throat.

“I thought?—”

“You thought that I had it better than you, we’ve all been fucked. I’ve been fucked inside and out, it’s so bad that… I still want to look the man that supposed to be my father… in the eyes…just to ask him why? Did he know that after he sold me for a hefty price that I would be subjected to vile things that no infant or kid is supposed to endure. I don’t know what love is, I don’t know who I am either, I have nothing and?—”

“You have me.” I dropped my head in defeat.

“I’m fucked up, my soul doesn’t even belong to me. What you see standing in front of you, is what you will get. I don’t know no other way to be. I’ve accepted who I am, and I know who I am. I’m a monster, a thorn that’s deeply rooted in the ground. You’re just as dark as me, we both lacked the tools in life to ever be normal. I’m okay with that now, you have to become okay with it too. You will never get the answers that you expected to receive from Impurity. He has accepted the dark forces that roam the belly of this earth as his owner. He’s accepted who he is and will never try to deny or fight it. Death will be nothing to him, because he doesn’t have a conscience to eat him alive while he is still breathing. Every man has a weakness though, no matter how good they try to hide it. I control me…” My words trailed off.

“I control me as well.” Monster added.

“I hold all the power to control whatever happens to me in this lifetime as well.” I continued.

“And so do I.” Monster sat all the way up.

We both embraced silence for a while until his phone went off. Monster looked at his phone screen for a while before looking up at me.

“Natavi, you cannot kill her.” His eyes darkened.

“How will she feel about you… if she finds out that your brother is behind killing her best friend?” I asked.

“You’re not going to kill, Angel.” Monster offered a fleeting smile.

“You’ve been watching her for close to a month now, you could have killed her in the coffee shop or in her parent’s home. You convince yourself of killing her but that’s not going to happen, Detavio,” Monster stated confidently.

“I am going to kill her!” I reassured him.

“Do it tonight since you’re so sure about it.” He chuckled dryly.

“I will, I haven’t killed her because it’s been entertaining watching her.”

I couldn’t believe that I was standing here lying… partially. It had been entertaining toying with Angel. But why haven’t you killed her yet? I asked myself, feeling frustrated with myself. I buttoned the top button on my suit jacket and took a step away from Monster’s bedside.

“After tonight, there will be no Angel Willis living,” I stated.

“We will see.”