Page 11 of The Enemy’s Defector (Ivanov Syndicate #3)

KATERINA

T he more that Nik recovered, the angrier he became.

For three days, we volleyed in existence at this safehouse.

I tried to nurse him back to health. With the bandages and first-aid supplies found here in the house, I managed to keep his injuries clean.

No pus spread. No inflammation worsened at the many cuts and scrapes.

He wasn’t delusional or confused to make me wonder about a head injury, and none of his bones seemed broken.

While he let me tend to his wounds, he gave me every indication of being furious.

His scowls didn’t lighten up.

The lines in his brow remained slanted with irritation.

No warmth or hint of playful teasing was offered.

Give him time.

Space.

For fuck’s sake, he’s been held captive and beaten for a month.

Anyone would be mad.

Yet, I knew exactly why he was so furious and agitated.

He couldn’t blame anyone for the experience.

I couldn’t either. No matter how many times he asked me about Anton’s involvement, I was unable to tell him anything substantial.

My uncle never trusted me with intel. He’d only ever expected me to marry and spy.

All that I knew was from what I’d overheard and eavesdropped on.

Then what I saw from hacking, a skill my uncle didn’t realize I’d perfected when he’d killed my father.

Grief did twisted things to people, and with me, I hid within myself and became closed off to the world, seeking comfort in exploring online and seeing what challenges I could put myself to as a distraction from missing my father.

I was self-taught, but effective when given a chance.

Nik wasn’t giving me a chance to comfort him any further than helping him with his wounds.

His attitude wore on me after the third day. I didn’t deserve this gruffness from him. No matter how many times I told myself to go easy on him and to let him pace and work through his anger at being captured, I wanted so badly to reconcile this version of him with the man I knew before.

The protective lover who’d made me feel so good. The brave man who’d dared to be intimate with me and cross the line of friendship into something more.

He’d been taken after that night we shared. And it seemed like the sensual passion we’d found and shared together would never happen again.

Although he had told me thanks , a paltry little saying of gratitude before he left me to shower, I couldn’t convince myself that he was thankful.

I’d risked my life to save him. Yes, it was one last thing to do to piss off my uncle before I’d run away and start a life away from him.

But Nik didn’t seem to appreciate that I’d come for him.

He didn’t seem to be anywhere near the same page as me, one where I’d be confident that he cared for me.

That he wanted me.

He sat after another long spell of pacing. We’d shared a simple meal together after he’d woken up, still sleeping deeply for long stretches because of his healing process.

“Tell me what Anton said again. About the arrangement.”

I sat, staying on the edge of my seat because I was prompted to pace now. He kept circling back to that damn marriage arrangement. I’d already told him all that I knew. It was as though he didn’t believe me anymore.

“So you told him that you didn’t want to marry one of the Ivanovs. But you never told him why?” He arched his brows.

“He wouldn’t have cared about any reason I gave him.”

“Then what did you tell him? What reason did you give him?”

“I told him that I didn’t want to get married yet.

” If he wasn’t acting so cool toward me, I would’ve shared the complete truth.

That I hadn’t wanted to get married because I knew it wouldn’t be to him.

I could never marry one of his brothers.

Only Nik. But he’d already been taken by then, at least per the rumors I’d overheard, and I didn’t want to risk being sent to be Damon or Saul’s wife.

If Nik hadn’t been taken and if he’d been home, I would’ve happily hurried over there to marry him .

Then I’d never spy or speak to Anton again.

But that wasn’t possible at that time because Nik was kidnapped.

And I wouldn’t have been able to hunt for the proof I needed about my father’s death, either.

“I can’t believe he’d stoop so low as to send you as a spy…” He narrowed his eyes, staring off into the distance. When he got moody and broody like this, there was nothing I could say to snap him back to logic.

Because he knew me, dammit.

He’d known me.

I wasn’t a spy.

I wasn’t an enemy no matter what Anton wanted the world to think.

I was a Kozlov by name and that was it. Nik had always only known me as Katerina, the girl he used to tease and chase as a child, the woman he’d seduced into bed one night.

But no. He’ll always see me as the supposed enemy. Just because of the “leader” of my family, I had to be affiliated as the enemy, not an old friend.

Not the mother of his child.

Over these three days of hiding with him while he worked through the anger and resentment of having been kidnapped, I realized more and more signs that I had to be pregnant.

I’d missed my period. I had been feeling lightheaded more often. Certain smells made me want to gag. And cramps had started to make me queasy.

Forget about it, Kat.

If Nik was showing his true colors to me now, so easily swayed with the conviction that I’d be a spy in his family, then I’d just have to accept it and move on.

That was the kicker, though. I didn’t know what to move on to or how to process the changes in my life.

Leaving Anton wasn’t a challenge. I’d dreamed of going my own way for so long, having no sense of family or home with my uncle whom I despised.

But becoming a mother? With the child of a man who only saw me as an enemy by name to stay away from?

What can I do?

Where will I go?

How can I even tell him?

Retreating into myself, I didn’t care if Nik noticed how quiet I was on the fourth day at the safehouse with him. It wasn’t like I was actually trying to give him a cold shoulder, but maybe that was part of my motive.

I simply didn’t know how to handle him like this, mad and suspicious.

It seemed too farfetched to hope that he’d be loving after the trauma he’d gone through.

I wasn’t so silly and stupid as to wish he’d hug me and console me after what he’d suffered.

But… something other than his frantic pacing and mumbling and scowling would’ve been nice.

Be serious, Kat. He’s not going to ask you to be with him at all. Acting like this, he won’t want anything to do with this baby.

Lying on the couch, I stared at the cushions and tried to shove these negative thoughts away.

Reflecting on who Nik was and anything we shared in the past wouldn’t get me anywhere.

I was on my own now. Just me and this little one inside me.

But if I could be so daring as to dream and wish, to brainstorm and fantasize…

Closing my eyes, I snuggled into the sheet that I’d placed here for my sleeping arrangements.

If I could envision the perfect future with Nik, it’d be one where he was the charming, sly man who made me come so many times that night. The strong lover who’d lost himself with me. The spy who’d protected me when I tried to rescue him.

I’d take anything.

Something.

Whatever he could offer me would be more than this despair and loneliness of missing him.

Forget about it, Kat.

Nik didn’t seem likely to welcome me into his life at all. It seemed that he’d gotten what he wanted that one night, and that was it.

Now, with us hiding together, it felt like a pathetic waiting game of when I’d be brave enough to walk away and fight for a better future that I deserved.

So much for wishing he’d want me forever after all I’d done for him.

I’ll never be anything more than someone he’ll assume is the enemy.

I covered my stomach with one hand and refrained from sniffling as a tear leaked from my closed eyes.