CHAPTER 13
Silently they drove back to campus. Kian had no desire to talk when he knew Alec would just lie about what happened. Yeah, Kian knew he was being dramatic but he felt betrayed that Alec didn’t trust him. Had he been smart, Kian never would have developed feelings for him. They hurt too much.
Fleeing the car as soon as they arrived back to his house, Kian refused to allow Alec to walk him to the door. Although, he knew Alec followed just the same.
Flinging himself on the bed, he finally let the tears come. What was wrong with him? Why didn’t anyone love him?
“Kian, Are you okay?” Jace must have heard him crying and came to check on him.
Embarrassed at being caught, Kian buried his head deeper into his pillow. There was no way he was going to let anyone see the tears.
The bed dipped as Jace sat down next to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”
It was the last thing Kian wanted. He shook his head, hoping Jess would take the hint. He didn’t. “Jace, please, I just need to be alone.”
Reluctantly, his friend got up from the bed. “Okay, I’ll be next door if you need me.”
For some weird reason that caused his crying to intensify. Not wanting Jace to come back into the room, Kian tried to muffle the sounds in his pillow.
His heart ached thinking about never seeing Alec again. He just didn’t know if he could do it, even if it was probably for the best. Alec would only lie again, something Kian didn’t think he’d be able to handle without doing something drastic.
A kind of desperation came over him that nearly had Kian getting up and running to Alec’s house to beg him not to leave him. That’s when he felt it. Heat surrounding him.
He jerked up, looking around for the source. A breeze blew across his skin. Flicking a glance at the windows, he saw they were closed. Slumping back down, despair washed over him. Maybe Alec was right, what if Kian was crazy?
Tears continued to stain the pillow as he buried his head into it. Kian felt something brush down his hair. Figuring Jace had come back, he cautiously lifted his head prepared to send him away again.
Kian’s heart leapt into his throat when he saw Alec sitting next to him. Kian froze, too afraid to move in case Alec disappeared, he asked, “How did you get in here?”
His eyes held guilt. “I am so sorry. I never should have gotten so involved.”
A part of him knew what he was saying but Kian couldn’t wrap his head around it. “What are you talking about?”
Kian shivered despite his warmth when the tips of Alec’s fingers brushed across his cheek as he tucked a strand of his hair out of the way. “It is obvious how much I have hurt you, Kian. I tried to stay away but I just -.” His hand fell to the bed. “Unfortunately, I have to do what is right.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” A knot formed in the pit of his stomach in fear of what he was about to say.
“I am leaving tonight.”
Panic gripped him. “When will you be back?”
The look in those emerald eyes told Kian what Alec seemed hesitant to say. Alec wasn’t coming back. Suddenly, he grabbed Alec around the neck holding on to him. “No, you can’t leave.”
“Kian, if I stay you will only get hurt more. I will not do that to you. You will only keep trying to figure out what I cannot tell you.” His hands reached up to pull Kian’s hands from around his neck. He brought them to his mouth and placed a soft kiss against each of his palms. “I am so sorry.”
He stood up to go. Desperate to keep him from leaving him, he pleaded, “You can’t leave, Alec. I promise no more questions - okay?” Kian couldn’t stop from begging. It had been hard enough for him to think about never seeing Alec again but to have it actually happen…The thought caused his stomach to roll with nausea.
“Kian, is everything okay?” Jace must have heard him getting hysterical. “Oh, sorry I didn’t know you were here, Alec.”
Alec didn’t spare him a glance. “Hello.”
“Kian, I have a date so I’m just going to wait downstairs, okay?” Quickly, Jace left the room to give them privacy.
Once they were alone, Kian found Alec staring at him. Kian wished he could read Alec’s expression, but he’d never been good at understanding people.
Wrapping his arms around his middle, Kian didn’t know how much he could take at this moment. Why were people always leaving him? If Alec walked out, would Kian be able to survive? The part that had watched his mother die knew he could. He’d already survived so much.
Another part of him was screaming that he couldn’t make it without Alec. Kian had no idea where it was coming from but instinctively he understood that was the part he needed to listen to. How was this even possible? He barely knew Alec. Why was this so hard?
Suddenly, strong arms were pulling him to that chiseled chest as Alec comforted him. The gesture felt familiar. It was the same way he felt each night while he slept – helping to keep his nightmares at bay.
Had Kian dreamed about being in Alec’s arms? That wouldn’t explain how he knew it felt exactly like this. Stepping back, Kian knew Alec wasn’t going to tell him but he still had to ask. “How did you get in here?”
A moment of alarm flashed in Alec’s eyes. “The door.”
Kian’s shoulders slumped slightly at the lie. “Jace would have seen you come in. He didn’t have any idea you were here. Try again.” Kian knew he had told Alec he would stop asking questions but he couldn’t. Something was nagging at him and he needed to know what it was.
Before Alec could open his mouth, Kian held up his hand. “Don’t bother to answer if you are going to lie.”
Closing his eyes briefly, he opened them to find Kian waiting expectantly. “What do you want me to say? I want to tell you but...” He didn’t finish.
Alec’s hands were back around Kian’s waist. “More than anything, I want to stay with you, protecting you, holding you.” He stepped away then. “But I can’t.”
Grabbing Alec’s arm to stop him when he tried to get away, he wasn’t going to just leave Kian – not if he could help it. “Fine. You don’t want to tell me how you managed to get into my room or how every night you come in here holding me during my nightmares.”
Kian felt a sense of satisfaction at his surprise. “Yes, I know you have been doing that so don’t bother trying to deny it. Since you can’t tell me how, maybe you could tell me why?”
He hesitated for a moment. Placing his hands on either side of Kian’s face, Alec looked deeply in his eyes. “Because your pain tears me apart.” Alec’s honesty moved him.
“Hey, boo, I didn’t know you were entertaining.” Kavi walked into the room, interrupting the moment. “I’ll leave you two to whatever you’re doing. I just need to change real quick then I’m outta here.”
Alec’s hands dropped away. “I need to go.”
Grabbing his hand, Kian begged. “Promise me you won’t leave yet.”
When he seemed reluctant to make that promise, Kian did something he’d never imagined he’d have the guts to do. He went on his tip toes as he leaned against Alec and pressed their lips together.
Strong hands grabbed Kian’s upper arms and for a second he feared Alec was going to push him away. But from one moment to the next, Kian was dragged flush against Alec as he thrust his tongue into Kian’s mouth. Heat infused every cell of Kian’s body until he was certain he was about to go up into flames.
Just as Alec started to deepen the kiss even further, Kian was pushed away hard enough that he’d landed on the bed. Alec’s hands clenched and unclenched several times as those emerald eyes turned molten with desire. It was obvious he was warring with himself, but eventually Alec said, “I promise not to leave yet. I just need to think.” With that, Alec strode out.
Not knowing what to do or feel, Kian lay on the bed as his fingers touched his lips, and damn, he swore they tingled.
“Crap, he left, didn’t he?” Kavi said as he passed Kian’s door on his way out. “I’m so sorry. Rotten timing on my part.” Jumping on the bed next to him, Kavi asked. “So how did it go?” Finally noticing Kian’s expression, Kavi asked. “What’s wrong?”
Looking over at the first person he had ever been able to call a friend, Kian desperately wanted to tell him everything. Instead, tears started to form in his eyes again.
Seeing the tears, Kavi wrapped his arms around him. “It’ll be okay. Sometimes guys are just stupid. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and I am telling you that boy has got it bad.”
“What are you talking about?” His inexperience with boys showed by him not understanding his best friend’s words.
“Sometimes you are just hopeless. I mean he likes you. Every time you are around he can’t take his eyes off you. So tell me what did he say to get you upset?”
Still unsteady thinking about it – Kian’s voice wasn’t much better. “He’s thinking about going back home to get away from me.”
Kavi looked shocked. “He said that?”
He nodded glumly, not wanting to speak.
Seeing that Kian needed some friend time, Kavi called Brandon to break their date. Then he called Jace and Lynwood telling them to get back here for a boys’ night.
It was exactly what he needed. They watched some stupid comedy on DVD while eating popcorn. He hadn’t laughed so hard in all his life. His friends had really come through for him and Kian was grateful.
After the movie, they continued to sit there talking. Jace finally asked what happened with Alec.
“He told me he was thinking about leaving school to return home.” It had been just as hard to say it again but he had been able to control his emotions more.
Jace laughed. “He what? What an idiot.”
“Jace, that isn’t nice to say.” Lynwood still chided them every time they made disparaging remarks - saying it wasn’t Christian.
“Give it up with the Christian talk already. Can’t you see he hurt our friend? He’s an idiot,” Kavi said, annoyed as usual with Lynwood.
Lynwood looked like he was going to say something but decided against it. Instead, he just sat back eating out of a bag of M&M’s, his favorite candy.
“Sorry for the choice of words, Lynwood, but what I meant is Alec is so head over heels for Kian, there is no way he is just going to leave. And he is an idiot if he doesn’t realize it.” Jace gave Kian an encouraging smile.
“Jace is right, sugga,” Lynwood said in his southern drawl that tended to be more present when it was just the four of them. It was as if he felt he could be himself around them but not others.
All three were surprised at Lynwood’s words. “That boy is so obviously into you, a blind man could see it.” Giving Kian a sly smile, he suggested, “Maybe he needs to be shown that.”
No one was more surprised than Kavi at Lynwood’s statement. “Boy.” Kavi smiled at Lynwood. “That’s more like it. I knew under all that Christian talk was a devious side.” Brow raised with a mischievous grin as he said, “Okay, bitches, it’s time to show Alec what he’ll be missing if he leaves.”
“I already tried that,” Kian admitted reluctantly. When all eyes were on him, Kian sighed and said, “I kissed him.”
Three squeals of excitement erupted from his friends and Kian couldn’t help but smile at them. “Don’t get your panties in a twist,” he told them. “He seemed into it for a minute, but then he pushed me away and practically stormed out of the room.”
Not having any experience, Kian was more than willing to let his friends help him. “But if you have other ideas on how to show him what he’d be missing, I’m all ears.”
All three of them grinned at him.