Page 13

MERIT

I’m about to pull out of the driveway when Holt comes jogging out the door.

Of the Children’s Wing.

Maybe I should buy a lock for the interior door that joins the Children’s Wing to the Big House. A lock with only one key.

He definitely wouldn’t like that. Not one bit.

Just like he didn’t like the fact that I didn’t come home last night until after ten. I waited until I knew everyone would be gone. I meant what I said; I’m not ready to see them.

I thought they loved me. Just like he did.

He knocks on my window. Of course, he would have to be shirtless. With small beads of sweat rolling down the tanned lines of his chest and stomach. His blond waves are damp with perspiration, and he lifts his arms, dragging his hands through his hair. The movement ripples the muscles across the ridges of his ribs.

Asshole.

He knows I love it when he does that.

Growling, I lower my window.

“Where are you going?” he asks.

“Out.”

He sweeps his hand through the air. “Care to elaborate?”

“I’m going to look for a job. Sir .”

“A job?” His brows furrow in confusion like he doesn’t even know what the word means.

“Yeah, you know that thing you do to make money. To pay bills, to buy stuff.”

He grunts. “Why are you looking for a job?”

“I have bills to pay, Holt. I have groceries to buy.” I tap my fingers against the steering wheel. “I need to save money. Raising a child can’t be cheap.”

He props his arms against the frame of my SUV and leans in. He smells like soap and sweat. “Neither of you will ever want for anything. You know that.”

“I told you I don’t want your money. I won’t take it.” I look away, refusing to drown in his good looks. “Paying for my insurance is one thing. That’s just me making a responsible decision for the health of our child. But when it comes to supporting him? To buying his food and clothes and putting a roof over his head? I can do it. With my own money.”

His jaw tenses, but he doesn’t fight me. “What are you thinking? Do you know where you’re gonna look?”

“I’m not sure. I mean, I have the retail experience, of course. I worked at the law firm too. I guess I just need to see who’s hiring.”

He nods, not saying anything.

“Anyway, I’ll stop by the grocery store on my way home and get my own groceries. You don’t need to worry about bringing stuff over to my fridge anymore.” I couldn’t shop yesterday because I knew I would be out late avoiding the Hill Family. They’ve already hurt me enough; I didn’t wanna add clabbered milk and spoiled bacon to the list of grievances I have with them.

He cocks an eyebrow. “So now, bottled water, caffeine-free Coke, and yogurt is too much? I can’t even do that?”

“Holt,” I warn.

He pushes away from the SUV, nodding. “It’s okay. I understand.”

The sad look on his face shouldn’t upset me, but it does. It shouldn’t hurt my heart, but it does. And for some inexplicable reason, I throw him a bone. “I saw the doctor’s information you left on the countertop. I’ll call him today and make an appointment.”

And of course, the smile on his face shouldn’t make me happy, but it does. “That’s great. I started on your insurance paperwork already. Even if it’s not in place by the time of your first appointment, I’ll just pay in cash. Get it for as soon as you can, okay?”

“All right.”

“Do… do you think it would be okay for me to go with you?”

I guess I could say no. But I did vow not to keep Holt away from his child. “Sure. That would be okay.”

“Perfect,” he says with a smile. One of those perfect Holt Hill smiles…

I raise the window but not before his words float in to haunt me. “Be careful. I love you.”

***

My eyes are red and scratchy and nearly swollen shut. Glancing at the clock lit on my dashboard, I can’t believe I’ve been sitting here for nearly three hours.

Staring at my store.

Well, what used to be my store.

It’s obviously been rented to someone because there’s no sign advertising it as available. Not only that, it looks like the men’s clothing store next door has shut down too.

It still blows my mind that it’s gone.

My store, not the men’s clothing store.

Something I worked so hard for… just gone. Like it never existed. Well, except for the Run and Jump and Twirl sign still attached to the storefront roof. You wouldn’t believe what it was going to cost to have it removed so I just left it.

Let the new people deal with it.

I sigh so deeply it hurts my ribs. And my heart. With one lasting glance, I start the car and head to the grocery store. After getting home, I unload everything and make a quick sandwich before snuggling on the couch with an Elvis movie. I’m fighting a losing battle with my yawns when I hear the hallway door open.

It makes me angry that even his casual walk sounds sexy.

I pull my blanket up to my neck, trying to hide my body. I’m wearing a skintight tank top with no bra and shorts that used to be loose.

Now they’re not.

I feel his eyes on me, staring at me from the corner of the room. “Do I need to start jamming the door with a chair?” I ask.

A whisper of a laugh rumbles low in his chest. “Do you want to?”

Bastard knows the real answer to that. So, I ignore him.

He walks around. Instead of sitting on the loveseat opposite from me, he squeezes onto the couch, forcing me to fold my legs up so my feet aren’t in his lap. “How’d the job hunt go today?”

I shrug. “I’m still looking.” I applied at a dry cleaner, a gas station, three attorney offices, a tanning salon, and an insurance company. I’m willing to do anything until something better-suited for me comes along. I’m a hard worker, and a job’s a job.

“I was giving that some thought,” he says, slightly drawing the words out to pique my curiosity.

I study his profile. The side lamp paints him in a soft, ethereal glow. His facial hair is a little longer than normal, and the freckles on his nose are darker, bronzed against the sunburn of his cheeks.

I turn away. “I’m not mooching off you, Holt.”

“I wasn’t gonna suggest it. You made it pretty clear how you feel.”

I shift, trying to ease the discomfort that’s been plaguing my lower back today. “So?”

“How about you work for me?” He quickly shakes his head the second my mouth falls open to protest. “I don’t mean me . I mean the new charity. I need someone to help me get The Hill Family Charities off the ground and running. Mom and Raylee and Ella have been helping in their spare time; but let’s face it, none of them have that much spare time.”

He spreads his arm across the back of the couch. His muscles loom over me, making my tongue thick in my mouth. “It wouldn’t be forever. The plan is to hire a full-time employee and a couple of part-time workers once everything is up and running. In addition, we’ll have an attorney on retainer—one with non-profit experience. I’m interviewing lawyers for it now.” He smiles. “I’d love to think it could be successful and grow. Grow into something that makes a difference. More employees, more people, more organizations to help. But that’s all down the road. Right now, I just need someone to handle the basic work while we’re getting everything set up. With all the experience you had at the law firm and the store, it should come easy to you. What do you say?”

I furrow my brow in thought. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You wanna hire me?”

He smiles. “Hell, yes. You’re the hardest worker I know.”

“And you’re gonna pay me for this?”

“I did some internet sleuthing and talked to a couple of contacts I have with small charities I worked with through the NFL. All the salary numbers are pretty much in line with one another. You’d be compensated fair and square. I’d pay your taxes. Plus, no health insurance would be deducted from your salary. I’m paying that separately, just like we agreed on.”

I nibble on the inside of my cheek, wincing when I accidentally bite too hard. “How long are we talking?”

“At least through the birth. Oh, and paid maternity leave.”

I stare at the TV, watching the bright Technicolor flashes color the screen. “Remember, I’ll be moving out. After the baby comes and you have time to bond. I’ll leave. I can’t stay here.”

He doesn’t answer.

I sit higher on the couch. “Holt, you know I can’t stay here, right? I need you to say you understand. Tell me—” My protest is cut off by a sharp tinge of pain in my lower back. I grimace, clenching my teeth through the muscle spasm from hell.

His eyes grow wide, and his hand snakes over the blanket, gripping my thigh. “What’s wrong?! Are you okay?” His frenzied voice is almost comical.

I take a few deep breaths and pat his hand. “It’s nothing. My back’s just sore today. I had a spasm.”

“Shit. Really? Does it happen a lot?”

I snort. “You’re asking a pregnant woman if her back hurts often? You sure you got a college degree?”

He rolls his eyes. “Haha, smart-ass. You know what I mean.”

I shrug. “Just depends on the day. It’s better than the first four months. I threw up constantly. I mean, like anywhere and everywhere. Trash cans, the sink, the fields at home. I even threw up in my purse once because I was in the middle of Walmart and couldn’t make it to the bathroom.”

“But you’re feeling better now?”

“My stomach’s better, yeah.”

Holt gives me that look. That look that says he can read my mind.

“But other things hurt instead?” he asks.

I really don’t want to complain. The truth is I love being pregnant. Feeling my baby move inside of me? I can’t imagine anything closer to Heaven on Earth. It’s…miraculous. I give him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

He knows I’m placating him.

Letting me win this battle, he shifts the conversation. “Scoot over,” he nods in his own direction. “I’ll rub your back.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’ll give you a back massage.”

“You… wanna put your hands on me?” My heart quickens. I don’t know why the words from my mouth sound so breathless and intense.

He chuckles, gifting me with his panty-dropping smile. His blue eyes brighten in good humor. “You don’t have to make it sound so scandalous. Contrary to what you may think, I can give a backrub in a completely non-sexual way.”

He winks.

When I don’t move, he reaches underneath my blanket. Grabbing my thighs, he yanks me closer. I ignore the scorching fire burning across my body with his touch. I completely disregard the pool of desire filling my core. He effortlessly shifts me into a seated position and spins me so my back is facing him. Without warning, his hands set to work, immediately burrowing into my tense muscles. Euphoria instantly floods me. Lobbing my head to the side, a moan tumbles from my lips.

“That good, huh?”

It really is.

He takes his time. Working my neck first, he slides the thin straps of my tank top down my shoulders. His fingertips trace the beads of my spine. His knuckles grind against the tight muscles of my low back.

It’s hypnotizing. So very hypnotizing.

I’m not sure how long we stay like this…minutes, hours, days.

All I know is that I’m floppy like a wet noodle and completely refusing to even acknowledge the pulsing vibrations humming through my clit.

Nope. I’m keeping that monster locked tightly in the closet.

“So…” his whisper is low and gravelly. It sounds like he’s struggling to even get the words out. “Does that feel better?”

“So much—” My sentence is cut short.

I’ve got that feeling.

Not the clit feeling, but that tickly, tingly feeling in the back of your throat that quickly shifts to the nose.

Oh no. This can’t be happening.

“What’s wrong?” Holt asks.

My head shakes back and forth, and my body shivers. “S… sn… sneeze.” Right then, it happens. My nose explodes.

Really, it’s no different than the sneeze I’ve had my entire life. No different than any normal sneeze from any normal Joe Blow off the street.

Except for one thing.

Now, I pee myself.

Ever since I got pregnant, I pee on myself. Like all over myself.

And it just happened.

I just peed my pants in front of the famous Holt Hill.

Now don’t get me wrong, we used to live together. Like, in the same room together . So, we’ve seen each other pee. But always on a toilet. Never in our pants.

“Fuck me.”

Holt’s hands fall from my back. “What’s the matter?” He can tell by the tone in my voice that the fuck me wasn’t a plea muttered in sexual desire.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” I mumble.

“What? What just happened?”

I bury my face in my hands, not saying anything.

“Mer?” He leans around my shoulder. His breath smells like mint. “What’s up?” He tugs on my hands. “Tell me.”

I pull against him, fighting to keep my red face hidden. “I just peed.”

“Huh?”

Giving up, I slap my hands on my knees and scooch around to face him. “When I sneezed, I peed. Like really peed. Not just a dribble.”

For a split second he stares at me. And then he bursts out laughing. “You peed your pants?”

“Yes.” I glare at him. “It’s not funny,” I say with a pout.

“Oh, come on, it’s pretty damn funny.” He bumps against me. “Let me see.”

“How can you think this is funny? My bodily functions aren’t even mine anymore.”

He licks his bite-worthy lips, and before I know what’s happening, he gently kisses my neck. Right in that wonderful spot under the corner of my jaw, where his breath tickles my ear and sends a chill down my spine. “I think it’s funny because it is. Pee and poop are always funny. Shit like that happens to everyone. Literally, in my case. I had to leave the second Super Bowl game I played in during the third quarter because I shit my pants. Luckily, our pants were black that year. The announcers saw the way I was running and thought I pulled a groin muscle. They were astonished when I ran back onto the field ten minutes later. I missed a whole series.”

My eyes widen. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. Now, let me see.”

Groaning, I stand up and point my ass in his face. Feeling around with my hand, it’s just a pile of soaked panties and pajama shorts. There’s even a wet spot on his couch.

Fortunately, his laugh is now contagious, and I can’t help but laugh at myself.

“When did this start?” he says, wiping at a rogue dribble running down my inner thigh.

“The minute you put a baby inside of me.”

Wrong words.

I didn’t mean for those words to carry such an impact. To have so much heat behind them, so much lust.

But they do.

And he knows it.

He stops breathing, and all the air is immediately sucked out of the room. Once again, that seems to be happening a lot lately. At this rate, I’m gonna need to buy oxygen masks to survive being near him for the next few months.

His eyes widen, and the muscles in his forearms twitch. My eyes instinctively dart to the bulge in his shorts.

I want nothing more than to fall against him. Kiss him. Hold him. Feel his body slide into mine.

Stumbling forward, I try to gain my composure. “I… I need to go change.”

His arm reaches for me, but for once, thankfully, I’m quicker than him. And that’s for the best. Because I’m not sure I’m strong enough to withstand the pull I have toward him right now. Holt’s a magnetic field, and I’m beyond terrified I’m about to get trapped in its drag.