Page 19 of The Enemy’s Defector (Ivanov Syndicate #3)

KATERINA

I lay there on the couch, keeping my eyes closed. I couldn’t tell if it was because that was the first time I’d actually gone all the way and had anal sex or because it was Nik and we’d just run for our lives.

Oh, yeah.

Stinging aches kicked in on my flesh. Now that the bliss of my orgasm faded, reality resumed.

I had been shot, too. There was that to contend with now that we’d basically vented our anger and fucked our way to a truce—again.

It couldn’t be healthy to rely on coming together and really “communicating” with sex.

It cheapened our chances of a real relationship, but then again, we weren’t a pair of ordinary individuals.

I doubted many others dallied with romance while also running for their lives and solving mysteries of who ordered whom to be killed or taken.

“Whoa,” I uttered on a long exhale. It seemed like I’d expelled that reaction—or praise—a couple of times now since we’d come. But that was all I was capable of. A one-word exclamation, shared in a holy-shit-that-was-intense tone.

“Yeah.” He slowly eased out of me, gentle as he withdrew versus the deliciously hard pounding force of how he’d stretched me as he entered me there. “Whoa.”

I opened my eyes. I heard the smile in his smug voice. Seeing the slow lift of his lips as he grinned was worth it. He would always be worth it. To make him smile. To make sure he lived. Recalling how mad he was to assume that my life could somehow matter more than his…

You silly, stupid man.

How can you not know how much you matter to me? How much I want you to live and prosper so we can be together someday? If we ever really can.

Adrenaline ceased to pump my heart as fast. I relaxed, coming down from the high of coming so hard in a new and taboo way that had thrilled me.

Maybe it was the heat of the moment that made this seem so damn exciting and hot.

Or maybe it was just him. Us. The fact that we were together against all odds, hiding and on the run like this.

As I breathed steadier and acclimated to the feeling of him leaving me there, I watched him stand fully off the couch.

He didn’t bother pulling on his pants. Instead, he stepped out of them and retreated.

A naked sight of Nik like this would forever be my favorite.

Without the intensity of his lusty stares, he simply looked sated.

Calmer. Content because of me and what we’d done.

His skin was taut, showing off how toned he was as he walked out of the room.

Giving me a full look at his backside, he didn’t seem the least bit modest. I had a full view of his ass, toned and sculpted above the long, thick trunks of his muscular legs.

When he returned to me, still naked, he gave me a long glimpse of his front.

His arms flexed as he used a rag to wipe off his dick.

No matter how slowly or quickly he moved, he presented an intriguing show of live art.

All this tats that he hid beneath his usual suits moved and danced as his muscles were put to work.

I never had much time to admire the ink he had done on his arms, chest, and down toward his dick, so I always took a chance to look my fill when I could.

“Like what you see?” he taunted as he reached me. Without another word, he parted my legs again to wipe me off carefully, using a second cloth he’d brought for me.

“I do,” I admitted, unafraid to be that honest.

You know I do.

“Likewise,” he admitted gruffly once he’d cleaned me up. Holding on to my upper back as he slipped his hand behind me, he urged me not only to sit up but also to fall against him for a kiss.

I sighed at the touch of his mouth on mine, but moving this much reignited the fiery pain that radiated from my wound on my arm.

“Ouch,” I whispered once I was fully seated upright.

“I bet it stings, but it’s not as bad as I feared.” After leaning over to get his pants, he sat on the table in front of the couch and faced me to inspect the gash on my skin. “Let me get another cloth to clean it.”

I watched him get up again, and without him here for me to admire, I scanned the room. “What is this place?” I called out as he was probably in a bathroom or kitchen.

“Another Ivanov building.” He came back and sat where he had before.

“It used to be offices, but then it was shut down. A couple of crews used to camp out here for operations and that’s why this floor was renovated to apartments.

Let me see.” He took hold of my arm and turned it a little so he’d be able to wipe off the grime and blood.

“Ugh.” I winced, watching him wipe at it with care. “I don’t regret what we did…”

He chuckled, still so smug, moving with me to tend to my wound as I got dressed again.

“But all that dust.” Each time I moved on the couch to get my clothes on, more dust flew up. “Yuck.”

He nodded. “After I clean this up some, we can shower. One of the apartment spaces or studios should have a big enough stall for us to share.”

I nodded, appreciating how sweet he was with me. No matter how deadly and sinister he could be in his specific line of work, he would always lower the intensity he held inside him to be gentle and tender to me.

“The last thing I need is dust and dirt to get into a cut. Washing it will help, of course, but I can’t risk an infection of any kind when my immune—” I shut up and opened my eyes wide. They practically popped out. Shock stunned me speechless a few seconds too late.

I can’t believe I said that.

Just shut up. Shut up!

The damage was already done. He furrowed his brow and studied me, slowly pulling his gaze off my wound to look at me dead in the eye.

“What?”

I cleared my throat.

Shit.

I knew that tone. That way he spoke when he was puzzling something out.

“Um, just that being infected or sick at all is not exactly, uh, ideal, when, um…” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “When we’re on the run. You know?”

He sat up more, staring me down. “What were you going to finish saying?”

Uh-oh. I was also well used to that stern voice he employed when he expected the truth, nothing but the truth, and it was already coming in late so I shouldn’t think about delaying it.

“Nothing.” I shrugged my other shoulder.

“Not when your immune…” He arched a brow, pinning me with an expectant look.

I blinked, feeling hot and bothered and guilty and ashamed.

I could lie. I knew I could lie and fudge my way out of a tricky situation.

It wasn’t like I was an angel and had never fibbed.

But this was different. This was Nik, the man I’d always wanted and could never have.

He was the father of my baby—the baby I had yet to inform him about.

I really didn’t want to tell him like this. A calmer setting would be better. A more peaceful occasion would be best. But I’d already kept the truth from him this long that I’d dug myself in too deep of a damn hole now.

“Katerina.”

I swallowed, wishing I could weasel out of this conversation a little longer.

The timing still wasn’t right, dammit. The last thing I wanted to do was burden him with more responsibilities or more things to figure out and plan for.

I had months to go in this pregnancy, but even the mere news about it at this stage would feel like a tidal wave of an issue to contend with.

“What were you going to say?” he asked. It very well could’ve been an order, not a question, with how steely he’d said it.

“I was going to say…”

Internally, I cringed and wished I could avoid this right now.

But that was a sign of weakness. That was stupid.

If he didn’t want to take on the news of a baby, then fine.

I’d handle it. I was already resigning myself to running away and hiding from my uncle forever.

And if Nik wanted nothing to do with me after knocking me up and nothing to do with our child, fine.

I’d raise him or her on my own. I had always wished for a spot in the Ivanov family, a strong and loyal group of fine people, but I wouldn’t let my hopes soar that high again.

Tell him. Get it over with and tell him. Then deal with the aftermath.

“I was going to say that I can’t risk an infection of any kind when my immune system will be weakened.”

A long moment of silence followed. I felt every second of his hard stare on me, but I refused to lift my head and face him. He took over that detail. Using two fingers, he tipped my chin up and gazed at me expectantly.

“Why would it be weakened?”

I sighed, hating how tense this was.

“Are you ill?” His stony expression turned into something like grave worry. “Katerina?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m not ill. But I’m… pregnant.”

Now that the news was out there, I held my breath. With my secret hanging in the air between us, all I could do was wait for his reaction.

“You’re what ?” Standing too quickly, he let the wet cloth fall to the floor. He loomed over me, staring down at me with a thunderous expression.

“Pregnant,” I repeated, schooling my features to hide how nervous I was. He did not seem happy.

“You’re pregnant?” He sat back down, moving too fast and not looking at where he was going so that his butt almost missed the edge of the table. Correcting himself without missing a beat, he didn’t look away for a millisecond. “ Pregnant ?”

I nodded.

“You were a virgin.”

I blinked once, hating how much this instinct to burst out laughing came at me.

This was not funny. There was nothing comical about his being so furious and alarmed and pissed about this news that I was so happy about deep down.

This baby was a miracle. A blessing. It broke my heart that he wouldn’t think the same.

In the way that some people laughed at tense and awkward moments, I had to stifle this urge to giggle. “Yes.” I nodded. “Past tense. I was a virgin.”

He stood again, seeming eager to move and work through this shock, but then he clumsily dropped back down to sit across from me again.

“You were a virgin that night.” He narrowed his eyes.

“Yes. That night was the last one of my virginity.” I cleared my throat. “You claimed it. I gave it up to you and that was all it took for…” I gestured at my stomach.

Again, he narrowed his eyes. He wore either an expression of shocked disbelief or skeptical doubt. “How long have you known?”

“Since…” I winced. “Since I found you in the basement of that cabin.”

His jaw dropped, but then he snapped it shut and scowled. “You knew all this time and didn’t think to mention it to me?”