Page 7 of The Dead Ex

‘Why?’

‘You’re too young to understand.’

‘But I look older, don’t I? Cos I’m tall like my dad was.’

‘Yes,’ Mum would murmur. Then she’d kneel down and hold her tight. Sometimes she’d put her dark hair into neat little braids. That was Scarlet’s favourite thing. She would breathe her mother in. She always smelled the same. Pat Chew Lee. That’s whatthe bottle of her mum’s perfume said. P–A–T–C–H–O–U–L–I.

Scarlet was good at English. Her average reading age was eleven instead of eight. Her teacher said so. ‘We’ve got loads of books at home,’ she’d told him proudly. He’d looked surprised. ‘My favourite isAlice in Wonderland,’she’d added. ‘Mum had it when she was little. She reads it to me every night.’

Something stopped her from sayingthat the reading thing only happened when Mum had smoked the magic cigarette and was being all funny.

Back to the swing game. So scary! You never knew who was going to come up behind and push. Mum was nearby. That’s what she always told Scarlet. But they mustn’t actually see each other, because that might give the game away. All Scarlet had to do was sit on the seat and pretend that the pusherwas someone she knew.

Even though she didn’t.

Then she had to say, ‘Please can I have something to eat?’ It was really important that she spoke loudly in case anyone else was listening.

The reply was always the same. ‘Again?’

That’s when she’d turn round and see the person behind her.

It might be a woman. Or it might be a man. Sometimes they smelled of beer or pee or the wardrobe which sheand Mum shared. But they always did the same thing.

They’d hand her some crisps. Not the kind you got in a packet but the ones in a tube with a plastic lid. Then she’d stop the swing for a bit so she could take off the lid and eat the crisp on top before putting the lid back on again. Snap, it would go in her mouth. Unless it was stale.

‘Give us the old one, then,’ they’d say. So she’d handthem the empty crisp tube in her little pink shoulder bag, which Mum had bought her specially for the game because she was so good at it.

After that, they pushed the swing a few more times.When she turned round to see why they’d stopped, there was no one there.

That was when she had to walk to the park entrance, and Mum would be waiting. ‘Where have you been? I’ve been worried.’

Scarlet knewexactly what to say. ‘I wanted a swing. This nice person pushed me.’

‘What have I told you? Don’t talk to strangers.’

But Scarlet wasn’t upset because this was all part of the make-believe, just like the tales in her story books. Mum wasn’t really cross. She was only pretending to be!

When they got back to the flat, Mum would snatch the tube, which didn’t have any crisps. Instead, there werelots of tenners.

After that, they’d share a packet of fish and chips for tea as a treat. The vinegar made her mouth sting. Then Mum would light up a fag and open a bottle of wine.

‘Have a sip,’ she’d say. ‘It will help you sleep.’

Yuk! But she took it anyway, just to be a good girl.

Sometimes they used empty cans of drink instead of crisp tubes. It was good, Mum said, to have a change everynow and then. But you didn’t need either for the see-saw game, which was her second-best. The nice part was that you got to see the other person. So it wasn’t quite so frightening. The girl or boy on the other side would start to go up and down very fast. It made Scarlet’s head all dizzy. She’d have to hang on very tight so that the little parcel that was tucked into her jeans pocket stayed exactlywhere it was meant to.

The next step was to fall off carefully so that she didn’t hurt herself. ‘Make sure you cry loudly,’ Mum had toldher. ‘When the other person helps you up, use the confusion to do a quick swap.’

This was more complicated than the swing game. ‘It takes a real pro like you to do it,’ said Mum.

Scarlet wasn’t sure what a pro was, but it sounded good. Especially as Mum oftengave her a shiny pound coin in return for bringing back the tenners. Sometimes she was allowed to touch the notes after Mum had done her counting. They were as crisp as autumn leaves.

But the best game of all was hide and seek. They did this in the shopping centre. Scarlet liked this most because it was warm in the winter and also because Mum came with her. It made her feel safer.

First they’ddo something called a decoy. This meant trying on new clothes without buying.

‘Give us a twirl,’ Mum would say when the assistant came to the changing room to see if she could help. ‘Pretty girl.’