Page 111 of The Dead Ex

‘Did David ever hit you?’

‘No.’ I feel nervous. ‘But there were times when he couldbe quite forceful. He wanted his own way, even over silly things like where we’d go out for the evening. Sometimes he’d pick something for me from the menu and then get huffy if I didn’t agree. Or he’d want to stay in when I suggested going out. Since we didn’t see each other as often as other married couples because of our work, I usually gave in for a quiet life.’

‘So he bullied you?’

I’mfeeling even more uncomfortable. ‘I didn’t see it that way at the time. Maybe a bit controlling. Occasionally I dug my heels in, and he didn’t like that.’

Penny is writing all this down. ‘So it wasn’t the marriage you expected, then?’

‘No,’ I say slowly. ‘It wasn’t.’

Our late July wedding in 2012 was going to be much bigger than I’d wanted. David needed to invite several important businesscontacts who were ‘far more like family than any blood relative’. Apparently the latter were almost as thin on the ground as my own, the closest being a sister who lived in the States and with whom he’d lost contact. Their father was long dead.

Despite not attending a service every Sunday, I’d always assumed I’d get married in church. But my fiancé persuaded me otherwise. ‘Sorry, darling, butI’m not into that. Anyway, it doesn’t matter where we get married does it, as long as we’re together?’

I could hardly contain my nerves and excitement when the day arrived. ‘You look absolutely gorgeous,’ David said when he met me outside the register office in King’s Road.

Honestly?

I smoothed down the size 14 cream knee-length satin dress which I’d only just managed to squeeze into. Whatdid he see in me? Clearly, some of the other guests thought the same, judging from the whispers and the looks. But it didn’t matter. David loved me, and that’s all that mattered.

‘Let’s start a family right now,’ he said during our honeymoon night in the Dorchester. I realized I didn’t need any persuading. I wanted a baby. To build something that wasn’t just my career.

I was worried that I wastoo old, but only two months later, I was pregnant. ‘Some women,’ said my doctor, ‘get a last-minute burst of fertility at your age.’ I hugged the news to myself, not wanting to tell David over the phone but waiting instead until our work schedules finally allowed us to spend a night together in his London apartment. He was already starting to be home far less than before.

It was worth it, though,to see his face. ‘You’re sure?’ He’d picked me up and whirled me around gently. ‘That’s amazing!’

The following week he turned up unexpectedly at my house on the prison estate, bearing two packages. One contained an oyster-silk maternity negligée. The other was a little red knitted doll with a perky yellow hat. ‘I couldn’t resist buying it from a designer craft shop in Chelsea.’ He looked asexcited as a child.

‘Congratulations,’ said Patrick when I told him the news, explaining that I didn’t want it to be common knowledge yet. ‘Your husband must be over the moon.’

I’d noticed before that he hardly ever used David’s name.

‘Yes. He is.’

My husband managed to get time off for the three-month scan. ‘You don’t think I’d miss that, do you, darling? I’d move heaven and earth to getthere.’

We drove together to the car park. Just as he was reversing into a space, his phone rang. ‘Don’t touch that,’ he snapped.

‘I was only trying to help.’

‘Well, don’t.’

Shocked, I put the phone back on its dashboard holder.

We walked in silence towards the hospital. What should have been a really special time had been ruined. But then we both stared in wonder at the screen. ‘There’sthe head,’ said the radiologist. ‘See?’

‘Our baby,’ breathed David. ‘It’s like magic.’ Then he kissed me, properly, right in front of the woman. ‘I love you so much.’

Our previous argument was forgotten. As if it had never existed.

We had two scan pictures done. ‘I need one as well,’ he said, tucking it into his pocket and patting it. Then he put an arm around me as we headed back to the car.‘We’re going to be the perfect family. Our child will want for nothing. I’m so proud of you, love. You do know that, don’t you?’

By then, I was beginning to show. Not much. Just a little rounded bump. But that was enough.

Staff started to nudge each other. The inmates appraised me keenly. ‘So she’s not a lezzie after all,’ I heard one say.

‘Doesn’t mean anything. Could have been a turkey baster.’