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The walk back was cold and exhausting, but Hollis still couldn’t sleep. It was almost dawn now, and Walt was just lying with him in silence as the light from outside their room turned everything in it blue.

Hollis turned them onto their back and placed a hand over their chest.

You thinkin’ about it?

Hmm?

Rose Town.

Hollis thumbed at the collar of the white T-shirt Walt had picked out for them.

No. I’m thinking about you and me. It’s been almost three months of this. Early fall, Homecoming, beginning of winter... it’s only going to get colder, you know.

I know.

Do you know what it feels like to have you inside? Any of your rides give you a good description?

I know, Hollis. The screaming gives that away pretty soundly. It’s uncomfortable.

Hollis pulled their knees up and folded their arms behind their head.

It’s nice. I don’t think I’d like if it stopped.

You can’t mean that.

Don’t tell me what I can and can’t mean. Did you know when you have the whole of us, it feels like you’re carrying me? I’ve never felt so... I didn’t know that I didn’t like being alone until it wasn’t an option anymore.

It’s not supposed to be like that.

Maybe it was supposed to be, for me at least. It feels like when you’re a kid and you’re playing hide-and-seek and you find a good spot—a small one—and you creep inside. Then your friend finds the same spot and there’s just enough space for them to fit inside too. So you’re both crammed in tight, and it’s not comfortable, but it’s not bad because it’s them. And it’s dark and you have to be quiet, but their breath is on your neck, and you don’t know what it means yet to have your heart beat faster about it. That’s what it feels like, Walt.

Oh.

Walt swallowed.

I like you. And I know you like me back, I can feel it.

How... how does it feel?

Hollis grinned, closed their eyes.

It’s fast. You roll through emotions so quickly whenever I rile you up that it took a while for me to separate them. Terror, grief, longing, then back to grief and terror again. Like you think I’m going to notice and get angry, and get disgusted. But I’m not disgusted, and I’m braver than you, no offense.

He dragged their fingernails against the fabric, like a whisper.

I think I like you, Walt. I like you like I’d like you if we met in class or during a summer job, and it’s not hard for me. The only difference is that everyone else doesn’t get to walk around with knowing as much as I do about you. Did you think it would mean nothing to feel your smile before it hits our face? Or know that it twists your heart to see certain run-down things around here? What it would mean to feel you crying, lonely, mad as a hornet, happy so big it feels like the sun is rising, all day every day until I look for it? Long for it? How could anyone feel that and not eventually get a little sweet on you is a mystery to me.

Walt was quiet. He scraped his fingers through their hair, and Hollis arched into it, pleased.

You’re the strangest person I’ve ever met.

I’m a country boy, Walt. You’ve spent too much time in the city. This is still a place where people marry their high school sweethearts.

Walt snorted. Don’t remind me.

I’m not saying that it goes well; I’m saying people do it. Then they figure things out and I’m not afraid to. Are you?

I’m afraid of a lot of things.

And I’m not afraid of anything. Maybe we were meant to teach each other shit or something. I can teach you to face your fears, and you can teach me to actually be nice to people.

You’re already so kind. How could you think you’re not kind?

“How could you think you’re not brave?” Hollis said out loud, and he felt Walt flinch and pull deeper inside.

Hollis dragged the comforter from the end of their bed up over both of their heads so they were together in that dark place.

“Come on, admit it, it’s just us. No one else can hear you,” Hollis whispered.

Hollis.

“Say it with my mouth, use my lungs for the air for it. Say it, Walt, I can feel it anyway, you can’t hide from me.”

“I... I like you.”

“Yeah?”

“I like you, Hollis.”

“You like me?”

“I like you.”