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CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

"Mamamama . . .” Sedric starts babbling, stretching his little arms toward me as soon as I step out of my studio.

My mother smiles from ear to ear, proud of her grandson.

"Yes, that’s me. Your super mommy!" I joke, smiling. But when I try to raise my arms like Superman, I feel a sharp pain in my chest, and a grimace crosses my face before I can stop it.

Immediately, my mother’s expression changes to one of pure anguish. She picks up my son and brings him closer so I can kiss him.

My eyes fill with tears as he throws himself into my arms, but I can’t hold him.

The nanny approaches, and my mother hands him over.

"I just got here," I say, sounding as unhappy as I feel. "I want to spend a little more time with Sedric."

"In a little while, honey. Right now, we need to talk."

The nanny discreetly exits, leaving us alone.

Just four months after I started taking my YouTube show seriously, my channel exploded, reaching over a million subscribers in a short time—something most of my competitors would take over a year to achieve.

With that, the number of sponsors increased, and I couldn’t believe it when, about six months ago, I added up what I’d earned over the past year and realized it was around three hundred thousand dollars.

I bought the house where I now live with my son. I’m paying in installments, and thank God, he’s never lacked anything.

My mom, although she hasn’t made her relationship with Badger official before a judge—preferring to wait until the charges were dropped last week—has been living with him.

Even though we now have separate homes, they’re close by, and my mother is here every day, which makes my son absolutely adore her.

"Mom . . .” I begin, guessing what she wants to talk about.

"You’ve been putting this off for weeks, Alexis. I’m not going to wait until you're rushed to the hospital to have to make decisions on your behalf. You’re better than that, sweetheart. You’re a strong woman, a wonderful mother and daughter, not a coward."

"I’m full of resentment. So much that I feel like I’m suffocating. And you’re wrong. I am a coward, too."

"You’re not. I understand the hurt—any woman in your place would feel the same—but you have to consider what’s most important: the anger you feel toward your son’s father or the chance to raise him?"

"The chance to watch my son grow will always be what matters most to me."

After struggling with shortness of breath and chest pain, I finally went to a doctor. I had no idea what it could be, but I knew my body had been warning me for a while that something wasn’t right. With so many worries—especially with my mother’s arrest—I ignored it.

Then, a couple of months after she was released to await trial, I found out I was pregnant.

At first, I nearly lost it. My mom raised me from the age of eight and I thank God every day for that blessing, but I always dreamed that, if I ever got married, my child would have a home with both parents. So discovering I had conceived a baby with that miserable traitor left me desperate.

Still, despite the hurt and pain, I tried to do the right thing and tell him the truth. I hate LJ, but I would never deny my child the right to know his father.

I found out where he worked—actually, the hospital he owns—and called there several times. I never got any information. I tried reaching out to his family on social media, but apparently, people like him and his relatives don’t use anything as trivial as regular people do.

I was about to give up when I finally found his sister—the same one who spoke to me on the phone. It could only have been her, because in an old Instagram photo, she’s hugging LJ and another guy who looks about her age, and the caption says: Good genes. Me and my gorgeous brothers.

I messaged her on Instagram, even though I felt embarrassed. As humiliated as I felt, I told her I needed to speak to her brother, that it was urgent.

I identified myself as Alexis Gillis and, just in case there was any doubt, reminded her of our phone call.

She took days to respond, even though the app showed she’d read it. I didn’t give up, kept insisting, and regretted not saving LJ’s number before changing my SIM card. But how could I have guessed something so serious would happen? I expected never to see him again.

Finally, after weeks of trying, she replied: Get lost. My brother moved on, bitch.

I accepted that message and the lack of any attempt from him to contact me as the universe’s sign that, from then on, the responsibility was no longer mine.

My mom, however, thinks differently. Even though she also has no idea how we’ll find him to tell him he has a son, she insists that LJ has the right to know, and Sedric, even though still a baby, deserves to know his father.

I don’t want anything from LJ, and as selfish as it may sound, I’d rather wait a few years until Sedric is older to introduce them.

But about a month ago, I finally looked into the cause of my exhaustion, and to my absolute horror, I found out I have a condition called congenital coronary artery anomaly. ? 1

It’s usually asymptomatic and the second leading cause of sudden cardiac death in young people, especially athletes.

The cardiologist explained many technical details, but to sum up, the mechanism that causes compression of the artery originates in the opposite coronary sinus, which is abnormal.

He told me the disease is still a mystery to doctors and that most of the time, physical exams come back normal, even in patients with this condition.

These coronary artery anomalies refer to structural or positional abnormalities of the arteries responsible for supplying oxygenated blood to the heart muscle. They’re present from birth but can go unnoticed until symptoms appear or complications occur.

After pregnancy, I felt increasingly tired for no apparent reason, but afraid of worrying my mom, I stayed silent.

When I finally took action, the news wasn’t good.

All three cardiologists I saw told me that although the surgery I need doesn’t pose a higher mortality risk than average, there’s only one surgeon in the country who could, with a new technique he developed, reduce the risk to about one point two percent? 2 : Lazarus Jasper Seymour.

The first time I heard that name, I wanted to laugh.

I was sure it was either a mistake or the universe playing some cruel joke.

Then I saw a second specialist for a second opinion.

He confirmed what the first one said, and I wanted to scream with frustration.

Finally, last week, I saw a third specialist, and when he confidently said LJ’s name, my mom made the decision for me. We’d have to find him.

Since then, I’ve been doing everything possible to delay the inevitable. Not just because the idea of being anywhere near him makes me even sicker than I already am, but also because I know that seeing him again will mean I have to tell him everything about Sedric.

Like a nightmare, a thousand scenarios have played through my head. I imagined him being with someone else, or that this new woman might be pregnant too, and our child would be seen as an inconvenience.

I also thought LJ might say he didn’t want him, which, while not a pleasant scenario, would at least free me from having to deal with him.

Worst of all, the most terrifying possibility: that he might not even remember me.

"Even if I try to book an appointment with him, there’s a low chance he’ll see me," I argue, instead of voicing my fear. "The other cardiologists said he only takes very special cases now."

She stays silent for so long I start squirming in my chair, until she finally says, "I got his number and made an appointment."

"What? How could you do that without telling me first?"

"My priority is keeping you alive, Alexis. You can go on hating your son’s father after he saves your life, though I think that would hurt Sedric. But right now, what matters to me is eliminating the risk of losing you. Your son and I need you in our lives."

I feel defeated, but there’s no argument I can make against that. "How did you get his number, Mom? I tried so many times and hit dead ends everywhere."

"I went to the hospital. I waited there for several days until the receptionist got so annoyed with me that she threatened to call security. I dared her to do it, and at that moment, one of Dr. Lazarus’s partners was walking in. I can only call it a miracle."

"What did you do then?"

"I told him about your case and that you and the cardiologist knew each other in the past. I gave him your name and my number. This morning, Lazarus called me."

"Jesus Christ!"

"I told him about your condition, and he said he would see you tomorrow morning."

"Just like that? He must be incredibly busy!"

"He didn’t ask questions, Alexis. He just told me to bring you to the appointment first thing tomorrow."

"You told him . . ."

"No. I’d never do that. It’s up to you to tell the man he’s a father."

"I don’t know how I’ll do that, Mom. I can’t imagine being face to face with him again, let alone telling him about our son."

"You’ll do it because you need him to save you, Alexis. This isn’t about your past with him. It’s about your future—and Sedric’s. Besides, he has the right to know our boy exists. It’s the right thing to do."

"He might reject him. Or once he finds out, he may not want to operate on me anymore. I can’t tell him now. I need time to prepare."

1 ? Please keep in mind that although congenital coronary artery anomalies are a serious and potentially fatal condition, I will make Alexis's disease much more severe than it actually is, using literary license to ensure that her pursuit of LJ's help makes sense.

2 ? Again, as mentioned in the previous footnote, although congenital coronary artery anomalies are a serious and potentially fatal condition, I will make Alexis’s disease much more severe than it actually is, using literary license to ensure that her pursuit of LJ’s help makes sense.