CHAPTER 19
For several interminable minutes, Kian stood there, mouth open, staring at Alec as if he’d lost his mind. Not that he could blame him. Kian was a human. Others like vampires, shifters, witches and demons probably never crossed his mind, even if they did exist.
Slowly, Kian’s head moved back and forth as if silently denying what Alec had said. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
He could feel the swirling of emotions within his mate – which would be a whole other conversation Alec was certain would send Kian reeling. The fear, the confusion, but especially the panic was building within Kian. There was no explanation how Alec sensed it, or why, but deep in his soul he could feel Kian’s brain spinning as he tried to find something to hold onto in order to keep him grounded. Alec had never heard anything about demons being able to so easily discern what others felt, but it was there just the same.
Frustrated, he wished he could back up and find a better way to admit what he was but it was a little late for that, so Alec surged on. “You heard me,” he spat out, hating the way Kian looked at him in that moment. “I am the thing all humans fear.” A harsh laugh escaped him. “Hell, I am the thing all creatures fear. I am pure evil – a demon.”
The panic that tore its way through Kian was so palpable Alec could taste its bitterness on his tongue. He could even feel his mate’s body’s fight or flight response grip him as he struggled to stay where he was instead of running like he clearly wanted as Kian took several steps back.
Cursing fate that let him feel Kian’s emotions, Alec fought the urge to crush Kian in his embrace and force him to never leave. It might have been better if he did run, but Alec’s own need to possess Kian would not let him go even if he tried to get away.
That he was the reason the fear that was coursing through Kian at the moment, made Alec sick. He would have done anything to protect his mate from the truth. His demon side roared within Alec to grab him and take Kian somewhere so he could never leave.
Kian shook his head harder. “No. You are not evil.” Anger started radiating off his mate now. “You have done nothing but help me, even saving my life. You are not evil.” He was shouting at Alec as if that would change things.
If only Kian wasn’t right. As much as Alec didn’t want Kian to leave him, deep down the only way to keep his mate safe was for Kian to get as far from him as possible. It was the only way. Then why did even the thought of not seeing Kian again feel as if someone was ripping his heart out. “I am a demon, Kian. That is a fact neither of us can change.”
Strong and determined as ever, Kian strode over to him and slammed his fists against Alec’s chest. “You are trying to make me afraid of you.” Once Kian had started hitting him, he couldn’t seem to stop.
Deserving the punishment, Alec stood and took it. When the tears started, he felt Kian shutting down. When that lithe body started to sink to the ground, Alec’s arms instantly went around Kian, holding him as close as possible.
“Why would you do this?” Kian’s raw emotion was undoing Alec.
“It is what I am. There is no way to sugar coat the fact that I am a demon,” Alec said, kissing the top of Kian’s head to soften the blow.
Pushing away from him, Kian put as much distance between them as he could. “Stop saying that. Do you hear me? Stop it.”
Alec didn’t respond since he wasn’t sure how to proceed. If he did the smart thing, he would allow Kian to believe he was evil to make him stay away from Alec but he didn’t know if he could do that. It had been his plan. A necessity to keep his mate safe. He just hadn’t calculated it hurting too damn much to go through with it.
That strength Kian never thought he had, even though he was one of the strongest humans Alec had met, surged forth once more. Like an avenging angel, Kian stalked back over to him as if on a mission. Blue eyes searched his. “I want a favor from you.”
“Anything,” he answered without thought, something he was sure he’d regret.
“Kiss me,” Kian demanded.
He let out a groan of equal parts dismay and anticipation. He might very well be as damned as the humans believed demons to be. The sensation of Kian’s soft lips on his was a kind of hell, but only because he knew it would one day lead to his downfall. It tied Alec to him with unbreakable bonds each time he held Kian, kissed him…Who was he kidding? As much as he tried to stay away from Kian, there was already something between them that he couldn’t break, no matter how hard he’d tried.
He pulled his mate close. Their lips touched tentatively at first, deepening as the fire burned between them. He wrapped one hand around the silky strands of his hair, pulling Kian closer. The other enveloped his waist, lifting him so they were the same height. Kian’s sweet taste consumed him, driving Alec’s need for his mate to intense levels of desperation.
Kian’s willingness to get this close after what he’d just told him was his undoing. It would kill him, but as much as Alec wanted to keep Kian sheltered in his embrace, he had to pull away. He had to force Kian to be the one to walk away, for there was no doubt left, Alec would never willingly leave his side.
The instant Kian felt Alec withdraw from the kiss, he wanted to scream in frustration. He had asked for the kiss to prove Alec would never hurt him, but wasn’t that what he’d been doing since the beginning? Not physically, because Alec would never do that, but emotionally? Kian couldn’t deny he often felt as if he’d been ripped apart.
To tell Kian that he was a demon was only another attempt to push him away. Maybe it was time to concede to his wishes. To forget about Alec.
If only Kian’s heart didn’t break each time he imagined a life without him. On the other hand, he didn’t exactly have Alec in his life now. So what was the difference?
Needing to think, Kian walked closer to the edge of overhang and looked out at the majestic view before them. He inhaled slowly, deliberately. Then he blew it out only to repeat the process several more times.
His head cleared enough for Kian to examine his options. None of them were what he wanted, but when had life ever left him with good choices?
Bracing himself for answers he wasn’t certain he wanted, Kian turned back to Alec. “What exactly does demon mean?”
The moment Alec opened his mouth, Kian could sense the lie he was about to tell him. Holding up his hand, he said. “Don’t bother telling me about you being evil again because we both know that’s not true.”
The belligerent expression on Alec’s face led Kian to believe he was about to dispute his words, but then Alec’s shoulders sagged and he gave a curt nod. “We have been around as long as there has been life, long before humans. Obviously, we look like humans but it is believed that was not always the case. We evolved, much as humans did.”
“If demons are anything like you, how did they become thought of as evil?” It made no sense to Kian. Admittedly, Kian hadn’t met any other demons that he knew of, but Alec definitely wasn’t anything other than kind.
“There are two theories as to why we are considered evil. The most accepted is that we have special abilities that humans eventually coveted. Because humans could not obtain these abilities, we were deemed evil, something that had to be destroyed.” He hesitated by looking over at the towering mountains around them.
Then Alec gave a sigh and turned back to him. “But if I had to guess, it was the stories of our beginning…of our being predators, hunters…” his green eyes met Kian’s. “Killers. The history of my people is sketchy at best, so I can’t be sure the accounts of our past are accurate, but they make a lot of sense. If they are even remotely true, my ancestors were quite gruesome.” Alec studied him, as if gauging Kian’s reaction.
Realizing this, Kian kept his face as neutral as possible, which wasn’t easy when fear was very close to the surface. “So, how old are you?”
Surprised at the question, he kept it vague. “Older than you. Why?”
“Please. There has always been something…I guess wiser than your age about you.” At first, Kian had thought it had been because Alec had to grow up faster than most. Kind of like Kian. But for some reason it hadn’t fit with what he knew about Alec. “Come on, what year were you born?”
“1912.”
Well, he hadn’t been expecting that old. “That makes you over a hundred. Talk about robbing the cradle.”
Another heart stopping smile appeared. “Very funny.”
“Well, I have to say you look very good for your age.” Over a hundred, yet he looked like any other college student. “Just how long do you live?”
“Usually we live at least nine hundred years, rarely over twelve hundred years,” Alec admitted.
Kian’s jaw dropped, he couldn’t help it. “Wow.” Speechless, he paced some more, stopping when another thought came to him. “These abilities you mentioned, do they include walking through fire?”
Alec gave him a dazzling grin. “To be honest, no.” Alec’s features scrunched up a bit as he said, “There have been several things I’ve been able to do since meeting you that I never knew were possible. We are able to manipulate the elements - wind, fire, electricity, water and earth. Wield them, like when I pushed the flames away from you, but until I rushed into that house to search for you, I had no idea I could become the fire.”
Alec shook his head. “To be honest, I still do not understand what happened.” He shrugged. “I’ve always been able to disperse our molecules and ride the air currents, but what happened in that fire was different.” His gaze met Kian’s head on. “You make me different.”
For several minutes, they stared at each other, getting lost in their connection. Something Kian had felt deep inside. He just hadn’t understood why.
Then what he said about riding the air current clicked within him. “That’s how you get into my room, isn’t it?” It was more an accusation than a question and Alec didn’t bother to respond.
It was weird. All along Kian had been pestering Alec for the truth, yet now that he knew it, a part of him wished he could go back to ignorance. He couldn’t help the fear that was creeping up his spine once again starting to take hold. Not of Alec. Never Alec. But the knowledge that there were demons. Kian’s brain swirled in a vortex as he desperately tried to come to grips with everything Alec was telling him.
He must have sensed the icy tentacles of terror that were forming in his veins for Alec’s jaw set and his eyes hardened. “This is why you need to stay away from me. I am very dangerous, especially to you.”
That threat should have scared Kian, and in some ways it did, yet not of Alec. This whole time Alec had warned him over and over again that he couldn’t be involved with him, that it wasn’t safe. He knew Alec wouldn’t hurt him, but that didn’t mean others wouldn’t do the job instead.
“What will happen?” Kian asked, even though he really didn’t want to know the answer.
His eyes glowed and Kian was sure he saw the same fear he’d been feeling in their depths. “I’ll kill you.”
A shiver raced along Kian’s spine at that unexpected announcement. Alec’s tone was so sincere, there was no doubt he believed every word he said as strongly as Kian knew that would never happen. He wanted to scream that Alec was a liar but the truth, or what he thought was the truth, shone from his eyes.
“I won’t mean to, but we’re stronger. It’s why the laws for our kind are in place.” Alec turned and stormed from him, pacing furiously as if he couldn’t contain whatever was inside of him. “My human mother died giving birth to me because her body couldn’t handle a demon child within her. Most human women don’t even live to give birth as the demon child takes too much from them.”
The knots that had been inside of him since getting into the car with Alec grew. His hand went to his abdomen as if that would help but he feared nothing would ever help, not when it was becoming clear if he had his way, they would never have a future.
He cried out at that thought. It couldn’t happen. Kian wouldn’t let it. Glaring at Alec, he quipped, “Good thing I can’t have a child then.”
But Alec’s expression hadn’t changed which only frustrated Kian more. Tears formed in his eyes. “You are just saying that to manipulate me into leaving you. What gives you the right to do that to me?”
Alec’s posture was stiff, unrelenting. “Because I want you unlike anything I have ever wanted in my entire life. I won’t be able to control myself to make you mine.”
That admission almost knocked Kian over. He swayed slightly, having to brace himself. He didn’t know what to say. A part of him was thrilled to hear it but another part of him was screaming at him to run away.
“I haven’t even told you all the ways a demon could harm a human. There are so many ways I could kill you without even realizing what I’d done until it was too late.” His hands went to Kian’s shoulders, slightly shaking him. “You can’t tell me that doesn’t scare you.”
The next words Kian said had to be carefully planned if he had any chance of a future with him. If only he could figure out why it was so imperative he do so. None of this made any sense to him, but that need was there deep within his soul. Kian was meant to be with Alec and if he had to walk through hell to make it happen, he would do it.
Deciding he needed to be completely honest if they had any chance at all, Kian stood toe to toe with Alec. “No matter what you tell me, I am not afraid of you.”
Then he sighed and took several steps back, bracing for his reaction at the next admission. “But I am going to be honest with you, yes, I’m scared. A part of me wants to run, but not because you’re a demon, but because you have the ability to crush my heart and soul. You dropped this bombshell on me in hopes of frightening me away. Yet, here I am, despite the fact that you are still trying to push me away. Nothing you say or do will change my mind about you, about us. I’m not going anywhere, even when you hurt me by walking away every time we get close.”
Then he turned on his heel and headed back to the car. Kian had said his piece. It was time for Alec to make up his mind.