CHAPTER 17
A pounding headache awaited Kian when he woke up. It hurt to open his eyes but he was determined to get out of bed. It wasn’t until he was sitting on the edge with his feet on the cool laminate floor that he questioned the reasoning for thinking it had been a good idea to get up. Bed actually sounded good right about now, so why leave it?
“Damn boy, you look awful.” Count on Kavi to be brutally honest.
Mumbling, Kian said, “Thanks.”
“No problem. Alec was here when I got back last night,” Kavi informed him smugly.
Confused, Kavi tried to focus on what his best friend was talking about. He remembered seeing Alec at the party and then drinking too much – which he will never touch again – then something happened with John. Oh God! He’d thrown up on him. Great. John would never talk to him again. But that didn’t explain how Alec – oh my God. Kian groaned as the memories returned. He fell back onto the bed and pulled the covers over his head. Maybe it wasn’t too late to hide from the humiliation.
“I take it you’re starting to remember throwing up all over John Montgomery.” Kian didn’t appreciate the humor in Kavi’s voice. “By the way, kudos to you for that feat.” His friend let out a chuckle. “I wish I had been a fly on the wall in that room.”
“Go away,” Kian mumbled, praying to forget the shame of last night.
Kavi only laughed more. “That’s not going to change any of what happened.” His bestie plopped down on the bed next to him, causing Kian’s stomach to roll unhappily. “Especially the part where Alec took you home. Or,” Kavi’s voice had taken on an almost gleeful tone. “The fact that he was holding your hair while you prayed to the porcelain God when I got here.”
Please make him stop, Kian prayed as the mortifying events returned in horrifying detail.
“You know Alec isn’t that bad,” Kavi said more seriously. “Maybe a little afraid of commitment, but that can be worked on.” Thankfully, his friend decided not to say any more.
As much as Kian would prefer to stay right where he was for the rest of his life, he knew it would only get harder to face the world the longer he put it off. With infinite care, he gently rolled out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans and sweatshirt before heading to the shower.
Letting the heat of the water ease his aching body, Kian stayed under the spray far longer than normal. His sore muscles relaxed some by the time he got out. Feeling a bit more human, Kian decided some fresh air might do him some good. Well, that and he feared if he didn’t face the world now, it might never happen.
The moment the bright sun hit him as he stepped outside, Kian regretted the decision to return to the land of the living. The glaring rays of the sun stung his eyes and caused his head to throb. Unable to take it, he closed his eyes. If only he hadn’t kept walking a few steps, he might not have run into someone. Then again he was still in their driveway, so there shouldn’t have been anyone there.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, still unable to open his eyes. If his brain wasn’t throbbing and fuzzy all at the same time, he might have felt the heat. Instead, it was hearing Alec’s familiar chuckle that had Kian cursing his stupidity for ever getting out of bed.
“Are you having a little trouble this morning?” Alec teased.
It might have been deserved, but Kian wasn't really up for an encounter with the man who frustrated him more than anyone else in his life. “Just with you.” Ignoring the need to keep his eyes shut against the sun’s rays, Kian forced them to remain open so he could make his escape.
But that deep chuckle only followed. Clenching his hands in response, he really wished he had the nerve, or the strength, to hit him.
“I am sorry.” His tone might have sounded more contrite than before but Kian didn’t believe a word. “I can see you are upset. I didn't mean to do that.”
Not that Kian would admit it, but his fists unclenched a little.
“Look, I came to check on you. You were really sick last night and I just wanted to know you were okay.” The compassion in Alec’s voice unsettled Kian, especially since he wanted to stay mad at him. Alec was the reason he’d had too much to drink. So it was his fault Kian felt like crap.
“I’m fine.” His teeth were still clenched when he responded. Kian just couldn’t help it. The images from last night of Alec holding him while he puked over and over again, were just too humiliating. Wasn’t it bad enough that he didn’t feel Kian was good enough for him? Had it been necessary for him to be the one to help when Kian had too much to drink?
Alec reached for him. Much to Kian’s surprise, he let him. “Come on. I have a surprise for you.” He was pulled toward Alec’s SUV that was parked on the street in front of the house.
Sometimes Kian thought he had some sort of spell on him. There was no reason for him to just follow Alec - yet there he was getting into his car without a word.
The cool leather felt good against his heated skin. It actually was refreshing but he started to shiver the moment Alec’s heat disappeared as he had shut the door once he’d helped Kian in and buckled his seatbelt.
The moment Alec slid behind the wheel, warmth once more flooded Kian. He wished he knew how someone could put off so much heat, but Kian had learned his lesson about asking questions. The last thing his pounding head needed was to get into an argument so he remained silent.
They drove for about an hour when he recognized where they were going. “Is this where you took me last time?”
“Yes. I thought the mountain air might do you some good.” Alec reached a hand out, linking their fingers together.
Confused as to what was happening, or why he allowed it, Kian also couldn’t deny the tingling that raced along his skin where they touched. His experience with boys might not exist but that didn’t mean he hadn’t recognized the things that happened when they were together weren’t normal.
Just about to ask another question that would only result in Alec shutting down, Kian stopped when they reached the picnic area they had gone to last time. For some reason, Kian took that as a sign he should keep all questions to himself. At least for now.
Alec came around the front of the car and opened the door for him, even going so far as to unbuckling the seatbelt. Then he went to the trunk and surprised Kian when he pulled out a picnic basket.
The grin Alec gave him caused his heart to skip a beat. “I thought you might get a little hungry so I brought lunch.”
Kian was certain his heart was about to explode from his chest; it was racing so fast. How can he be so considerate one minute, yet breaking Kian’s heart the next?
That sobered him up instantly. Alec had said something about not being his kind - which had been…strange - so why was he doing this? Unsettled, Kian wasn’t certain what to do. If his head wasn’t still banging a beat he wished would stop, Kian might have confronted Alec. For now, he just wanted to enjoy this side of Alec. He needed it. To feel cared for. Did that make him weak?
Alec held out his hand and Kian didn’t hesitate to take it. Maybe he was weak, but he wasn’t going to waste this opportunity to be with Alec. Stupid? Probably. But Kian didn’t care.
Their fingers intertwined as they had in the car, sending tendrils of electricity coursing through his veins. Bemused at how right all this felt, Kian’s gaze met his, holding it for several seconds.
There was a moment when he thought Alec was going to pull him close and kiss him. Was it wrong to wish with every cell in his body that he would bring Kian closer? As usual, when he thought Alec might, he broke eye contact and started them on their hike.
It wasn’t easy but Kian did his best to ignore the disappointment that invaded him. There was denying he’d hoped Alec had wanted to kiss him but he may have misinterpreted the signs. Who was he kidding? Kian wasn’t even sure what those signs might be.
It wasn’t until they came upon the same place as they had been before and Kian’s breath caught in his throat at the scene which helped to stop obsessing over whether or not Alec wanted to kiss him.
“Wow,” Kian breathed out as he stepped close to the edge of the clearing to stare at the reason these mountains were called the Great Smoky Mountains. Everywhere he looked, tendrils of fog lifted from various spots along the surrounding mountains, making it appear as if ghostly smoke was lifting from the entire forest that was on fire with brilliant reds, oranges and yellows of the fall foliage.
Kian had no idea how long he’d stared at the beauty that surrounded them, but when he turned, Alec wasn’t staring at the scenery but at him. A flush spread over Kian’s face. He rushed over to a large rock where Alec had set up a blanket for them to sit on.
Several containers of food were spread out and even though Kian wasn’t sure he could eat between the hangover and the knots that were forming being there again with Alec, he was determined to try.
The last time they’d been there, they had fought. So why had Alec brought him back?
An uncomfortable silence descended. The strain of the moment was so much that Kian managed to take a bite of one of the sandwiches just to try and cover up the awkward moment.
The crisp cool air was refreshing and helped ease his headache. But not even the sheer splendor of the leaves that blanketed the ground in a myriad of color or the awe inspiring view that encircled them in a private oasis of sorts did anything to ease the tension between them.
Breaking into Kian’s reflection, Alec finally spoke. “Kian, I have something I wanted to ask you.” He sounded very hesitant as he said this. “If you don’t want to answer I completely understand, but I, well, I wanted to know what your nightmares are about.”
Kian looked over at him sharply. How dare he ask something so personal? It felt like he had been turned to stone at the question. So many emotions wanted to come out but years of practice held them all back.
Seeming to sense the stress pouring off Kian, Alec was instantly kneeling in front of him as he took his much smaller hands in his large, calloused ones. Warmth spread throughout Kian’s body, lowering some of his defenses. Memories he tried to forget surfaced unbidden to his mind. Tears pricked his eyes as he desperately tried to hold them back.
Alec stood and pulled him into his arms before settling on the rock with Kian in his lap. A part of him wished he was strong enough to push him away, but instead he clung to him.
The tender way Alec held him, as if Kian actually mattered, broke the dam and the tears couldn’t be held back any longer. His body shook with sobs. One hand stroked his hair continuing down his back. “I am so sorry, love. It will be okay.” Over and over, he murmured those words.
As crazy as it was, Kian wanted to believe him. His life since his mother’s murder told a different story.
Distraught, Kian found him sharing the burden with someone. Not just someone – Alec.