Page 15

Jessica was spectacular when she commanded a room like this. The projector made the meeting room wall seem like a cinema screen for the Teams call. Patrick and the steering committee filled it with their mosaic of heads scattered across the wall. Tara and Tom, John the lead engineer, and Amelia and some other JF Architecture colleagues were in the room along with Rosie and Jessica. But the only thing capturing Rosie’s attention was Jessica Frost in full swing.

“Foundations are in. All areas have been marked out. We’ll move onto the full construction phase next. All the materials have been delivered. The hardscape of the walled garden is already complete, and they are planting as we speak. We are focusing our efforts on the construction of the restoration yard and the visitor centre for the crane next. The restoration yard involves working with an existing industrial warehouse. We are building onto the red brick to retain some of the original infrastructure and character. The housing developer is leading on the construction of the residential area. The benefits of having such a huge site mean multiple areas can be built at the same time.”

“Sounds great, Jessica. How are preparations for moving the bandstand?” Patrick’s face peered out from the screen, earnestly.

“Good question, Patrick,” Jessica said. “This task is going to be quite delicate. We’re in discussions with a construction company that specialises in heritage infrastructure. We plan on moving the bandstand towards the end of the project. It will be the cherry on top, if you will, the pearl in the crown.”

“Perfect,” Patrick said. “I can’t wait to see it once it’s in its new home.”

“Me too,” Jessica said. “So, to recap, we are just over halfway through the project year, and we are on target in every area, despite the setback of the flooding, which was fully resolved. Being where we are in mid-October despite our challenges, I’m very happy.”

Rosie thought back to that time in early summer. It seemed like ages ago now. They’d met randomly at an art exhibition the Saturday night before the flooding and the sparks were flying. The week of the flooding, they spent most of that week together. Since then, they’d been working closely together on the project and spending lots of time together. Jessica regularly came over to chat to Rosie at Rosie’s desk and was even spending more time with others on the office floor as well. Having Rosie as an anchor to come out to, initially, seemed to be helping Jessica, because she often stayed for a good while talking to others.

Rosie felt so much more at ease around Jessica now, given how much more open Jessica was being and especially since Rosie knew her on a more personal level. Her work ethic was awe-inspiring. That meant there was little time for anything substantial outside of office hours, but they often went out for a takeaway coffee or lunch together while in the London office. Jessica liked to walk on her breaks. Rosie loved that about her and had started doing the same. It cleared Rosie’s head, and it gave them an excuse to have a chat. In many ways, they spent most days talking non-stop.

“Before we move onto questions, I want to thank Rosie Patterson for getting us to this stage. Her designs have been outstanding, and she has done a stellar job at keeping the project moving and ensuring we are hitting our milestones.” Jessica gave Rosie a professional nod and look of recognition.

“Yep, she’s doing a great job,” John said. “Keeping us all in line.”

A warm feeling spread across Rosie’s chest at the appreciation from her colleagues in the room that followed, and the hearts and thumbs up that appeared on the giant screen. She felt ten times taller. This newfound confidence in her own abilities felt like a superpower. Her working life felt significantly easier and better having that bit more self-belief. She could get used to this.

Once the meeting ended, Pamela, one of the more eccentric principal architects, came over to her. “I’m glad the project is going well. It’s impressive work.”

“Thanks.” Rosie picked up her laptop and bottle of water, wishing she could run away. Pamela was going to ask her to do something, she could feel it.

“I was wondering if you’d be interested in and have some time to help me with a building design in Paris. It’s for a new concert hall the city is building on the outskirts. We could use your expertise on this one. Also, my current project manager is going on maternity leave so it would be a huge favour to me if you could help us out on this one.”

“Paris?”

“ Oui .” Pamela smiled, as if her goal was nearly in the bag. “And we have a healthy budget. You could stay in beautiful hotels and get the feel for the place, to help you nail the design. We have some initial ideas, but we need someone to complete it and sell it to the investors for final approval.”

This could be another amazing opportunity for Rosie to jump up to the next level in her career. It sounded exciting but Pamela was likely going to dump the whole thing on her. She didn’t have time to take this on and do the Clydebank project. If she took this, she would be spreading herself too thin and might jeopardise the quality of her main project in Clydebank. She was so tempted to help Pamela. Paris would be a dream. Rosie absolutely hated saying no. It felt so alien to her, especially as she was always looking for that next project that would elevate her. But she had to. And Jessica would disapprove if she took it on, of course.

“Pamela.” Rosie shook her head. She felt herself grimace. She was so uncomfortable. “I’m so sorry but I don’t have time to take this on. Clydebank is my main focus; until it’s complete, I can’t help you.”

Pamela frowned, before nodding, as if accepting Rosie’s response. “I understand. That’s totally fine. I will find someone else.”

“I think Carla would be excellent for this. Her contemporary building designs are some of the best in the company. And I know she’d jump at the chance.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks, Rosie.” Pamela smiled and walked away.

Rosie watched Pamela go. It felt good to say no, now that she’d done it. Her working relationship with Pamela seemed still intact. No one died.

After the meeting, Rosie convinced Carla to go out for a walk around the block together. It was a crisp October day with blue skies, perfect for a walk, and Rosie needed some fresh air.

“I’m hoping this’ll help me be more creative for designing my toilet blocks,” Carla said, once they were outside.

“How is that project going?” Rosie said, fixing her scarf.

Carla made a low sounding grumbling noise. “Ugh. Fine. I’m sick of the grunt work. I want something more interesting.”

Rosie really hoped Pamela would ask Carla to manage the Paris project soon and she’d come back to Rosie with amazing news.

“Man, I need some coffee,” Carla said, picking up the pace a bit. “How did your meeting go?”

Rosie smiled. “It went well. The local authority and the scary steering committee are happy with progress.”

“I bet they are. You guys are killing it!”

“Jessica gave me a shout out. She thanked me in front of everyone.”

“That’s amazing! How did that make you feel?”

“Incredible. I don’t know. It all feels so surreal. I am kicking ass on the project. I feel like every day I’m getting stronger. It’s still tough on some days though. I still question if I know what I’m doing sometimes.”

“I swear if they don’t promote you after this, we’ll get everyone together and go on strike or something.”

Rosie laughed.

“And how are things with Jessica?”

“Good. As you know. I feel like we’re friends or something.”

“Or something?”

Rosie shrugged. She did feel a connection, despite Jessica keeping her at arm’s-length.

“I’m happy for you.”

“I have no expectations. I’m honestly just happy to be in her life, even in some tiny way. It’s clear nothing is ever going to happen between us. Jessica is very professional and fair. I know where I stand with her. We’re colleagues who get on well.”

“Do you know where you stand?” Carla stopped at the door to the coffee shop, with a questioning look in her eyes.

Rosie shifted her weight from one leg to another. She was madly in love with Jessica. She thought about her every hour, if not more. Her heart skipped a beat whenever Jessica was near. It had developed from a crush into something real based on getting to know who Jessica actually was and being so incredibly blown away by who she found. But she knew it wasn’t going anywhere, even though they shared insane chemistry and connected on a deeper level. “I do.”

“That’s good,” Carla said, with kind eyes.

Rosie followed her into the coffee shop towards the counter feeling loved by her friend. She and Jessica were going up for another site visit in a couple of weeks and staying in the cottage again. Jessica had been talking about it a lot, too. The excitement Rosie felt about the time they’d be spending together was next level. She was buzzing with anticipation, and it seeped into every part of her life. Small moments through the day where she thought about spending time with Jessica gave her this incredible boost of happiness. It was such a habit to assume she wouldn’t get what she wanted in life and to focus on the things that could go wrong. To be afraid of failure. But why shouldn’t she consider that she might get what she wanted? That she and Jessica could actually get together? She’d got this job, and things were working out well on this project. Who was to say this connection she shared with Jessica couldn’t develop into something real, something even more beautiful and reciprocated?

***

Rosie waited in the hall in the Airbnb for Jessica to join her. It was comforting to come back to the same place each time she visited the town. She was starting to feel very at home now that they were into November.

Jessica appeared out of her room, without any shoes on. “Are you sure you want to walk into work? It’ll take about half an hour.”

“I’m still up for walking, if you are. I’ll get to see more of the town.”

“Great.” Jessica put on a pair of walking boots. She picked up her bag. “Ready.”

They walked downhill towards the river, passing houses and little shops here and there.

“How are things going?” Jessica asked, while walking, glancing sideways at Rosie.

“With?”

“With your workload. Anything I should know about?”

“Pamela asked me to work on her Paris building. I said no.”

Jessica looked at her for a few steps. “Well done.”

“I need to focus on this project.”

“You did well to push back on that.”

“Saying no to stuff feels terrible at the time but once you do it, if feels amazing.”

Jessica laughed. “That’s true. It’s a muscle you have to develop, and it sounds like you are.”

They got to a main road and neared the town centre. The town hall, church spire and the roof of the rundown shopping centre, which seemed to be the unofficial centre of the town, could all be seen. The crane had been visible the entire time.

“What a view, Jess,” Rosie said. “Did you know this part of town well?”

“Yep. I used to slide down that hill on broken down cardboard boxes in the summers.” Jessica mentioned, casually, pointing to a rather steep grass hill to her left, smiling slightly.

“Sounds like fun,” Rosie said, appreciating yet another thing Jessica had shared with her about herself and that she was happy for Rosie to call her Jess now. It felt like something they had which sat firmly outside of just being work colleagues.

“There were loads of boxes behind the shopping centre. We would go behind the shops and take them. No one seemed to mind. It was my cousin Martin’s idea. We used to get into a lot of mischief. All good.”

“You must have flown down that hill.”

Jessica smiled. “It was a lot of fun. I’d come home with grass stains all over my shorts. My grandmother didn’t mind, she was just happy I was out playing and having fun, I think.”

Rosie didn’t know why but she found that idea incredibly sad, knowing what she knew of her relationship with her parents.

Jessica stopped and leant against the railing, beside the steep hill, looking down it. “You know, I’ve got so used to looking back on my childhood and only remembering the bad bits. Why do we focus on the negative like that? Being here reminds me of all the fun times I used to have like playing with my friends in the streets. It’s like I’d forgotten all the good stuff.”

“I’m glad you have lots of nice memories to look back on. I think it’s the way our brains are wired but it’s like, we only remember the most intense emotions. So, is there anywhere else in town that reminds you of happy times?”

“Yes.”

“Can you show me?”

“If you want.”

“Very much.”

Jessica glanced at Rosie.

Rosie pressed the button at the traffic lights.

“It’s not far from the Airbnb, actually.”

“Awesome! Can we go tonight?”

Fast beeping signalled them to cross the road. “Sure. I’ll show you tonight after work.” Jessica walked off.

Rosie followed, feeling the lines between work and their private lives start to seriously blur.

After their day was finished on site and they’d got a taxi home, they drove to see another place from Jessica’s youth. They stopped at a small car park, next to a viewpoint for the town and down to the river.

“So, this is it. I used to come here when I was about sixteen and feeling shitty.”

“I thought you said this place reminded you of happy times?”

“It does now because coming here made me feel better. I’d cycle or walk all the way up and just sit, looking out over the town like this. At all hours of the day. We get some really beautiful sunsets down the river. My grandmother didn’t know the half of what I used to get up to. My parents had no clue. I had a lot of freedom, which is also a nice memory to look back on, in a way.”

“That’s beautiful, Jess.”

“I used to sit on that bench over there.”

“Did you ever come here with someone?”

“Sadly, no. I was too busy studying or playing sports or drawing in my bedroom in high school. And not knowing I was gay.”

Knowing she was the first person Jessica had brought here felt like a privilege. “Nice place to sit, anyway.”

Jessica stared out of the window, past her bench and to where she used to look. Rosie could picture Jessica sitting on that bench, lost and alone, seeking some solace. It made her heart clench up. She wanted to reach out and hold her hand or sit on her lap and cuddle her, preferably.

“We should get back,” Jessica said.

“Or do you want to get out? We could sit on your bench?”

“Okay.” Jessica spoke softly.

They got out of the car and sat on the graffiti-peppered bench. Such and such loves this person, with hearts and random other things scraped onto the black paint. Their crane was visible in the distance. There was a soft breeze. It was peaceful. They sat in silence for ages.

“Seems like this would be a good place for a first kiss. Did you really never bring anyone up here?”

“No. My first kiss was with a teammate on my football team in the changing room. She was quite butch presenting and very confident. I liked her.”

“Were you together?”

“Yes. We hung out together after practice. She had half the team after her and even girls from other teams. We had sex a few times. She was called Caroline but went by Caz.”

“Do you still speak to her?”

Jessica gave Rosie a look, not unkind, as if Rosie should know she doesn’t. “No.”

“Right.”

“What about you, Rosie? What are your happiest memories from when you were a kid?”

There was such sincerity in Jessica’s eyes, it got Rosie right in the heart and scrambled her brain. She was also slightly disappointed Jessica hadn’t asked her about her full sexual history. “I, um, I can’t think.”

Jessica smiled, kindly. “Okay, how about your first kiss?”

Rosie felt her cheeks heat up. Jessica Frost was asking about her first kiss, as if it was the most casual thing in the world to be doing.

“You asked me; it’s only fair you answer too.”

“Fair.” Rosie shrugged, trying to shake off her sudden trembling. “It wasn’t very romantic. It was with a boy from school behind the sheds at the park. He kissed like what I imagine the inside of a washing machine to be like.”

Jessica laughed.

“Thankfully, it was all uphill from there after I realised I liked girls.”

“What age were you when you realised?”

“About fourteen.”

“I was about sixteen. When I was playing football.”

“Which position did you play?”

“Centre forward. I got tired of heading the ball so I quit.”

“You left for university, too?”

“Yep. It was around the same time.”

“Do you still play?”

“No.”

“I’d love to see you kick a ball.”

“Anyway, what about you? Did you have a lot of friends growing up, Rosie?”

“I did, I guess. We used to hang out in the park, drinking and smoking sometimes. I know, shocking. Before that we played in the street. They’re some of my happiest memories too.”

“You’re telling me you were a young delinquent, Rosie?” Jessica had a teasing look in her eyes.

Rosie fucking loved it.

“I was a proper little rebel. Hanging around street corners thinking I was cool in my baggy Nirvana t-shirt.”

Jessica smiled, affectionately. “And your family? Did they know you were out causing trouble?”

“Homework at a friend’s house, we said. I think they knew I was out and about but left me to it. My mum drummed it into me that these were the best years of my life, and I should go out and have fun, but not to put myself in dangerous situations and to call her at any time to come and pick me up. She was quite good that way.”

“She sounds it.”

Rosie got no hint of jealousy despite Jessica having had a difficult relationship with her own mother. “I’m making it sound like I was trouble. I really wasn’t. I felt this overwhelming need to be perfect and make everyone else happy. My parents were good, but they were kind of intense.”

“They wanted what was best for you.” Jessica gave her a soft smile and then turned her attention back to the view over the town. It was getting darker and turning a bit colder. There was something wistful in her gaze.

“Are you sure you don’t want to get in touch with anyone while you’re here? It seems like an awful waste not to. Not even Caz?”

Jessica was quiet. “I’ve been thinking about it. I bumped into my cousin Martin in the coffee shop. It was great to see him again. We were close growing up. He suggested we meet up soon. I would like to catch up with him at some point and perhaps also his mum, my aunt Susan. They were always kind to me. I do miss them.”

“That’s amazing, Jess.” Rosie smiled, feeling warmth in her heart that Jessica was considering opening up to the people in her past. “When do you think you’ll see them?”

“Soon, maybe. Before the project is over, ideally. I can’t understand why they’d want to see me. I haven’t spoken to them in so long.”

“Hey, go easy on yourself. You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time.”

“Running away?”

“Moving forward with your own life. You had all those buildings to design and build, didn’t you? I was the same in a lot of ways and my childhood was not a painful one. It’s natural to want to move away and explore other places and make your mark on the world. Sometimes that means we leave certain people and places behind but that’s okay.”

“I feel like I distanced myself from my whole childhood, family, and past. This town. Like there was the me before and the me after. As if they are two different people.”

“I think the person that you were before is still part of you. This town is still part of you. You get to keep all your memories because they happened and they are yours. Just because there is this darker side, doesn’t mean you don’t get to feel good and proud about where you came from. It’s okay to focus on the good stuff.”

Jessica looked off to the side, as if absorbing Rosie’s words. A few moments passed. “You make good points. Shall we go back?”

“Yeah, it’s getting cold.”

Once they were back in the car, Jessica tucked some of her hair that had fallen across her face behind her ear. As she did so, she glanced over at Rosie’s thighs and then back up over her chest towards her lips. Jessica looked at her and Rosie held her gaze. They held each other’s eyes for so long, Rosie’s heart began pounding. A few more moments passed in silence. Rosie’s heart rate refused to calm down.

“It feels like you really get me sometimes, Rosie. Like you’re reading my mind or something.”

“I pay attention to things that matter to me.”

Jessica swallowed, hard.

“And you really matter to me, Jess.”

“Do I?”

Rosie leaned closer, her leg pressing against the gear box. Jessica leaned closer too. Rosie lowered her voice, almost whispering. “Very much.” Rosie prayed her tone wasn’t as desperate as she felt, and that Jessica didn’t pull back. She didn’t. Rosie’s eyes dropped to Jessica’s beautiful and perfect mouth. Her lips were slightly parted and oh-so inviting. They’d been silent for so long in the car that the energy between them shifted. Rosie bit down on her lower lip, wanting Jessica so badly. Rosie put her hand on the back of Jessica’s. The touch caused a shiver to rip through Rosie’s entire body. Goosebumps came up on her forearms.

Jessica didn’t move or flinch. She seemed to melt into the contact, letting out a slow and easy breath. She tilted her head towards Rosie.

Rosie slid her hand under Jessica’s and interlocked their fingers, trying to resist the urge to caress Jessica’s hand with her thumb. But she couldn’t. She stroked her hand gently, the contact intimate and needed, as a low hum of arousal pooled at Rosie’s centre.

They locked eyes and it was like Jessica wanted to kiss her, but she wasn’t letting herself go there. Jessica looked down at their hands together. She took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling heavily. “We should get back.”

Rosie nodded.

Jessica took her hand away and turned the engine on.

The short drive back to the Airbnb was quiet. Rosie felt this closeness to Jessica increase by the minute.

Jessica disappeared into her room as soon as they got back to the house. Rosie got ready for bed. She couldn’t stop smiling at the moment they’d shared, ecstatic at how wonderful it had felt to touch her, however briefly. There was clearly a possibility that Jessica was attracted to her. Rosie almost didn’t know what to do with herself.

She went into the kitchen in her pyjamas to get some water. Jessica was there, still in her day clothes, still sending Rosie into overdrive.

“I’m going to get an early night,” Jessica said.

“Me too.” Rosie drank some water and put down her glass, not fully concentrating on what she was doing. She followed Jessica out of the kitchen, wishing that Jessica’s early night included them going to bed together and having wild and passionate sex. The thought itself made her quiver. This hunger for Jessica was intense.

Jessica stopped outside her bedroom door, across from Rosie’s. “Thanks for the chat tonight.”

“I love getting to know you, and I feel like I know you even better now.”

“I feel the same. I’ll never forget your washing machine first kiss story.”

Rosie felt her cheeks heat up. She stepped closer to Jessica, feeling not dissimilar to her fourteen-year-old self about to kiss someone for the first time.

Jessica ran a hand through her own hair, sweeping it to one side, which made her look even sexier.

Rosie forgot about her fourteen-year-old self and her fully adult lesbian experience kicked in. “I mean, I could show you sometime. Give you a demonstration.”

Jessica licked her lips, a subtle tongue peeking out for a split second.

This small gesture was the answer Rosie needed to make her step one foot closer so she was right in Jessica’s personal space. They locked eyes. Rosie shivered again, feeling goosebumps tingle on her skin. Her heart pounded. She couldn’t believe this was happening.

Jessica looked down at Rosie’s mouth and tilted her head the tiniest bit to the right.

Rosie leant forward, pausing at Jessica’s lips, feeling Jessica’s breath on her mouth. She put her lips to Jessica’s, feeling such relief when her lips finally met hers. Rosie kissed her slowly, as she found herself in the embrace.

Jessica rested her hands on Rosie’s waist as she tilted her head further and kissed Rosie back.

The kiss was soft and slow. Their lips parted and Rosie let her tongue gently find Jessica’s, doing everything in her power to take this slow and savour the moment.

Jessica squeezed Rosie’s waist, her fingers lightly gripping her sides as she deepened the kiss, her tongue seeking more.

A wave of electricity coursed through Rosie’s centre, reverberating around her entire body. Jessica’s lips were warm and inviting. It ignited something deep within, hot and needy. Rosie was so wet.

Jessica pulled back, with hazy eyes and her guard still down. Rosie wished it would stay that way. “Wow.” She swallowed hard. Her throat tightening in a way Rosie hadn’t seen before. “That was nothing like a washing machine.”

Rosie had forgotten about that. “It was a gentle wash? I can give you a spin cycle next time.”

Jessica smiled so broadly it lit something inside Rosie’s soul. “I wonder what that would be like, strangely.”

“I don’t really mean that I’ll—”

“Goodnight, Rosie.”

“Oh, okay, goodnight.” Rosie stood where she was as Jessica’s door closed. Her whole body was buzzing. She went into her own room and lay on the bed. Still turned on, she turned off the bedside lamp and stared at the dark ceiling. Jessica was only metres away. What was she doing? Was she still thinking about their kiss? Was Jessica attracted to her? Rosie’s hand naturally fell between her legs. Pictures danced in her mind of the look of suppressed want in Jessica’s eyes. Rosie lay there, gently caressing the soft skin around her pelvis, thinking about their chat in the car and how special it felt that they were getting as close as they were.