Page 13 of The Enemy’s Defector (Ivanov Syndicate #3)

KATERINA

I couldn’t do anything but stare at Nik. After he said we’d handle things together , I struggled to understand what he meant.

He sat next to me on the couch that I’d been sleeping on because I was so unsure about whether he’d want me near him while he recovered. This closeness was different compared to the aloofness and anger he’d exhibited over the last few days.

But I wasn’t sure how to interpret what he said now.

“We will figure this out,” he repeated.

Again, I had no clue what he really meant with those words.

The hopeless romantic that I was deep down inside had me clinging to this blossoming joy that he was implying he saw us as a couple. A partnership that would stick together no matter how challenging this situation was. That we had an us to count on.

But the skepticism that ran deeper inside me warned me not to think that brightly.

“You can’t leave,” he explained bluntly.

Aha. There it is.

He wasn’t proposing we’d be a team for the sake of wanting my company and expecting us to lean on each other.

Nope.

He was stating it. He was mandating my presence. It was an order, not altogether different from any occasion when my uncle bossed me around or told me how things would be. Nik’s claim was exactly the same as any of the Kozlov guards instructing me to do as they wished. Like Dmitri had.

Women had no power in our world. Among all the organized crime families, women were second. To be used and traded, arranged in marriage and bartered. In my uncle’s case, they were also supposed to be employed as spies.

Nik wasn’t offering me a chance to leave. He was commanding me to stay put with him.

“You and me,” I confirmed slowly, nodding and looking down at the tan carpet. “Because you can’t trust me to run off now, right? Because I’m the enemy and will tell someone where you are.”

“No. You?—”

I stood, shooting to my feet and in no mood to look or seem inferior to him.

Even seated, he was taller and larger than life.

He would always be bigger and more superior, physically and just because he was a man in a man’s world.

But I’d be damned if I risked my life to spare his and get this bullshit in reply.

“Because I was born a Kozlov and you can’t ever really trust me, right?”

He rose too, standing with a slight wince. Already, over the span of days, he’d recovered so quickly. While he wasn’t at full strength, he was more secure and able-bodied than he was when I found him in the lower level of that cabin.

“Katerina, stop picking a fight for the sake of fighting. Now’s not the time for it.”

I hugged myself, hating this funky distance between us.

I was a “free” woman now, running away from my uncle.

Now more than ever, I should’ve been able to act like an independent individual.

To pursue him if I so desired, unchained by the association of being Anton’s niece.

But I still was. I’d never be able to remove that taint, and it was clearly a deal-breaker for Nik to be friendly with me.

“Because you say so,” I retorted hotly. “Everything’s going to happen according to what you want.”

Bitter and quickly incensed, I couldn’t censor what I said fast enough.

Hearing him so coldly say that he expected me to stick with him for the sake of security on his end was a total contrast to what I wanted.

Those silly, fantastical daydreams of starting a brand-new life with him were so laughable I could’ve cried.

What was I thinking? That Nik would actually choose to keep me in his life?

As the mother of his child, one he’d want and cherish?

Yeah, right.

Shaking my head, as if that could manually clear out these damning thoughts, I moved away from him. It hurt too much, being this close to him, within reach, but forced back with this wall that had been erected between us.

“You think that I want any of this?” he snapped, grabbing my arm to keep me from walking away. “You think that I wanted to be taken and for someone to start a deadly crusade to end my family?”

I narrowed my eyes at him as he spun me to face him. Seeing the anger on his face hurt more than I wanted to allow. Witnessing this growing disdain for me was agony.

Of course, he didn’t want any of this to happen. But peace was an illusion that never came true in our world.

All I could comprehend was that he also didn’t want me .

One night had been plenty for him, and I hated how his passion and carnal lust had ignited me to want more and more.

Forget about it, Kat! Stop thinking with your heart. He’s never going to choose you and stay with you.

I’d only ever be the enemy through no action of my own.

My actions, and my decisions, should’ve been all the proof he ever could’ve needed to see that I did care about him, that I would behave in such a way to help or save him.

It turned out that actions didn’t always speak louder.

That my sacrifices and risks weren’t enough to override his past biases of my family’s name.

Twisting my arm to break the grip of his fingers on me, I drew in a deep breath and resolved to stay strong. If he didn’t want me, then I’d accept it and move on. If he regarded me with the motto of keeping his enemies closer, then I’d wait until I could flee and raise this new life on my own.

I wasn’t going to be a fool and expect anything from him.

I refused to act like a clingy weakling and demand that he be a father to our child.

No way in hell.

Tipping my chin up, I stared at him and hated myself for wishing he’d kiss me once more before I went. For yearning for him to touch me and hold me one last time.

Nope. I won’t do it.

As much as it stung to see the obvious irritation on his face, evidence that he didn’t want or love me at all, I would be the bigger person and keep my pride intact.

“I get it,” he said, raking his hand through his hair as his jaw slid.

He clenched his teeth and shook his head as he looked away.

“I get it, Katerina. Your life has been turned upside down since seeing the proof that Anton killed Thomas. But my life isn’t any easier either.

I’m—” He narrowed his eyes as he turned to face me again.

In a blur of action, he set both hands on me to shove me down.

I held my breath, unprepared for the move.

With his arms locking around me as he twisted, following me to the floor, I was guided with the fall to tuck my face against him.

The coarse surface of the bandages on his neck rubbed up against my cheek.

The push of his muscles flexing in his arms cinched me closer to his chest.

The contact between us was familiar now, but this wasn’t a hug. This wasn’t a desperate reach to keep me close for the sake of embracing me.

Gunshots were fired in the distance. The rat-a-tat-tat of the ammunition flying reached my ears. Glass burst and shattered. Shouts came from outside.

Just like that, I was amped up and frantic with the instinct to run.

Nik had to have spotted the shooters out the window just in time to shove me down with him like that. He might not want me, but it seemed he did value keeping me alive.

Lying over me, blocking me and sheltering me from any other hits, he pressed me to the floor. My fingers rested over his pec, and the thunderous pulse of his heart hammering just like mine served as a strange connection I couldn’t deny.

In this panic-worthy moment, we weren’t enemies or two members of rival families. We were two survivors, hiding from danger and caught in the midst of more of it.

Like this, there was no difference between us. We were both hunted and wanted.

Like this, there was no gap between us. We were flush together, flat on the floor as we tensed and waited for more shots to be fired.

They were, and Nik turned his head as if he were an animal cocking his ears.

Lifting up barely an inch, he stared at me once the report of shots died down.

Wordlessly, with nothing more than this intense look, he conveyed that we had to run.

We had to flee. And he was cluing in to the route we’d have the most success with.

It pissed me off to admit that he was right.

But this really wasn’t the time to argue or fight or bicker like we always used to.

I nodded, moving slightly so he’d understand that I would follow, that I would go with him.

Like this, we were back on the run. Together.

I doubted this was what he had in mind when he said we’d figure out this situation together. With the safehouse discovered and the enemies right outside these walls, we were forced to react, and we would do so as partners.

He lifted off me, not even wincing at the flexibility and strength he had to use with this movement.

Spared to wiggle away from him, I hurried the best I could without making any noise.

Down on the dirty carpet, we were out of sight with how high the windows were.

But the longer we stayed here in the middle of the room, that was more time that the shooters could creep closer and have a better aim at us.

The moment we were on our feet, crouching down in a duck walk, we hustled toward the back door. He snagged my backpack on the way, but as soon as he reached the back door, he thrust it at me.

I didn’t wait. I pulled it on, wishing it could serve as armor. I stuck close to him, worried I’d be hit as we ran. If my baby could be harmed. If?—

Stop. Focus!

What-ifs and panic wouldn’t help me any now.

Only Nik could.

Pausing for a moment to listen at the door, he got the gun out from the holster at his waist. We’d found the one loaded gun here, likely left behind from whoever had needed to hide here before.

With the firearm in his hand, he crouched at the door then looked back at me once.

He dipped his chin in a slight nod, and I replied in kind.

Then, as I held my breath and worried whether we’d be caught this time, he pushed the door open and we darted out, forced on the run again.

Following him was instinct, but as he rushed outside, I wasn’t confident he would be leading me anywhere safe.

Nowhere seemed safe anymore.

And nothing felt right between us.