Page 10 of The Enemy’s Defector (Ivanov Syndicate #3)

NIKOLAI

M y body couldn’t take any more. I was too weak to stand, too exhausted to walk.

When Katerina found a bedroom in the safehouse, the sight of a bed was like an oasis in the distance.

A mirage of relief. The mere concept of lying down on a mattress or soft surface was a luxury I would never take for granted.

After a month of being dragged around and tossed onto hard floors and dirty surfaces, the simple bed looked like heaven.

Even though she tried to be gentle as she lowered me to the bed, I let gravity take over. Slumping down fast, I braced for the hit. Then as my tired body sank to the plush yet thin blanket, I sighed.

“Wait. Just sit for now. Let me clean you up first,” she protested.

I shook my head, rolling my face over the blanket but not having the willpower to fully lift it. “No. I’m not getting up.” I wasn’t sure if I could.

“All right.” She stepped back. “Then don’t. Stay here.”

I grunted a weak laugh. Where the hell else could I go? I was a sack of bones, depleted of all energy after giving it all to run with her and get out of there.

I was still stunned that she’d just shown up. That she was the one who dared to break me out.

I hadn’t found the time to think through the reasoning for her risky behavior. But now as I listened to her leaving the room, the sound of running water, and then her returning steps back in here, I planned to find out what I could now.

Before I succumbed and fell asleep. Because I had held on for as long as I could. With this brave woman near me, I could finally relax and recharge. Our names meant we had to be enemies, but deep inside, I knew she could be trusted to have my back. She wouldn’t have risked freeing me otherwise.

“Did your uncle order me to be taken?” I asked. It was a blunt and direct approach to what I needed to know.

“I don’t know,” she replied, unbothered by how curt I was.

“He’s involved, obviously, since you were moved to one of the old guesthouses on his property.

But I don’t know if he ordered you to be taken.

You know as well as I do that Anton has served the purpose of housing others’ captives since he has so much land. ”

Huh . Interesting . Her wording mattered. She’d called it his property. She didn’t call it their property, as if she saw no ownership over it. She had distanced herself from Anton by freeing me. But I wondered how else she was motivated to break from her family.

I thought back to her saying they’d be even now.

That could only mean one thing. Anton had killed Thomas all those years ago. It was the proof she’d wanted for so long, and for her to be against her uncle now, she had to know that fact, not just speculate about it.

She let out a long breath as I rolled over to face her, then slowly sat up. I saw the worry on her face, and I appreciated how she brought pillows forward so I could lean on them.

“I first heard the rumors that you had been taken a month ago.”

“Yes. I was taken just days after you and I…” I glanced at her, wondering if she’d like a reminder of what we’d shared that one night.

She cleared her throat and focused on gingerly removing my shirt.

Days after she took my clothes off, in other circumstances.

“Yes.” She refused to make eye contact. “Days after I helped you look into the surveillance from when Grigory was poisoned.”

I winced as she removed my shirt fully. The open air on my wounds worsened the sting of raw flesh.

“I figured my uncle was behind it or involved, so I started checking cameras for where you could’ve been hiding. I didn’t find anything until recently. Not for the lack of trying.” She furrowed her brow, and I wondered if that was guilt she was hiding.

“Anton was in Greece all month, so I searched through as many properties as I could.”

“Searched for me?”

“Yes. And no.” She glanced at me with a stubborn frown. “I was looking for the missing surveillance records of when my father died. So, I checked as many places as I could while he wasn’t home to supervise what I did.”

“Did you find it?” It’d be pointless to ask if she found me. Clearly, she had.

She nodded. “I did. With that search over, I knew my time was running out to stay?—”

“Why?” She hinted at a threat, and I hated that she’d ever be in danger like that. I caught her hand and watched her closely. “Because Anton would be home again?” It was no secret she hated the man, but she’d been stuck living with him as his only niece.

“Yes. And because once he got home, he wouldn’t be pleased with how I’d defied his orders.” She wetted a rag and began wiping off the blood that coated me, her careful gaze inspecting my wounds as she likely calculated how she could help me with them.

“What orders?” I asked, breathing through the pressure of her delicate and careful touch on my wounds.

“To marry.”

I caught her hand and stared her down. “What?”

The idea of this woman belonging to another man filled me with instant anger. She couldn’t. She just couldn’t be with someone else. I’d grown up knowing she could never be mine, delegated to only be my enemy because of her uncle, but I hated the thought of her with any other man.

Jealousy gripped me and I couldn’t shake it off.

“Apparently, my father made an arrangement with Grigory many years ago. To unite me with one of his sons.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I never heard of it.”

“I didn’t either until over a month ago when Anton found the paperwork in an office. Anastasia was surprised when Anton’s representative contacted her about it, and then with Grigory still recovering, he didn’t recall it.”

I sighed as she continued wiping the blood away. Cool touches of the wet rag became more soothing than irritating. My father couldn’t remember much with how altered he was from being poisoned.

“Did it say which of us you were supposed to marry?” I asked. Thomas Kozlov offering his daughter to us made sense. He was good friends with Father. But if the arrangement was forgotten and Anton disliked us… “Wait. He wanted you to fulfill the arrangement now ?”

She nodded, then shook her head. “No, it didn’t specify which brother. And yes, he insisted that I go marry someone in your house immediately.”

“What for?” I narrowed my eyes again.

She rolled hers and smirked. “Why else? To spy for him.”

Not that she would. Katerina would never obey Anton.

“I sent my maid instead,” she admitted. “I told her that she only had to marry someone, then once I found the proof I needed that Anton had killed my father, I’d run away and help her divorce.”

Holy fuck. I blinked, surprised at how cunning this woman was to get the proof she’d wanted for so long. It mattered that much. But that was to be expected. She’d really loved her father and I knew she still missed him.

I tried and failed to imagine Damon or Saul married to her maid. My fraternal twin, Damon, was too much of a demonic killer, too dark to welcome a wife. Saul, my youngest brother, was too much of a carefree player to settle down.

Even though Katerina was here before me, clearly not taken, I was stunned by this irrational possessiveness I had over her.

If she were to run away for good or marry someone else, I’d lose all that I had with her.

The tentative friendship. The collaborations of her hacking and me spying.

Our mutual distrust of Anton. And that one night of hot passion when we’d both snapped.

I didn’t want to lose her at all.

But she can’t be yours.

That fact wouldn’t change. Every minute that we spent together here like this was a risk. If she were caught getting me free, she’d be dead. If my family knew that she was supposed to come to our home to spy on us, she’d be scorned.

Katerina was at more risk being with me—as my lover, maybe as a friend, and definitely as my aid to breaking out. She would be safer far from me, apart from me as I continued this investigation into who could’ve ordered my kidnapping.

I’d do anything to protect her. I was so delirious with wanting her and missing her that I couldn’t accept that she’d fare better away from me.

Just being alone, in the same room with her, was an extreme test on my control and patience.

If every inch of my body weren’t screaming in agony from Hayden’s last, brutal beating today, I would’ve had the energy to grab this woman and hold her close to kiss her sweet lips again, to embrace her and absorb every inch of contact between us to be reinvigorated again.

She can’t be yours.

I lowered my gaze, hating that reminder with renewed disappointment.

Because she already felt like she was mine.

In so many ways, Katerina was mine . Maxim and my brothers had always given me shit for how close Katerina and I seemed to be.

We’d never been able to fully distance ourselves from each other after Anton took over her family and the friendship with our family faded.

Katerina had always been there as the woman I wanted the most.

But now, as she risked herself by freeing me, an ultimate sign of defecting from her uncle and disobeying his wishes, I didn’t know how to ease her into my life and make her mine for real.

Could it be that simple? Just take her, marry her, and keep her? Anton could fuck off and I’d convince my brothers to trust her. They used to, when we were kids. We got along then. It’s not her fault Anton ruined our families’ alliance.

I wanted to believe it could be that simple and possible. That I could feasibly whisk her home and make her mine.

But in order to do that, I had to have more answers. I couldn’t go home at all yet, not when other contractors could be waiting for orders to take or kill my brothers and family members. I had come so close to sticking it out and waiting for someone to speak up and let a clue slip.

I had to know who was the mastermind behind my kidnapping, who was out to ruin my family.

Until I could accomplish that, what kind of safety could I ever dream to offer Katerina?

None. I’ll have no promise of security to offer her until I know who the fucking enemy is.

“Nik?” She cupped my face gently, lifting my head until I gazed into her worried blue eyes.

I turned out of her touch, hating to deprive myself of her sweetness and concern.

I couldn’t.

Not now. The second I went soft for her and let her into my heart any more than she already was, I’d be distracted and unfocused.

“I’m going to shower,” I told her, getting up to move toward the bathroom, wherever one might be in here.

Standing was easier said than done, though. I was wobbly on my knees and instantly out of breath.

But she was there, flush against me, holding me up, ever-present as the anchor I wanted and needed to survive the stormy reality of my life.

“Thanks,” I said, unwilling to look her in the eye as I said it—too little and too late. “Thanks for your help.” Claiming one step to the side, I squeezed her hand. “But I’ve got this.”

The trip to the shower was agony, but putting this little bit of distance between us was critical.

I couldn’t keep my head in the game when she was in my space like that, teasing me to want a forever with her when nothing seemed safe anymore.