CHAPTER 15
The moment he opened the door, Kian’s breath caught in his throat. For the life of him, he couldn’t pull in any air as he stared at Alec. He was there. Waiting for Kian.
It wasn’t until Alec stepped inside and kissed his cheek that Kian was able to draw in a breath. Heat flared between them as it always did when they were together.
“You look amazing.” The husky tone in his voice sent a shiver up Kian’s spine.
Alec’s hands immediately rested on Kian’s waist. As if he were living in a fairytale, their lips came together and Kian sank into the kiss wrapping his arms around Alec’s neck to draw him closer. He had no idea how long they kissed, not that Kian cared. If it was up to him, they would stay just like that the entire night. They were in their own little world and if Kian had his way, they would stay there forever.
It wasn’t until they heard the thudding music of a car passing by that they realized where they were. “We should probably go,” Alec said even as he took Kian’s coat and held it out for him.
Alec’s hands held his shoulders for a beat or two as he leaned in to smell his hair. It was such a simple thing but it made him feel weak in the knees.
“Shall we go?” Alec whispered against his ear, sending another shiver of desire through Kian.
He nodded first as Kian struggled to find his voice. “So where are we going?” he asked when he could manage to speak.
Alec grasped Kian’s hand and led him out the door. The heat from that simple gesture kept Kian’s whole body warm as they walked out into the frigid air. “A family owned restaurant that has the best lasagna.”
Thankfully, the small restaurant wasn’t overcrowded and they were able to sit at a table away from others. After the waiter left with their orders, Kian sat there not sure what to say. The need to know what was going on with him consumed him, but he’d promised not to ask.
Alec reached for Kian’s hand across the table. It was comforting just sitting there, holding hands, eyes locked on each other. Both of them were startled when the food arrived, neither having been aware of how much time had passed.
Halfway through the meal, he finally got the courage to ask him what was eating away at him. “So, um, have you decided if you’re staying?” It had taken all his strength to get those words out.
When Alec hesitated, Kian found it difficult to breathe. What would he do if Alec said he was leaving? Once more, Kian wondered why it was so important to him what Alec did. They hardly knew each other, yet the ache inside at the thought of never seeing him again made Kian nauseous.
“Actually, no, I haven’t,” Alec admitted.
Relief spread through him. It wasn’t the answer Kian was hoping for but at least he hadn’t decided to leave. The rest of dinner was awkward, neither knowing what to say.
Alec opened the car door for him when they got back to Kian’s house. Alec’s hand grasped his again as he helped him out of the car. “I know it’s cold but would you like to go for a walk?”
“I would love to.” With the heat his body generated, Kian never even felt the cold.
After twenty minutes of silence, Kian was beginning to wonder why Alec asked him to walk if he wasn’t going to talk about anything. Maybe, like him, Alec feared he’d end up saying the wrong thing. It was the reason Kian had barely spoken on their date. It would kill him if he’d inadvertently said something to make Alec leave.
A few minutes later, Alec sighed. “I just wanted to apologize for everything that I have put you through.”
Kian wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that and stopped to face him. “What?”
Reluctantly, Alec turned to him, meeting his gaze. Guilt shone in his green eyes. “Kavi told me how much I had hurt you. I just wanted you to know I’m sorry.”
Stunned, Kian stood there rooted to the spot. “He what?” He hadn’t meant to say it so loud. Lowering his voice, he continued, “Is that what this is all about? You felt guilty?”
Hysteria was now starting to creep back in. Oh Lord, Kian didn’t know if he could take another disappointment from Alec again. Hadn’t his heart been through enough? Anger pushed him to lash out. “I don’t need anybody’s pity. God, I am so stupid.” Throwing his arms into the air, he turned around in a huff intending to walk back to the house.
A strong hand grabbed his arm before he even took his first step. Warmth enveloped him again as Alec pressed up against his back. “That is not what I meant. I know I keep making a mess of this but please, just hear me out.”
The only thing that actually stopped Kian from going was the pleading he heard in Alec’s voice. Turning back to him, Kian only nodded his permission for him to continue.
Alec’s hands had stayed on his waist, something Kian was really beginning to get used to. Emerald eyes held his blue ones as Alec tried to find his words. This was obviously hard for him so Kian gave him a few minutes to collect his thoughts.
When he still didn’t say a word, Kian’s pride gave him the strength he didn’t know he had to walk away without a word. This time Alec didn’t try to stop him.
Tears threatened to spill, but he refused to let anyone see his pain. He just needed to get back to the house and he’d be safe.
Suddenly, Alec was in front of him, stopping him. How had he done that? Kian hadn’t heard him coming or seen him until he was suddenly there. Too furious to ask the question, he just wanted to get as far from Alec as possible. “Get out of my way.”
“No, I need to explain.” His eyes looked sad, but Kian wasn’t falling for that anymore.
“Ha! That’s a laugh. Since when have you explained anything?” Kian’s arms came up to cross over his chest in a defensive action. There was only one thing he understood – his emotions were too close to the surface. Kian had to get away from Alec before he lost control of them.
The anguish in Alec’s expression almost won him over, almost. When he took a step to go around Alec, he grabbed Kian’s arm again. “I need you to know I never meant for this to happen. It is absolutely forbidden to mix with your kind but I cannot seem to help myself.”
Pain shot through him. “My kind? What is that supposed to mean? Am I too poor for you? Or is it that I’m gay, because I hate to break it to you, you are too. Or maybe bi, but the point is you like guys as much as I do.” That was the final straw - he completely lost control.
Tears streamed down his cheeks. With clenched hands, he started hitting Alec’s chest. “Just let me go.” The grip on Kian’s waist got tighter.
He didn’t even try to stop Kian from hitting him. The anger slowly abated, the tears were now choked sobs. Alec tugged him closer to his chest as Kian cried himself out. All the while, Alec murmured reassuring words to him.
It was more than he could bear. How dare Alec try to comfort him while telling him Kian wasn’t good enough for him. It gave him the bit of strength he needed to push himself away from him. It wasn’t until he’d stumbled several steps away from Alec that he was able to gain some composure.
With more calm than he was feeling at the moment, Kian stopped him when Alec tried to reach out to him once more. It was time to stand up for himself. “If I wasn’t good enough, why didn’t you just tell me that so I didn’t waste my time thinking you might like me?”
Before he could respond, he brushed past Alec. This time, he let Kian go.
It was what Kian had wanted, right? So why did he feel as if his heart had shattered when Alec had let him go?
That was made transparent when Kian had barely got through the rest of the week. Each time he entered hiking, a part of him wished Alec wouldn’t be there. Yet, each time he was at the front of the classroom, it was hard to deny the relief that spread through him. As hard as this was, it would just be that much harder if he’d left.
Kian’s friends had been outraged at Alec’s treatment of him but he’d made a promise to not interfere. He didn’t bother to dress nicely again. There wasn’t much point. Kian was miserable and no amount of make-up or nice clothes were going to change that.
Every night, his nightmares were there but they were changing with each passing night. Instead of his mother being killed, he watched Alec walk away. The soul wrenching despair Kian felt each time only calmed when he felt Alec’s arms wrap around him in comfort.
How he was getting into Kian’s room didn’t matter anymore. Nor was the fact that he’d never been able to catch him. Alec’s warmth was the only thing that pulled him out of the horrifying images. He was just grateful the nightmares ended even if it would be nice to know he wasn’t imagining Alec’s presence.
Had he really been there holding Kian? The need to think what Alec was could be altering his perception of what was happening. As scary as it was to admit, Kian was no longer sure his sanity was intact when reality seemed to be slipping away.
The only saving grace has been his friends. All of them took turns making sure he was never alone. It was a bit overbearing at times but he didn’t have the heart to tell them that. They were trying and he was touched by the sentiment.
That was until today. It was Saturday, the last home game of the football season and Kavi insisted they all go. Unfortunately for Kian, his best friend wasn’t taking no for an answer, dragging Kian if he must.
This was the Saturday before Thanksgiving and Kian was starting to feel a little melancholy as everyone was returning home for the holiday. Unwilling to put Kavi through Kian’s constant depression, he refused to go home with his bestie, instead choosing to stay in their house, alone.
In the end, Kian had been glad he’d agreed to go to the game, albeit reluctantly. Brandon had played one of his best games ever, which was great since there apparently were several scouts watching. Kavi was over the moon about his boyfriend’s performance. His mood was so infectious, Kian hadn’t even complained about going to a party afterward.
“I’m so excited. I told you he was great, wasn’t he great?” His friend was practically jumping up and down with excitement.
Kian couldn’t help but be happy for Brandon and Kavi by extension. Even better, his own problems with Alec were finally forgotten about, even if only for a short time. “Of course he was great. I just wished you had told us how great he was.” He couldn’t help teasing his friend.
Laughing at himself, Kavi replied. “Okay, maybe I’m going overboard but this was a really big day for him, especially with the scouts there. I just can’t help myself.”
Lynwood had wanted to go to the game even less than Kian did. “You are making way too much of this, sugga. It’s not as if he won the Super Bowl.” Lynwood’s comments were a bit surprising since he usually never had an unkind word for anyone. “I mean it was just a game,” he said with a roll of his eyes.
All three friends turned to stare Lynwood down. “Oh no, you didn’t.” Kavi was pissed. After they all banded together to help Kian, there had been a fragile peace between them that had just been thrown against the wall, shattering into a million pieces.
Jace, the peacemaker of the four, quickly intervened. “Lynwood, let’s try to get something to eat before the football players get here and demolish it all.” He didn’t even wait for a response, dragging Lynwood by the hand as far from Kavi as possible.
“One day I am going knock that boy upside the head.” Thankfully, Kavi decided to let Lynwood and his comments go as he pulled out his phone and started texting.
A niggling feeling that he was being watched had Kian glancing up. His heart plummeted as he locked eyes with Alec.
“Brandon said they are just dressing now so he should be here soon.” Kavi finally noticed Kian’s rigid stance and followed his gaze. “Shit. Do you want to go? I could take you back to the dorm.” Sympathy showed on his friend’s face.
This only made Kian more upset. It meant a lot that Kavi would offer to take him home when this night was about Brandon. “No. Brandon is supposed to meet you here. I can’t run away every time Alec shows up.” Kian gave his best friend a fake smile since he couldn’t manage a real one. “But thanks.”
Kavi’s lips formed a dazzling smile. “Maybe we should sic Lynwood on Alec. I bet he could make that jerk suffer.”
Laughing at the thought, Kian managed to turn his attention away from Alec, as if that would really help. While waiting for Brandon, Kavi got a couple Jell-O shots.
After the fire, Kian had sworn to never drink again, but seeing Alec, he found that he wasn’t actually able to think straight. As if to prove that, he tilted his head back and let the Jell-O slide down his throat.
It wasn’t enough. Not even close. He took several more of the fruity shots. Like the night of the fire, it hadn’t taken long before the alcohol had done its trick numbing Kian’s feelings.
It felt good to leave all those unwanted emotions behind and kind of float. Brandon arrived about the same time Kian started to really loosen up. He’d even found himself flirting with several men.
The moment Kavi saw his boyfriend, he jumped into his arms. “My hero,” he teased Brandon as they kissed. They were such a cute couple.
“Hi.” Between Kian’s alcohol-addled brain and watching his friend, he hadn’t even noticed John approach him.
“Wow, you are so handsome.” Kian’s hand flew to his mouth. “Did I just say that out loud?” Apparently, he had no filter when he drank.
John’s chuckle affirmed that he had blurted that out. “Yes. And thank you for the compliment.” He handed Kian another cup of Jell-o. There was a small voice inside him that screamed for him to stop, but he didn’t listen to it as he tilted his head back and took the shot.
Too tipsy – okay, maybe more like drunk - Kian hadn’t even noticed when John had put his arm around his waist until he led Kian from the crowded room. They were just about to enter a hallway when a rumble vibrated through Kian. His eyes widened in fear at the menacing sound.
Had he imagined the odd sound? John didn’t seem at all fazed as he continued to walk with him down the hall. Kian turned his head back into the main room to find a pair of emerald eyes staring back at him. A warning in their depths.
There was a split second when his steps faltered as he froze in fear. John must not have noticed, for he continued to walk, causing Kian to stumble forward. John’s carefree laugh distracted him as he teased Kian about being drunk.
That was what he needed. Someone who laughed. Who didn’t create drama. John was a better choice for him. It was time for him to get over Alec. He just wished everything weren’t so fuzzy.
“Come in here,” John said. “Let’s get to know each other better.”
Hearing a door close, Kian tried hard to concentrate on where he was. His gaze landed on a bed. Why were they in a bedroom? He glanced from the bed to John to find him taking off his shirt.
The reality of his situation started to sink through the alcohol induced fog. Kian really needed to stick to the no drinking rule he’d made. Imbibing only led him into trouble.