CHAPTER 12
The need to be near Kian, especially after almost losing him, consumed Alec until he feared he wouldn’t be able to restrain himself from going to him. He had to get control of his emotions. Easier said than done.
Debate raged within him on what to do. There was no doubt he had to admit his failings to his father. Only the knowledge that he’d never see Kian again had him hesitating. It had been that way since the first day they’d bumped into each other. He’d been mesmerized – and terrified.
He just wished he knew why he couldn’t force himself to stay away from Kian. For years, he had been training for this time – when he could safely live amongst humans. Yet, despite all the instruction and the consequences of getting too close to humans, he’d done the one thing he’d been sworn to never do, become obsessed with one.
Maybe it had to do with his biological father. But if that was the case, why had he been picked by the ancients? He wasn’t even sure any of that mattered.
If his father knew about his attraction to Kian there was no doubt he would be forced home. In the end, that had been what stopped himself from returning to the mountains. Alec’s heart couldn’t bear to be separated from Kian.
The raw anguish Alec had felt when he’d heard Kian and realized he was trapped in that fire had torn Alec apart. There had been no question – he had to save Kian. For him, it hadn’t been a choice. Even though he damn well knew Kian would start asking questions, Alec hadn’t cared.
Avoiding him since that night hadn’t been easy when Alec’s arms ached to hold him and make sure Kian was really okay. As difficult as it was to stay away, facing Kian would be worse. His questions, and he had no doubt he would ask them, had to be avoided at all costs.
The turmoil of the past week left him desperate for a reprieve. It was time to go to his mountains. The one place that had the ability to center him. Maybe then he’d find a way to deal with Kian.
Distracted to leave before anyone could stop him, Alec hadn’t seen the object of his obsession until he’d opened the door. Kian.
His stomach dropped with dread while his heart sped up in excitement. This was the reason he had been trying to get as far from the college as possible. Every time he saw Kian, all reason fled and he was left wanting someone he couldn’t have.
Not that it actually had required seeing him to make that happen. No. The strength with which Alec yearned to claim Kian as his was a crucial part of his very being. Silently, he cursed fate for bringing him the one person he couldn’t have.
“I want to talk to you.” There was no room for argument in Kian’s tone. It wasn’t the first time he’d stood up to Alec, but this time he could tell Kian wasn’t taking no for an answer.
If only Alec could tell him what he was sure Kian wanted to know. But he couldn’t. “I thought you were at work.” Inwardly, Alec winced at the harsh words.
“I switched my schedule.” Kian looked at him quizzically. “How do you know my schedule?”
Determination was in every aspect of that lithe body that called to him like a siren. Kian’s hands were on his hips, fists clenched, feet braced apart. Lord, he was beautiful.
Shaking his head to clear it, Alec stepped around Kian, ignoring his question. It didn’t matter that he knew his mate’s schedule because Alec followed him. Although if he told Kian that, it might cause him to stay away from Alec, solving his problem of why Kian was there confronting him.
Kian might think he wanted to know what happened in that fire, but Alec knew the truth. His mate would be horrified if he told him what he was. “I’m busy right now.”
A hand shot out as he walked by. He could have easily broken the grip but something stopped him from doing so. “No,” Kian told him matter-of-factly. “You’re going to answer my questions.”
He caught sight of Kian’s other hand still bandaged. A fresh wave of remorse coursed through him. It had taken all his strength to walk away from his mate after that fire. He hadn’t wanted to leave his side while Kian lay there scared. He’d had no choice after walking through a raging fire to save Kian’s life.
If his father knew Alec had shown his abilities to Kian, he would be furious. His father would probably lock Alec up for the rest of his life. Then again, he’d deserve nothing less.
Even knowing what the consequences would be if his father or the Council found out, there had been no way Alec could let Kian die. At the same time, he couldn’t tell his mate who he was. It would put Kian’s life in danger.
He took a deep breath and steeled himself for what he had to do. His gaze went to Kian with what he hoped was disinterest. “Look Kian, I am just not interested in talking with you. You’re not my type, so please leave me alone.”
He hated the hurt that flashed across his mate’s features but if he didn’t put some distance between them, Alec wouldn’t be able to save Kian. The moment that hand released his arm, he strode as quickly as he could toward the parking lot.
He was almost in the clear when Kian called after him. “I know what you did. I won’t stop until you tell me how. You can talk to me now or I will keep hounding you until you tell me.” Kian’s tone told him he was more than a little angry. It also let him know his mate meant every word he said.
Alec closed his eyes in despair as he reached the front of his SUV. He was at a loss of what to do.
When he didn’t speak, Kian made one more threat. “If you make me figure it out on my own, I’ll have to involve others.”
Anger seethed through Alec as Kian backed him into a corner. How dare he endanger Alec’s life by revealing what he was? Didn’t he know how dangerous that could be? Alec knew Kian didn’t but that didn’t stop him from reacting harshly.
He turned and stalked closer to his mate. Fury burned through him causing Kian’s eyes to widen in alarm. But it wasn’t until he grabbed the arm not bandaged and dragged Kian to his car that his mate started to understand the mistake he’d made. Yet, instead of refusing to get in his car, Kian didn’t fight when Alec practically pushed him inside and slammed the door closed before going around to get in the driver’s side.
Alec hadn’t said a word while he drove away from the campus and into the nearby mountains. Kian’s nerves were increasing the longer Alec drove. By the time they’d been on the road for an hour, his mate was wringing his hands together so tightly they were pure white, which had to have caused a lot of pain to the one that had been burned.
It had taken Kian some time to come up with the courage to speak but eventually he did. “Um, Alec, where are you taking me?”
Kian’s voice touched on the fear Alec knew he was feeling. Alec should have been satisfied to have scared him and hopefully made him understand the seriousness of the situation, but instead his anger only increased.
Kian barely knew anything about him, yet he’d blithely gotten in his car and let Alec take him away from civilization and help. For all he knew, he was a rapist or a killer.
His mate needed a lesson in safety and Alec was more than happy to teach him. Giving him a somewhat evil grin, Alec didn’t answer. There was no doubt Kian was starting to panic as he looked around trying to figure a way out of a speeding car. At one point, he even pulled on the door handle as if jumping from a car was better than whatever Alec had planned. But the door didn’t open.
It wasn’t until they reached the entrance to a deserted campground that he slowed down and parked the car. Kian’s uneasiness was palpable. Alec got out and went around to open Kian’s door. Not once did he try to reassure his mate, choosing instead to let him wonder if he was going to make it back to school alive.
Slowly, Kian got out of the car, looking like a scared rabbit ready to run at a moment’s notice. “Look, before I go any further with you, I want to know where we’re going. Because if you think you are going to kill me out in the middle of nowhere, you might want to know I’m not as weak as you seem to believe.”
Amused at his bravado, Alec felt a little ashamed for scaring his mate. Kian might have deserved it for being so reckless, but Alec hated the fear coming from him. “Do you really think that after saving you I would kill you?”
Then he held out his hand for his mate to take.
With a little huff, Kian took it and exited the vehicle.
A thrill went through him that Kian trusted him so easily. At the same time, Alec really needed to make him see how foolish it was to trust someone he hardly knew.
But that wasn’t today. Today, he had to convince Kian that they didn’t have a future. Knots formed in the pit of his stomach at that terrifying thought. He wasn’t sure he wanted to live a life without Kian in it.
Hiking at a brisk pace, Alec hadn’t slowed down until they came to an outcropping of rocks. He gestured for Kian to sit to allow him to get his breathing back to normal. Alec took several deep calming breaths as he tried to figure out what he was going to say.
They were very close to his home. He had to be careful or his father may come searching for him. If he was seen with Kian, his father would probably kill him on principle.
What had he been thinking bringing his mate here? Maybe he was hoping to be found out. He knew there was no way he could keep living like this. Death would be preferable to contemplating staying away from Kian.
Instinctively, he’d come here needing the harmony this place provided him. Mountains towered around him no matter which direction he looked. The trees swayed in the breeze, making the leaves rustle. The cold weather was bringing the change of color to the mountains. It was breathtaking. Inhaling deeply, he let the peacefulness of the mountains flow through him. The soothing effect helped to calm his chaotic emotions.
“Alec?” Kian’s voice brought him out of his thoughts.
He’d kept his mate waiting while he tried to come up with a solution. If he told the truth – no, that wasn’t even an option. Denying what he felt wasn’t working either. There was no doubt he was drawn to Kian.
Who was he kidding? He couldn’t seem to stay away from the sweet man. Many days were spent following Kian around campus. Every night, he slipped into Kian’s room, holding him as his nightmares overcame him.
He didn’t understand what they were about but he was dying to find out. How could someone so young have such awful dreams that made him cry out? Too often he had to stop himself from letting Kian know he was there and Alec would protect him.
He turned to look into those clear blue eyes. There was something between them that connected them on a cellular level. He could feel it as if it were a living breathing entity.
Unable to hold Kian’s gaze without taking him into his arms, Alec turned back to the view. It was imperative that he tried to distance himself. Being with Kian was forbidden, not to mention it could kill both of them. That fact wasn’t something he could ever live with.
He felt his mate’s hand on his arm as he stood beside him. His resolve was gone with that one touch. There was no way he could let Kian go.
Hesitantly, Kian spoke. “I want to thank you for saving my life. I was really scared.” He felt Kian shiver.
The image of his mate curled up on the floor, flames surrounding him flashed through Alec’s mind. Kian’s terror clawed through him that day. It was how Alec found him. “I am just glad I was able to get to you in time.” His hand reached out to Kian’s cheek, caressing him.
His mate leaned into the touch for several minutes. Alec could feel the moment Kian started to pull away from him and he wanted to cry out in dismay for what was to come.
Resolve crept into Kian’s voice – and damn if he wasn’t proud of his mate in that moment - as he started his questions. “You weren’t at the party.” Taking a deep breath, the words rushed out. “How did you find me?”
“I heard about the fire and I was curious so I came to watch. I heard you screaming,” he lied easily. “I went in to find you.”
Alec wasn’t sure, but he guessed Kian knew he was lying. “Okay, let’s say I believe that. How did you manage to walk into a burning building that even the firemen wouldn’t enter?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. When I heard you screaming, I just did. It probably was stupid on my part but it was instinct.”
Kian shook his head and started pacing in frustration. “Why aren’t you telling me the truth?”
Watching him, Alec knew he wasn’t going to let this go. “What exactly do you want me to tell you?”
Throwing his arms in the air, Kian stopped pacing directly in front of him. Feet braced shoulder width apart, fists firmly placed on his hips, jaw set, Kian looked like he wanted to hit him. He’d never looked more beautiful.
“I want to know how you walked through a door of flames.” Blue eyes flashed with anger daring Alec to deny what he saw.
Alec reached his hands out, placing them on Kian’s shoulders to hold him in place. His eyes were full of concern for his mate as he told his biggest lie yet. “Kian, you must have been dreaming. You were unconscious when I found you.”
He felt the slap before he saw Kian move. Stunned, he stood there not believing that Kian had been faster than he was. How was that even possible? Alec was a trained soldier. Between that and his enhanced abilities, that shouldn’t have been feasible.
“Liar.” Kian practically screamed at him as he resumed his pacing. His mate mumbled under his breath about how Alec must think he was stupid. How he would show him stupid. Alec was sure he wouldn’t want to hear it, but Kian was breathtaking when he was angry.
Suddenly, Kian whirled to look at him, “Not only did you walk through fire but when you carried me out those same flames moved out of our way. How?”
As he opened his mouth, Kian yelled. “I know what I saw.” He walked straight up to Alec standing toe to toe. Lord he was fearless. “I want answers. I promise you I won’t stop until you tell me.”
Defeated, he tried to figure out another story that Kian might believe. Tell him, Alec’s head screamed. It was not an option. Do it. He didn’t care so much about himself but he couldn’t allow his mate to suffer because he couldn’t get Kian out of his head. For several minutes, he stood staring into those blue orbs willing Kian to just believe him.
“Alec, I’m sorry. Obviously you don’t want to tell me and since you saved my life I have no right to ask you.” His chest burned when his mate placed his hand there as if he were being imprinted on Alec’s very soul. “I just can’t let it go,” Kian admitted.
His eyes closed as he tried to figure a way out of this. His hand covered Kian’s against his chest. “Kian, I am sorry. If it was just me…,” his voice drifted off as he tried to come up with something he might accept. But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t come up with anything.
Sighing, he told Kian one truth. “I cannot give you what you want.” Walking over to the rocks, he sat down and waited for his next move.
Kian stood there for several minutes. Reading him easily, Alec could see Kian struggle with what he’d said before throwing his hands up in defeat. “Fine. You win.”
His mate looked so lost that Alec immediately stepped close enough to pull him into his arms. But Kian refused to let him comfort him. Jerking away from him, Kian said, “No. You don’t get to keep being my protector.”
Alec briefly smiled at those ironic words, for there would never be a time that Alec wouldn’t be there for his mate.