Page 21 of The Enemy’s Defector (Ivanov Syndicate #3)

KATERINA

T his was what I’d been waiting for. This was exactly what I’d always dreamed of.

Nik Ivanov, choosing me to be his wife.

When I was a girl, Maxim, Damon, and Saul teased us about it. That it would be Katerina and Nikolai, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First would come marriage and then a baby.

It turned out we were doing that classic childhood taunt backward. He’d knocked me up and now he was asking me to marry him.

Or demanding it.

I couldn’t do anything but hug him as his offer continued to rock through me.

I was suspended in disbelief that he’d actually mentioned marriage.

Every day we’d been on the run and hiding while I hacked and searched and he wondered and strategized, I’d been experiencing this weird unease.

With one foot in and one foot out, I’d been nervous what his long-term intentions might be toward me after I’d run from my uncle and he’d gotten out of captivity.

It seemed that I had my answer now.

As he slowly released me, he lowered to both knees in front of me.

He really was proposing. On his knees before me, like this, I couldn’t feel inferior or dismissed.

His brown gaze was locked on me, but it wasn’t only hope or the hint of love that shone in them.

Instead, he stared at me with an expectant determination.

Like he counted on me to cooperate about this.

“Katerina?” He cleared his throat, looking not afraid or shy but roguish as he peered up at me. That stubborn lock of dark brown hair fell over his brow—like it always did and added to his sexy appearance as a bad boy—and I brushed it aside.

If this was the one and only time I’d ever be asked to marry someone, I wanted to have a clear line of sight of his eyes.

I sighed, wishing my heart would feel happier and lighter with this happening.

All my life, it had lurked in the back of my mind.

Nik was the boy I’d chased after when we were childhood friends.

He was the fellow teenager stuck in the Mafia lifestyle who commiserated with me at parties and galas we both had to attend.

And he was definitely the man I’d wanted to give up my virginity to.

But… something held me back from fully smiling at the sight of this strong Ivanov spy on his knees, looking at me so earnestly as he held my hands.

“Will you marry me?”

Hearing the words aimed at me struck me with how much my life was changing.

Killing my uncle’s favorite soldier was a life-changing event.

So was risking it all to save Nik. Having sex with him was also a milestone of so much change because our baby would be here and counting on me—or us—to keep him or her safe.

Change was a given. It was the only thing guaranteed in our existence because nothing ever lasted forever, the good or the bad. Nik asking me to marry him was just one more shift in my life, but I felt pressured to interpret his motivation behind it.

He’d called it a marriage of convenience.

And that stung.

If he hadn’t worded it like that, if he’d at least allowed me the loose hope that there could be real love between us and not just hot sex, I bet I wouldn’t have felt so stuck and awkward.

If he hadn’t emphasized the urgency of our marrying for the purpose of safety, no reservations or hesitations would have crossed my mind.

Don’t. Don’t do this, Kat. Don’t sabotage it all.

This is Nik.

The only guy you’ve ever tolerated and wanted.

I swallowed hard and tried my best to smile.

Even though it broke my heart to realize he only wanted to marry me because of the baby, I wanted to latch on to the thread of optimism that, maybe with time, he’d love me.

It was hard not to worry that his goals to unite us officially were out of necessity, not love, but I had to do what was best for this new life.

Time would tell whether the Ivanovs would truly respect that I was Nik’s wife. I doubted they’d trust me after learning that I was literally expected to marry into their family to be a spy.

But if they could welcome me and extend their protective services to me and my child, then I’d be a fool not to go for this.

I owed my baby the best and safest life possible, and that would be far more realistic with the Ivanov force behind me. Not staying on the run as a single mother.

“Yes.” I whispered it in a rush. Before I could second-guess it any further, I gave Nik my answer with that one stark word that would change the rest of my life.

He stood, kissing me swiftly, and I wanted to believe that my yes to marry him meant that the rest of my life would change for the better.

“I will keep you safe,” he repeated after he kissed me. “This baby will never be harmed.”

I smiled again, masking my uneasiness. But do you only want to offer me security? What about love?

The Ivanov brothers weren’t open to love and letting themselves be vulnerable for women. But perhaps there was hope. Maybe with this baby, Nik could risk his heart for both of us in the future.

The future came sooner than I could’ve realized.

After we showered and found the most habitable studio apartment on this floor of the building, I lay down to rest. That adrenaline crash took me out, from the run to safety, the danger of being shot, and the wickedly hot sex.

As I napped, it seemed that Nik wasn’t eager to waste a second.

I woke late that night to him encouraging me to get up and get ready.

Yawning and rubbing my eye, I peered at him. “What’s going on?”

“You forgot already?” He grinned at me, one of those hot-as-hell smiles that looked so disarming yet naughty. “We’re getting married.”

That woke me all the way up. “Wait. Now ? This soon?”

He furrowed his brow as he frowned, urging me to get up out of bed. “Yeah. This soon. Are you having second thoughts already?”

“No. No.” I stood, shaking my head. “I’m not. It’s just…” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “This is really soon.”

“All the better, I guess. Less time for you to think twice and change your mind,” he joked.

I blinked, snapping to the more I moved around. He’d already set my laptop bag near the door. We’d just gotten here and now we were on the run again. Or maybe this would mean he’d take me to his home now, where we could really rest and stay in place for more than a tense moment.

“I’m not going to change my mind. This is just so fast.”

He nodded. “It is. But I insist on it. I’ve reached a contact who arranged for an officiant who can make this official. We’ll hurry and meet him at the location I was provided, and then we can go home to tell my family.”

Aha. So, I was right. He did intend to relocate me to the Ivanov building. I wouldn’t ever doubt his promise to keep me safe, but damn, this was happening quickly. It was a blur of activity, and I felt like I was lagging to catch up.

“Right now?” I asked again, wincing. The bandage on my arm was stiff with dried blood. It made me feel grimy and dirty, on top of the general sensation of being dusty in this empty warehouse-like structure that was modified to subpar housing options.

“Yes.” He arched one brow.

“Can I shower first? Or…” I shrugged, rotating my arm to ease the tightness in my muscles while being careful with my wound. I wasn’t sure what else I could ask. It wasn’t like I could expect a dress or a gown. No makeup or effort to do my hair. We were on the run, hiding from killers.

“Hey.” He noticed my uneasiness, so attuned to me like that. “I know this isn’t what you might’ve dreamed of.”

I rolled my eyes. “Stop. I was never one of those girly girls who dreamed about big, fancy weddings.” The only thing I ever dreamed of was that you’d be my groom.

“But this is sudden.” He lowered his head to get more to my eye level as he welcomed me into a hug. Leaning against his hard chest soothed me, and I listened to him at the same time I felt the vibration of his words.

“I don’t need anything elaborate. But, well, just look at me.”

He huffed, stepping back to give me a long, wicked once-over.

“Oh, trust me. I see you. And I very much like what I see, Katerina. I would want you no matter what you look like or wear. Filthy or clean.” He hugged me again to kiss my neck.

“In a dress or something like this.” Another kiss higher up my neck and near my ear.

“Naked,” he added in a seductive whisper before kissing closer to my ear once more.

Are you only like this for the sex?

Only marrying me for the sake of the baby?

I hated to feel so greedy. Yet, was I wrong to wish for his love? After losing my father and not having any other family, I was overdue for affection and belonging to someone in love.

“We can do this again later,” he added as he stepped away. “I promise. Whatever you want.” He smiled, not at all bothered about literally rushing at warp-speed toward a wedding.

Whatever I want? Even your love?

I shrugged. “No. I get it. This is urgent and…” God, I couldn’t even find the false words to say to cover up how I felt about this. What if he never loves me? What if it’s only ever a marriage of convenience that he’s forced into? Is only physical intimacy good enough to last between us?

“We can do a wedding later. Get you a gown and all of those things.” He didn’t look back at me as he headed toward the door. I followed, slinging my backpack strap over my shoulders, mindful of my wound.

I didn’t really care about those things. I had no close friends or people to have as a guest at a ceremony, except Joann. I never cared about dresses and designer gowns, preferring practical attire that wouldn’t impede me from being on my laptop and at the screen.

“The officiant will have a couple of rings for us, but we can renew vows or whatever and have custom ones made. Or use something in the family vault.”

Again, I didn’t care. All that mattered was that I was marrying him and I could lean on the faint hope that he might love me one day.