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He was shorter than average, five foot six to Hollis’s six foot one. He didn’t have blond hair like Sam’s; he was a brunet. Darker than Hollis’s, he said. Curlier than Hollis’s mom’s but not as curly as Yulia’s.

He was stronger than Hollis, and very sure he could pick him up.

He had dimples.

He didn’t get old enough to grow a beard or mustache, though he’d tried once apparently.

One of his fingers had been broken in an accident and was crooked. He had a scar across his eyebrow from a bottle thrown his way in a bar fight. Another across his knuckles from delinquent behavior, as he put it.

Walt traced the hills and valleys of Hollis’s face as he talked. Got stuck drawing a finger down the hump on Hollis’s nose over and over.

When I first saw you, I thought you were pretty.

I was disgusting, covered in tears and dirt.

All the same.

Did you pick me because you wanted to look like me?

I picked you because you were there. I was dying, again, and you were kind.

He rested their left hand, mittened, over Hollis’s right.

Your coat smelled like dead leaves, aftershave, and your terrible shampoo. I was warmer than I’d been in weeks.

Yeah?

When I went to lie in the hollow, in your coat, I wondered if you’d be just as comfortable inside. Tall and thin as you are.

Hollis shivered, made them shiver.

I was going to clear out one of the abandoned houses for you. Cook you dinner and bring it every night, bread in the mornings.

Hollis.

Tell my ma where to find you so that you could decide if you wanted to go to school. All that. I was willing to figure it out. Food and shelter.

It was a dirty trick, Walt admitted finally. I’m sorry for it. I’m sorry, Hollis.

Hollis shrugged his shoulder.

It suits you. But I forgive you. I like this.

Hollis petted them beneath the jaw, beneath the ear, where he knew his skin was thin and vulnerable, and Walt shuddered. He tipped their head back and leaked himself from the top down to right beneath their nose, so Walt could have their eyes. Then Hollis put his fingers in their mouth.

He touched their tongue like it wasn’t his.

Rubbed it until their spine pooled liquid, and Walt’s guilt swelled unbearable. Until Hollis taught him the meaning of need. Let spit run down their chin, gagged on it. ed between their fingers, flicking between the webbing.

I wish I could kiss you, Walt confessed, breathless.

Is this not kissing? Hollis laughed, silent into the darkness in their chest. Kissing can mean something different to us. We make the rules. We are a new thing.

Hollis bit the meat of his palm, dragged their face across it, smearing wet and terrible over his jaw. Scraped his stubble until they shivered. Panted into the night where no one could hear them, no one could see them, hard and alive and spiraling.

Please, God.

I know.

Hollis took their face back and gave Walt their legs, everything from the chest down, then scraped his fingernails over their scalp. Dug in circles until Walt kicked out, helpless and twitching. Walt wanted to roll their eyes back, so Hollis did. He wanted to moan out into the darkness, so Hollis made that music and then laughed at him.

You’re so easy.

No, I’m—

I know every inch of me, Walt. I was me before we were us.

Hollis spat on his hand, slid it slick up his neck and pinched his ear like teeth. Walt jerked them up so hard they tumbled over face-first in the sand and Hollis laughed again. Laughed until Walt’s humiliation burned their cheeks red and made their heart race. Walt gritted his teeth to keep from admitting that he loved this. Like that could stop Hollis from feeling it in his silence.

But Hollis finally settled, merciful, and folded his arms over their chest, grinning.

Come on, man. Tell me. What are you so afraid of? You’ve never had a hookup? Never taken a dame up to make-out point and shown her some hospitality? Come on, Walt, you told me you were more than a liability.

Walt was still breathing hard and helpless, but Hollis could feel a spike of irritation at Hollis’s mockery beneath it.

You’re unholy.

I know. We suit each other.