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He was halfway through kneading when Mrs. Brown settled at the kitchen table behind him.

“You worry me, june bug,” she said. “You’ve been working hard doing extra chores, studying, and fixing things, and I don’t know why.”

“I’m fine, Ma.” Hollis folded over the loaf and pressed into it again with his palms. “I’m trying French bread for Yulia. I know it’s late, but I’ll be done in a bit so this can rise overnight.”

Mrs. Brown was quiet for a bit.

“You... worried about your old man and me?” She pressed. “We got a good thing going, and you can stay as long as you like when school ends. Or... Are things not going well at school with all your friends leaving?”

“It’s... I mean, that’s not the greatest. I’m just trying to take it seriously. Figure out what I want to do. Pay attention to the things I’m good at. There’s nothing to worry about, I promise.”

You’re a good liar.

I’m not lying.

Walt turned their feet to face the kitchen table, so Hollis folded their arms and faced his ma. But Walt was yearning. So Hollis let him sit them down, he stretched out his hands so she could hold them gently.

It’s okay to need this. Or want it, Walt.

“I’m sorry for making you worried about me,” Walt said. “I didn’t mean to.”

Mrs. Brown shook her head. “Annie stopped by early today before you got home to check in on you. She seems like she’s concerned, and seeing her all knotted up like that made me wonder how my boy was.”

She squeezed his hands, and Walt ached.

“Sometimes good changes aren’t always for good reasons,” she said. “You smell like your father did when we first took up together. Never thought I’d have to warn you off smoking in the house, but here we are. He started for his anxiety; its a fool thing to assume it wouldn’t be the same for you. We are family.”

Walt shrugged. Hollis pulled himself from their hands and face and just watched.

“I know it’s not... I can stop,” Walt said.

Mrs. Brown smiled and kissed Hollis’s knuckles.

“Make sure you do, eventually. There are many awful things you could be doing—I’m thankful it’s just this. But it means more to me that my boy might be struggling than telling you what to do.”

“Oh.” Walt frowned.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice if my baby started smiling every day but seemed sad? You’ve had a little rain cloud over your head for a while. But this is the first big change, a meaningful one. You’ve seemed like you’ve been settling a bit lately, only in the last week or so. But I wouldn’t be a good mama if I didn’t ask. It could just be the eye of a hurricane.”

Walt wanted to hide, wanted to put their hands over their face.

Do you still miss your own ma?

Please, just—

It’s not embarrassing. It’s okay.

Hollis shrugged their shoulders and smiled.

Sometimes I forget you’re also seventeen.

Walt flinched inside, hid, and Hollis let him. How could he not? He wasn’t made to ignore something like this.

“I’m thinking about things. Figuring out how to be happy, I guess.” Hollis took over for them. “But things are going all right. My grades are better, I’ve made a few new friends. When you and Pa were out, I went to a party.”

“Your first one!” She beamed.

“Yeah, I left early, but yeah. It was nice. I’m okay, I’m just figuring some stuff out, but I’m okay.”

Hollis put himself somewhere small when Mrs. Brown hugged them. Curled up so Walt could have access to every bit of warmth. He was quiet when Walt leaned his head on Mrs. Brown’s shoulder. Didn’t say a word when Walt closed their eyes tight.