Page 144
They fell back into the dust. Hollis pulled himself in so that Walt could have their arms and legs, and they immediately started shaking from adrenaline.
Hollis hadn’t shook after doing this in years.
Hollis! Hollis!
Mmm. What did you think?
We are never fucking doing that again, but Hollis, fuck. I understand .
Hollis turned their face so the warmth of their hair protected them from the ground, and panted the way Walt wanted them to.
It felt like us! Walt cried, hysterical.
It really felt like us!
Walt didn’t wait to resolve Hollis’s confusion about what that meant. He snatched off Hollis’s mitten and shoved his hand up their coat, skin to skin, spreading his fingers wide across their chest. Tore himself from that place so Hollis had no choice but to flood into it.
Hollis arched off the ground and moaned, greedy and unashamed.
It was similar. The way their souls jangled together, like hot steel touching cold steel, steam trapped in a bottle. There wasn’t enough room under his skin. They ricocheted off the walls of that space between his spirit and flesh. Too close, scraping the way humans were never supposed to touch as long as their feet were still standing on God’s green earth. And by God, did he love the sweetness of it.
Jeez, Walt. Hollis laughed.
No, stop laughing. Don’t laugh at me.
Hollis pulled off his other mitten and pushed his hand into their mouth. Sucked hard and ignored Walt’s racket. Kissed him the way he knew how. The button on the bottom of their coat surrendered, pinging off the train track. Walt scrabbled to open the rest.
You’re sewing that back on.
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Walt forced Hollis out, made them switch sides, gave him the hand that was making them shake and took over sloppily kissing him back.
And still, he was modest. Untrained—even in this—and Hollis’s heart ached .
Hollis curled his fingers and raked them down the center of their chest. Walt snatched their hand out of their mouth so he didn’t bite down, didn’t ruin this, and yelled so loud the birds left the trees.
Noisy.
Walt burst into tears. Sobbed into the darkness inside them.
“I was looking for you this whole time, I think,” Hollis whispered, out loud so the words were real.
So they floated in steam above them in the cold.
“I’m sorry it took so long. I’m sorry you were waiting a few years for me.”
Hollis!
I would have come faster, if I could. If I knew. Taken you right out of whoever you were riding in, put you back where you belong.
Walt curled them up and huffed into the dirt. Rolled their eyes into the back of their head, as Hollis slid his hand up their neck. Closed his fingers around his throat like he had months ago. Wrapped them up, temple to the ground, knees bent in supplication.
This is a good thing. We’re a good thing.
Please don’t leave, please please.
What did you say, back then? When you were praying me away? When you were being a coward, running from me, and even still you couldn’t stop yourself from saying it. Begging for it.
What?
Tell me, Walt. I know you remember, because I can’t forget.
Walt shuddered, opened their eyes, glassy and wild.
As it was in the beginning—
Is now, and ever shall be...
Hollis shoved his hand into their jeans.
A world without end.
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