Page 169
Hollis turned the shower off and let the tub fill. Now that everything was over, his entire body ached from all the running, from carrying every last one of his old bones all on his own. Walt was so amused at that, thought it was so fucking funny that they were too lazy now to work a body on their own.
Anyway, my old man was pissed , Walt said as they settled into the gloom. Claimed he raised me better and didn’t like the look of you. Seemed more important to him that I know that more than anything else.
I don’t care , Hollis said firmly. I would never have asked for his blessing anyway.
You’d have taken me shamefully? No dowry or nothing?
Hollis stopped and turned off the faucet.
I want to be clear with you, Walt Eidelman: If I was a boy back in your time, I would have crawled in your window in the dead of night and made you loud enough to cause a scandal.
Walt laughed loud and free while Hollis shivered and gripped the edge of the sink.
I would have dragged you outside and driven you to a town where no one knew us. Gotten us paperwork with new first names and the same last name. I would have hauled cargo until we could buy a bit of land, built you a house out in the fields, and made you loud all over again, Walt. Do not test me. I am not a coward.
Walt’s joy battered at his edges, delirious, reckless, shot through with tenderness, rich enough to lick from a spoon.
Jesus, Hollis, you’d have gotten us hanged.... My sister would have visited us though, in that brand-new house you’d build me. What would it look like?
I’d make it however you like. You’ve gotta know that. White shutters? Wraparound porch? All it is, is work. I’m not afraid of work.
She laughed at us, right before everyone passed on. I wish you could have seen her. Walt sounded so wistful.
I will, Hollis promised. Someday.
Walt settled them down into the water and draped their leg over the side.
Give my right arm for a cigarette.
Hollis snorted and rolled their eyes.
We can do a year of that and then we’re quitting. Yulia won’t stand for it, and we’ll be seeing a lot of her soon, I expect. Birthday’s in a week or so though. We’ll buy them honest and legal.
Walt hummed. He placed a hand in the center of their chest and closed their eyes.
Hollis felt it in his bones, Walt’s love. That soft whisper behind his ribs, the ache, the fondness, where it belonged.
When I was down there, I saw my door.
What?
On the other side of the wall, next to the other one. Looked at it hard before I turned to follow you.
Jesus, Walt. What was that like?
Are you sure you want to know? You’ll have your own someday.
Hollis snorted. Typical.
Be kinder to your last ride, give me some hints.
Walt huffed and shifted, stretching their legs out. Twitched their top finger like he already had the cigarette he desperately wanted, and tried:
You ever get in from a long night out and stand in your doorway with the lights off? It’s dark, but it smells like home, it feels warm even if it’s cold as a winter with no firewood. You know that everyone you love is in there fast asleep and you don’t want to wake them too early. Doesn’t matter if it’s a mansion or a hovel, it’s where you live and you’re glad to be back.
There’s no one tryna rush you, or people behind pushing, but it would never occur to you not to put your foot over the threshold and stumble inside. Your heart wants to kick off its shoes and fold up under the quilts.
You don’t even think about it, you just go.
That’s it. No more, no less.
Hollis breathed in the thick stale air and let it go in a whoosh.
Oh. Wow.
Yeah.
Hollis swallowed.
If... if you really wanted to, you should. Me needing you isn’t as important—
You promised me years. That creepy wrinkle thing you said, way back when. I want that. You fixin’ to break that promise?
No! I just meant—
I know what you meant.
Hollis heard Walt start to grin, felt it in his voice.
Don’t get cold feet on this. Let me linger on the porch and look back at you, waitin’. Let me close the screen quiet enough that my ma won’t hear, before I follow you back to your place for a nightcap.
I’ll just be a little late. The old man’ll understand.
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