Page 61 of The Dead Ex

When they do,I am so relieved that I step in quickly after them. But they walk down on the left. The space in front falls away from me. I grip the rail tightly.

I’m going to fall.

And that’s when I see him.

On the escalator going up on the other side.

A tall man. Slightly hooked nose. Rugby build. Well-cut grey overcoat.

‘DAVID!’

People are turning round. Staring as I scream his name.

He looks straightahead. He hasn’t heard me. Or else he doesn’t want to.

My fear of falling is now replaced by the fear of losing him all over again.

I run down the escalator, fear forgotten, my bag bumping against my hip. Down to the bottom. Up the adjoining escalator. Run. Don’t look down. I emerge at the top, panting. The policewoman is still talking to the worker at the gate.

He’s nowhere in sight.

I wantto fall to the ground. Sob with relief that my husband (for he’ll always be that) is alive. And I want to weep with anguish that I can’t put my arms around him and tell him that I don’t really wish he was dead. I’d only said that in anger. I’ll tell him how much I miss him and that I understand he made a mistake with Tanya. Of course I will take him back. All he has to do is get to know the E wordas I have done. It would be so much easier if there were two of us to fight it.

‘Excuse me.’

My heart stops as I hear his deep voice.

‘I’m having problems with my Oyster. I’ve added twenty pounds, but it’s not showing.’

It’s the tall man with the slightly hooked nose. The rugby build. The grey overcoat. He’s come up to the TfL worker.

I can see him more clearly now.

It isn’t David.

20

Scarlet

She was lucky. If the window had been higher and there hadn’t been long, soft grass below, it could have been much worse. Lucky, too, that it was her left arm that was broken. It meant she could still use a pen when she started school the next day.

She’d like school. The whole class was excited about seeing her. It was only just down the lane. We’ll walk with you on your first dayand after that you’ll probably want to come back with one of your new friends. Then you can write a letter about it to your mum.

That’s what they told her. Not all at once but in bits. Scarlet listened to Dee but tried to block out Robert’s voice. It wasn’t easy. It sounded deep, just like Mr Walters’. The very thought made her shiver and feel sick, even though Robert’s hands were lean and browninstead of white and flabby.

‘Why do you think she still won’t talk?’ she’d heard them say when they returned from the hospital. It had been dark by then. Scarlet was meant to be in bed but she’d moved to the floor again. Still she couldn’t sleep. Everything creaked. The boards below the carpet when she turned over to get comfortable. The ceiling too, as though someone was walking around above.Scared, she crept outof the room and sat on the staircase near the lion and the apple, listening to the voices floating out of the kitchen.

‘Traumatized, poor kid. Imagine if you’d been through all that with your mother. It took me years to get it out of my system – if indeed I have. You’re lucky, Robert. You and your golden childhood.’

Dee sounded cross.

‘I know, love. I’m sorry. But I wantto make it right for her.’

‘She’s frightened of you.’

‘Really?’

‘I can tell from her eyes. Yet she’s all right with me and the social worker. If you ask me, a man has upset her. Maybe she’s even been …’