Page 33 of Tangled Hearts

“Are you ok?” Noir asked through the phone. While dealing with her own shit, she still made time to check in on her friend.

Knycole laid still with her eyes closed tightly. Was she alright? That was the question she had to ask herself before answering. “Yea, I’m good. What about you? I know you’re dealing with a lot too.”

“Girl, I’m good. You know I’m hurt about the baby, but I can’t say I didn’t expect it. Christian wanted a kid and I just wasn’t ready. Plus, you know I didn’t have many expectations for us when I first met him,” she snickered a little.

“Stop lying, hoe. You was caught up when his cute self ran down on you at that party,” Knycole reminded her.

The walk down memory lane had Knycole thinking about Hov because it was at that time they started to navigate the world differently.

When her world officially became his and vice versa.

Knycole’s eyes swelled with sorrowful tears.

It had been three weeks and he hadn’t said a word to her.

They were essentially coparenting through Nick.

“I mean you know I’m hurt and shit but besides that, I’m okay. Knycole I ain’t like you. I don’t go into shit seeing the good or needing someone,” Noir responded knowing her sensitive friend was going to take her words the wrong way.

Knycole sat up in bed. “The fuck that mean?”

“First off, calm down killa. Secondly, I didn’t say it to be offensive.

You’re a relationship girl and that’s cool, but me, I’m not.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Christian even though I didn’t go into it searching for his heart but you, you’ve been deprived of love for most of your life.

You will need it from someone else until you decide to find it within yourself first. And trust, I ain’t judging because I get it.

It’s the reason I make sure to love on you so much. Knyc, you need it.”

Although she knew her friend’s words were coming from a genuine place, it still didn’t make the reality feel any better. But truthfully, she was right and Knycole knew it.

“I do love myself,” she rebutted.

“Okay,” was all Noir decided to say because she knew the conversation would go all the way left if she broke it all down for her further. Knycole was the type of person you had to give reality checks in small doses. Although tough on the exterior, inside she was mush.

“For real though, if you were me what would you do?” Knycole asked needing a little advice.

“Shiiid, if I was you, I would’ve been content with Hov. If a man loved me half as much as he loves you, I’d never forsake that shit.”

“Christian does love you though Noir.”

“True but not like Hov loves you. But since you decided to hoe yourself out,” Noir laughed, “I would date both of them. The friendship is already dissolved so I would have my cake and eat it too.”

Knycole pondered over what her friend said. “That don’t feel right.”

“So now you have a conscious? Bitch please. Or you can let both of them go and move on with your life, really the choice is up to you.” Noir shrugged, reading through a message she got from Cash.

Let them go? Knycole thought. That was the same as choosing one over the other which she’d clearly done for the second time—both times a different man. “You’re right. I’m just going to move on.”

“Then it’s settled. Let me call Cash back before daddy Christian shows up wanting to act like he don’t have a whole baby out here.”

“Wait!” Knycole screamed through the phone. “How you gonna tell me to choose when your ass is playing both sides of the fence too?”

Noir snickered. “Because my nigga made a baby on me, so I have every right to cheat back… or leave him.” She shrugged.

“Bye crazy,” Knycole laughed before hanging up the phone.

The truths had landed. And now all that was left was the weight of it all sitting in her chest like a name she couldn’t say out loud.

She loved both of them. She needed neither.

She wanted peace. She didn’t know how to choose it.

Noir had told the truth, even if it stung.

And maybe that’s what real love looked like sometimes—friends who checked your heart when it got too heavy, who reminded you to stop confusing survival with healing.

Noir stood up, reaching her arms into the air. She hadn’t been sleeping well and her body was paying for it. Still, she was making it her business to spend more and more time with Cash. Like she’d already made clear, she wasn’t choosing either of them. For the time being, she was just vibing out.

Cash’s lifestyle was captivating and had her always wanting more and more.

The biggest issue was the fans trying to pin the two of them together through social media.

She had to admit both of them had been caught slipping with the same background or something similar to link them.

If Noir was being honest, she actually loved seeing her fans piece the puzzle together but every now and then she’d be reminded of Christian’s position in her life.

Being a social media influencer, on more than one occasion she shared him with the world.

So the world was thoroughly confused as to what was breaking down social media’s couple goals.

Unlike Knycole, Noir wasn’t conflicted. She was merely working through her heartbreak—in a weird way, but working through it nonetheless. Christian had done her wrong and for her, cheating back was the answer but she’d fucked up by doing it with someone who had always held a piece of her heart.

For her, Cash could do no wrong but was also too good for her.

As kids he’d shoot his shot never caring about missing because his tenacity wouldn’t allow him to give up on her.

Noir was for him and at a young age he knew it.

Now in adulthood, he had to compete with another man and he wasn’t going to hold back.

“Aye, where you going?” Christian broke her train of thought walking into the house taking notice of her rather revealing outfit.

It wasn’t anything out of the norm but the insecurities in their relationship had him tripping harder than ever before.

Noir kissed her teeth. “Out nigga. The fuck you just came from, seeing your kid?”

Leave it up to her to remind him of his dirt. The truth of her words didn’t matter, it was the pain in her voice and the hurt that sat behind her full, beautiful eyes. Christian knew he had fucked up and was willing to do anything in his power to fix it. Anything except abandoning his seed.

“Let me take you out somewhere… I know I fucked up but at least let me show you I’m better than that now,” he pleaded.

“Take me the fuck where? Chuck E Cheese?” Noir snapped, angry but failing miserably to stifle her laugh.

“Oh, this shit funny to you? Huh, Noir? I know I messed up but I’m really trying to fix the shit.” His handsome face inched closer to hers, taking her breath into his. “Tell me how to fix it.”

He loved her with all his heart and was willing and ready to do whatever to get back into her good graces. He’d tried to get Chanta to abort the baby because he knew the damage it would cause. Since that didn’t happen, no matter what Noir felt, he wouldn’t turn his back on his baby.

“You can't!” she yelled back breaking their closeness. “Unless you have some kind of magic time machine to go back and stop yourself from falling into that bitch’s pussy then there is nothing you can do.”

Christian ran his hand down his face. “So, you done with me? You ready to run around with that fuck nigga, huh? Don’t think I don’t hear the shit because I do.

I just hope the little nigga is ready to die behind pussy.

” His index finger mushed her in the back of the head before he stormed back out the house.

“Keep your hands off me nigga!” She yelled at his back, running her hands through her curly tresses.

Going back and forth with Christian had tired her and drained her heart of love while filling it with pain and sorrow.

For as long as she could remember, she’d vowed to never let a man break her heart.

That was the plan but clearly, she’d fallen short and flat on her ass.

Noir should’ve listened to her mama when she told her it would happen, and Christian would be the one to do it.

Nakorea wasn’t too happy about Noir dating someone older and in the streets, but she didn’t shun her for it either.

The chiming of her phone brought her back to reality. Cash was waiting to see her and that alone cheered her up.

She slipped her feet into a pair of clear heels, grabbed her Chanel purse, and headed out the door to the Rolls Royce that awaited her. On an average day, Cash wasn’t flashy but for Noir he wanted to show out. He was in the studio, so he sent a car to pick her up.

Stepping out the house, Noir sighed as relief washed over her. As of late, the only thing that brought her joy was spending time with Cash. His world was so exhilarating, and she couldn’t get enough.

“I knew your hoe ass was up to something,” Christian yelled appearing from what seemed like thin air. His tanned skin deepened as his brown eyes pierced through her.

“The fuck, Christian? What are you doing?” Noir asked both confused and nervous.

Although she’d made her stance clear on needing space, nowhere in that did she make it clear that she was going to date.

The actual dating part wasn’t an issue as much as it being Cash was.

For whatever reason, the two of them didn’t get along.

With fury in his eyes, Christian charged at Noir but was stopped dead in his tracks by the two bodyguards that he didn’t seem to notice until then.

Cash had sent them with the car. With one swift motion the tightly tucked gun in his waist band was at the temple of one of the guards.

“The fuck y’all niggas really want to do. ”

“Ain’t nothing personal, we just can’t let you put your hands on Ms. Noir,” one of the burly men explained in a calm demeanor.

Fuming, Christian pointed his gun at the other man’s head. “See, when it comes to her, everything is personal. I think it’s best if you get back in your car and tell that pussy ass nigga Cash to come pick my bitch up himself so I can leave his body stankin’ right here.”

“Christian!” Noir shrieked in horror. He was usually so delicate with her aiding in her forgetting all about who he really was. The ruthless man standing before her, was all the streets knew him to be. Noir on the other hand, had clearly forgotten.

“Nah, don’t say my fuckin’ name now. You wanted my attention, here you go.”

“I told you we needed some space.”

“Not space for you to go fuck another nigga!” Christian’s voice cracked. “The fuck y’all niggas still here for?” He looked at the two security guards.

Noir pinched the bridge of her nose. “Y’all can go.”

“You sure?” The biggest one asked.

“Didn’t you just hear her?” Christian’s patience was running thin.

They didn’t give any more pushback. Instead, they hopped back in the car before the driver pulled off. Noir stood in front of Christian like a deer in headlights. Her protection was gone but she didn’t feel like he would hurt her. At least not any more than he already did.

“Why you always gotta show your ass?” Noir shifted her weight from one side to the other, looking everywhere but in his eyes.

As her eyes scanned his background, she took in all her life had become over the last five years.

They lived in a mansion, and she had money at her disposal.

Up until he created a baby on her, Noir thought her world was perfect.

Little did she know, perfection always came with a price.

“When it comes to you, I’m gon’ always show my ass, Noir. What don’t you understand?” He pulled her into him after placing his gun back on his waist.

His height engulfed her. He’d always made her feel safe.

Now, she didn’t know if she was coming or going.

His last slip up hurt more than she could express to him.

It was killing her because she wanted him more than she wanted anyone else.

Noir couldn’t breathe without him. Never thought she would have to.

She didn’t put up a fight against being in his arms. “You said you was okay with me getting some space, Christian.”

“And I was okay with that but I ain't say shit about you getting space to fuck off and act like a little hoe.”

Time stood still as she took in his words. Anger flowed through her. “Oh, you ain't want me to act like you, huh? Got it.”

He sighed because he couldn’t seem to say the right words. “That ain't what the fuck I mean and you know that but I see you want to play these little girl games.”

Rolling her eyes, she trained her slanted eyes on Christian. “Look, I had plans and?—”

“And I don’t give a fuck about none of that shit. Get yo’ dumb ass in the fuckin’ house.” Spittle expelled Christian’s mouth while the vein in his neck protruded.

Noir’s eyes filled with tears. She hated crying but when it came to her heart, she didn’t have much of a choice. As long as her most vital organ ached, she was going to shed tears.

Christian saw the pain in her eyes, and it shattered his heart.

This was true love and if he didn’t understand it before, it was perfectly clear now.

Her pain caused him to hurt too. Unfortunately, he couldn’t go back in time and change shit.

If he could, Chanta would’ve been dead as soon as she confessed to being pregnant.

When she first told him, he thought she was going to do the right thing and get rid of the baby.

He’d been mistaken. Chanta used the baby to create a permanent tie to him.

It didn’t matter to her that he claimed he wouldn’t give her shit or take care of his baby.

Chanta knew he was bluffing. And just like the addict she was, she took a gamble and called his bluff.

Now, he was about to lose his girl over some basic ass pussy.

Noir’s body shook from crying as he lifted her into his arms carrying her into their home. If he had to hold her captive for her to see how much she meant to him, he wasn’t above it.