Page 28 of The Enemy’s Defector (Ivanov Syndicate #3)

KATERINA

I ’d hoped that coming to the Ivanov building with Nik would give me a sense of security. It would take a while before I could feel like it was home . Yet, after the second day of being in the building, I wondered when either of those things could happen.

From the moment I woke up on the first day there, I was subjected to a whirlwind of activity. And it hadn’t let up by the end of the week.

When I left Nik’s apartment and sought him out, I wasn’t shocked that he was talking with his brothers.

He was close to them—always was and always would be.

The Ivanov brothers were a tight-knit group.

I’d never scorn their closeness. In fact, I was more envious of the fact that they always had each other no matter what.

As an only child with no cousins, I felt robbed of companionship all my life.

Of course, he would’ve hurried to talk with them. And of course, he’d be talking about me. I hadn’t lingered in the hallway for long to listen in and eavesdrop, but I’d heard enough.

The Ivanovs not trusting me in their home was the precise problem that I counted on facing here.

This was the argument I’d made to Nik about his plan for our marrying.

It was no secret that I was supposed to be the enemy, and I wasn’t sure what it would take to convince them that this enemy status was only given to me because of my name.

Nothing else.

After that breakfast, I felt unconvinced that Maxim would fully warm up to me.

He’d always been more serious than Nik, and as the eldest brother who was now in charge of the organization and the family while Grigory recovered further, it made sense that Maxim would be more tense and serious.

Still, I couldn’t be mad at Maxim. He was the boss now, the Ivanov leader, and he had to do what he thought was best. I couldn’t blame him for being a leader, and there wasn’t any excuse I could give for Anton’s behavior since he’d killed my father.

That was just the condition of this shitty situation.

Damon seemed iffy toward me too, but then again, I couldn’t really fault him, either.

He was more implicated with me—and Lucy—because of that marriage arrangement.

I hated to think that he saw my presence here as a threat to his marriage with Lucy.

I’d told her that I’d contact her when it was “safe” to divorce her husband, without even knowing which brother she’d married.

Clearly, they had no desire to separate.

Instead, they seemed to view me as a threat to their marriage and happiness.

Besides, I was here as Nik’s wife now. It pained me that they couldn’t get past the deception I’d pulled off in sending Lucy here. It wasn’t a good example of my honesty or that anyone could trust me.

But didn’t it work out better this way?

If I hadn’t sent Lucy here in my place for that marriage arrangement, Damon and Lucy never would’ve met and fallen in love.

If I hadn’t refused to fulfill that outdated agreement between Grigory and my father, I wouldn’t have been at home to locate Nik when he was beaten the worst.

Be patient, Kat.

It’ll take time.

Just don’t push them and be open.

That seemed easier said than done when I was prevented from fully being part of the family.

I had yet to meet Sloane. Anastasia was away.

And Grigory was too temperamental for Nik to bring me to him to see him.

The poisoning had altered him and his personality was volatile now, so perhaps keeping me from Grigory was more for my safety than his.

Besides the awkwardness of trying to fit in, I was vexed and overwhelmed with the medical services. Now that we weren’t on the run and I was privy to all that Nik had, that included thorough medical care.

A team of a doctor and nurse came to the building for my first prenatal checkup, but I wasn’t on board with keeping everything at “home”.

I smirked at Nik as he stood near the foot of the bed in a guest room on the main level while I sat there and waited for the bloodwork to be sent in. The doctor—who was sweet—and the nurse—who was chipper—were fine. But I wasn’t content with this plan I had no say in.

The moment both of them stepped out of the room, I glared at Nik. “All I’m saying is that when the time comes, I’d rather have this baby in a hospital.”

He shrugged. “Tough shit.”

“No. Tough shit for you ,” I corrected. He wouldn’t bully me or control me just because that was what he was used to. “I can deal with having the checkups and appointments here with them traveling to do these things on your turf, but I am having this baby in the hospital.”

“The hell you are.” He furrowed his brow, watching me stand, then shook his head as if I were a pain in the ass.

“I don’t understand why this has to matter so much in the first place.

” He shoved his hands in his pockets, defensive in this pose.

“Most women would appreciate this. Not having to go for frequent appointments. Doing things on your schedule. No waiting rooms.”

“It’s not the matter of convenience,” I argued as I crossed my arms.

“I don’t care.” I pushed past him and stormed out of the room. “I’m not having this baby at home. If I have to drive to the hospital myself, then I will.”

He stormed after me, not letting me have the last word. I wasn’t sure where the hell I was even going, but moving away from him seemed like the sanest option.

“The fuck you will,” he argued. “Stop and think for a second how this makes me feel.”

I growled, spinning to glower at him. “How you feel? How you feel? You came inside me and that’s it. I’m the one carrying this baby. I’m the one being pregnant. I’m the one who’s delivering this child. It’s me . My body and health care. You’re a spectator for now!”

He loomed over me, not giving an inch. “I’m not denying that.

But stop and think about how I feel at the idea of taking you to the same fucking place where I was kidnapped.

Consider for a second how I have to grapple with the concern about your being taken at that same parking lot. That I could be taken from you again.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Oh, cut the crap. You had your phone with you the whole time you were in captivity. Yes, you were taken, but you chose to stay captured, all for spying on those who schemed against you.”

He gritted his teeth, seething.

“And don’t you dare talk down to me about letting me out of this house.

I was with you as we ran. I protected you ”—I jabbed my finger at his chest—“I took a bullet for you. I killed for you. So don’t even think about acting like I’m some helpless damsel in distress who can’t handle this life, Nik. ”

He stepped away for a second then rounded back at me. “You are my wife now. You can’t act like you have to have your way just for the hell of it anymore.”

“Who says I am?”

“Me! I bring you here and offer you the best care—at home, at your convenience—and you can’t be grateful for my protection?—”

I growled, shoving at him with both hands.

Guards tensed behind him, ever-present in the background.

“Fuck your convenience, Nik. How do you think you’re going to protect me when I start bleeding to death during delivery?

Huh? Are you going to set up an operation room and stock it just in case?

What about when the best surgeon struggles to keep me alive?

What then? You’re going to employ multiple experts to come here and handle the situation? ”

He furrowed his brow, stepping back. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about trying to meet you in the middle, Nik.

I understand I’m a ‘guest’ here until I get everyone’s approval.

I understand that the guards standing right behind you aren’t fully convinced I’m not a threat and an enemy just because I was a Kozlov, that if I dare to speak up and fight with you, they might try to detain me. ”

He whipped around to glare at them.

“And I am grateful that you married me and brought me here to keep this baby safe. But try to get your head out of your ass and not be so domineering for one damn second to realize that not having standard medical care in a hospital might feel like a death sentence to me when my mother died giving birth to me. That having this baby will already be scary enough that I’d feel much more comfortable near the best resources to keep me alive. ”

Spent with that rant, I huffed out one last breath and stormed away from him.

He could let that sink in his dense head. Of course, he’d be protective. But he had to listen to me too.

I didn’t get far.

After whirling around, I stopped short at the sight of Lucy and another woman standing next to her. The leggy blonde raised both brows at me while my former maid frowned.

“What?” I snapped.

I could blame it on emotions. But I was able to hold it all in.

The tension of coming here. The anxiety of wanting to belong and be welcomed.

Then the fear of having to go through all my prenatal care and birth at home instead of at a stocked hospital with qualified care freaked me the hell out.

My patience was shot, and I hated that every second that I acted sassy and stubborn and combative would be more strikes against anyone wanting me here.

The blonde slowly smiled as she nodded. “Yeah, I like her.”

Lucy rolled her eyes. “Not now, Sloane.”

I shook my head, feeling like a freak show put on stage. Now that I’d argued so heatedly with Nik, I felt the opposite. I was crashing from that rush and all I wanted to do was go back to bed and nap.

To hide.

No one stopped me on the way back to the apartment.

Nik didn’t join me either, likely off talking with his brothers again.

He had a lot to catch up with. But idle like this, without anything to investigate, nothing to hack, my mind was too open and free.

As I lay in bed, I was flogged with worries about Nik expecting me to literally be locked up here when I’d be most vulnerable.

Until now, I hadn’t really stressed about the delivery.

The reminders that I’d grown up without a mother seemed small and non-threatening because I was only in the beginning of my pregnancy.

That fear of having the same fate as my mother felt so far away.

But meeting the doctor and nurse and going through the preliminary tests and exams put it all into perspective.

If I hadn’t married Nik and come here, if I’d chosen to be a single mother and on my own in the world, I wouldn’t have been subjected to this trapped feeling. This concept of having no control.

And it’s not like I’d be missing out on anything else.

Tears streaked over my cheeks as I lay in bed, crying silently.

Because he only married me for the baby. He only brought me here to keep his child safe and cared for.

I wiped the moisture on my cheeks away.

It’s not like he married me out of love.