Page 74 of Tangled Hearts

Noir rubbed cocoa butter across her belly, humming low until her phone lit up. The number was unfamiliar. “Hello?” she answered.

Silence. Then she heard a voice she recognized. A voice she wanted to forget. “Noir, it’s Chanta.”

Noir’s body went stiff. “Hell nah.” She pulled the phone from her ear, ready to hang up.

“Wait, please! Don’t hang up,” Chanta begged. “I need you to hear me out. Just for a minute.”

Noir gritted her teeth. “You in jail calling me like I’m one of your friends? Girl, get the fuck off my line.”

“Listen,” Chanta pushed through. “What I gotta talk to you about… it ain’t for the phone. I put you on my visitation list. If you can find it in your heart, just come. Just come listen. I’m begging you.”

Noir snapped, “beg somebody else. You and Christian broke me down to nothing. You think you got the right to beg me for anything?”

“I know I don’t,” Chanta whispered. “That’s why I’m asking instead.”

The silence stretched.

Noir’s jaw flexed before she hit the red button, tossing the phone onto the couch.

She hated how hearing Chanta’s voice dug up the parts of her she was trying to bury—the girl who stayed for love that wasn’t love, who looked in mirrors and barely recognized herself.

Chanta was a mirror she didn’t want to look into.

Every word brought back nights of yelling, betrayal, lies layered on lies.

It reminded her that Christian wasn’t the only one who cut her; Chanta made sure to leave scars too.

Noir pressed her palm to her stomach, grounding herself.

She wasn’t that broken girl anymore, and she wasn’t about to let Chanta play on what little softness she had left.

The fact that Chanta thought she could call her now, after all the chaos, after Christian’s death, made her blood boil.

Yet, under that heat, there was a sting she couldn’t shake because a part of her knew Chanta wouldn’t be reaching unless something heavy was on her chest.

But Noir couldn’t carry it. Not anymore. Not for her.

Not for anyone.

Nakorea turned down the pot on the stove. “Who was that?” She asked pulling Noir’s attention from memory lane.

Noir swallowed, rubbing her belly again. “Chanta. Calling me from jail like we got something to talk about. Asked me to come sit down so we can talk. How she trying to come to me as a woman when he..” she choked. “When he’s gone.”

It still hurt to say Christian was dead. Some days she woke up feeling like she’d been living in the twilight zone.

Nakorea wiped her hands on a towel, walking closer. “Maybe you should go. Don’t look at it as something for her—it’s for you. Closure might be what you need.”

Noir sucked her teeth. “Closure? Ain’t no closure for what she and Christian did to me. I gotta carry that.”

Nakorea looked her daughter dead in the face. “You carrying my grandbaby too. That baby deserve peace. Go listen to the girl.”

Before Noir could reply, the studio door opened. Cash walked in, chains gleaming, sweat on his forehead from hours at the mic. He pulled her into his chest, kissing her cheek. “Damn, pretty girl, you glowing more and more every day.”

She softened instantly, letting his hand slide over her bump. He bent down, kissing her belly, talking low. “Daddy love you, lil man. We gon’ keep mama laughing, right?”

Noir smiled through a sigh. “You so good to me.”

“You deserve it,” he answered, grabbing a water bottle. “Now, you ready? We can’t keep pushing off that meeting with Christian’s attorney.”

Her eyes dimmed. “Yea.”

Nakorea watched them with her hand on her hip. “Remember what I said, Noir… you can’t run from something that’s trying to catch up with you.”

“Okay, mama.”

Noir’s stomach tightened as they stepped inside the attorney’s office. To her surprise, Hov was already there, leaning back in a chair.

Cash stayed in the car feeling this was something she needed to handle alone.

“What you doing here?” Noir asked. “And in dress pants?” She looked him up and down. “Um, where you going or coming from?”

“Noir, stop playing with me,” Hov mushed her head laughing at how crazy she was. “Got a call. Figured it was business.”

Noir gulped knowing exactly what was about to be revealed.

This one little secret had been eating her up since Christian told her, swearing her to secrecy, with promises of revealing it all himself.

Now, he was gone and the secret died with him.

At least that’s what Noir thought because even in death, she would hold his secrets.

Noir touched his arm, her voice lowering. “Whatever happens in here, just know I love you. And I did it for him.”

Hov’s brows pinched. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

The door opened and the attorney came in, files tucked under his arm.

“Let’s get started. This won’t take long.

” He adjusted his glasses, flipping open the paperwork.

“Christian finalized his estate three years before his death. At that time, he had no dependents, so everything was left to Noir Johnson.” He looked up from his paperwork to Noir.

Her body shook and her chest ached so bad, she felt like she needed to throw up. She’d been trying to calm her sporadic grief not wanting her baby to feel any of her pain.

If she’d ever questioned Christian’s love for her before, it was no longer a question she didn’t know the answer to.

That man loved her for real. Deep as hell.

In a way he never really got to say out loud.

He’d left everything to her before she even said yes to forever.

Before the baby. Before the chaos. Before his life ended.

And now he was gone.

Gone, but still tryna love her through a signature on a piece of paper.

Gone, but still making sure she was straight.

She thought about his daughter and how she wasn’t left anything. It made her need to have that conversation with Chanta knowing the baby deserved some of the fruits of her father’s labor.

It didn’t feel good.

It didn’t feel fair.

It just hurt.

And she didn’t know what the fuck to do with that.

Hov shifted, after he’d consoled Noir. “Then why am I here?”

The attorney slid a thick envelope across the table. “Because of this.”

Hov snatched it up, tearing it open.

Noir pulled out her phone, texting Rock.

The room went silent as he unfolded the pages. His eyes scanned the first line, and his body stilled.

Quameek,

If you’re reading this, then I’m dead and I never got the courage to tell you this before then.

I told my attorney if I never come back to get the letter then he had to be the one to give it to you…

still some weak ass nigga shit. I don’t know if I died old or young.

All I know is I wasn’t as solid as I claimed cause I didn’t tell you all the shit that mattered.

Still, I hope we created a solid bond because I love you, nigga.

There ain’t no easy way to start this, so I’m just gonna get straight to it. I’m your brother. We share the same father, Leno.

I know you probably feel sick reading that.

Truth is, he wasn’t shit. But he was everything to me because he chose me.

He raised me, gave me his time, his money, his lessons, all because he loved my mama.

That love didn’t extend to you, and that’s what I need to apologize for.

I was a coward. Just like him. I stayed in the cut when I should’ve stood up, but there’s something you don’t know.

That rainy night when you were ten, I watched you.

I used to have the driver circle your block just so I could see if you were still standing.

That night, I got out. I saw the mess. I didn’t panic.

I didn’t scream. I called Leno’s cleanup crew, and they made everything disappear while you were hiding in Knycole’s house. (I knew she was gon’ be your lady lol.)

I knew you loved your mama, no matter how bad she was to you.

So I made sure she had a proper burial. There’s a plot with a clean headstone.

The address is in this envelope. I did that because I couldn’t fix the pain she left you with, but I could at least give you a place to sit with her when you need to.

After that night, I begged Leno to come get you. To claim you. He refused. He said he’d make sure the system didn’t swallow you up, but he wasn’t bringing you under his roof. And I let that slide.

I hate myself for that.

You been carrying the weight of men twice your age since you was a boy.

I saw it. I envied it. You got something in you that me and Leno never had…

you got hope. That’s why I’m telling you right here, don’t move no more drugs.

There won’t be any more drops after this.

Use your mind, not the block. Save that community instead of ruining it.

You don’t know how many real niggas died wishing they had your shot to make something better. You can do it.

You got a sister too. Her name is Solar. She older than both of us. She got a grown child by now. Leno didn’t raise her either. She’s in the papers in this envelope. She deserves to know you, even if she never wanted to know him.

Last thing I’ll say… I wish I was brave enough to love you out loud while I was still here. You gave me some of the best days of my life, even if you didn’t know it. I didn’t know how to show it. You always deserved more.

Don’t hate me too long. Just know I loved you, little brother.

Christian

By the time he reached the end, Hov couldn’t breathe. He pressed the letter to his chest, rocking slightly in the chair.

Noir leaned over, whispering, “I’m sorry. I knew but didn’t tell you. Christian begged me not to tell you, said he was gon’ do it.”

Hov broke. His cry ripped from his throat, raw and unfiltered. The attorney lowered his head, giving them space. Noir rubbed his back, whispering apologies she couldn’t stop repeating.

Hov stood abruptly, stumbling out into the hallway with the envelope clutched tight. His chest heaved, sweat beading at his temple.

“Hov,” Noir tried to hug him.

He snatched away. “Get the fuck off me, Noir. Like dead—” He fell into the wall, his feet didn’t even want to work right.

He felt so many emotions at one time. It was like God had to break him one last time, just to put him back together all the way.

Hov’s soul was tired, battered, bruised.

His war wounds were too much for anyone to carry about.

Nothing about them felt like a badge of honor.

And to make matters worse, no one would ever say, “thank you for your service.”

Noir cried, “I’m so sorry, Hov… Just...”

“For real, Noir, don’t touch me. Like I love you too much to put my hands on you, but I really want to put my hands on you.”

She cried so hard. Had she known Christian’s secret would have Hov mad at her, she would’ve yelled that shit from the mountain top.

Hov just glared at her. His brown eyes, the same as Christian’s broke her even more.

With all his strength, Hov pushed the doors open. The sun fell across his face, and he sucked in air like it might ground him. Something told him he should’ve brought Knycole with him but he didn’t think it was anything she would be needed for. Now, he needed her… needed his…

“Don’t tell me you be crying all the time now?” Rock leaned on the passenger side of Hov’s truck with somber eyes.

Hov choked, grabbing Rock into his arms, wailing like a baby.

Rock squeezed him with no hesitation. “I got you, bro… always and forever. Four flats, remember.” His own eyes blurred with tears.

Hov held him tighter, his words cracking through his sobs. “I can’t do this shit without you.”

“You ain’t got to,” Rock assured. “We in this together. Don’t matter what it is, you got me and I got you.”

They just stood there in the open, two men who had survived too much, leaning into the only truth they could count on—love that never folded, never switched.

Noir just watched with tears running down her face. Cash started to get out but she shook her head no. She knew she couldn’t live with Hov hating her, but she also knew now wasn’t the time to get him to understand.