Page 23

Rosie buzzed Jessica in. It was the first time Jessica was going to be in her flat. Rosie had been tidying up and rearranging items in her house to make sure it looked just right, questioning her sanity. She waited at her front door as Jessica’s footsteps came up the stairwell, unable to contain her excitement. “Hey you!”

Jessica was wearing a black jumpsuit with a snug necklace that reminded Rosie of whips and chains and Jessica doing unspeakable things to her in the bedroom. Rosie quivered, feeling herself get wet at the sight of her alone.

“I bring wine.” Jessica held up an expensive-looking bottle. “And I have some very good news.”

“More news? Is he in prison already?”

“Not quite.” Jessica arrived at the door, meeting Rosie’s eyes. There was some turmoil in there. Was she okay? “It’s good to see you,” Jessica said, leaning in for a peck on the cheek.

Rosie relaxed as soon as Jessica’s lips made contact with her skin, the world feeling right again. “It’s good to see you too.” Rosie let Jessica into her flat, apprehensive about what Jessica would think of it. It wasn’t nearly as big as Jessica’s house, and it gave Jessica a whole new set of information about her. Hopefully things she approved of.

“It’s gorgeous in here.” Jessica stood in the hall, peering into the living room. “I love how many plants you have.”

“Since I don’t have any children or pets, they give me that feeling of nurturing something.”

As Jessica handed the bottle to Rosie, their fingers brushed, sending a low buzz around Rosie’s body.

As she led Jessica into her kitchen, she felt acutely aware of Jessica taking everything in, including Rosie. Being the subject of Jessica Frost’s gaze was both the best feeling in the world and the most intense. Rosie opened the cabinet and picked out two of her finest wine glasses. “ Et voilà !”

Jessica smiled, her eyes crinkling at the sides. “It’s so nice to be here.”

“It’s lovely to have you here.” Rosie smiled, feeling nervous, and holding onto the glasses. “Shall we go sit down?”

“Sure. I’ll follow you.”

In the living room, Jessica took a seat at one edge of Rosie’s green velvet sofa, one leg crossed over the other, arms folded. Kind of rigid. There was something different about her tonight. Given how far Jessica’s fingers had been up Rosie’s pussy this afternoon, Rosie was puzzled. But then, it was understandable if Jessica was freaking out. That was what Rosie had been doing all afternoon and this evening. She wanted to have a proper chat with Carla, but she was busy in Paris, and she didn’t feel like she could share this with her yet. All in all, her head was swimming with thoughts, but the dominant one was very much about having sex with Jessica again as soon as possible.

“I love your bonsai tree.” Jessica gazed at it, affectionately, her voice soft. “It’s looking very happy and healthy in here. I love the pot, too. It’s a strong blue.”

“It’s brought me loads of good fortune that plant. I swear as soon as I got it good things started happening for me. Such as getting a job at your company.”

Jessica nodded, thoughtfully.

Making things awkward was one of Rosie’s specialities. Why did she have to remind Jessica that she was her employee? She sighed at herself, inwardly.

“Where did your love of plants begin?” Jessica’s eyes were curious.

I used to help out my grandparents in their garden. They had a small but well-loved garden that got a good amount of sunlight all year. They loved tending to it and nurturing it over the years. I’d help them and listen to them, my grandmother, especially. She used to make me remember the Latin names for plants. She said it would help me become someone who remembers information easily, because knowledge was power. They believed in education. She wanted me to know about nature, but the main reason was to teach me how to think. How to process information and make connections. They’d never gone to university or anything, but they were both clever and loved to learn. They even had books in the house, unlike my parents. People thought it was kind of weird that they did. I don’t know, it’s so silly, really. To think that reading and learning was unnecessary or uppity.”

“I get it. I grew up in the same kind of place. Not one book in the house.”

“So weird, right?”

“Your grandparents sound fantastic. I love that they got you into nature and encouraged you. I can see where you get your brains from then.”

Rosie blushed. “Anyway, what’s this good news you bring?”

Jessica took a breath before smiling at Rosie with the kindest eyes. “The management team are thinking of promoting you to principal architect if Clydebank completes as expected, which we’re all sure it will. I couldn’t agree with them more.” Jessica smiled, proudly.

“What? Seriously?” Rosie was confused. The project wasn’t even finished yet. “Me?”

“Yes, you. You’ve done so well Rosie, you more than deserve this.”

“Fuck. Thank you. This is… unexpected.”

“Is it?”

Rosie inhaled, shaking her head in disbelief. “It really is.”

“Rich has your offer all written up. He will formalise it with you in a few months, but I wanted to let you know as soon as possible, because I want to be completely up front with you given our… situation. And don’t worry, I haven’t told Rich about us. I wanted to talk to you first.”

It was good to know what Jessica knew. It made Rosie feel trusted and respected. Getting this inside knowledge was such a privilege. But what about their situation? Was she getting special treatment? Would her colleagues think she got this promotion on merit or would they think she slept her way to the top? Shit. She hadn’t seen any of this coming with Jessica. Not how close they’d got, not how wonderful their connection felt, and certainly not how fucking good their sex would be. Her career advancement felt laced with a side of something she wasn’t quite so keen on. She felt dizzy. Everything was happening so fast.

“Let’s toast to your imminent success.” Jessica picked up the bottle and poured them each a glass of wine, smiling softly.

Rosie just looked at her. That Jessica Frost was in her life, personally telling her the best news ever and making her come harder than ever just this very afternoon was such a trip. Literally everything that was happening with her and Jessica felt out of this world amazing. Did life get any better than this? She wasn’t sure it did. “I can’t believe this, Jess. I’m like what the fuck is happening here .”

“It’s very real.”

“It means a lot to me.”

“I know.”

“Thank you for telling me like this and for not telling Rich yet. I like that you’ve done it this way. It would have been weird if you knew and didn’t tell me, but then, you didn’t have to tell me. It makes me feel trusted and considered. I appreciate it.”

“As soon as Rich brought it up, I knew I wanted to tell you. I didn’t want to have a secret like this between us.”

“Look at us, communicating.”

Jessica laughed, tilting her head back ever so slightly, revealing her gorgeous neck. “Yes, we are. It’s important.”

Rosie thought back to their sex in Jessica’s office and gulped. She still hadn’t calmed down from it. She wasn’t sure she ever would.

Jessica held up her glass, as did Rosie. “To you, Rosie. We’re very lucky to have you. I couldn’t have got to this point on Clydebank without you, at all.” She held Rosie’s eyes. “In so many ways, you’ve been there for me and saved the day. But it’s not just Clydebank. Everything you’ve done has led you to this point. Here’s to your hard work and continued success as an architect. We’ll do a proper celebration once it’s all fully confirmed.”

Rosie watched Jessica as she sipped. She wanted to pause time and absorb this moment so she could remember it for the rest of her life. She’d fantasised about moments like these, but none of those fantasies even came close to how amazing this moment was with Jessica. And for the job, it wasn’t just the more senior job title or the hopefully large increase in salary, it was the recognition from colleagues she respected that she was on their level. That they saw her as a safe pair of hands was a great feeling. And the best thing was she genuinely loved working on the Clydebank project. If she was able to stay at JF Architecture and lead on more projects like Clydebank, she would be very happy in her career and in her life.

Rosie tapped the tips of her fingers together, feeling the impact of her impending achievement make its way into her chest. All she had to do was successfully guide Clydebank to full completion. Rosie picked up her phone and checked her calendar, even though she knew the timeline inside out by now. For some reason, she needed to see it in front of her again. They needed twelve weeks to get it finished, which would take them well into April. With the setback from Tony Hunt over the past few weeks in January, the local authority would surely have to be okay about them completing three weeks behind schedule, at least. Anxiety filled her stomach as she scrolled through the next three months on her phone’s calendar. It still wasn’t a foregone conclusion, no matter what the senior leadership thought. She needed to prove herself in this final phase and it wasn’t going to be easy. The project was still behind schedule. She had new contractors to work with and major infrastructure still to be constructed. They had a long way to go. Expectations were high.

Jessica put down her glass. “There is something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Yeah,” Rosie said, uneasy about the tone of Jessica’s voice and the stakes tied to her promotion.

“Regarding us and what’s been, um, happening. There’s no easy way to say this but when you get your promotion, I don’t want people to think you slept your way into it. We both know that couldn’t be further from the truth, but other people might not. I wondered if you had any thoughts on this?”

“I don’t want people to think that either. To be honest, I’m concerned they will. I already feel like an imposter, and our situation won’t make that any easier.”

“You feel like an imposter?”

“Sometimes.”

“You mustn’t, you’re brilliant. You need to reframe that kind of thinking.”

“Into what?”

“Make it less about what you think you lack compared to other people and more about why it is you think this about yourself. Imposter syndrome disproportionally affects women. It’s an awfully convenient way of making women doubt themselves, that term. I say fuck the term and create your own honest assessments about your own abilities and then work like hell on areas you need to develop in. Make your own rules.”

“Okay. Wow. I love that. Thank you. I’ll try to.”

“You earned this opportunity on your own terms, Rosie. I had nothing to do with it. It came through the other principals and Rich.”

“But you’ll have to approve it, right?”

“Yes. And I will. With no hesitation. I’ve seen you kick ass. The way you’re handling the engineers and the contractors is effective. You’re becoming more assertive. You’ve shown you can get the job done on a large build and your designs are excellent. They always have been. A promotion has to go through the entire senior leadership and pass certain requirements. I designed it like this to ensure fair progression within the company and avoid expensive external recruitment rounds if we are able to appoint internally. For you, Rosie, I think when you focus on the things you enjoy, like landscape architecture in an urban setting like you have, you excel. Just like your grandmother said. If anything, we never found the right projects for you in the past. That’s on us.”

“You are a great boss, you know.”

Jessica shook her head, as if dismissing her comment because it wasn’t the point she was making.

“Well, you are. I’m so happy we’ve had the chance to get to know each other properly.”

“Me too.”

“I never thought I’d get close to you, like this.” Rosie moved closer to Jessica on the sofa, leant over and gave her a hug. All this work talk was stressing her out.

Jessica wrapped her arms around her, pulling her closer. “Neither did I.” Jessica held her that bit tighter, speaking into the side of Rosie’s head, softly. “I love holding you.”

Rosie leaned into the embrace, feeling held and supported and thrilled. But she couldn’t fully relax, as the implications of their connection on her promotion sunk in even more. In some ways, it all seemed like a dream. Rosie pulled out of the hug slightly, feeling uneasy.

Jessica rested her hand on Rosie’s thigh, near her knee. The touch caused goosebumps to rise on Rosie’s forearms and a shiver to run right through her body, straight to her core. “Rosie, regardless of what’s going on at work, I want you to know that what we’ve been sharing means so much to me.”

“I feel the same.”

A beat of silence passed. Rosie’s heart started pounding.

“I think about you a lot, Rosie.”

“What do you think about?”

Jessica blushed and took ages before she finally spoke. “I think about your ideas and how you make me fall in love with architecture again. I think about the way you make me feel better about myself when I’m around you and because I have you in my life.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jessica smiled. “I think about how cute your two freckles are” —she brushed the side of her hand over Rosie’s temple— “just here.”

A warm buzz spread through Rosie’s body at Jessica’s touch. “You noticed those?”

“Yes. I noticed them ages ago. They look artistic.”

“Some people think I draw them on. I don’t.”

“They suit you.”

“You spend your time thinking about my freckles?”

“Yes. No, seriously.” Jessica’s brow furrowed. “You’ve challenged me to push myself and grow in areas I didn’t think were a priority. You’ve helped me to open up, I think, and feel safer being more emotionally vulnerable. I think I’m softer now. I’ve fought against feeling like this for so long, but with you in my life, it seems I can’t fight it anymore. I would be outraged if I weren’t so much happier.”

“I did all that?”

“You did.”

Rosie grinned from what felt like ear to ear. “I’m getting a big head here.”

“As you should.”

“Man, I love compliments from you. I think it’s my favourite thing in the world. Well, maybe second favourite.”

“Yeah, on top of all of those things, I think about how good it feels to touch your body, and how amazing our sex is. I’m sorry if that’s too much, but I don’t think we can ignore the fact that it’s fucking incredible.”

“I’m not ignoring it.” Rosie stroked Jessica’s arm. Jessica had never been this open and direct with her before. Rosie still felt like she didn’t know everything there was to know about Jessica yet, but she knew that she wanted to find out. She wanted Jessica to let her in fully. And this felt like the start of it. Everything leading up to this point made this moment feel worth it. It made Rosie feel she could ask Jessica anything. “Do I make you happy, Jess?”

“You do.” Jessica tucked a strand of Rosie’s hair behind her ear. “Very much.”

“You make me happy, too.”

Jessica smiled. It grew and grew on her face so that she was beaming, and trying not to, by the looks of it. Rosie was sure she’d never seen anything as beautiful in her whole life. “I love your smile, Jess. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that before?”

“You have now.”

“I should have said it a long time ago.”

“You are so sweet.”

“And so are you, it appears, under all these layers.”

Jessica laughed. “It’s your fault. You’re having a very strange effect on me.”

“I love it, whatever this effect is on you. It’s very attractive.”

“Rosie.” Jessica was quiet for a few moments, not meeting her eyes. She took an unsteady breath, which was unlike her. “I want to be really upfront about how I feel about you. I feel like we have something very special here. I, well, I would like to explore what we have further. I’d like us to be in a relationship. I can see us having a future together. Rosie, I care about you so much. So much so I’m openly talking about my feelings with you and putting myself out there like this.” Jessica looked up, vulnerable and open. It was beyond beautiful. “I know it’s extremely soon and there’s a lot going on, but I want you to know where I am right now. I want to be with you whether or not you get or take this promotion. None of that matters to me, although I know it matters to you. You are what matters to me.” Jessica paused, taking a deep breath. “But it’s a very intense time period right now. I’m not sure now is the best time to get into something, but it is something I do want. What about you? How do you feel?”

Rosie’s heart was beating so fast as she absorbed Jessica’s words, feeling instantly euphoric. But her head was spinning. Things were moving extremely fast. She had no idea Jessica felt so strongly about her. Rosie didn’t want to have a secretive affair with the boss, running around lying to everyone, and she also wasn’t ready to come out as being in a relationship with Jessica right before she was about to get a coveted promotion. She didn’t want to jeopardise or lose the connection she and Jessica were building but she also didn’t want her promotion to be forever intrinsically linked to what had gone on between them this past year. Why did the best news about her career leave her feeling this torn? It felt like she was having to choose between her career and her romantic feelings for Jessica and her career was winning. She hadn’t signed up for being perceived as having slept her way to the top. She knew she’d been getting close to Jessica, so close that others might see it as a favourable advantage, but it wasn’t as if she could control what had been happening between them. Not in a million years did she ever think that Jessica Frost would be sitting in her living room asking her to be in a relationship with her.

Jessica watched her closely, her face deadly serious.

Rosie took a breath, choosing her words carefully. “You have no idea how happy what you’ve said makes me feel.” Rosie ran a hand through her hair and blew out a breath. “I’ve wanted you for so long, Jess, like, really fucking wanted you. This all feels like a dream coming true for me. I’m still struggling to believe it.”

“I mean it with all my heart, Rosie.”

“Being in a relationship with you would be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But winning the project back today, having sex with you in your office, you saying I’m up for promotion and now this… it’s a lot.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.”

“You’re not. It’s me being shit. I’m… I want to do this right between us.” Rosie puffed out her cheeks, shaking her head. “It means so much to me.”

“You’re not being shit. It has been a lot. I want to do this right too. Whatever you need, I’ll be here, and I’ll support you. We can start this now and take things slow or we can hit the pause button and wait until you feel like us being together is something you want to take forward and won’t negatively affect your career. From my perspective, if we do wait, it would mean I don’t have to keep lying to Rich, and it would put me in a less compromising position overall.”

“You’ve been so brave telling me like this.” Rosie stroked Jessica’s cheek and then held her hand. Time stretched on as Rosie also plucked up the courage to be honest about where she was at. Jessica herself once said to her she should be able to say no to people when it was what she needed. Even to her. “Would it be okay if I focus on getting Clydebank finished for the next three months? I’m going to be so busy getting the project done and dusted and ready for opening. I do still have to secure this promotion.” Rosie let out a shaky breath. “I think we should wait until it’s a better time for us to explore what’s going on between us. That might be in a few months once we finish the project. I don’t know. I’d prefer to be more established in my career before we go there. Because I’ll want to tell the world that you’re mine but at the moment it feels like it might get in the way of how my promotion is perceived. I do feel uncomfortable about what people will think. And I agree, it wouldn’t look that good for you, either.”

Jessica nodded as if listening to her head, not her heart, like Rosie was doing too. “That’s totally fine. We’ll wait. I think it makes sense. When you’re ready, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I suggested we wait until the right time. This is a mutual agreement. You’re going for the career step you’ve been working towards. Focus on that. I’ll be here, just not in a physical way until you feel more established in your career.”

“I hate that I care about what other people will think so much.”

“This is the smart thing to do. See how you feel in a few months. There’s no pressure.”

Rosie was so torn, even though she was agreeing to this long wait. It was going to be so torturous. “In case I haven’t said it enough, Jess, I loved every second that we were intimate. I love everything about having you in my life, even if we’re not taking each other’s clothes off.”

“That makes me so happy to hear.”

“So, what does it mean for right now?”

“You tell me. I want this to be something you’re comfortable with.”

“Fuck. I don’t know. I don’t know if I can be any other way around you now. I still want us to be close and I want us to work well on the job together. I guess it means we’re more careful about how we act around each other at work and we don’t let anything happen?”

“Agreed. And outside of work?”

“That’s trickier.”

“I know.”

“I think for now there should be no hooking up outside of work either. It will be simpler that way.”

“Okay. I agree.” Jessica nodded, but something about her deflated a touch.

Rosie felt it too. “Are you really okay about us waiting?”

“Yes. Honestly. You let me know when you’re ready to explore this properly, and I’ll be there.”

Rosie leant forward and kissed Jessica on the lips. It was so natural to do, like breathing or drinking water.

Jessica wrapped her arms around her so gently and kissed her so softly it almost hurt. How was she going to live without this? It made Rosie’s heart want to burst or break, or both.

As they held each other close, knowing it would be the last time for an unknown period of time, Rosie felt a heaviness come over her. She was going to miss her so much. She wasn’t sure if everything was going to work out with the Clydebank project. She wasn’t sure if she was ever going to feel more established in her career, because it sure as hell hadn’t happened so far. She’d worked too hard all her life to be known as someone who became successful because of who they were in a relationship with. So, was she ever going to feel like she was ready to be with Jessica Frost?