Page 21 of Tangled Hearts
To Rock, she was still every contradiction he couldn’t untangle.
He’d cut her raw and deep, but she’d been there before anybody else.
She was messy, but she was always honest. The hood clowned him for still creeping back to her when he had Knycole, but nobody knew how deep she sat in his blood.
Sitting there now, zipped up tight with her eyes already wet, she looked like every piece of history he could never erase.
He hated that he couldn’t just stand up, grab her, and shield her. Instead, the glass split them in two.
Rock slid onto the stool and picked up the phone. “What’s up, Kesh?”
Her voice cracked through the receiver. “You in here looking like someone I don’t even know.”
“I’m still me,” he said, forcing a smile. “Ain’t nothing gon’ change that.”
She shook her head like she didn’t believe him. Tears welled up fast. “I didn’t wanna do this, Rock.”
“Do what?” He felt the unease rise in his gut. Rock sat up, one hand resting against his stomach to control the ugly feeling you got when bad shit was about to get worse.
He’d already been told he was probably doing five to ten. He hoped for the five but knowing the flawed system, they’d rather lock up his frontal lobe before it could even develop fully.
“Bring a kid in this world with a daddy that’s locked up.” Her hand went flat against her stomach. “I’m pregnant,” she blurted ripping the Band-Aid off.
There was no need to beat around when they only had a cool thirty minutes.
Rock’s throat bobbed. The words just sat there, but it didn’t scare him the way she thought it would. He let it sink in. His baby. His. “You sure?”
“I been throwing up every morning. Missed my cycle. Doctor confirmed it a week ago. You gon’ be somebody’s daddy.”
His chest hurt, but not in a bad way. It hurt because he wanted to reach across and hold her, tell her it was okay. He hated that she felt alone. “Good,” he said. “That’s good.”
Her face twisted like he’d cussed at her. “Good? How’s it good, Rock? You’re in there. I’m out here. My baby ain’t gon’ know his daddy. You know how that feel? That’s the same pain we swore we wouldn’t put on our kids. This the shit we laughed about when we talked about us not having daddies.”
He pressed the phone harder to his ear, leaning close to the glass. “Don’t cry about what we can’t change. Cry if you need to, but don’t stay there. You’re strong enough to raise that baby. And I’ma be strong enough to be here for both of y’all the best I can.”
She shook her head. “Letters and phone calls ain’t no daddy, Rodrick.”
“Nah, it ain’t,” Rock admitted, hating Nick more now. “But love is. And my baby gon’ know me. Gon’ know I wanted him. Gon’ know I ain’t run. I got caught up, but I ain’t run.”
Her shoulders shook. Tears streaked down her face. “I didn’t want this for us. Not like this.”
Inside, her heart was breaking in two. She’d watched girls in the hood get stuck raising babies by themselves, swore she’d never be one of them.
And now here she was, stomach carrying his seed, and he was chained on the other side of the glass.
Worse, everybody out there thought Knycole was his girl.
The good girl. The one you bring home. And she—Shakeisha—was the one carrying his baby in silence.
Rock cleared his throat. “Shakeisha, you’re more than what the hood say you are. They gon’ try to tell you, you fast, you messy, you ain’t no mother. You prove ‘em wrong. Be everything they said you couldn’t. For you and for my baby. You hear me?”
Her eyes locked on his, lips still trembling. “I hear you. But don’t act like you ain’t part of why they say that. You parade Knycole around like she the only one. You let everybody think she got your heart while I was sneaking in the back door.”
Rock shut his eyes, dragging a hand down his face. “Don’t start with that Knyc shit in here.”
“Why not? It’s the truth,” she snapped, rolling her head. “She’s the good girl… the better look.” She used air quotes. “I’m the secret. And now I’m the one carrying your baby. Tell me how that make sense, Rock?”
He swallowed hard. He couldn’t deny it. He played both sides, and now she was bleeding from it. “You ain’t no secret to me.”
“You are to yourself then,” she fired back.
He stared at her. “You know what it is… knew what it was, so why you trippin’ so hard now? I can’t let you go.”
Especially not when he was mad at Nick which made him mad at Knycole but still so confused because he loved her too. Loved Shakeisha. It was a tangled mess and now that he was locked up, he knew it wouldn’t get any easier.
“Then why does she get the public love? Why is she the one people see?”
“I don’t know,” Rock pinched his nose, officially stuck between his wants and needs. Right and wrong. Love and soul ties.
Shakeisha just stared at him, almost unblinking.
“I’ma write every week. Call when I can. You bring my baby up here when it’s time. I don’t care if it’s through the glass, I’ma know my child.”
She sniveled. “What if I can’t do this by myself?”
“You ain’t by yourself,” Rock told her as steady as he could manage. “Get with Hov. He gon’ look out ‘til I’m home. He’ll love you like a sister. Let him carry what I can’t right now.”
She shook her head fast. “I don’t want Hov. I want you.”
“You got me,” Rock huffed. “Just not the way we planned. But you still got me. And our baby gon’ have me too. Don’t ever question that.”
Her hand pressed harder against her stomach. “Boy or girl?”
He smiled faintly. “Doesn’t matter. Got you for a mama. Got me for a daddy. They gon’ be good.”
She laughed through tears. “Good? Nigga, you’re in jail.”
“I’ma walk out one day,” he promised. “‘Til then, you hold it down. Be what I know you can be. Don’t fold, Kesh. Don’t let my baby see you fold.”
The CO tapped the wall. Time was almost up.
Rock pressed his forehead against the glass. “You gon’ be alright.”
She placed her palm against the divider. He lifted his own, lined it with hers. Cold glass between them, but it was all they had.
“I love you,” she whispered, barely audible.
He didn’t say it back. He didn’t trust the words in this place. Instead, he held her eyes until the CO pulled him away, his chest burning with everything he couldn’t say out loud.