Page 72 of Tangled Hearts

“Noir, you’re not broken ‘cause you love two different men,” he said. “You grew up. You healed. Christian hurt you… and you still loved him. But that doesn’t mean you gotta stay buried in the version of yourself that loved him.”

Her throat moved as she swallowed the lump forming again.

“Cash loves you. And you ain’t stupid for needing that,” Hov pulled her closer to him. “Cash got you dreaming again. You’re good, Noir.”

Noir’s chin trembled. “But it’s too soon.”

He hiked his shoulders. “Time doesn’t measure shit. You know that. You wouldn’t even feel guilty if it wasn’t real.”

She sat with that. Let it press against every ache in her chest.

“I think I been in love with Cash,” she whispered.

Hov nodded. “Makes sense. My young nigga been on you for at least a decade.”

She wiped her face with the back of her hand, smiling. “He waited on me. He never tried to compete with what me and Christian had. He just… loved me anyway. Even when I was giving halfway.”

Hov leaned back, studying her like a little sister he’d protect at all costs. “Then you already know what to do. Do whatever makes you happy… happiness is all that matters for Black kids like us. We deserve all that shit. We got a right to every selfish risk we take to hold that shit.”

She kissed his cheek. “Christian probably loved you more than he loved me.”

“Watch out,” he playfully mushed her away.

“I’m serious,” she tried to stop crying but it just kept coming.

Hov rubbed her back, letting her cry into his side.

“Hov, I’m for real. Christian loved you so much.”

Hov’s hand came up to cup his face. He was tired of crying but he couldn’t help it. “I love that nigga too… and I miss him.” His voice broke. “I’m already missing my big homie.”

There was so much Noir wanted to say, but she kept it to herself. She’d made a promise and would always keep it. Instead she looked toward the door. “Where’s Daijon?” she asked about her little brother who wasn’t little anymore.

“Downstairs with your mama… down there with Rocky.”

Noir actually laughed. “She’s too fine for him.”

Hov smirked. “He said he gon’ marry her.”

“He better stack his money then. Rocky a whole mood.”

They both chuckled. The air lightened enough for them to finally breathe.

Knycole knocked and came in holding Qua, who ran straight to Noir and hugged her neck.

“You okay, Titi No?” Qua whispered.

She nodded through tears. “Yea, baby. You came to see me?”

He held up a picture he drew—stick figures of her and Christian with big hearts around them. “I love you,” he told her.

That broke her all the way down again.

Knycole sat beside her and kissed her cheek. “We got you. Whatever you need.”

“I don’t even know what I need,” Noir whispered.

“You don’t have to know. That’s why we here. We’ll be whatever you need until you figure it out.”

Downstairs, Daijon hollered something about Rocky’s ass being fat and got a pop from Nakorea for being too loud in a grieving house. They hollered because they heard the slap.

Hov grinned. “Lil bro bold.”

“He really like her,” Noir smiled through tears. “They gon’ be married by twenty-one.”

“You ain’t lyin’,” Knycole laughed. “She already got his location and logins.”

“Damn, Rocky smooth with it,” Noir laughed while wiping her face.

Noir reached for the necklace. A simple heart with iced out diamonds that shined in the dark.

“He wasn’t perfect,” she whispered. “But he loved me in the ways I needed back then.”

Nakorea walked in. “And you loved him. But baby, love is not a pause button. It’s not meant to keep you stuck.”

“I feel stuck.”

“That’s ‘cause you grieving. And grief gon’ make you think stillness is forever. But it’s just a season, baby. It’ll pass. The same way joy did when it left—it’ll come back too.”

Noir took a deep breath.

Her mama walked over and kissed her forehead. “You gon’ be okay.”

“Even if I don’t know what that looks like?”

“ Especially then.”

They sat like that for a while. All of them. Family. Grief stretching its long arms around the room but not swallowing them whole.

Noir’s heart was tangled, not broken—still beating between the knots made from love and grief.

A week later

The house was dark, but he knew she was up.

Nakorea had told him Noir was restless but stayed in that bed… didn’t leave the room for anything. Everyone made it their business to cater to her and she usually only talked to Hov. Probably because his grief felt real like hers.

Cash stood in the doorway with one hand on the frame just watching her— trying to be understanding to what she was going through. He hated pulling up unannounced, but something in his spirit told him to show up.

He texted her twice that morning.

$: You eat?

$: I’m in town. You good?

No reply.

So he showed up.

He’d already ran the play down to Nakorea, so she’d left the front door open for him. Everyone else was either gone or sleep in one of the many bedrooms Christian and Noir had in the home. They were supposed to raise a family in this house— create the best life in this house.

That reality had Cash rethinking his every move.

Him and Christian weren’t friends, never had a friendly conversation but respect among Black men was a thing and Christian was respected. All of that made Cash feel out of place for even stepping into that man’s house. Still, if Noir was there, he wanted to be there too.

Just standing in the door, between the room and the hall, Christina’s scent clung in the air and stuck to the floor. Looking around their bedroom, Cash could see the two of them tangled in the sheets once upon a time.

Noir was in the bed on her side, an oversized tee swallowing her slim frame. It was one of Christian’s. Of course it was. Her hair was wild, and her body rose and fell slowly. She looked too exhausted to even more. She sniffled a little, the pain almost too much to bear.

Cash didn’t say anything. Only stepped in, shutting the door behind him, before sitting on the edge of the bed. The bed dipped.

She looked at him with red eyes and a red nose. Seeing him there, her heart skipped a beat.

“I was gon’ wait until you hit me back,” he spoke in a hushed tone. “But it’s been three days, and I ain’t built like that. You don’t gotta talk, but I needed to see you. Needed to make sure you were good, pretty girl.”

Noir blinked looking like she was in the twilight zone.

He studied her face. Her skin was dull, her lips were dry, and there was pain sitting in every inch of her body. But she was still fine as hell. Still Noir. And it still fucked with him how much he loved her.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever love like that again,” she whispered, her eyes staring at the wall. “That love felt like I had a bag on my head when it started to hurt.”

“You will.” Cash clasped his hands in front of him. “Different doesn’t mean less.” He didn’t sugarcoat it. Didn’t preach either. He just looked at her like he’d been looking at her since they were kids.

“I started it so full, I left it feeling empty.” Noir grabbed her belly as it twisted into knots. “Now, I feel numb… regret.. anger… but love is still here too.” She finally looked at him. “Love that feels good and bad, Cash… when love started feeling like that?”

“You got a big-ass heart, Noir. Always have. Even when you try to act cold. You just gotta grieve the part of yourself that loved that man through his worst.”

She swallowed. “What if I already love you, too though? Your love feels so good.” She blinked a tear. Her voice breaking on the word love .

Cash looked at the picture of Noir and Christian on the nightstand. He reached out, grabbing it to examine her smile.

“Like, really love you,” she added, eyes begging him to make sense of the chaos in her chest the confusion in her head. “I know it’s wrong. I know it’s too soon. But I can’t lie. I feel in love with Christian but I’ve always loved you.”

He rubbed the side of his jaw and exhaled slow. “I know.”

Noir looked at him, confused.

“I know you love me,” he said again with a ghost of a smile on his boyish face.

“Always felt it. Even when you covered it in smart words and stank ass attitude. I used to see your eyes open wide every time I called you pretty girl… the private moments when we used to chill on your porch cause Ms. Nakorea wasn’t going for more than that,” He chuckled.

“I could see jealousy in your eyes when another girl would flirt with me and I’d flirt back because I was a young nigga looking for love between girl’s legs.

Even when you ghosted me ‘cause I was taking my career to the next level…”

Tears filled her eyes. She didn’t stop them.

“You feel guilty, right?” Cash leaned closer. “Feel like you don’t deserve to move on, to be touched, to smile. Feel like you disrespecting him by still being alive.”

Noir nodded, her chest trembling.

“Let me be clear with you, pretty girl.” Cash sighed. “You don’t owe that man your whole life just ‘cause he died. That ain’t love. That’s guilt. And you been punishing yourself enough.”

“You’re so perfect… that’s why I always ghosted you.

I’m a flight type of girl, I won’t let you make mistakes and forgive you for them.

I didn’t want to taint what I felt for you because I knew you’d get money and pussy would fly off the shelves.

” She found a place to smile. “A piece of me always felt like Christian would break my heart but then he loved me… he made me think his eyes only saw me… his dick only got hard for me.” She stared off.

“So, when he had a baby with a woman who wasn’t me, I crashed into your arms and you ain’t deserve that either.

But make no mistakes, Cash, you’re not a rebound.

You’re not getting chose because I can’t have him.

And maybe our love never would’ve became tangible had Christian not did the unforgiveable…

just know you’d been in my heart. Always. ” Her breathing got heavier.